GoddessDustyGold
Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: openmatt
Wow I have read through this thread, and have been pulled in many different directions by the posts. I agree with many as well as disagree.
I am a male sub new to the scene. I have been on this site for a bit, watching and reading. Now I am starting to become a little more active, meaning I have chatted a bit with domme's and subs. Unfortunatly I find the same charectoristics with some of the domme's on here. Some one already said it, but I think it needs to be said again.....
IF you can't make a vanilla relationship work, then how are you going to make a D/s relationship work? That goes for the Domme's and the subs.
I would agree that one needs to be stable enough to have vanilla relationships, but I would take exception to your thought that if you can't make a vanilla relationship work, you can't make a D/s relationship work. I am on the opposite side of societal norms. Most males would expect Me to be somewhat catering to their needs. Please note the key word here is "catering". And, as much as we would like to think that times have changed, there are still patterns in relationships. I note that your own profile (and I am not picking on you here) states, honestly, that you are a newbie, and not seeking any 24/7 relationship but you are interested in exploring to relieve your own personal stress levels.
quote:
Inexperienced, newbie Interested in exploring aspects of the lifestyle with a Female Dominant. Not seeking 24/7, but more of a part time release from the stresses of everyday life.
Along with this brief profile comes a list of interests, and other than the ass worship and foot worship (which presumabley is something that you are willing to do for the Domina, should She choose either of these two services), all the other acts are done to you. Unfortunately this does come across as the "do me boy" mentality. This thread is exactly about that. This is why We have a diffcult time finding someone who is a "partner" for a D/s or M/s relationship. It sounds like you are not looking for a relationship as much as an opportunity to explore your own kinky desires. Again, I am not picking on you! The point being made thoughout this thread is that We can have all the boys We want or need, at the drop of a hat, for play. If that is all you are offering, then you will have a difficult time finding a Domina. What do you offer other than your body?
quote:
I do find a lot of the domme's to be grumpy woman that can't get a date in the vanilla world, so out of frustrations they wind up here. I'm sorry to say that but its true. Just because you have a paddle and some leather doesn't mean anything. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong place.....I want to find a woman to make happy. I want to be there for her to rest her tired feet on , or bring a smile to her face with a thoughtfull gift. The kink is something that goes along with that but is not the focus.
I am glad to hear you further clarify this. Will you be there? Will you be ready to cook dinner, and wash the dishes? I don't know who these grumpy Women are that you have been chatting with. I date "vanilla" several times a week. All this does is make Me more confident that I will not settle for a relationship that forces Me to be someone I am not. I have a good time, but long term? No way. Men are very nice in the initial stages of a relationship (most of the time) and more than willing to be gallant, hold a chair, open a door. But when the bloom is off the rose, as they say, suddenly it turns into Sunday afternoon football, and could you bring the potato salad please?I am a taker. I admit it. I am a gracious taker, but I do want what I want. Maybe that sounds harsh, and it may sound selfish, but it is true. What I have to give is not what most vanilla men have any desire for. They do not desire a Woman who prefers to be in charge. And I mean really in charge. Not just role playing from time to time. And being in charge does not mean yelling and being a bitch. It simply means that the male will always defer to My preferences. That is not the norm in society.
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I think some of us subs and some of the dommes are looking for something too specific. I think we all pass over a lot of potental partners because they weren't into this or that. They couldn't write or spell well enough for me. Hell i can't spell or write. Does this mean I wouldn't be capable of serving you? I guess that depends on how you want to be served.
You are probably very right here. I am sure all of us, Dom/mes and subs alike, have passed by people who might actually turn out to be a very good fit. It is hard to know with the written word. And when that is all you have to use in presenting yourself, for Me anyway, it makes it doubly important that I see an email which had some care and thought put into it. If an email is not worth a little time, I am sure that every day life will not be worth the time either. I don't mind occasional typos (I make them all the time) or a mispelled word here and there. I look at the content behind the words, also. I found your post to be very readable and more than acceptable. If you are a poor speller and a poor writer, it didn't show in your post. Why is that? Did you take the time and care to use a spell checker and your own eyes? You might be surprised at how many don't bother.
quote:
I do believe that the women in here domme and sub, get an overwhelming amount of meaningless email. This , I think , is what has driven them to be so specific in what they want to see that it eliminates a lot of potental for them.
Yes, we do get alot of meaningless mail. And yes, in order to cut down on some of that, we are probably more specific. I prefer to have a reasonable starting point. I still get too much mail that isn't even close to My stated needs. It's the nature of the beast. As far as eliminating a lot of potential, since I am still getting the unwanted mail, I kind of doubt that. I have simply cut back on the *amount* of meaningless mail.
quote:
I'm starting to get spacey and jump from point to point so i'm stopping. The bottom line I think is this ......We all need to have an openmind about eachother just because someone doesn't fit your requirements exactly doesn't mean they aren't suitable for you. Expecting to find exactly what your looking for , I believe , to be an unrealistic goal. I like to keep as many doors open for myself as possible.
I don't look for exacting expectations. I do look for one who is compatible and agreeable with My basic D/s and M/s tenets. If I have to take the time to personally educate every boy who send Me a one-liner about how much he wants to lick My pussy, and he honestly thinks that is a compliment, I wouldn't have time to do anything else. Instead I try to refer them to threads such as this one for a little education. I, and I am sure many others, try to keep as many doors open as possible. But when a boy insists he should be able to serve Me online from Timbuktu, and I am not a real Domme if I won't accept this wonderful offering, then I am wasting My time, and I still don't have a submissive partner to take Me to the theater. That's ok, because I can always attend with a vanilla escort. But I would like a submissive partner who truly desires to dedicate himeself to Me and My happiness. If I invest My time in chatrooms all I will end up with is a whiney boy who complains that I am not going to be available to watch him on a web cam on Friday nights. I'm sorry if the boy is horny and in need of some domination, but I probably have real time plans.
< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 7/26/2005 4:46:39 PM >
_____________________________
Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom
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RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner - 
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