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RE: would you ? - 10/18/2007 11:57:44 AM   
servantheart


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From: Houston, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daisymae03

okay so just to clear a little bit on this up, if you had todl him that you werent comfortable meeting til you knew what he looked like , so you can identify him, and because hes got a picture of you, but says that he wont show you a pic of him because "hes afraid of where it will end up on the net", lives in the same town as you, has a phone but wont give you the number, is pressing to meet you "because you sound really nice" and its all in the vanilla would you meet them?


Absolutely not.  As mentioned earlier, too many excuses.  If I can give my pic, he can do me the same courtesy and if he can't understand my need to feel somewhat comfortable with him before meeting him in person, that is a huge red flag.
 
Taryn


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RE: would you ? - 10/18/2007 12:00:37 PM   
LDRandAstarte


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TotalState

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Why would you need a picture before you met someone.

So you can identify them when you show up.  So you know they aren't lying to you about age, gender, etc.  To get a token of mutual trust (assuming you are sending them your picture as well). 

Besides, looks matter too.  Don't pretend they don't.



Hmmm so in your day to day life you've never met people of all ages, or genders? (not to say you play with them, just a meet)
Or maybe they are very superficial and want to check you out and see if you stack up to their standards! In which case (see below) maybe it's a good thing you can't pick them out of the crowd.

And yes I guess looks do matter, to very shallow and the aforementioned superficial people, like yourself perhaps, since you so adamantly declared their importance.

Myself I would rather spend the rest of my life with someone engaging, funny, intelligent, honest, and caring, then spend 5 minutes with someone shallow and fabulously good looking

< Message edited by LDRandAstarte -- 10/18/2007 12:10:37 PM >

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RE: would you ? - 10/18/2007 12:12:48 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daisymae03

would you meet someone, even in a public place, if they wouldnt first show you a picture of them and if you hadnt talked to them on the phone? would you play with this person?



just asking as a hypothetical . . . personally i wouldnt play on a first meeting unless i was EXTREMELY comfortable. although im not sure i would even meet this person since they wouldnt be able to prove they were who i had been talking too.


When I first met my owner I hadn't seen a picture of him nor had we talked on the phone.  This happened about ten years ago when people having tons of electronic pictures available was much less rare and he was local so I didn't feel like we needed to talk a lot online or on phone to have a cup of coffee and see if there was a connection.  And I did end up playing with him on the first meet (and even got in a car with him).

C~


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(in reply to daisymae03)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: would you ? - 10/18/2007 12:23:28 PM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LDRandAstarte
Myself I would rather spend the rest of my life with someone engaging, funny, intelligent, honest, and caring, then spend 5 minutes with someone shallow and fabulously good looking
Ya know, your statement reads to me like you don't think you can find someone who is engaging, funny, intelligent, honest, and caring and they still be fabulously good looking. Now for me, I know that isn't true at all. I've found many women who look fabulous (as you say) and they're still all the other things you listed. Why ya gotta hate on the fabulous people?

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Profile   Post #: 64
RE: would you ? - 10/18/2007 12:24:05 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, I would meet a person in a public place, even if I had not seen a picture of them.  I enjoy meeting new people, and having pleasant conversations.  If there's no chemistry or attraction, I would hope there would at least be a good time to walk away from.  Play is another matter all together. 

(in reply to Wildfleurs)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: would you ? - 10/18/2007 12:26:22 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daisymae03

okay so just to clear a little bit on this up, if you had todl him that you werent comfortable meeting til you knew what he looked like , so you can identify him, and because hes got a picture of you, but says that he wont show you a pic of him because "hes afraid of where it will end up on the net", lives in the same town as you, has a phone but wont give you the number, is pressing to meet you "because you sound really nice" and its all in the vanilla would you meet them?


* Like i said previously, this is all for a friend, who is in the vanilla, she asked my advice, im asking yours. this is new info, personally im tellin her she shouldnt go to meet him alone if she does decide to go *


No. Why would it end up all over the net anyway? Is he going to send an X-rated picture? If he has a picture of me, I want a picture of him.

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(in reply to daisymae03)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: would you ? - 10/18/2007 12:35:26 PM   
wants2learnRT


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/16/2007
Status: offline 		perhaps naive, but yes - but would desire to talk on phone first and "interview" one another i think

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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: would you ? - 10/18/2007 7:43:20 PM   
FullfigRIMaam


Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
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quote:

Why would you need a picture before you met someone
So I would have an idea of whom I am looking for when I go to meet him, and yes to also decide if there is even the slightest chance.
quote:

If your hung up on looks then you better hope that a person you meet dosent think that you are ugly
I'm not hung up on looks and in fact say that I've met someone without first having a picture (and that too was a lesson in honesty, or lack thereof).  I've already answered why I would like to see what a person looks like before meeting, but more importantly, I don't have to hope for anything because I always share photos of myself before meeting...  And I clean up pretty nicely if I may say so.
quote:

Part of the fun in meeting a person is to imagine what they look like then seen them in person
Fun for you in this case is not exactly what works for me. 
quote:

Your meeting them in the first place because you think that they are an interesting person.
True, but no matter how interesting a person is, I tend not to be attracted if he is what I would consider extremely unattractive, and I have fairly loose standards on that.    M

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Profile   Post #: 68
RE: would you ? - 10/18/2007 8:00:58 PM   
brendover


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline 		would you meet someone, even in a public place, if they wouldnt first show you a picture of them and if you hadnt talked to them on the phone? would you play with this person?

I think I would meet someone regardless of whether I had seen their picture or not.  I'd be more concerned about finding out what they're looking for and discerning if we're compatable than seeing what they look like.  If it turns out we have complementary interests, and seem compatable, I'm sure the rest could work itself out.

However, I don't think I could play after just one meeting.  It takes me a long time to trust people in general, and I think a level of trust far beyond average would be required for me to let someone tie me up and have their way with me.  I'm sure the desire might fight that, but I don't think I could reconcile it until at least a few meetings.

I should have read more responses before I read this; I'm curious to know how long the average time is before D's vs. s's feel comfortable enough to play.  I guess the sub's have a lot more interest in establishing that trust, but I'm wondering if that's reflected in the average time they claim it would take to feel comfortable.

(in reply to daisymae03)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: would you ? - 10/18/2007 9:46:50 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Just and FR here- I'd let the person know where I'd be at a public event like a munch and be perfectly happy with talking to him/her and THEN consider the possibility of playing.

But even when I whore, I require at LEAST an actual phone call before meeting someone one on one.  That's my level of comfort necessity.  Pictures are irrelevant.

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Profile   Post #: 70
RE: would you ? - 10/18/2007 10:40:01 PM   
LadyLegs


Posts: 176
Status: offline 		It's all about what you feel comfortable with, not what someone else would do.  If he doesnt care about your reasonable safety concerns, is it someone you want to play with? 


(in reply to daisymae03)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: would you ? - 10/18/2007 11:05:41 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Hmmm...

I met someone like that once.
I was 18 and he was 20. We didn't even talk online ahead of time. In fact, amazingly, the first words we ever spoke to each other were spoken face to face! How strange is THAT?!

It's called a chance meeting, and before the internet, believe it or not, people used to do that all the time. They met in classes, and at the grocery store, and sometimes even bumped into each other in the street. Interesting how we've come to allow this machine in front of us to be the sole determiner of who is and who is not appropriate isn't it?

And then, there's the play...

Since you said this was a vanilla relationship... wouldn't this be called a one night stand? Certainly THAT has never happened before!!!  But would I do it? Um... yea.. Yes, I would. In fact, I did. That one night stand (accompanied by the fact that the first time I ever even spoke to him was that very night) led to an 18 year marriage. Some good, some real bad, but none conditional on the fact that at one point we were a one night stand that just kept going.

As far as bdsm... I'd meet someone without a picture - for the very same reasons as above. I just do NOT think it's that odd. People meet all the time and in many different ways. This is just one more way of meeting someone.

The play is not something I go into anything expecting. That's not to say it wouldn't happen, but to say I don't go in planning for it to happen. I'm simply not that brave - or presumptious.

juliet

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Profile   Post #: 72
RE: would you ? - 10/19/2007 1:42:25 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		There was a time when someone had met me on the net, IM'd a few times, said he was interested but could never come up with a time or place to meet in person (we live just under 2 hours apart).  i had given him my phone number but he never called.  He never gave me his phone number.  *shrug*  no big deal, obviously he wasn't really interested.  Then one day he tells me he's going to be camping in a campground about an hour away from me and wants me to come to his campsite. 

Gives me a discription of his truck and his tent but not himself. (still does not call or give a phone number)   i do a mpaquest of where he's going and i see he is passing within 12 miles of my home, i suggest to him that we meet at a restaurant that's on his route to/from the campground.  He replies "but I'm going camping, I'm not going to a restaurant."  Trying to explain my reasons i answered, "The headlines always read 'Hikers Find Human Remains in Campground' the headlines never read 'Diners Find Human Remains near Pie Case at Shoney's'".   i never heard from him again.

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RE: would you ? - 10/19/2007 1:49:58 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra
I met someone like that once.
I was 18 and he was 20. We didn't even talk online ahead of time. In fact, amazingly, the first words we ever spoke to each other were spoken face to face! How strange is THAT?!



Yep, it's also called a blind date, which I've been on before, too.  A friend set it up.  I never even talked to the guy first.  

Several months ago I was taken to dinner by a man I had only spoken to online. My Master had spoken to him, too, although we had seen a picture.  He was a submissive male who wanted to serve us.  Master arranged the dinner with him.  It worked out quite nicely, actually.  He served for a time and we still talk on occasion.  A perfect gentleman, he is.

In the situation proposed by the OP, it would depend on my comfort level with the person, depending how our conversations went and where the meeting would be.



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RE: would you ? - 10/19/2007 1:51:16 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened
the headlines never read 'Diners Find Human Remains near Pie Case at Shoney's'".   i never heard from him again.


OK this made me burst out laughing! 

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Profile   Post #: 75
RE: would you ? - 10/19/2007 4:27:43 AM   
TotalState


Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LDRandAstarte

And yes I guess looks do matter, to very shallow and the aforementioned superficial people, like yourself perhaps, since you so adamantly declared their importance.

Myself I would rather spend the rest of my life with someone engaging, funny, intelligent, honest, and caring, then spend 5 minutes with someone shallow and fabulously good looking

I care first and foremost about intelligent, honest and caring...but I am not going to have a lot of sexual chemistry with someone whom I consider hideous.  I don't have impossible standards or anything, but I do have standards.  Call that shallow if you like, but I like my lovers to be beautiful, inside and out.

Of course, if I were meeting with someone in order just to make friends, I'd still want a picture, just for the issues of trust and recognizability.  Especially if I was a woman, because this (the refusal of sending a picture or any concrete information on themselves) seems to be the no 1 red flag to detect undesirables in the online dating world.


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RE: would you ? - 10/19/2007 4:38:28 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Hm, I don't play casually (god I am SO old fashioned, I know) either vanilla or D/s. I kinda really need to have got to know the person first, so play would definitely be out.

No pic, I'd be wondering why they refuse to show one. No phone call, same again, why not?

I have met people who I did not find attractive and whilst I might make friends with them, I wouldn't play with them. I guess I must be shallow, but I don't care how nice they are, I'm not getting down and dirty with someone who isn't attractive to me.

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RE: would you ? - 10/19/2007 7:52:08 AM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		Depends, really. I've done my time at Denny's, sitting there, waiting for someone to show up, when in fact they were still at home, busily changing their screen name and profile. It always hurts to spend time talking with someone, only to have them spaz out on you when it comes down to the crunch.

I have, however, modified that somewhat. Now, if they are willing to meet me at a public play party, I'll go for it. That way, at least if they don't show, I'm not sitting alone somewhere. I can still have options.

Would I play with someone I've just met? Sure... if we both feel an attraction, and if I have my safe call in place, and if we're not planning on doing anything "high risk." (bodily fluid speaking-wise)

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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: would you ? - 10/19/2007 7:55:06 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Why do'nt you just ask for a social security number and do a police check. I'm not being a smartass it happend to me. I told her she could do the backround check but the s.s number was out of the question. Did I meet her. NO. I dont need someone with those kinds of issues.  

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Profile   Post #: 79
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