Domin8tingUrDrmz
Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline
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Personal profiles are one of many avenues available for you to communicate with people you’d like to meet. A balanced profile that incorporates your vanilla interests and your perspectives on D/s is a key element in attracting the attention of dominant women. A blank profile or one that focuses solely on kink discourages women from contacting you or replying to your messages. Often people will write, “If you want to know anything, just ask”, and nothing else. Why would someone want to ask you a string of questions when dozens of more interesting profiles are available? There has to be some level of interest before anyone is going to want to invest time and energy into getting to know you further.
Many submissive men put a great deal of information into their profile and complain that no body takes the time to write to them. What they often fail to understand is that how the information is presented is just as important as what information is available. Keep in mind that women tend to receive more mail then men. We do generally look at the profiles of the people who grab our attention in an initial email to determine if there is potential compatibility. So while you may receive less mail than you’d hoped, your profile is still a very valuable tool for you and for those you contact.
Another thing you should be moderately aware of is the difference between the terms bottom and submissive/slave. While every woman’s definition varies, most will agree on two points:
- If you are only seeking the kink activities, the play, you should clearly state you are only interested in acting as a bottom.
- If you wish to submit your will over to another person and have a relationship based on authority transfer, then you are a submissive/slave.
When it comes to the differences between submissive vs. slave, ask the person you’re considering how she defines the terms. Hopefully that definition will align with yours. If there are huge discrepancies between your views, then the two of you are likely to be incompatible. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with being a bottom; it’s only wrong if you misrepresent yourself as something other than what you are.
When creating your profile, let your personality come through in your written words. Think of your profile as half “help wanted” ad and half resume.
Here is a guideline to follow when creating your profile:
1. Your Photograph: Know your audience. Your primary photo should be one that either shows your face, or shows you doing something in a vanilla environment.
- If you do choose to use a kink based photo as your primary, keep it tasteful. Artistic BDSM photos can be lovely.
- Cock shots, gaping anuses, and other vulgar photos will fail to capture the attention of most women in a good way. We simply are not wired visually the same way men are wired. If you have this type of photo, we will probably pass you over and move on to someone else.
- Be aware of the background. If you say you are service oriented but there is a pile of dirty laundry or dirty dishes in the background, we will likely chuckle at your inconsistency, but considering your services will be out of the question.
- Avoid using a picture of yourself with another person (unless you have their consent) or a picture where you obviously cut someone out of the photo. Chopped off arms just look weird and appears as though you are too lazy to put forth the effort of finding a photo of just yourself, or taking a new one.
2. Your Screen Name: Try to choose a name that portrays a well-rounded individual. If you select a name such as “AssLicker”, that tends to make women think the only interest you have is licking ass. If that is your sole interest, go ahead and use that name, though some women may skip over your profile based on your choice of screen name alone. If you are interested in more than just licking ass, or are unaware of what interests you have, avoid names that indicate you are a one-trick wonder. Many women get bored with only one aspect of BDSM – even if it is a love of theirs. We tend to enjoy diversity and expect diverse interests in those we seek.
3. Your Checklist: Those check boxes have more than just kinky interests available. Check your vanilla interests too. Women like to know if you share the same tastes in music and hobbies. Additionally, keep the tags like “Expert” reserved for those things which others can actually attest you are an expert. Being an expert in walking looks silly, unless you are a tour guide, fitness instructor, or some other equally qualified reason for making such a claim.
4. Your Self-Summary: Share what you are seeking in a relationship and downplay the kink aspects. If all you are seeking is kinky play, be sure to inform others you are only interested in bottoming and that a deeper relationship is out of the question. If you do include kink aspects in your profile, put them closer to the end.
- Tell your audience your views on relationships. Do you think D/s is bedroom only, or do you think it carries over into all aspects of the relationship?
- Share what you have to offer. Do you have any specific skill sets that a dominant woman might find useful? These skill sets can range from the mundane (like washing dishes) to the very skilled (like financial investment strategies). Most dominant women consider queening, or other forms of oral sex and anal play (including strap-ons), to be purely sexual activities. Understand the difference between sex and service.
- Tell us what makes you a better choice than all of the other submissive people vying for our attention.
- Pay attention to grammar and spelling. If your profile or journal entries are poorly composed that tells us a lot about you, none of which is very good.
5. Your Journal: Use your journal to include more specifics about you. Talk about things like your most recent camping trip, a workshop you attended, or anything of interest. Keep these entries positive. When women see a bunch of negative complaints about financial dommes, fake dommes, or other negative information, we tend to think you are a negative person in general. Do you want to associate with negative people? Neither do we.
Based on my profile why am I not successful in getting responses?
The Mistress by nature, what Mistress is this?
If you came across this thread through the archives, we strongly encourage you to read the associated threads:
Ask a Mistress Forum FAQ
CMail Help: Contacting a Dominant Women
< Message edited by Domin8tingUrDrmz -- 2/9/2010 5:40:22 PM >
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Ask a Mistress Forum FAQ
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Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman - 
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I think the boi in my name confused her. 
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