MadRabbit
Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006 Status: offline
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Well, personally, I pay no mind to what the Messiah says, but in this case, he's right. You are entitled to search for what you want and value and there is nothing wrong with that. However, personally, I desire a slave who has some amount of emotional and mental self control, because I find that those things are necessary for a person to obey. A lack of those elements can greatly affect a person's ability to be obeyed. So I guess we can make a phrase that "A person who wants to be controlled needs to be in control of themselves". So we could say that "A dominant and submissive need to be in control of themselves to make a power exchange work". However, I have yet to really meet anybody who has this level of zen like "complete control" that is constantly preached about here by cyber monkeys. In fact, I just know emotionally mature and responsible adults who I admire greatly, have great M/S relationships, but are still suspectible to going to there own dark places such as rage and depression. I dont count myself to have some uber level of self control, but rather am just simply a mature and responsible adult. In stressful situations, I know rage all too well and am perfectly capable of going there through my own imperfections. In fact, the people who I consider to really know what they are talking about and have wonderful M/S relationships have never taken me aside and set "Rabbit, the secert is to have complete control of yourself". They simply talk about being a mature and responsible adult and a decent guy with values. Its usually the people I consider to have no idea what they are talking about who quote this catchphrase to me in realtime and all of their "uber self control" that they present is really just posturing. Because when the buttons are pushed, it goes away very easily. So I guess we could say "To be a true Dom, you need to be a mature, responsible adult". And as we have established, it takes some self control to be a slave so we could say "To be a true slave, you need to be a mature, responsible adult". So we then come to the combination of "To be a true Dom and slave and make a power exchange work, both people need to be mature, responsible adult". But then...I think to myself...."Gee, to make any relationship work, whether vanilla or kinky, doesnt being a mature, responsible adult help a lot?" Which is why I think its a cliche' to add a special "Wow" factor to being a Dominant when in reality its just two people demonstrating the qualities needed to make any healthy relationship work. So while you are entitled to the qualities and characteristics that you personally value in your own dominant, I dont buy into the notion that there is some exuberant qualities and special skills a person needs to be a Dominant outside of normal relationship skills, the skills one would use to be a good manager at a company, and the normal qualities that make up a "mature, emotionally, decent adult". Nor do I buy into an idea that a slave doesnt need to possess these things like a Dominant does. But then again...as I demonstrated in my examples above, I have met people who I dont consider in the least to be "mature, responsible adults" and dont have good relationship skills, but somehow manage to make a power based relationship work on a long term basis where they both seem to be happy. This is why I get slightly annoyed when people like Bobgkin come here and tell everyone what they should and should not do as if his incredibly enlightening words have a universal truth to them...which they dont. They are simply what has worked and hasnt worked for him in his personal experiences in his pursuit for his ideal relationship. Of course, I view M/S in a realistic and practical sense. (And on another note, I would personally say that being in control of a child's life is on a greater level then being in control of an adult's life. However, I dont find the catchphrase of "To be a parent, one must be in complete control of themselves" on any parenting websites. Mainly, I see "To be a parent, you need to be a mature and responsible adult". And a great number of parents have children who are happy and living beneficial lives when those parents arent anything more than the average, decent human being)
< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 9/4/2007 11:00:53 PM >
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Advice for New Dominants The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY
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