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RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 2:03:15 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

Protocols in general. Use of honorifics is merely the most obvious example.

then perhaps you should be more specific in your definition of protocols. Are you referring ONLY to play...or day to day life? There is a huge gap in what you are asking, narrow it down please.

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Post #: 21

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 2:08:39 PM

celticlord2112

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My intent is to cast a wide net here...please feel free to answer in whatever context you wish: Play, day-to-day, or both.

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Post #: 22

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 2:11:59 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

My intent is to cast a wide net here...please feel free to answer in whatever context you wish: Play, day-to-day, or both.

My speech protocols: Follow the English language (no "this girl" stuff), use his given name as much as Sir or Master if not more, speak respectfully but truthfully - never just tell him what he wants to hear.

Behavior protocols: Make sure he gets a kiss before going to bed and leaving for work (if I'm awake).

Otherwise it's just kneel when commanded and do as told.

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Post #: 23

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 2:13:47 PM

CuriousLord

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Oh, sure, then they're pretty vital in my relationship. Going on the TPE M/s 24/7 model, I'd.. well, how could I ever do anything if there weren't extensive protocols?

My slave knows what to do on a regular basis. She knows how to act, which orders and guidelines come before others (such as "stay alive" comes before "stay in this room" should the two conflict, such as in the event of a fire). She knows what to do in my absense, should she have been expecting new orders and I fail to provide them or otherwise.

My life's rather busy. This maintains the M/s dynamic beautifully.

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Post #: 24

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 2:19:32 PM

Celeste43

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Pretty nonexistant here. But we're parents and obviously I'm not going to go about the house naked but for cuffs and collar calling him Grand Master Lord Pooh Bah while also checking backpacks and such.

More importantly, the more you put things in place that inhibit open communication, the more chance there is for things to fester. And as I have trouble with confrontation to begin with, making me do so sweet and soft spoken would mean that I wouldn't ever be able to bring a problem up. And as I said, stifling the communication leads to one of those days where the woman says "fuck you and the horse you rode in on" while the man is left wondering why this is coming out of the blue.

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Post #: 25

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 2:22:44 PM

celticlord2112

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As I asked feastie...how then do you express your submissiveness?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Pretty nonexistant here. But we're parents and obviously I'm not going to go about the house naked but for cuffs and collar calling him Grand Master Lord Pooh Bah while also checking backpacks and such.

More importantly, the more you put things in place that inhibit open communication, the more chance there is for things to fester. And as I have trouble with confrontation to begin with, making me do so sweet and soft spoken would mean that I wouldn't ever be able to bring a problem up. And as I said, stifling the communication leads to one of those days where the woman says "fuck you and the horse you rode in on" while the man is left wondering why this is coming out of the blue.

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Post #: 26

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 2:31:04 PM

MistressSassy66

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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

What role does protocol play in furthering a Dominant/submissive dynamic? What is the importance to the relationship that the submissive/slave say "Sir," "Master," "My Lord," (or the feminine equivalants) when addressing the dominant?

I'm not huge on protocols.
But I wont object to boot kissing as a greeting.
IMO,for some they need/want that title (Mistess/Master etc.) to keep them in
their place.

Having coffee ready is essential here also

For some people they work for some they dont.

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Post #: 27

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 2:39:40 PM

MadRabbit

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Protocol is one of those words people get all funny about.

I always enjoy these discussions, because 80% of the people automatically associate "protocol" with something "erotic and kinky".

In the simplest of terms, its simply a "defined behavior". I will go out on a limb and say they are pretty much used in every relationship, but people simply arent aware they are in fact protocols.

For example, there is a subtle irony I have noticed. People will say "We dont use protocols in our relationships" and then proceed to say "He doesnt want me to call him "Sir" or "Master" so I dont." Well...thats a protcol...a protocol dictating that you will in fact not call him "Sir" or "Master".

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Post #: 28

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 2:42:31 PM

gypsygrl

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From: new york state
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In my mind, protocols structure the relationship and make a D/s relationship sustainable. They regulate the interaction between the d-side and the s-side and assure the continuity of power exchange. So, yeah, they're pretty important.

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Post #: 29

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 2:48:09 PM

celticlord2112

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
In the simplest of terms, its simply a "defined behavior". I will go out on a limb and say they are pretty much used in every relationship, but people simply arent aware they are in fact protocols.

Would it be fair to say that D/s protocols differentiate from "vanilla" protocols by being more explicitly defined?

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Post #: 30

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 2:52:57 PM

MadRabbit

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I would say thats fair. At least, on the level, that we actually make a point to call them "protocols" since the word tends to be associated with the Master and Slave relationship.

In any relationship, we sit down and say "Okay here is how we are going to do X, Y, and Z", because it makes our lives easier.

Is it necessary? Nope, I can just constantly tell them how to do X, Y, and Z everyday if I wanted to. I bet, however, after enough times of telling them to do X, Y, and Z, they will eventually just do it on their own without me saying anything and never once calling it a protocol.

I follow protocols everyday when I wake up even as a single adult. I wake up at 6:30, I start my coffee, I take a shower, I shave, brush my teeth, get dressed for work, make a bagel, and eat/drink in the truck on the way to work. This is my list of protocols I have come up with to make sure I am ready for work every morning and get there on time.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

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Post #: 31

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 2:56:14 PM

daddysliloneds

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Joined: 6/28/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

What role does protocol play in furthering a Dominant/submissive dynamic? What is the importance to the relationship that the submissive/slave say "Sir," "Master," "My Lord," (or the feminine equivalants) when addressing the dominant?

for me, it has absolutely nothing to do, whatsoever, with furthering a d/s dynamic between me and mine; though for some, it's a necessary element.

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Post #: 32

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 3:03:26 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Virtually none.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1134732/mpage_1/key_protocol/tm.htm#1135086
protocol

http://www.collarchat.com/m_579363/mpage_1/key_ritual/tm.htm#579537
Rituals and protocols, which ones do you use?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_512995/mpage_1/key_ritual/tm.htm#513015
Daily Routines

http://www.collarchat.com/m_307839/mpage_1/key_daily%252Croutine/tm.htm#307839
Structure

http://www.collarchat.com/m_99518/mpage_1/key_daily%252Croutine/tm.htm#99518
day to day in the lifestyle

http://www.collarchat.com/m_83995/mpage_1/key_daily%252Croutine/tm.htm#83995
Need help...consistency problems

http://www.collarchat.com/m_45593/mpage_1/key_daily%252Croutine/tm.htm#45593
routine

http://www.collarchat.com/m_504581/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#504854
Rituals...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_229409/mpage_1/key_ritual/tm.htm#229409
Purpose of ritual and types

http://www.collarchat.com/m_234894/mpage_1/key_ritual/tm.htm#234894
Ritual in anticipation of time together

http://www.collarchat.com/m_242681/mpage_1/key_ritual/tm.htm#242681
rituals, your favorite and why?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_110/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#110
rituals

http://www.collarchat.com/m_7380/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#7380
protocols

http://www.collarchat.com/m_48910/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#48910
special rituals please?!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_97744/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#97744
rituals (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_296210/mpage_1/key_rituals/tm.htm#296210
favorite rituals

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Post #: 33

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 3:16:01 PM

catize

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quote:

how then do you express your submissiveness?

There are many ways to express submission whether or not protocols are in place.
Kneeling doesn’t make me submissive. Calling him Sir doesn’t make me submissive. Those actions are external and mean little if I am not in fact submissive to the dominant.

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Post #: 34

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 3:16:59 PM

Missokyst

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Hmm.. Interesting. I wouldn't have considered that a protocal unless there is something special about the way it is served. Making coffee every day at 6 am, using brand A, and adding in something is more of a taste thing in my view. And in that case it wouldn't matter to me if you were a guest or a dominant. Normally I try to do things to please my company. If I knew they liked coffee with cinnamon that is what I would make in the morning.
It just seems like a nice thing to do.
Now, if I was told to serve someone coffee in pearls, high heels and bunny slippers, every morning, and it was for my mate, that I could see might be a protocal.
Just getting coffee.. seems polite.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
so I make a protocol that says "This is how I want my coffee every morning."
Now I get my coffee the way I want every morning, thanks to my protocol, and with little effort on my part.

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Post #: 35

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 3:18:42 PM

MadRabbit

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Well, once again, I am defining "protocol" as a defined behavior and not something that is necessarily "kinky and erotic".

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Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

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Post #: 36

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 3:29:53 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

how then do you express your submissiveness?

There are many ways to express submission whether or not protocols are in place.
Kneeling doesn’t make me submissive. Calling him Sir doesn’t make me submissive. Those actions are external and mean little if I am not in fact submissive to the dominant.

Interesting point. However, if one is not submissive--or at the very least submitting to another--would one ever kneel?

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Post #: 37

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 3:32:17 PM

celticlord2112

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I wouldn't have considered that a protocal unless there is something special about the way it is served.

Seeking a little clarity here: Would the dominant stating that coffee was to be prepared in a certain way and at a certain time count as "something special"?

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Post #: 38

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 3:50:52 PM

catize

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quote:

Interesting point. However, if one is not submissive--or at the very least submitting to another--would one ever kneel?

I have knelt in front of a crying friend to offer her a comforting hug (she was sitting in a chair)
In vanilla relationships with men I have knelt to provide oral sex.
I have crawled on the floor in a room full of people looking for my sister’s contact lens.

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Post #: 39

RE: How important is protocol? - 9/3/2007 4:02:40 PM

arayofsunshine55

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In my relationship it is not at all important. The dynamic is furthered by our combined will. Not by what words I use.

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Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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Post #: 40

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