RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach the Dom/me?

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RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/26/2007 9:59:59 PM

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Well bro, Im just sick of doing the hunting. As for advertising, well, whats not to like? Im a young, strong sub, fairly intelligent, and a hell of a musician. Now if I can just find a decent pic of me...

What's not to like? Nothing, I guess, but there's a bunch of other guys than can (and do) say the exact same thing as you. You need to differentiate yourself. What makes you unique? What makes you you? What makes you stand out? What makes you interesting enough to inspire a woman to want to contact you, over any number of other Joes, that want what you want, and seem a lot like you?

Why do women not contact men more? Because they don't have to. I have found that I have generally had the most success when I have initiated contacted with a person - I am the one that knows what I want and what I am looking for, after all. I am generally so inundated with responses, however, that I hardly have time to maintain contact with those I've had an open dialog with, much less seek out new people to get to know.

So, in essence, quit yer bitchin', and to be cliche, don't hate the players, hate the game.

If you want to stop being rejected, and if you want people to pursue you, you need to demonstrate what makes you desirable.

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(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/27/2007 3:14:39 AM

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

It seems like most of the subs Ive spoken to, have had to make first contact with the dominant. Why is this? Why dont they contact us first?

I haven't written a first-contact email to a fem/sub in over a year now and likely won't again. When I did, all my letters were polite, sincere and original (ie, no form letters) and the overwhelming response was a whole bunch of nuthin'; not even a simple "no thanx"....

So I don't bust my forehead against walls anymore and restrict myself to answering those who write to me.

Focus.

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/27/2007 4:24:48 AM

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Joined: 6/4/2004
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Nothing like beginning one's stay at CM bitching and whining about other people not behaving the way you think they should.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/27/2007 5:22:11 AM

Posts: 6
Joined: 10/8/2006
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I don't think they always have to. I will admit that the guys I have got along with and/or have a relationship with I have contacted them first. Maybe one contacted me first I can't quite remember. Funny enough though, they never lasted...my bad.
I do however reply to most that contact me. I do send the "no thanks but hope you find what you are looking for" response. If they are jerks or blatantly can't read or haven't bothered to read my profile correctly then sometimes I do ignore them and not respond.
You don't HAVE to contact them... you can sit and wait for nothing. I reckon it works both ways. If you find someone you like the sound of and want to get to know them then why not message first? I mostly contact saying I like their profile would they read mine and see if it interests them. If they do then great, if they don't then it doesn't really matter.

Cheers
minx

(in reply to feastie)

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/27/2007 7:24:30 AM

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

It seems like most of the subs Ive spoken to, have had to make first contact with the dominant. Why is this? Why dont they contact us first?

Why should they?
If you seriously think they should be contacting YOU, then make sure that your profile is a huge selling point for you.

quote:

Well bro, Im just sick of doing the hunting. As for advertising, well, whats not to like? Im a young, strong sub, fairly intelligent, and a hell of a musician. Now if I can just find a decent pic of me...

Perhaps this attutude here is why no one wants to contact you.
/shrug

Seriously though, people contact others because they see something; whether it is in the profile, or in the picture; that they find appealing and want to know more about.

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(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/27/2007 9:38:55 AM

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

I am one here who has never contacted a Domina (outside friendly banter) after discovering some possible compatability and having thoughts about pursuing something serious.

For myself, I find it somewhat disrespectful and and with all the mail they get, I would not like to add to the overflow or have my sincere reaching out deleted to clean a mailbox.

I prefer a Domina at her leisure to look at profiles and if she runs accross my profile and it sparks interest, that she make that first move. It seems to work better that way for me, it's then I know that the Domina has taken interest in me and now, if I feel the same way, it would be my place to express my strengths and how it would be possible for us to connect in furthering our interests.

Just my way, my mailbox is not overflowing but it is rarly empty either.

Missy.

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(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/27/2007 11:05:17 AM

Posts: 183
Joined: 12/23/2006
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I have never have had this issue, dominants usually contact me. Unless I am trolling and find one of preliminary interest then I contact them. But if you are looking and interested in someone go for it, they won't know your interested if you don't express it, all they can say is they are not interested. Fair enough, move on.

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/27/2007 11:24:07 AM

Posts: 361
Joined: 8/22/2007
Status: offline

Totally agree with Unsung -"But if you are looking and interested in someone go for it, they won't know your interested if you don't express it" It shouldn't matter who should contact first. The first person I meet on here contacted me first, while at the same time I contacted her the only thing is her email was way shorter than mine. The reason I conctated her was because, I seen her always posting in the forums and I wanted her advice and hopefully she would give me her knowledge on BDSM. Luckly for me she lives really close to me. Which added a bonus. So I say if you see someone you like email her/him. If they answer you made a new friend. If not keep looking.

(in reply to unsung)

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/28/2007 5:17:07 AM

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Joined: 9/25/2007
From: The Asylum
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I apologize if I made it seem like I was bitching. Im just trying to get answers for something that has been buzzing in my head for awhile.

(in reply to NewJustlookin)

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/28/2007 5:56:39 AM

Posts: 113
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Petaluma, CA
Status: offline

I am with Focus50 on this.

I have wasted too much time writing letters which were polite and thoughtful, and have nothing come back--nothing at all.

And that, mind you, was AFTER ignoring useless, disrespectful, and bad choices!

Anyone too impolite to respond is a very bad match for Me. If I were rich, then there would be 100% replies, but I would not want to know any of THOSE people

.

I had decided I would not send messages, just check once or twice a week to see whether any messages had been received, and to look at the fora. Any one who wants Me can message Me.

This morning, I did send a message. But that is probably the last one.

Sincerely,
Slave Owner Dave

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(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/28/2007 9:11:10 AM

InnocentYoungSub

Posts: 210
Joined: 8/7/2007
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quote:

You may be a submissive, but you're still a man, and men must hunt.

Why? Its a terrible situation for shy guys like me. : (

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(in reply to DMFParadox)

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/28/2007 10:30:44 AM

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

Personally... I don't write to male subs your age because I'm 49 (and getting closer and closer to 50 all the time!!) but I will put my two cents in.

You're profile doesn't say a lot about what you would be bringing to the table. Can you cook? Clean house? Contribute to the household financially if needed? How are you at yard work? Real life often sells you more then fantasy since it is always butting in.

And not all female dominants have over flowing email boxes... I'm one that doesn't... I think it's because I have a dominant husband and that scares the hell out of most male subs.

Anyway, you pays your money and takes your chances. Just read the profiles (those are the words underneath the pics by the way) and if it interests you then write to them and comment on the parts of the profile that caught your eye.

Jewel

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(in reply to InnocentYoungSub)

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/28/2007 10:47:12 AM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

I'll contact a malesub if he seems interesting. Whining would not make him seem interesting. Expecting that being young and attractive was all it took would not seem interesting. Intelligent posts are interesting.

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Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/28/2007 12:21:10 PM

InnocentYoungSub

Posts: 210
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

I'm just about a gourmet in the kitchen. ;) lol

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RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/28/2007 12:25:49 PM

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I contact subs all the time. If there is something in their profile that makes me think they would be interesting, I will. However, if you dont come up on my search, I am not going to take an interest. Find even a bad picture of yourself, and let your personality do the work.

DV

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VampiresLair

(in reply to subartist)

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/28/2007 1:57:59 PM

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Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline

it all comes down to the nature of mankind. Guys hunt... woman are being hunted for.... you cant change the rules of nature even if you wanted to.

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RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/28/2007 2:16:11 PM

InnocentYoungSub

Posts: 210
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Constanza

it all comes down to the nature of mankind. Guys hunt... woman are being hunted for.... you cant change the rules of nature even if you wanted to.

So a shy guy is a freak of nature?

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I live for.. I die for.. I breathe for..

(in reply to Constanza)

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 9/28/2007 2:17:30 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

in my experience it has been 50-50 ...sometimes i make contact ...other times, i had Doms who contacted me first

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(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/6/2007 9:31:28 PM

Posts: 129
Status: offline

youngsubgeoff,
you should put your best foot forward in your profile and journal entries. One of your journal entries listed on your profile says "What the fuck does a guy gotta do to get noticed?". You sound hostile and angry. It's sure to turn Women away.

by the way, when you do write to a Woman do you first find out alot about her before offering yourself to her as her slave? or are you the kind of person that just offers yourself to any dominant Woman? Women want the former not the latter.

(in reply to subartist)

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/6/2007 9:37:01 PM

Posts: 129
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

It seems like most of the subs Ive spoken to, have had to make first contact with the dominant. Why is this? Why dont they contact us first?

--also because there's alot more subs out there than dommes. I've heard 80 to 1. You have to make yourself stand out.

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

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