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How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 9:22:27 AM

ExquisiteFeline

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i realize all ppl are different, and each Dom has their own personality but...
What are the immediate indications that one would be communicating with a true Dom?
What is the definitive nature of a Dom?
Does a Dom ever have trouble communicating their truth?
If a sub asks a direct question should they expect a direct answer?

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 9:25:33 AM

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What is a "true" Dom/Master? Is it someone whose views correspond to yours? Then talk to them and find out. Is it someone who fits all the criteria for a Dom, as laid out by the "BDSM IV; rules for twue dominates and submittives?" Sorry, no such thing.

This thing we do is subjective to the person who is doing it... they do what makes them happy, and for them, that's the "true" way. The best you can hope for is to find someone else whose idea of BDSM is approximately the same as yours. There's no such thing as a "true" Master, Dom, sub, or slave.

(in reply to ExquisiteFeline)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 9:29:14 AM

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Well put okiniriri. For any one else I'd suggest the BDSM core rulebook chapters 16 through 92. It gives all the fitting criteria of a true male and female doms. If they don't fit every single last criteria then they're just posers.

<\sarcasm>

(in reply to okiniiri)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 9:37:38 AM

RRafe

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Bingo,one girls true dom probably would look more like the slave to some people.

Like the most selfish monster on the planet to others.

Or just a regular Joe.

Find the lid that fits your pot.

quote:

ORIGINAL: okiniiri

What is a "true" Dom/Master? Is it someone whose views correspond to yours? Then talk to them and find out. Is it someone who fits all the criteria for a Dom, as laid out by the "BDSM IV; rules for twue dominates and submittives?" Sorry, no such thing.

This thing we do is subjective to the person who is doing it... they do what makes them happy, and for them, that's the "true" way. The best you can hope for is to find someone else whose idea of BDSM is approximately the same as yours. There's no such thing as a "true" Master, Dom, sub, or slave.

(in reply to okiniiri)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 9:45:51 AM

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How to tell a true Master? (psst..he is the one wearing the red carnation in his lapel when all others are wearing white).

(in reply to RRafe)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 9:48:26 AM

ExquisiteFeline

Posts: 124
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cool thanks all...
still confused but anyway...

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 9:59:02 AM

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in a stern voice with a waggling finger?

edited to add: err is that in quiet subdued tones with down cast eyes?

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 9/3/2007 10:00:18 AM >

(in reply to ExquisiteFeline)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 10:04:30 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExquisiteFeline

Does a Dom ever have trouble communicating their truth?
If a sub asks a direct question should they expect a direct answer?

It sounds to me like you are asking a far more specific question than "what is a dom", and it is burying your actual question.

Do you have communication problems with your dom?

I don't know if directness can be seen as a sign of a 'true' dom, but I like to think it's the sign of a good one.

_____________________________

Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

(in reply to ExquisiteFeline)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 10:10:20 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExquisiteFeline

i realize all ppl are different, and each Dom has their own personality but...
What are the immediate indications that one would be communicating with a true Dom?

A twue dom always demands to see you on webcam right away!

quote:

What is the definitive nature of a Dom?

He is dominant. That's about it.

quote:

Does a Dom ever have trouble communicating their truth?

They are just people.

quote:

If a sub asks a direct question should they expect a direct answer?

If it's a question that can answered directly. If I ask Valyraen the meaning of life, that's hard to answer directly. If I ask him if he's sleeping with other women, that's pretty easy to answer directly.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ExquisiteFeline)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 10:19:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExquisiteFeline

What are the immediate indications that one would be communicating with a true Dom?

There's no such thing as a "true" Dom. What's "true" to me, may not be to you. For me it's the guy who knows the difference between "dominant" and "domineering".

quote:

What is the definitive nature of a Dom?

There isn't one. There are wide range of people that label themselves as "Dominant". That range includes guys who are angry about every date they didn't get in highschool and use it as an excuse to be abusive and rude. There are guys who say that because it's an easy way to get laid. There are some that have control issues. Some are naturally Alpha.

quote:

Does a Dom ever have trouble communicating their truth?

Do you think that because they've labelled themselves as Dominant that they're no longer human? Everyone has this problem at some point or another.

quote:

If a sub asks a direct question should they expect a direct answer?

Depends on the question. "Do you have a wife?" should get a direct answer. "Why is the sky blue?" probably not.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ExquisiteFeline)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 10:48:49 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExquisiteFeline

i realize all ppl are different, and each Dom has their own personality but...
What are the immediate indications that one would be communicating with a true Dom?
What is the definitive nature of a Dom?
Does a Dom ever have trouble communicating their truth?
If a sub asks a direct question should they expect a direct answer?

I never look for a 'true' Dom because I have no defination for one. I look for a PERSON what will fit my lifestyle---minus all the labels. What is important to me. I would look for my OWN 'true' Dom, not some mythical person established by the guidelines of someone else.

(in reply to ExquisiteFeline)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 11:12:07 AM

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I don't know that I buy into your paradigm of a "true master". There are inexperienced masters, and experienced masters, and wannabe masters.

Using a text-based medium, they can all appear alike in many ways, especially when dealing with an intelligent individual.

Certainly a master should answer all questions directly. But any intelligent individual will do that, whether what they say is true or not.

The only real way I know to test the veracity of a master is to make yourself available to him to see how he handles the responsibility in real life. Obviously this comes with considerable risk if you've chosen poorly.

All the other text-based tests are fallible, for an intelligent individual will not be inconsistent, will not overstate himself, will seem perfectly normal. It is not until you are bound up helpless that the truth will be revealed.

As for the stupid ones, they are much easier to detect (assuming you are more intelligent than they are).

BDSM is not for the faint-hearted or the irresponsible.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to ExquisiteFeline)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 11:20:08 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExquisiteFeline

i realize all ppl are different, and each Dom has their own personality but...
What are the immediate indications that one would be communicating with a true Dom?
What is the definitive nature of a Dom?
Does a Dom ever have trouble communicating their truth?
If a sub asks a direct question should they expect a direct answer?

There's no such thing as "true"
What is "true" to you may not be what others deem as "true" and vice versa.

Doms are people too and as with the general population, some are assholes and liars.
If you ask a direct question and you expect a direct answer than you should get one. Otherwise you two are not compatible.

(in reply to ExquisiteFeline)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 11:24:46 AM

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Don't listen to all those who say there's no such thing as a true master, or that you can't tell easily. It's simple- just ask to see their Master ID card. If they can't produce it on demand, they're obviously fakes.

My card? Well, see, the thing about that is...

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to Viridana)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 11:28:02 AM

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I agree the true master id card is required or the true masters of america union card...bounty

_____________________________

STEP INTO MY DARKNESS AND LET THE LIGHT OF YOUR SUBMISSION SHINE..

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 11:32:07 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

Don't listen to all those who say there's no such thing as a true master, or that you can't tell easily. It's simple- just ask to see their Master ID card. If they can't produce it on demand, they're obviously fakes.

My card? Well, see, the thing about that is...

*snicker*

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 11:36:47 AM

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From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

Don't listen to all those who say there's no such thing as a true master, or that you can't tell easily. It's simple- just ask to see their Master ID card. If they can't produce it on demand, they're obviously fakes.

My card? Well, see, the thing about that is...

*grinning*

I stand corrected.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 11:41:16 AM

arayofsunshine55

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Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExquisiteFeline

cool thanks all...
still confused but anyway...

Are you still confused because you do not know what makes someone compatible with you? Cause that is really what okiniri said. Figure out what you want and find someone whose desires match. And for me that is much ore than his bdsm desires. It is about the person as a person. So much of the same stuff which is important to your if you weren't looking for a dom specifically. What do you like in a man? And if you click meet in person ASAP and see if you still click. And take it one day at a time.

I've never classified someone as not true. But I've classified a whole helluva lot as not compatible. That's all that really matters to me.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to ExquisiteFeline)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 11:42:50 AM

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Joined: 8/30/2006
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Some clues..he or she doesn't ask for nude pics right off the bat ,will not send you to become register to them after an hour of conversation and willing to take the time neccessary to get to know you then you may be on the right track.. Ask around about this particular Dom you may be considering,hell all one can say is I don't know ...MOST of us will give you a heads up without trashing the person.....NO one is perfect we all have flaws just some are better then most...BH

_____________________________

STEP INTO MY DARKNESS AND LET THE LIGHT OF YOUR SUBMISSION SHINE..

(in reply to Viridana)

RE: How to tell a true Master? - 9/3/2007 11:51:36 AM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

Fast Reply:

You know, I do think there is such thing as a 'true Dom'. Unfortunately they come in infinite varieties, but I think it's important to differentiate between a 'true' or 'actual' Dom/me, and an abuser. Unfortunately there are plenty of people (men and women) who are attracted to this lifestyle because it lets them justify their abusive tendencies.

A few things that a 'true Dom/me' should do are:

*Respect your safe word/limits. There's a difference between pushing limits and violating them. If you're into light spanking, and the Dom/me does things that are painful to you, and you use the safeword but they don't stop (or even punish you for using the safeword) they're more likely an abuser than a Dom/me.

*Move at your pace. I'm not going to say a true Dom/me won't just talk about sex, because there are quite a few respectable people both Dom/me and sub who are looking for casual partners. But if someone starts asking about your experiences, your fantasies, etc. and you specifically tell them you're not comfortable with the conversation, and ask if you can talk about more mundane things for now, and they respond by getting mean or insulting you, it's a bad sign.

*They won't cheat on you and justify it by saying they are a Dom/me. Polyamory, non-monogamy, and swinging are totally cool, but they are things that should be discussed and agreed on. If you are in a committed relationship, and find out s/he is sleeping with someone else, and when you bring it up they reply "Well I'm the Dom/me, I can do what I want," you can basically translate that into them saying "I'm a complete jerk and will do whatever I want." Then it's up to you if you really want to stay with them.

I'm sure there are other things, but these three are the first that come into my mind. They are all things a 'true Dom/me" would do...as well as any respectable person. The only "non-true Dom/me" types I can think of are the sociopaths and abusers who think that BDSM will give them a certain amount of camoflage to make their tendencies more acceptable.

That being said, if any of the things on that list is a fetish of yours....hey that's the exception that proves the rule ;) Some people like being cuckolded, and have a 'cheating on me fetish' but the biggest thing is consent. A true Dom/me will get consent. A rapist, cheater, or abuser won't bother.

(in reply to Bobkgin)

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