stella41b
Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007 From: SW London (UK) Status: offline
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I've been in a very similar situation a few times over the past few years. However I'm probably more experienced, but I'm also a TS female, which (and I don't know why, so please don't ask) gives me that air of added 'mystery' that you don't find among male and female subs. However much of this attention is often for the wrong reasons, i.e. people want to get to know me because I'm TS. However what I don't understand is what I call the Walmart or Car Showroom approach to BDSM. I think this is down to the Internet. It's a wonderfully powerful tool of communication, but some people still have problems understanding it and what it does and can do, and what it doesn't and cannot do. Part of this problem is the fact that most of us have been transformed by various social changes into happy little shoppers and consumers. So okay, you get to Walmart's website, and you have access to thousands of products. Same too with any product or service, it's there, you want it? You got it. It never ceases to amaze me how many people adopt the very same attitude when they are looking for someone else on the Internet - no matter whether it's an employee, an employer, a partner, a date, a submissive or a Dom. They seem to think that they can access a site like Collarme, browse the profiles, and pick either a submissive or Dominant and at the snap of fingers, a brief e-mail, that person is immediately in their life and 'the deal is done'. You can find plenty of evidence of this on these very boards, you know the threads: 'Why can't I find a ....'? 'How do you find a.......?' Any thread containing the words 'liar' or 'fake' Any thread containing the words 'true' or 'real' This is not to mention the hundreds of threads created by people who've gone straight into the play and D/s aspects without getting to know the person first and hit some sort of problem. This appears to be another one of those 'How do you...?' Walmart strategy type threads. This is also not to mention the e-Bay strategy of finding people via the Internet - the strategy is simple - simply get as many replies as you can from as many people interested in you and giving them the false impression you're interested in them whilst you play one off against the other to get 'the best deal' based on your needs and desires. Don't worry about all the others who fall for this as you go poof poof poof poof poof through the candidates, draw up a shortlist and then go poof poof poof poof through the meetings, only usually to realise six months later you picked the wrong person anyway. (This isn't even speed-dating. A friend of mine more crudely describes it as Flatulence Dating). I just have four criteria: 1.Can we communicate and find friendship? 2. Can we trust each other? 3. Do we both want the same thing? 4. Can we achieve this same thing from what we both bring to our relationship in our different roles and can we still be ourselves and enjoy the trust, friendship and communication as it develops and makes the relationship easier? All four questions require a YES to start a relationship. Anything less becomes either NO BUT THERE'S STILL FRIENDSHIP or THANKS, BUT NO THANKS. To me it's really that simple.
< Message edited by stella41b -- 10/19/2007 9:07:29 PM >
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