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What motivates you? - 9/17/2007 2:55:48 PM

xoxi

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This is a question I've always wondered...I want to ask that you all please don't take it to be insulting, or gawking at your preference, or anything. I'm just one of those curious people who wants to understand things.

So...what motivates you to dominate a man? I know it's something inherent inside you, but what are the little things that turn you on? Is it seeing a powerful man helpless? Or being catered to? What aspects of the F/m dynamic speak to you?

Obviously everyone's response will be different, and personal, so if you are willing to share what those little things are that make you feel all happy inside that are related to a submissive man (ie something a vanilla or M/f relationship wouldn't have) please do so!

I look forward to the replies, and thank you in advance :)

RE: What motivates you? - 9/17/2007 3:02:09 PM

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As far back as I can remember I have been fascinated with the idea of a man helpless - preferably in bondage.

It's always been the way I communicate or express lust or attraction. When I get crushes on men, I don't fantasize about what it is like to kiss them or make love to them, I fantasize about how they would look tied up, whether or not they'd struggle, what the look in their eyes would be like (of course I do think about the other stuff too, but the FIRST thing I ponder is the kink factor). I don't necessarily get off on "feeling powerful" because I am more interested in his reaction; reactions of men in helpless situations, especially when I put him there, are what keep me going. The look in the eyes, the breathing, the way his body moves, the way he conveys fear or nervousness.

At the core of it, I think, is vulnerability. I am on cloud nine when a man is capable of being absolutely vulnerable to me and allowing me to get the pleasure I need from his surrender, suffering or sacrifice.

Akasha

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RE: What motivates you? - 9/17/2007 3:14:12 PM

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Ya know, this is an interesting question; I look forward to following this thread. Thank you, xoxi!

For me, I’ve been saying I’m not Dominant at all…though that could be changing; I dunno. Still, if I am, I’m sure not a very domineering one (yes, I know that’s different than dominant!).

The thing for me is, I am a submissive who LOVES to Top. I absolutely delight in the physicality of swinging whips & floggers and crops & canes and using clips and knives and things that leave marks. I also like to play with the difference in pleasure and pain; I might lick and kiss and fondle and rub body parts with fur………..or prickly mitts!

I am empathetic…I KNOW what this feels like and I love it when I hook up with a guy who also likes rather edgy play cuz I just KNOW I’m gonna make him feel good. Were I to find the right submissive guy, we could have a wonderful relationship!

I like guys who like feet; mine are nice looking. I mean I REALLY like guys who like feet; this could be a huge turn-on to a lot of submissive men. I also like anally erotic men…so there are a lot of things about me a submissive guy might enjoy. A lot of submissive men also have erotic thoughts regarding watersports too...which I'm seriously into (whether or not they are into drinking the stuff).

While I’d want to enjoy him in many ways, including sexually, I’d also want to tease him mercilessly and sometimes make him just please me. But I wouldn’t/couldn’t do this for long periods of time; I’d want to enjoy him, too.

I like manly men who enjoy many typical manly pastimes, but have a very strong penchant for pleasing their women. I grew up with three little brothers and enjoy (and know how to provide) gentle teasing and private humiliation with male partners sometimes; but a real partner is what he’d also be; just one who occasionally likes the slap & tickle and play of BDSM (as I define it).

MsB

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(in reply to xoxi)

RE: What motivates you? - 9/17/2007 5:27:14 PM

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Honestly? I can just naturally be kinda bossy (that's my real answer-seriously. But sometimes, I prefer to think of it as being "direct").

What turns me on about sub males, generally? The slight air of innocence, combined with sincerity, and mascunility. Plus, I like being treated like a real lady (I am a big fan of both common politeness, and "manners"), not being taken for granted, and being paid attention to. A man being concerned with pleasing me in bed? What's not to like?

I like the idea they depend on me, and control over them, in bed (I like the BDSM activity, but am still a novice here, but tease and denial can get me really hot, and so can using a razor strap), but also in D/s generally, from the standpoint that they would truly appear to listen, and think what I had to say was important to their welfare - if they asked me for advice, for instance (something most male Doms wouldn't really do, IMO.) To me, this amounts to being given extra respect.

And I honestly appreciate the idea of positively impacting someone's life who would depend on me this much. I also truly appreciate giving, rather selfless types (I mean emotionally, I appreciate their appreciation of equality between the sexes (I am het), or even feminine superiority, although I would never call my self a "female supremacist"). There is nothing that strikes me as phony about this - no placing a woman on a pedestal, only to deny her elsewhere - it feels truly gallant (to me), from that standpoint.

I am a Switch, but even as a submissive, I can be very submisive in the bedroom, but fairly independent otherwise (even if I am doing what my Dominant wants, I just also am kinda independent. I managed to end up w/ a Dom who truly appreciated this about me, but there are definitely those who don't want it in a femsub).

Sub males don't appear to mind this at all, mostly - in fact, they seem to like that (at least that is my general impression so far.)

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 9/17/2007 6:22:29 PM >

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RE: What motivates you? - 9/17/2007 5:37:57 PM

Laura

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Being in charge of the powerful, manly man is what gives me a charge. That's why things like being worshipped and playing dress up with him don't really do much for me. I want him to be all male while he squirms in my clutches.

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RE: What motivates you? - 9/17/2007 5:46:57 PM

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I agree with Laura....I love to dominate tall, athletically built masculine men. Sissies and fem wannabes do nothing for me. Something bout taking that man and making him serve me, pamper me, worship me and cater to me while I dominate him mentally is exhilirating. Maybe that short person syndrome at play too...dunno. LOL.

(in reply to Laura)

RE: What motivates you? - 9/17/2007 5:51:40 PM

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There isn't anything in particular about men that I can say makes them more enjoyable to top or dominant than a woman (I'm scene bi) but for some reason a man on his knees just looks incredibly erotic to me. Also watching men work as in manual labor is a weird turn on for me.

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(in reply to xoxi)

RE: What motivates you? - 9/17/2007 6:01:39 PM

Laura

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I like to watch them shave too. Though I get squicked by sharp objects.

No one ever said it had to all make sense. Or if they did I'm sure I ignored them.

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RE: What motivates you? - 9/17/2007 6:14:51 PM

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With either male or female submissives, I like the vulnerability, the trust, and the control that I get from dominating a person. To have someone trust you enough to put themselves in your hands is a tremendous feeling.

(in reply to Laura)

RE: What motivates you? - 9/17/2007 7:08:41 PM

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I do it because I want to and it is my nature to be Dominant. I find it fulfilling regardless if the sub is male or female. I like having the control, I enjoy bending them to my will. I want to be obeyed and pleased. I am a bit of a sadist and I like inflicting some pain on my sub, I love to humilate them and use them as I see fit. I do not think I am all that different from some of my male counterparts who enjoy the same thing.

~Lashra

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(in reply to xoxi)

RE: What motivates you? - 9/17/2007 7:42:05 PM

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I enjoy male or female submission, and the answer as to why is greatly the same for both...

I'm a power-tripper. While very considerate and controlled in vanilla interactions, I have an absolute love of being in control of another's behavior and feelings. I'm not a sadist by nature, I don't enjoy any sexuality in my play with subs; it's all about having someone do as I say, when I say, being free to make them feel how I wish at particular times, etc.

I like being catered to, I like having someone say "Yes, Miss", I like having someone in pain because I chose it for them even though the pain does nothing for me.

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(in reply to xoxi)

RE: What motivates you? - 9/17/2007 7:59:09 PM

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I just get this incredible rush when a man demonstrates submission. Maybe that will dim with time as I become more used to it, but right now it's just amazing and I want more.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

RE: What motivates you? - 9/18/2007 1:57:12 AM

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I like to boss around subs. So far I think mainly of men, but I could also imagine bossing around girls who are submissive.

I get a little power rush when I snap my fingers and someone is following, and after the task is completed says "Yes, Miss Princess". I somehow feel set back into the old ages when there were real princesses who could make use of servants and everybody acknowledged the superiority of the princess. lol

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RE: What motivates you? - 9/18/2007 3:27:33 AM

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There are so many triggers for me. It is something that is inherent to me, I am a leader and controller (though not an egomaniac, I hope lol). But likewise, I have a nurturing nature. I also know through experience that submissive men are better suited to my temperament, I am far to controlling for the ‘average’ vanilla man.

But I am also a daft romantic. Just seeing a man submitting to me, making a conscious effort to please me, being devoted to me just triggers all my buttons. The expression of submissive love on all its levels makes me all mushy, in my oh so Dommely way lol. A man that wants to make me happy on all physical and mental levels makes my heart go ‘thud’ - likewise, I am devoted in return. Loyalty and devotion is a turn on for me, as odd as that sounds.

But then there’s the plain old physical lust stuff. Someone here mentioned watching a man in physical labour - I totally relate! Men working are HOT! Regardless of what the labour it may be. Builders are not the only one leering on a building site. If my leering has made one of those rugged men blush, all the better!

Seeing a man in chains, whilst he places his trust in me triggers my buttons again. It also allows me work on him… my toy being at my mercy to play with how I like - yep, that totally works for me. Bondage is a turn on for me on so many levels, for similar previous reasons, but there is an aesthetic beauty to it - especially when they are naked, raw to the world, and bound at my feet, mmm. It’s also a control thing, lol.

I love tease and denial, watching a man control something he REALLY wants, because I’ve said so, and he wishes to please me, is sooo hot for me. Bottling that lust he has for me, and releasing it on my say so makes for some hot times. It’s also pretty funny watching that frustration *grins wickedly*

Strap-ons are another thing for me, though it’s more a mental thing, as I get very little stimulation from it. But I love playing rough with him.

There are many more things that ‘do it’ for me, but I would be rambling on far to much, lol.

It’s a whole interlaying dynamic that works for me. I couldn’t just have one element of it, as that would feel empty, they all need to interact on all levels to turn me on to the fullest.

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RE: What motivates you? - 9/18/2007 5:00:21 AM

arayofsunshine55

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Well for it it is not about "something inherent within me". And I don't get off on powerlessness. I do enjoy a strong, capable man wanting me. And wanting what I can give him. And actively taking all of that and surrendering it to me for us. Cause it excites him. Cock hard and dripping. What's not to love about that? A whimpering man asking for more. Wanting more. As you hurt him.

By the way, not all dominant women dominate men.

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Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to xoxi)

RE: What motivates you? - 9/18/2007 5:35:51 AM

xoxi

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Very true, sunshine, but the F/m dynamic in particular is what piqued my curiousity. I'm a female sub, and I have a certain picture of my 'ideal man' and I think it's so interesting to see how other women can take the same package of the ideal man (the rugged construction worker type) and do something entirely different with it.

I don't like women like that so it doesn't have the same interest to me

I'm also totally loving the fact that Lilac says it's a way to express her nurturing side, while I say the same about submitting. I guess that just proves once again there is no "one true way" to express your feelings. Same with the "gentleman taking care of me" concept that was expressed quite a few times...although I prefer my gentlemen to have a bit of a rogue streak as well.

I swear twenty years from now when I'm financially secure enough to do what I want with my spare time, I will be taking up a Psych degree just for the fun of it. Until then I'm just going to continue asking probing and personal questions on message boards and be grateful for the people who share their thoughts with me

< Message edited by xoxi -- 9/18/2007 5:40:46 AM >

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RE: What motivates you? - 9/18/2007 3:19:40 PM

Oumae

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I love the control, the power, the trust, commitment, communication, honesty, openness, I enjoy the attention, being pampered. I love the bantering, the teasing, the tormenting, the fun, the laughs and the getting my own way....

I could go on.... what really does it for me is that look in the eyes...when ask them to do something that I know is difficult for them.... a struggle and then surrender, a yielding to me because of the connection we have. Leads to feelings of power and pride, pride in them that they can put someone else first. Yum!

Oumae

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RE: What motivates you? - 9/18/2007 5:01:25 PM

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I am right in line on most of what MsLilac says - nice to be similar to someone else I must say....

So, I like having final say. I like making the decisions even if it is to have my man make the decision or to have us collaborate. I am not comfortable putting myself in someone else hands at all...over the years I have come to find I do just fine and better than most on managing things - but I do belive in delegation.lol.

I love love teasing merciliously and then sending them over the top in terms of pleasure. I love being pampered and never being taken for granted. I love knowing that he has absolute trust in me and that he is really turned o n by me.

I find that when a man who is quite dominant and in control in his work life yet trusts me, yearns for me and is into me enough to give up control to me and has a deep desire to please me, extremely satisfying and a huge turn on for me. I like to see how far they will go and then I like to know what their triggers are - turn ons, etc and use those in creative ways to kind of blow their mind as a reward to him for pleasing me.

Part of the motivation is that it is satisfying - and part of it is a sense of relief that in a world where women are not treated equally in so many ways that I can kind of release my anger over the injustice I feel and accept the lovely submission of my man.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLilac
I am a leader. But likewise, I have a nurturing nature.

But I am also a daft romantic. Just seeing a man submitting to me, making a conscious effort to please me, being devoted to me just triggers all my buttons. The expression of submissive love on all its levels makes me all mushy, in my oh so Dommely way lol. A man that wants to make me happy on all physical and mental levels makes my heart go ‘thud’ - likewise, I am devoted in return. Loyalty and devotion is a turn on for me, as odd as that sounds.

But then there’s the plain old physical lust stuff. Someone here mentioned watching a man in physical labour - I totally relate! Men working are HOT! Regardless of what the labour it may be. Builders are not the only one leering on a building site. If my leering has made one of those rugged men blush, all the better!

Seeing a man in chains, whilst he places his trust in me triggers my buttons again. It also allows me work on him… my toy being at my mercy to play with how I like - yep, that totally works for me. Bondage is a turn on for me on so many levels, for similar previous reasons, but there is an aesthetic beauty to it - especially when they are naked, raw to the world, and bound at my feet, mmm. It’s also a control thing, lol.

I love tease and denial, watching a man control something he REALLY wants, because I’ve said so, and he wishes to please me, is sooo hot for me. Bottling that lust he has for me, and releasing it on my say so makes for some hot times. It’s also pretty funny watching that frustration *grins wickedly*

_____________________________

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It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to MsLilac)

RE: What motivates you? - 9/18/2007 5:14:23 PM

NefertariReborn

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It's a weird dichotomy between nurturing him and being down right domineering. The more he says yes, the more he bonds Me to him. It's that commitment to Me, the desire to do what I ask of him, that pushes every button, sexual, mental, psychological, spiritual. The more yes's I get the more trusting I am. The more trust, the more relaxed, the more relaxed the more lust-filled I become. And then it becomes one big cycle feeding on itself. I want to do more for him. I would think nothing of buying him what he wanted or allowing him some time to do something he has longed to do. The yes's make Me want to make him happy. I love the service, the pampering. I've said it before in another thread. What I really want is a male wife. I get turned on no end by seeing a man handle "domestic duties." A man cooking, and cooking well, *sigh* well, I'm going to do wonderfully wicked things to him later. Quite frankly watching him do laundry, and clean My house, etc etc no telling when I would give the strappie a rest.

< Message edited by NefertariReborn -- 9/18/2007 5:15:19 PM >

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RE: What motivates you? - 9/18/2007 5:46:30 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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Devotion.

When I ask a man to do something that will cause him to struggle. When I see him contemplate it, and then see him do it, because he KNOWS it will make me happy - that makes me melt. That dedication, devotion, loyalty just makes my motor hum.

There are a lot of other factors I could go into, but the ladies above have covered it fairly well.

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