RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach the Dom/me?

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RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/6/2007 9:45:21 PM

wetsub4u

Posts: 28
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: Boston, MA
Status: offline

I've never made first contact with any Dom i've ever had a relationship with ..

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In quietness and confidence there is strength.

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Post #: 41

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/7/2007 12:55:36 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Well bro, Im just sick of doing the hunting. As for advertising, well, whats not to like? Im a young, strong sub, fairly intelligent, and a hell of a musician. Now if I can just find a decent pic of me...

I have not read the following 3 pages, so I am pretty sure this has been covered,...but you are sick of doing the hunting after approximately 1 day on this post, 10 days when I am reading it????

Wow.......

Btw, you did have one domme look at your profile (me) although complaints abound in your journal. Your profile was pretty decent, but(and this is just my opinion) the grousing in your journal cancelled it out. The other entries about cooking and stuff were good though. So, some of "us" actually do read profiles, just so yanno.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

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Post #: 42

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/7/2007 3:06:29 PM

youngsubgeoff

Posts: 900
Joined: 9/25/2007
From: The Asylum
Status: offline

understand, Ive been on several other sites, and its the same old shit it seems. As for my journal, I basically use that to vent. I do have good things going, but I usually write when Im angry or upset.

(in reply to kc692)

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Post #: 43

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/7/2007 3:15:28 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

Actually, I imagine it's more of a numbers thing. There are about 10x as many men as women on sites like this. And wayyyyyyyyyy more submissive men than any other 'group'. And there are just more submissives in general than there are Dominants, too.

I would imagine to keep personal numbers up, a submissive of either sex might consider being pro-active and make as many introductions as they see fit. You know, even if the Dominants are contacting submissives; the numbers are skewed enough that many subs might never be contacted. <shrugs>

At any rate...I agree; it's really just personal preference. There is no should. There are no rules. Some feel one way, others another. You should do what feels right to you.

Beverly

Exactly. Even having a switch profile I get emails from subs all over the world (cause I have time to fly to China on the weekends???). I will contact people that have interesting profiles, however. Answering all the emails alone is daunting and I'm not in a hurry. As someone suggested above, it helps to take a break when you get frustrated and patience is huge here.
l

(in reply to Bearlee)

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Post #: 44

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/7/2007 3:56:00 PM

hermione83

Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

I dunno - I think girls in general prefer a guy to go after her, out of tradition and insecurities. I know I do. In my mind, though I do associate dominant with going out and "taking" the one they want, "hunting" etc. BUT, it actually seems like the actual into BDSM Doms out there think they should get to lay back and subs do all the work and get them. I dunno. It's confusing. I got 900000 emails when I first joined, and within a week I'm getting almost none. I contacted one guy, who I noticed his profile and thought he sounded amazing. He wrote me back with like a four paragraph snarky email with how I disgust him and to never talk to him again. Lol... so anyway, I doubt I'll try again!! Good luck!

(in reply to subartist)

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Post #: 45

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/7/2007 4:33:47 PM

Kellendra

Posts: 95
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

At the end of the day, does it really make any difference?.

As long as someone is contacting someone.
Personally I am a bit of a commenter (yes Virgina , i know it's not a word, but couldn't think of anything else to explain it..ha ha).

If something interests me I will let them know.

Most of the people that I have become friends with from this site contacted me, but I have no qualms about about responding to something interesting in a profile/journal.

I am an adult, not 13.....I don't sit by the phone waiting for it to ring, if I want to know something I will ask.
It helps that i am curious about people.

Though if your writing is mostly negative and angry, and I totally understand the carthadic benefits of that, are you letting people see the real you?.
Anyway, just a thought.

(in reply to hermione83)

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Post #: 46

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/7/2007 6:55:23 PM

Arastella

Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline

I don't know what you're talking about hunny. I've got too many doms talking to me. Course, most of em are fakes and frauds that I easily pick out quickly. In all honesty, in the past I've had more luck with the ones I contact first. As opposed to the ones who email me because I have a pretty picture up, I can read THEIR profiles first, see if they have any intellect, anything to offer, and what is and is not fake. It's the safer way to go about things, trust me.

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

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Post #: 47

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/7/2007 7:29:40 PM

youngsubgeoff

Posts: 900
Joined: 9/25/2007
From: The Asylum
Status: offline

I let very few people see the real me. I have done many things that I am ashamed of. I have been many places that I wish I hadnt. Most people judge a person by theyre past, and I am sick of being looked at as what I was, not who Im trying to be.

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Post #: 48

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/7/2007 8:05:27 PM

kittybri

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline

Doms approach me..i get about 5-10 messages a day...after a few weeks here i have yet to get a message from a Domme..from my experience Doms seem to hunt more and Dommes seem to be hunted

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Post #: 49

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/7/2007 8:37:24 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

If you were closer to me, I woulda contacted you, lol!!!!

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

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Post #: 50

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/7/2007 8:46:47 PM

kittybri

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline

that seems to be the prob with most...distance....i can't move :(...why do all the great D/s always miles and miles away hehe

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Post #: 51

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/7/2007 8:49:10 PM

MzticStormz

Posts: 59
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline

I have contacted submissives that had qualities that caught my eye. There are many factors, but age and location, general likes and dislikes are all things I look at when I am trolling a bit.

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Post #: 52

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/7/2007 11:27:07 PM

dominalisa

Posts: 129
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

understand, Ive been on several other sites, and its the same old shit it seems. As for my journal, I basically use that to vent. I do have good things going, but I usually write when Im angry or upset.

Learn to control your anger or at least stop making angry, hostile comments and venting on your journal on here since it goes on your profile. It's like...you wouldn't go up to a female stranger on the street and start venting at them for no good reason. If you like to vent online in a journal then why don't you set up a separate journal on livejournal.com or something to keep all your pissed off journal entries on instead of on here in your profile which is scaring people away? Also personally I don't think you should be so pissed off. It takes everyone lots of time to find the right person for them. And you're new to collarme so you haven't even given the people on here a chance. If you've had a bad experience on another site, stop carrying it over to the next site like collarme.

by the way, dommes (women) usually don't chase subs.(men)

As someone said on sexuality.org:
"You are right that it is particularly hard for male submissives to find female partners. It's partly related to the fact that it is harder for males to find female partners even in vanilla relationships. Males, whether they are vanilla, top, bottom, or switch, have to work harder than females to find partners, especially if they are novices. But submissive males definitely have to work harder than anyone else. " (since there are more subs than dommes)

source of quote from the article "how does a novice male submissive get started?":
http://www.sexuality.org/authors/lauren/novice.html

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Post #: 53

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/8/2007 11:17:26 AM

bootw0rshipJT

Posts: 71
Joined: 8/23/2007
Status: offline

I think one of the best ways of getting noticed is to make the effort on the message boards.

You say you are intelligent, but show it on here, by getting involved in discussions. I've only recently joined but am trying to get involved at every chance possible. Granted you probably won't be interested in a lot of topics, but the ones you are - get involved and get talking to dommes as a start and take it from there.

You'll get noticed eventually, and don't use one liners!

(in reply to dominalisa)

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Post #: 54

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/8/2007 1:16:13 PM

youngsubgeoff

Posts: 900
Joined: 9/25/2007
From: The Asylum
Status: offline

there a re good things to being unowned though.
one, I dont have to answer to anyone. I live on my terms.
two, no one else is responsible for me, wich is actually something that makes me sick. Im a grown man. You dont like something I say, talk to me about it.

but on the other hand...
I feel a need, deep within my soul. I want this, badly. It just hurts to know that I cant have it.

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Post #: 55

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/8/2007 6:50:17 PM

SingleRarity

Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline

I contacted Daddy first. He had a wonderful profile, wherein he spoke of his time living in Japan, love of politics, trying new foods, travel, etc. In his actual bio he didn't speak of the kink at all. It was on his checklist, and discussed in his blogs. Daddy was looking for a partner, not just a play toy.

I think that's one of the main reasons people have a problem finding someone on the boards (collarme, bondage, alt), is that all anyone talks about is the kink and what they want in the kink. Compatibility in a partner is based on so much more than just one thing, be it music, movies, and of course kink. Sometimes people are so desperate to find someone that they jump on the first person who's kink seems compatible with theirs, and with all likelihood that just won’t last.

All of this, of course, it's just my thoughts, and could be very, very wrong.

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Post #: 56

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 10/9/2007 1:02:12 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

understand, Ive been on several other sites, and its the same old shit it seems. As for my journal, I basically use that to vent. I do have good things going, but I usually write when Im angry or upset.

I don't know that this is a winning strategy. As to some of the other things you've said here. I am owned. And NO ONE is responsible for me other than me, even if we are wonderfully interdependent. I choose it that way. And I chose someone who viewed the world through a similar lens. Didn't expect or need to find loads who thought similarly. Just one or two. And expected that to be a journey. It's life really.

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Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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Post #: 57

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 11/4/2007 3:31:38 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

I like to hunt lol.
However in general men don't like to be hunted.
And the ones that do often like it because then they think they can be lazy and let me do all the work.
I have spent hours and hours and hours trying to form a relationships with a submissive man only to be told. 'I want to play'.
What I ought to have said is well then go back to your pro Dommes.
However I was too nice.
I am getting a lot less nice as time goes on.
You have time on your side.
I don't.

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Post #: 58

RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 11/4/2007 5:15:49 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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Even though many of us woman get alot of mail, there is usually only one or 2 of quality. Its like having to find a diamond ring in a trash heap. Its smelly stinky work! You are lucky you dont have to do that!

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 11/4/2007 5:16:18 AM >

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RE: Why does it seem like subs always have to approach ... - 11/4/2007 4:22:10 PM

mellian

Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline

That could explain why I haven't had much luck and why majority of the Dommes who contacted me in the past were fake, to far and seeking someone to relocate, deceptively ask for real for really seeking online play, and such... Hmm...

-mellian

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Since my pic link doesn't work, here is my profile:

http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/50276/details.htm

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