RE: How to tell a true Master?

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MadRabbit -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/4/2007 8:12:47 PM)
Well, seeing has how I know a few Doms who have anger issues and are emotionally tempremental to a point that makes me shake my head, but still own slaves in long term relationships where both people appear to be quite happy with each other, the whole mantra of "A twue dominant must be in complete control of himself before he can control someone else" doesnt really ring twue to me. Actually, a woman I know in a neighboring city seems to do just fine in controlling her slave and the people around her when shes pissed off, cursing, lost control to her anger and generally just being an emotional bitch. To be honest, its an Internet cliche I am getting really tired of people repeating like a broken record.

lilsweety -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/4/2007 9:30:40 PM)
As I haven't been on many sites, not sure if it counts as a cliche...just my experiences. I know many people like that as well...I just consider them to be obnoxious and bratty...doesn't make em a Dom in my eyes. As long as the people they are with are happy with them, then that's fine...just not someone I would ever be able to trust with my gift of submission. Maybe their subs are a bit more trusting than me. Perhaps I need to get the CD if the record has been heard so often. Lots of pretenders out there...you need to know what it is you need...find the one you are willing to trust...but eventually, there is a leap of faith. Many can't make the leap, others are happy in their online world...for me...I need that influence 24/7 and it must be with a Dom who has control of himself and the world we share...just can't turn over the reigns until I know that he can drive.

Bobkgin -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/4/2007 9:47:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lilsweety As I haven't been on many sites, not sure if it counts as a cliche...just my experiences. I know many people like that as well...I just consider them to be obnoxious and bratty...doesn't make em a Dom in my eyes. As long as the people they are with are happy with them, then that's fine...just not someone I would ever be able to trust with my gift of submission. Maybe their subs are a bit more trusting than me. Perhaps I need to get the CD if the record has been heard so often. Lots of pretenders out there...you need to know what it is you need...find the one you are willing to trust...but eventually, there is a leap of faith. Many can't make the leap, others are happy in their online world...for me...I need that influence 24/7 and it must be with a Dom who has control of himself and the world we share...just can't turn over the reigns until I know that he can drive. Pay no mind to the wascally wabbit, Ma'am. Stick to your guns. A master who can't keep his head is one who is going to be out of control from time to time. Not the safest picture I can imagine. You've every right to insist on finding one who has a better sense of balance than one who tips over from time to time. [;)]

MadRabbit -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/4/2007 10:34:19 PM)
Well, personally, I pay no mind to what the Messiah says, but in this case, he's right. You are entitled to search for what you want and value and there is nothing wrong with that. However, personally, I desire a slave who has some amount of emotional and mental self control, because I find that those things are necessary for a person to obey. A lack of those elements can greatly affect a person's ability to be obeyed. So I guess we can make a phrase that "A person who wants to be controlled needs to be in control of themselves". So we could say that "A dominant and submissive need to be in control of themselves to make a power exchange work". However, I have yet to really meet anybody who has this level of zen like "complete control" that is constantly preached about here by cyber monkeys. In fact, I just know emotionally mature and responsible adults who I admire greatly, have great M/S relationships, but are still suspectible to going to there own dark places such as rage and depression. I dont count myself to have some uber level of self control, but rather am just simply a mature and responsible adult. In stressful situations, I know rage all too well and am perfectly capable of going there through my own imperfections. In fact, the people who I consider to really know what they are talking about and have wonderful M/S relationships have never taken me aside and set "Rabbit, the secert is to have complete control of yourself". They simply talk about being a mature and responsible adult and a decent guy with values. Its usually the people I consider to have no idea what they are talking about who quote this catchphrase to me in realtime and all of their "uber self control" that they present is really just posturing. Because when the buttons are pushed, it goes away very easily. So I guess we could say "To be a true Dom, you need to be a mature, responsible adult". And as we have established, it takes some self control to be a slave so we could say "To be a true slave, you need to be a mature, responsible adult". So we then come to the combination of "To be a true Dom and slave and make a power exchange work, both people need to be mature, responsible adult". But then...I think to myself...."Gee, to make any relationship work, whether vanilla or kinky, doesnt being a mature, responsible adult help a lot?" Which is why I think its a cliche' to add a special "Wow" factor to being a Dominant when in reality its just two people demonstrating the qualities needed to make any healthy relationship work. So while you are entitled to the qualities and characteristics that you personally value in your own dominant, I dont buy into the notion that there is some exuberant qualities and special skills a person needs to be a Dominant outside of normal relationship skills, the skills one would use to be a good manager at a company, and the normal qualities that make up a "mature, emotionally, decent adult". Nor do I buy into an idea that a slave doesnt need to possess these things like a Dominant does. But then again...as I demonstrated in my examples above, I have met people who I dont consider in the least to be "mature, responsible adults" and dont have good relationship skills, but somehow manage to make a power based relationship work on a long term basis where they both seem to be happy. This is why I get slightly annoyed when people like Bobgkin come here and tell everyone what they should and should not do as if his incredibly enlightening words have a universal truth to them...which they dont. They are simply what has worked and hasnt worked for him in his personal experiences in his pursuit for his ideal relationship. Of course, I view M/S in a realistic and practical sense. (And on another note, I would personally say that being in control of a child's life is on a greater level then being in control of an adult's life. However, I dont find the catchphrase of "To be a parent, one must be in complete control of themselves" on any parenting websites. Mainly, I see "To be a parent, you need to be a mature and responsible adult". And a great number of parents have children who are happy and living beneficial lives when those parents arent anything more than the average, decent human being)

BitaTruble -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/4/2007 11:04:45 PM)
I'd like to add on to what the Mad one has said. It's great to be mature and responsible, but hell, that should be 'normal' for most adults. The trick is to try to minimize the damage when you do lose it and everyone loses it on occasion. Accept that people fuck up and then watch how they respond to fuck ups and you'll get a pretty good idea of their character. Celeste

Bobkgin -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/4/2007 11:51:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble The trick is to try to minimize the damage when you do lose it and everyone loses it on occasion. No, not everyone loses it. Especially not against the ones they love. Especially not during a bdsm session. The immature and irresponsible might. Which is why bdsm is not for the immature and the irresponsible. If the master/dom cannot control himself with his loved one during bdsm, he is no master/dom at all. If a master/dom cannot control himself with others, given the context of the provocation, he is too immature to be responsible for the life of a sub/slave. It's your life, risk it as you will. But don't let anyone tell you that "everyone is like this so get used to it", 'cause it just ain't so. If you look hard enough, and refuse to settle for less, you'll find those who can handle the responsibility without losing it. And which of us deserves less than that in a beloved?

ExquisiteFeline -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/5/2007 4:32:13 AM)
okay... i now believe i have found a twrue Master besides most of the more serious qualities... he carries a stick and treads softly...;)

lilsweety -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/5/2007 10:49:55 AM)
took some time for me to figure out why madrabbit seems so irritated. finally checked over the bio. Sweety...at 23...you are still learning who you are... That is not a bad thing and everyone has to go through it, however...giving advice on what IS or IS NOT , is not something you can really do at that age. We all feel like we could though so I expect that you should be getting your dander up about now. Please don't take this as my minimizing your input, I just require a bit more experience from someone before i take advice from them. Your opinions are valid and may work for you...but as a sub, giving control to someone can be a scary thing...you are ultimately responsible for your own safety so you had better have some guidelines that you are willing to stick with. I have known subs who have second guessed their hard and fast guidelines and wound up in serious trouble (criminal, hospital kind) but felt so guilty about breaking their own rules that they blamed themselves. Not something i like seeing. If you are playing a sub role, than it is certainly ok to play with a play dom...if it is the only way you know how to be, you need to be aware of what can happen if you are not careful. My guidelines were given to me by a mentor...he is an excellent Dom and i know that they are rules to keep me safe while i search for my true match. i would rather have a sub be too careful and miss playing with someone, than not safe enough and get hurt. again, just my opinion, but i am not one who plays in the BDSM community, i just am a submissive soul looking for my balance.

MadRabbit -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/5/2007 3:02:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lilsweety took some time for me to figure out why madrabbit seems so irritated. finally checked over the bio. Sweety...at 23...you are still learning who you are... That is not a bad thing and everyone has to go through it, however...giving advice on what IS or IS NOT , is not something you can really do at that age. We all feel like we could though so I expect that you should be getting your dander up about now. Aww, well thanks mom. But seeing how you dont know me personally or why I personally dislike King Bob or have any idea about my own self awareness or how much I know about me as a person, I am not taking this opinion too much too heart and find it to be slightly arrogant given you have been on these boards roughly two days. Your actually the only one I have ever been told that by.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/5/2007 3:04:45 PM)
Wow the age card, I haven't had someone tell me I can't know what I'm talking about since I was 24. sniffle Such good old memories.

akisha -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/5/2007 3:06:39 PM)
~FR~ quote: ORIGINAL: ExquisiteFeline i realize all ppl are different, and each Dom has their own personality but... What are the immediate indications that one would be communicating with a true Dom? What is the definitive nature of a Dom? Does a Dom ever have trouble communicating their truth? If a sub asks a direct question should they expect a direct answer? It's easy. their profiles says " I'm a True, Real, Dominate" [:D] sorry, in a smart ass mood today!

labrat18610 -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/5/2007 3:27:22 PM)
ExquisiteFeline, It's easy. He's the guy you pick to be your Dom. There's no litmus test for a "Dom". You are entering into a relationship with another human being, you're not shopping at Home Depot for a lawn mower where you can compare product specs. Rick

MadRabbit -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/5/2007 3:29:08 PM)
Well, geez Bob, just couldnt miss out on another oppurtunity to talk about how great you were? You think we could go one thread without hearing about how you are so much better than all the other dominants out there? quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin No, not everyone loses it. Especially not against the ones they love. Especially not during a bdsm session. The immature and irresponsible might. Which is why bdsm is not for the immature and the irresponsible. If the master/dom cannot control himself with his loved one during bdsm, he is no master/dom at all. If a master/dom cannot control himself with others, given the context of the provocation, he is too immature to be responsible for the life of a sub/slave. It's your life, risk it as you will. But don't let anyone tell you that "everyone is like this so get used to it", 'cause it just ain't so. If you look hard enough, and refuse to settle for less, you'll find those who can handle the responsibility without losing it. And which of us deserves less than that in a beloved? See...here is the thing. My father, during most of my childhood, had quite a hothead. He had problems losing his temper. Never violent, but just raw pure anger at times. Except...he would always cool down. He would always get his head on straight. And once he did, he would sit down, think things threw calmly and then make the absolute best decision for his kids. No matter how hard it was, how much it cost him, in the end, he would do the right thing. I happened to have had a great life with him as my parent and making decisions for me as a child. I probably would have had a better one if I had actually stopped being a dumbass sometimes and listened to him. I have a very deep relationship with my father and have a great degree of respect for him. I watched him go threw emotional hell regarding my mother and still, no matter how much personal loss he took, he did the right thing for his kids every single time...regardless of his hothead. So if you are going to say that because of his own imperfections regarding his temper that he was a bad parent and had absolutely no right to be in control of my life as a child, well...then I think you are a funny man. Because I cant think of a better father to take his place. I mean, really, with these extraordinary ideals that I see here on these boards for a "True Master", it would amaze me how anyone manages to find one of these rare people who are the only ones who can make a power based relationship work. But...yet...time and time again...as I go to munches and I read posts on Internet forums, I find hundreds of people in long term D/S and M/S relationships who arent anything extraordinary than the average Jane and Joe. I mean, how can that be? How can all these people find dominants they are happy with, given these lofty ideals you are preaching as universal standard? Maybe...perhaps...its less about "True Masters" with complete self control on a Spock type level from Star Trek and "True Slaves" who will forsake their family who have loved them since birth in a heart beat for their newly found Master... ...and more...about just average Joes and Janes, in their own individual imperfections and perfections, trying to fulfill a need to dominate and a need to submit? Maybe? Just a little, Bob? I am not argueing against individual value and I am not saying you should settle for less than what you want in person. But when I come to one of these "True Master" threads and listen to a Canadian Hill Billy setting the universal ideal of the perfect Master that everyone needs to look for as opposed to them just looking for that one individual that they value and cherish, it personally annoys the hell out of me. Especially when they are wrong...and my father proves you are wrong. But...hey...who better to be the one who decides who can find personal fullfillment in a relationship and who cant then some guy on the Internet with a Messiah complex?

MadRabbit -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/5/2007 3:30:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Wow the age card, I haven't had someone tell me I can't know what I'm talking about since I was 24. sniffle Such good old memories. Hey...that reminds me. I am 24 now! My birthday was yesterday and I just forgot to update my profile. Does that mean she'll leave me alone?

psynymph -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/5/2007 3:59:46 PM)
this topic, i believe, is often repeated and brought back up here on these forums because of well.... the newbies. we were all new to the lifestyle at one point or another, and we should encourage the "newbies" to ask such questions. because now she has a variety of answers to pick from rather than just what one "true dom" may be telling her to think. questions should always be encouraged,i think especially in this lifestyle. it is good to ask questions and be presented with a wide variety of answers. you can chose which best suits you or come to your own conclusion based off the given variety of answers. most everyone had really good points on here about the "definition" of a "true dom". my two cents..... points to LuckAlbatross yeah what she said..... what is "true" for one person is not "true" for another. as far as the ever tiresome age card.... hmm well i think that has inspired me to post a new thread...... runs off to General BDSM Discussions

Satyr6406 -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/5/2007 4:09:08 PM)
The OP asks an interesting question and then, muddies the waters, a little bit with the post after the title but ... Different people do have different ideas about what makes someone a "TRUE" master/dominant. Being a dominant, myself, I am not looking for one but, I know what it takes for me to recognize a "fellow" (be they male or female). I have posted about these qualities, repeatedly and now, they reside in my journal but, suffice it to say that, to me, it's about character. A dominant is a person who is sure enough of themselves where dishonesty is never an option and is CERTAINLY NEVER a "necessity". A dominant is someone who holds themselves and others around them to a set of standards that they believe to be the right way to live. A dominant is someone who inspires those around them to WANT to follow them down their chosen path in life. A dominant is someone who cherishes those that choose to follow them, knowing that those followers help to make their path easier to walk. A dominant is someone who need not be concerned with displays of their "domliness". They comport themselves in such a way that anyone around them can sense it. A dominant does not need to proclaim it from a mountain top. They will be recognized for who they are. Peace and comfort, Michael

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/5/2007 5:58:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit Hey...that reminds me. I am 24 now! My birthday was yesterday and I just forgot to update my profile. Does that mean she'll leave me alone? I'm afraid males usually have to wait until 28. Thought it helps if you've been divorced. Females tend to stop being "too young to know anything" more at about 25/26.

MadRabbit -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/5/2007 6:02:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit Hey...that reminds me. I am 24 now! My birthday was yesterday and I just forgot to update my profile. Does that mean she'll leave me alone? I'm afraid males usually have to wait until 28. Thought it helps if you've been divorced. Females tend to stop being "too young to know anything" more at about 25/26. But Mom!!...I want to be a Big Boy NOW!

CruelandKind -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/5/2007 6:14:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit Hey...that reminds me. I am 24 now! My birthday was yesterday and I just forgot to update my profile. Does that mean she'll leave me alone? I'm afraid males usually have to wait until 28. Thought it helps if you've been divorced. Females tend to stop being "too young to know anything" more at about 25/26. I would strongly disagree with you on the age thing, women are still girls at least until they are 29/30... they still don't have the mature ability to let go... they are still too self interest oriented. Men are far more able to use waht they learned and be responsible by then.

Bobkgin -> RE: How to tell a true Master? (9/5/2007 7:22:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit quote: ORIGINAL: lilsweety took some time for me to figure out why madrabbit seems so irritated. finally checked over the bio. Sweety...at 23...you are still learning who you are... That is not a bad thing and everyone has to go through it, however...giving advice on what IS or IS NOT , is not something you can really do at that age. We all feel like we could though so I expect that you should be getting your dander up about now. Aww, well thanks mom. But seeing how you dont know me personally or why I personally dislike King Bob or have any idea about my own self awareness or how much I know about me as a person, I am not taking this opinion too much too heart and find it to be slightly arrogant given you have been on these boards roughly two days. Your actually the only one I have ever been told that by. Rabbit, I've been living the bdsm lifestyle longer than you've been living life. Lucky can call it an age card if she wishes, it really doesn't bother me. No more than your dislike of me. Age is about how many times you've gone around the sun. Experience is another matter. While your mom was changing your diapers, I was binding slaves. You may indeed have an insight or two. But your lack of manners is all that I'm noticing. Apparently there are some things your mom overlooked teaching you, or you overlooked learning. 'nuff said.

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