quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne

I was r/t with such a submissive and her trust in me overcame her physical/sexual abuse.  But I dismissed her after 4 moths because she lied to me about doing something she already had my permission to do . . . call her ex.  A senseless lie that I thought totally unnecessary after honesty was expressed as something I demanded that if I didnt get it, it was a deal-breaker for me.  So I had no choice.

Regarding the S/m aspect........I moved slowly to build trust. Things like showing her a toy and getting a response to it, verbal or body language, then letting her smell and kiss it but no touching my toys ever, explaining my feelings and uses for said toy, detailed negotiating (  esp. how many hits and their intensity) and consenting to use of toy (starting with mainly sensual play rather than pain play and gradually upping the anti).  Remember, its easy to break trust and difficult to gain it, esp if you had trust and broke it by rushing or disregarding sub's background.

Patience and baby steps are your best friends here, and no she's not damaged goods.  If you see her as such, beware you not cause her any more harm.  She is a person, firstly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81
..missing out on a potential relationship due to my own.. issues.

The more I've read, the more I definitely plan on working to get past this, I just don't know where to start.

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81

I just wanted to clarify, it's me that I'm referring to - If I would be considered "damaged goods" because of my past.

Nontheless, everyones posts have been very helpful

Thank you everyone

V.

At this point, until you examine your past, and understand how you got to where you're at today, I'm not certain it would be healthy for you to enter into any kind of D/s relationship where there was a power exchange.  From what you've described, your teenage years were filled with power and control issues with both your father and stepmother that you've yet to resolve in your mind.  Having a relationship in this lifestyle now, is not the time or place to try and do that.  Instead, I believe you'd only be opening yourself to experiencing more abuse if you connected with the wrong person.

Take care of getting yourself together first, so you can live in the present and leave the baggage from the past behind.  In my experience, it's a heavy load to carry that will continue to interfere with any relationship you start until you begin to do the difficult work necessary to examine things and start leaving the burden you still carry with you from the past behind.

Good luck in your journey.  I know it is not an easy task to heal yourself, but it is something you must do for yourself if you want to share a life of joy and happiness with others.  No one here can do it for you, including the Domme of your dreams...

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81

If a submissive went through something traumatic in their childhood (lets say physical abuse), and as a result, doesn't do well with pain, would that make you not consider them? Or would you try and work with them on it?
 
Just curious.
 
Thank you in advance for your replies.
 
V.

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81

If a submissive went through something traumatic in their childhood (lets say physical abuse), and as a result, doesn't do well with pain, would that make you not consider them? Or would you try and work with them on it?
 
Just curious.
 
Thank you in advance for your replies.
 
V.

quote:

ORIGINAL: YesMistressIrish

Blackpearl,
 
Good topic! Every domme will be different. If you have something brief in your profile, ir would rule out extremely sadistic dommes.
 
I have subs that are not into any serious pain. I would take my time with them regarding any serious pain. For that, I have pain slut friends who love me to work that energy out on them.
 
You can create any kind of relationship you want to. All kinds of people are here, and into so many different things.
 
Re: Your quote about sympathy being between shit and syphlis.
 
Sympathy is a beautiful word...




1.
harmony of or agreement in feeling, as between persons or on the part of one person with respect to another.



2.
the harmony of feeling naturally existing between persons of like tastes or opinion or of congenial dispositions.



3.
the fact or power of sharing the feelings of another, esp. in sorrow or trouble; fellow feeling, compassion, or commiseration.



4.
sympathies,



a.
feelings or impulses of compassion.



b.
feelings of favor, support, or loyalty: It's hard to tell where your sympathies lie.



5.
favorable or approving accord; favor or approval: He viewed the plan with sympathy and publicly backed it.



6.
agreement, consonance, or accord.

I don't see anything negative here, do you?
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: YesMistressIrish

To have all that you seek: Just be very specific in your profile, and look high and low for a great domme to hook up with.
 
There are dommes out there starting out, who have no interest in serving up serious pain.
 
"Looking for a one-on-one D/s relationship and seeking only one woman to be submissive to." .. That would work.
 
However, it is very empowering for any woman to be able to release her energy, and many do it in the form of sadism. To expect to be everything to your domme is a beautiful goal.
 
I hope you find everything you are looking for.
 
Miss Irish