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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 5:14:20 AM

MissMagnolia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Are you being unrealistic? You're still asking the same question you asked in the original post. The answers won't change.

Yeah they will. More people will answer and he'll see more of a spectrum of opinions and not all "no, you shouldn't expect to get what you want" types of answers...........luci

The OP got several answers to the question he asked, agreeing with him and disagreeing with him. Asking exactly the same question is not going to get a different set of responses. Try very hard to understand whats being said, it isn't that hard.

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 5:16:45 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood
it's reasonable for YOU to only want to spank women you are sexually involved in

Wrong. That is his choice if that is what he wants. Who is anyone to tell him it's "unreasonable" to want what he wants? That's nonsense, I'm afraid.

And that's why I said it was reasonable for him to want that. You might want to read a little more carefully before you get snippy.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 10/20/2007 5:20:31 AM >

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 5:27:24 AM

spankmepink11

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The enjoyment and sexual arousal of my partner during a spanking has a direct effect on my own enjoyment and arousal, so for me...yes...it would lead to hot sweaty sex. As others have stated, the key is to find some one who feels the same way you do through open communication before hand.

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 5:36:32 AM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia
The OP got several answers to the question he asked, agreeing with him and disagreeing with him. Asking exactly the same question is not going to get a different set of responses. Try very hard to understand whats being said, it isn't that hard.

I'm not sure how you got the impression that I don't understand what's being said. Just because I posted something you don't like, you don't have to roll your eyes at me

. I understand. He DID get a variety of answers and is still getting them. He is NOT being unrealistic in anyway to want what he wants. My point was that he is going to get different answers from many different people as the day progresses. That's it. Nothing hard to understand about that, either

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 5:43:32 AM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood
it's reasonable for YOU to only want to spank women you are sexually involved in

Wrong. That is his choice if that is what he wants. Who is anyone to tell him it's "unreasonable" to want what he wants? That's nonsense, I'm afraid.

And that's why I said it was reasonable for him to want that. You might want to read a little more carefully before you get snippy.

Why, you are right! Not sure how "snippy" I was but I DID edit out the quote I meant to leave in and left in one I meant to remove. My bad. I edited the original post and explained. I still don't think it's unreasonable for him to hope to find what he seeks. My original sentiments remain the same even though I (in the wee hours of the morning) did make a quoting mistake. Please forgive me

..............luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 10/20/2007 5:44:23 AM >

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 6:39:10 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BIllCT

Why is it, when you meet a female submissive who likes to be spanked wheither OTK or any othe rposition of course, they expect you to spank them but not get sexually excited if your a man?

Isn't it a part of the scene that the Dom spanks the submissive who wants spanked and she gets sexually excited by it and so does he, and it leads to hot, sweaty sex in the end, or am I wrong?

Couple things come to mind here.

Many will NOT have sex with you when you just MEET them.
Some will not want to have sex at all.
Some will.

Not all who participate on BDSM are into it for sex.
Some are.

As for any one kink being part of the scene, and being predetermined to end with ONE outcome - hot sweaty sex. Do you honestly believe that?

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 6:47:12 AM

laurell3

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Be who you are, find someone that fits with, it's not a difficult concept. Why are others not like you? Because they aren't.
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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 6:59:39 AM

LadyLynx

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I love being spanked. however it isn't always sexual for me. In fact it is usually cathartic for me. negotiate, negotiate,negotiate!!!

< Message edited by LadyLynx -- 10/20/2007 7:02:50 AM >

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 7:06:13 AM

HouseBetwnWorlds

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Pretty much have to agree with most everyones comments here. Each person is different and the same act, no matter what it is, does not lead to the same results with different people. Thats why you have to KNOW the persons mind first before you play. LOL actually with me I lovebeing spanked to help me relax and go to sleep.

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 7:32:43 AM

RumpusParable

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BIllCT

Why is it, when you meet a female submissive who likes to be spanked wheither OTK or any othe rposition of course, they expect you to spank them but not get sexually excited if your a man?

Isn't it a part of the scene that the Dom spanks the submissive who wants spanked and she gets sexually excited by it and so does he, and it leads to hot, sweaty sex in the end, or am I wrong?

Not everyone is in it for a sexual thrill or is looking for a partner who enjoys the play sexually. It's a matter of compatibility.

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 7:56:20 AM

bipolarber

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There are other reasons why a female submissive might not wish to have sex with someone who is casually spanking them: fear of diesease, for one. There's also the risk of unwanted pregnancy. I don't care how careful you are, they are both possibilities. Condoms are only something like 90% effective, and I'm sure you can find instances of "pill" babies as well. No form of birth control (short of vasectomy or having a tubal) is 100% effective. Same goes for STD protection.

It may very well be, that to some small extent, that some subs are into spanking, and playing around with impact stuff as an ALTERNATIVE to sex. I mean, being spanked, and stroked, and being the center of someone's attention has always been a great way to keep in close human contact (which is something I always seem to be desperate for, as I am sure others are too) without having to take the huge risks.

The OP seems to think that BDSM is only good for foreplay... well, it can be a complete experience unto itself.

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 8:08:33 AM

stella41b

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If you're still struggling with the concept why not get in touch with me when you next visit London, only we'll swap roles, I'll give you a good OTK spanking and then you can decide whether you want to get down to some 'hot, sweaty, steamy sex' with me, okay?

Does that sound okay?

Interested?

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 8:56:18 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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question - does everything with BDSM have to end in sex?

i enjoy being spanked by Daddy however it doesn't end in sex.

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 9:29:09 AM

SweetSarijane

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Like others have said, talk first. Find out if they want sex with the spanking or are just wanting spanking. I have friends who top me and there's no sex involved. They have fun topping me and I have fun getting spanked, flogged, whipped, etc. without having to worry about being pressured into sex as payment for it or having to decline an offer of sex. Sometimes it really is just about the beating. In a relationship where I'm involved and submitting and there are emotions and love, then hell yes I want sex with my beating, thank you! That's just the way I'm wired.

Communication is the key.

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 9:54:01 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I used to be part of a spanking club way back when and let me tell you, most of those gals would INSIST that this was not a sexual thing for them. If you want foreplay, ya gotta make friends first.

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 1:28:51 PM

sweetnurseBBW

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Sometimes a spanking is just a spanking. Play and sex are different aspects in our relationship. Play can be sexual but doesn't always mean there has to or will be sex in the end.

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 2:11:46 PM

SteelofUtah

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Okay Bill,

I'll bite.

Spanking is NOT in and of itself a Sexual Act. It is a matter of Corporal Punishment and to some people that in and of itself is either a sexual act or a vehicle to another act.

Most play parties are DM's and at MOST not all but MOST there is a ZERO FLUIDS TOLERANCE so there is No sex period at most play parties.

So lets address your Fetish of spanking and tie it into it's sexual nature. I think the main issue is that you are assuming the other party feels the same way that you do when that is not the case you need to let your partner know that you are a sexually excited spanker and that when you spank you become sexually aroused and want to have intercourse.

Many of the masochists I know find the Masochistic act in and of itself sexually gratifing and thus do not want physical intercourse as they got off from the spanking and thus the act of intercourse is unnecessary.

Your Kink is YOUR KINK, spanking is NOT a universal feeling some do it for kicks and some for punishment I know a Dom how can place a welt with a cane on his subs ass and she hardly moved but if he spankes her with his hand she screams bloody murder.

take the time to respect the nature of your partner and not as a vehicle to getting laid and some of this will change. Did it ever occur to you that perhaps the bottom in these cases is wondering why you want to turn the relationship sexual in the first place. Perhaps they are okay with a spanking and not the sex and when you get arroused they get afraid as the relationship is moving too quickly.

Negotiation is a good place to start and it doesn't have to be so cold but let me make a point that I don't think anyone else has.

How well could you have known your partner before you wanted to have sex with them that you didn't even know they were not interested in sex after a spanking? This tells me that you aren't getting to know your partners at all and need to take a little more time getting to know them as people and not simply sexual objects.

As Always

Steel

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 4:11:17 PM

sammiebabygirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BIllCT
Isn't it a part of the scene that the Dom spanks the submissive who wants spanked and she gets sexually excited by it and so does he, and it leads to hot, sweaty sex in the end, or am I wrong?

I can only answer for myself, but personally, I like being spanked WHILE having hot, sweaty sex.

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 4:32:39 PM

LATEXBABY64

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um i have no idea where this thread went or was suppose to go. other then a sexual fantasy told abroad

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RE: Serious Question - 10/20/2007 4:34:22 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BIllCT

Why is it, when you meet a female submissive who likes to be spanked wheither OTK or any othe rposition of course, they expect you to spank them but not get sexually excited if your a man?

This hasn't been my experience at all.

quote:

Isn't it a part of the scene that the Dom spanks the submissive who wants spanked and she gets sexually excited by it and so does he, and it leads to hot, sweaty sex in the end, or am I wrong?

You might want to remember that some people don't include sex or sexual play in their scenes at all. Perhaps you are looking in the wrong places.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 10/20/2007 4:44:04 PM >

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