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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/24/2007 6:05:59 AM   
laurell3


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yeah...what they all said (mostly)....
I wouldn't forgive, in fact, wouldn't even give the guy a second thought on my way out the door.

(in reply to iammachine)
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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/24/2007 6:48:26 AM   
IamJustMe2C


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You have more then enough infor on this but I wanted to touch on something that you stated at the bottom of your post. The total mirror opposite. You are small blonde and sexy and the other woman is a BBW.

My first wife could have been a stand in for Jessica Beil and is still to this day the ugliest person I have ever known in my life. I look at her picture and I see nothing but how in the hell could I have married that. My late wife when she died was over 350 lbs and is still the sexiest woman in the world. I never did see the weight on her I only got to see what was inside of her.
    In your case maybe look at his ex wife what did she look like? what was her attitude? granted not verry good or they would not be divorced but look at the foundation of there marriage. DONT base everything on looks there are still those men out there that dont care about looks.

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Submission is a gift unlike any other. The one who can sculpt that gift in a graceful manner is a Master.

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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/24/2007 7:05:48 AM   
ShadesofTaboo


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Seems to me, at this point, you have more in common with this other woman than you do the man.  Invite the woman out to coffee and compare notes. Better yet, dump the lying bastard and hook up with the sexpot and enjoy a few laughs at his expense.  I'm just saying.  He was cheating on his wife with you, and cheating on you with her.  Obviously he gives good cyber, but I bet the other woman kisses better.

(in reply to IamJustMe2C)
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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/24/2007 7:51:01 AM   
slaveelle


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From: Australia
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I agree with Rafe. Getting involved with a married man is just looking for trouble and heartache. He cheated once, what makes you think he wont do it again? Once bitten and all that...
Instead of extending your claws to the other woman involved i think its time you had a good look at yourself and him. All the answers you seek are in the post you wrote.

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"No bond is stronger than that of the Beast"

(in reply to RRafe)
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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/24/2007 2:05:39 PM   
writergirl


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The way I see it, you really should consider one main question: Is this the way you want to start this relationship?

Putting aside the actual circumstances of the situation, you are in the very first steps of what you want to be a D/s relationship. Your potential partner has limited background in the lifestyle and you don't trust him.

You've said you don't know what you can ask him to do to even rebuild the trust. That, in itself, should tell you that there's nothing he can do to rebuild it. Fixing a trust issue - heck, establishing trust in the first place - can only be done over time. But you haven't even gotten into a solid relationship with this man yet, so, really, I can't imagine much trust could have been built to begin with, aside from the presumption that he was trustworthy - which he blew to pieces.

You seem to want to pursue this relationship, however, so I suspect that regardless of what anyone says here, you're probably going to give it a go anyway. There are going to be a lot of issues to overcome, and the trust problem is only the root and other problems which will probably crop up (such as, if he's feeling so guilty and changing his actions -- ie- giving you what you want when you want it -- because of it, who's really the dominant one in the relationship?).

Can the issues be overcome? Don't know. If I had to be nailed down to a guess, I'd say no. Mainly because you have no history of trust with him to rebuild. He's starting out, at the beginning, as untrustworthy. My guess is that you'll never fully trust him.

I do wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide. I know you're at a very difficult crossroads.
Wellwishes,
wg

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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/24/2007 9:51:12 PM   
iammachine


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quote:

Obviously he gives good cyber, but I bet the other woman kisses better.


Okay, I lawled. Thanks for the entertainment!


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I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/24/2007 10:11:26 PM   
TakenPet


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Well put RRafe.

xx as a person are you even aware that there are other people in the world or are you so involved in yourself that you can't see that?  What difference does it make as to his taste in women?  Why is it  your business what he finds attractive, what he finds attractive may change on a daily basis and is that really any of your business.  I agree with most of the people here.  Perhaps this other bbw was a more centered, caring and well rounded and confident person.  You do not seem to be as such.  I wish you luck and perhaps you should realize that when you play with fire you will always get burned.  A man who is married, but separated who is cheating with you is more than likely going to cheat on you ... why does that shock you so much .. you knew he was still married???

(in reply to RRafe)
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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/24/2007 10:23:59 PM   
lilshortyslave


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im very interested in this thread, i have something like this done to me and i also found it very hard to forgive. i suggest a week away together, maybe go somewhere on a short holiday, spend time with each other and discuss what really happened sensibly and adult like, find out why he did what he did. its a matter that you might have to push with him, but as many of you must know, love never had to be easy. and think if the person you were talking to was really him(meaning find out if he truely ment everything he said).
if you feel he cannot come up with a decent explaination THEN you should think about leaving. but make sure you cover everything before you make a desicion.


(in reply to RRafe)
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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/24/2007 10:46:33 PM   
TakenPet


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Okay but here is the thing, do you really want to know the details?  Why put yourself through that?  Just move on, the decision here is yours?  If you love him and want to be with him then you have answered your own question.  If you have any doubt then pack your bags and keep on trucking.  You see I made the mistake of finding out all the details with an ex, it was not pretty not only could I not forgive him, but I began to resent him.  It changed everything, from  how I felt about myself to how I viewed the world.  When I met Master, that changed, but you have to reconcile with yourself how important is that kind of information to you?  Can you trust him?  Is there really anything to be saved or salvaged?  If  there is no trust there can be no love, so ponder it, he really does not have to be part of the equation this is about you not him.  So think about it.
Good luck

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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/25/2007 4:31:35 AM   
yuyu777


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He screwed up
forgive him if you really want to...
leave him if you can...
why stay in a relationship when there is shadow over it from the get go?

(in reply to xx)
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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/25/2007 6:06:33 AM   
xx


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Thank you all again for your thoughts...

I'm very surprised that when someone comes to a board such as this one for HELP..they are bombarded with so many mean spirited replies.  I don't need to be told that i'm self centered, pathetic, have low self esteem.  My goodness ..who do you all think you are to spew such venemous words without even knowing someone.  Most of you didn't even obviously read my entire post as your facts are not correct when you post your thoughts. 

Yes he was married - did you all read the part where "THE WIFE KNEW EVERYTHING" ... she was accepting of a submissive involved.  Why does that surprise you all when i've read other posts involving the exact same dynamic in a relationship.

Please don't reply to tell me how wrong i am ...messed up i am .... etc.  Constructive words are not mean and those i've read but sadly ..very few..  I never once said that i was 'better' than the other girl ...my wording was simply "how can someone be attrcted to such opposites"?  Humm, now how is that making myself the better one.  It does make sense though ..i do know that this lifestyle is full of larger women ..i am not one of them though and i guess that makes me a beatch, eh?

I'm sorry that i reached out in this community and i hope that those of you that are so self richeous and live in perfect lives ..never have something horrible done to you and if you do ... don't come here looking for help.

I was hurt two days ago posting this board because of my own situation.  Now i'm hurt for those people with such nasty fingers.  I hope you all find your happines.

ohhh for these two.... glad you found such great humor ..however, its known ..fat chicks dont kiss well ..not much practice, yanno.
quote:
Obviously he gives good cyber, but I bet the other woman kisses better.

Okay, I lawled. Thanks for the entertainment!

< Message edited by xx -- 10/25/2007 6:16:25 AM >

(in reply to yuyu777)
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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/25/2007 7:24:23 AM   
ShadesofTaboo


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Joined: 10/21/2007
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quote:

ohhh for these two.... glad you found such great humor ..however, its known ..fat chicks dont kiss well ..not much practice, yanno.
quote:
Obviously he gives good cyber, but I bet the other woman kisses better.

Okay, I lawled. Thanks for the entertainment!

 
I hear that animals when they are hurt, will bite at anyone who comes near them.  Looks like THAT is true.  Down little girl.  Bite the bastard who lied to you, not those of us who are telling you like we see it. 
 
I bet his wife knew as much about YOU as you knew this other woman.  Stick your head in the sand if you want.  Forgive the guy if you want.  Quite frankly, it doesn't bend my twisty straw either way.  But, if you air your dirty linen on a public board, what do you think you'll get but a bunch of wrinkled noses, and a cry of that stinks?
 
By the way, fat chicks kiss great.  It would be those chicas who bury their head in the sand that have kisses that taste like cat litter.  Stale and full of shit.
 
Good luck with things.

(in reply to xx)
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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/25/2007 7:35:37 AM   
xx


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boy oh boy ..you must be so proud of youself to be able to talk like that.

i guess this is true "birds of a feather flock together" *winks* ...sure you can get that hidden message big girl.

In case you didnt realise "treat others how you wish to be treated' .... taking the high road takes you farther than staying in the gutter ...

People can give an opinion ... but why is it sooo damn impossible to give it in a way that is not rude, nasty, spiteful and ugly ..unless that is all you are capable of.  *shrugs* ... no shit from my litter box babe.


(in reply to ShadesofTaboo)
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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/25/2007 7:38:52 AM   
RRafe


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And yet with the wife knowing, he is getting divorced. Have you asked her WHY?

I think this is probably why we are looking at you with such a jaundiced eye. And seeing a pattern repeating-some dumb ass guy who keeps shitting where he sleeps.

< Message edited by RRafe -- 10/25/2007 7:40:54 AM >


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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/25/2007 7:45:16 AM   
ShadesofTaboo


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I'm not sure why it so hard to be polite, but I'm sure you will find that answer in due time as you grow up.

And yes, dear, I take the high road.  I do not insult other women by playing with their toys.  Because of your astute grasp of the subtle, I know you will grasp that I mean that I do not mess with married men (not unless their wives are present and engaged!.)  I consider that beneath me.  I do take the high road.  I know that people make mistakes, and screw up and am able and willing to forgive them. That doesn't mean that I will demean myself by accepting such a lack of integrity for myself.  And yes, birds of a feather do tend to flock together.  Women with honor and integrity tend to congregate, just as victims and vultures pair off so well. 

Now, knowing my opinion on things, perhaps you will understand that I was being kind in my initial post and didn't bother to express that I believed your actions to be immoral, and idiotic and that I was amazed that  you even had to ASK such a foolish thing on a public board.

Yes, you can sling mud and call names.  Children do childish things.  I would respectfully advise that you wait until you reach an emotional state of maturity before you engage in any other adult activities.

< Message edited by ShadesofTaboo -- 10/25/2007 7:49:57 AM >

(in reply to xx)
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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/25/2007 9:56:27 AM   
batshalom


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Sit down, unbunch your drawers, and give yourself the same advice you'd give a good friend in this situation.

(in reply to ShadesofTaboo)
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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/25/2007 12:20:35 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
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Lets see, how about a little contrast

You dehumanized another woman by calling her a "thing" and a "booty call"
You've called a woman you hardly know a skank
You have blamed this other woman for your partner's failing, citing that she has "issues" because he played her, too
Your contrast of yourself as a "cute little blonde" to a "unrefined, vulgar BBW" really served no point, except maybe to jab

Shame on us? Shame on you!

Oh, in addition, fat chicks don't kiss well because they don't have practice? Here's my getting down in the dirt with the others (and you) for the day.... clearly they have enough practice to bag "your man" so they can't be that bad! :)

quote:

Please don't reply to tell me how wrong i am ...messed up i am .... etc.  Constructive words are not mean and those i've read but sadly


Sadly, sometimes the words that we most need to hear, are the ones that we least want to.

Personal attacks are never really called for or constructive, just like your derision for the other other woman isn't really all that constructive, either. I kind of like that term, it puts things in perspective, and has a nice ring to it, "other other woman." Think about that for a bit maybe.

You say "the wife knew everything," I am still asking.... have you spoken directly with the wife, or are you taking a dishonest person for his word? This isn't me simply being mean, though I admit that I'm not a very nice person. It's an honest question, that will answer a lot.

I, for one, am not entirely crying foul to playing with a married man if his wife did, in fact know about it and gave the "relationship" her blessing. Given the history of dishonesty and the fact that the marriage fell apart in short order.... things don't quite add up for me. If you're content with 2 + 2 equaling 5 in your world, that's you're prerogative, I like living in a real world with hard facts.

quote:

I'm sorry that i reached out in this community and i hope that those of you that are so self richeous and live in perfect lives ..never have something horrible done to you and if you do ... don't come here looking for help.

I was hurt two days ago posting this board because of my own situation.  Now i'm hurt for those people with such nasty fingers.  I hope you all find your happines.


Yup, my life is fabulous! I am happy and I rule! Go me! Can we get the machine cheerleading squad in here? Maybe some fanfare?

What do you want and what did you expect? You asked for advice, and you got it. It wasn't what you wanted to hear, so now you're going to cry about it? Alright, so some people were more tactful and/or polite than others, but the overall message is the same: Take the rose colored glasses off and actually look at things in a real light, with your own eyes.

As I have mentioned, I am not a nice person. If I really want to, I can dump a lot of sugar to make a pill easier to swallow. The way I see it though... we're all adults here, and I don't particularly feel the need to hold your hand. I'll kiss my neice's knee when she gets a boo boo, but a full grown adult should learn that when you fall, you stand up and keep walking, maybe make a pitstop at the first aid kit, but you keep walking! If it'll make you feel better I can get a hello kitty bandaid and a lolli pop for you.

Seriously, if you air your personal problems on a public forum, expect to hear it how it is. Or it least, how it sounds by your description of it. Thicker skin, let me show you it (sorry, having lolcat moment...).

So anyway, as I was toddling off to grab a tasty beverage, I had an insight. I have had plenty of horrible stuff happen to me, just like you, just like everyone else. I agree, it sucks. Being a big people means having big people problems that really can't be solved so well with a hello kitty bandaid and a lolli pop (as much as that idea might make me smile...). The difference is, and this is just my personal perspective here (cover ass statement, for the win!), I didn't look to anyone to help me. Sure, I talked to people, I asked for advice - but when it comes to help, well, that generally only comes to those that help themselves.

I think what really gets me, is that the impression that I get from you pretty such says to me  "waaa, it's all so unfair, I needed help and you were mean to me!" On top of that, you say that something horrible was done to you. Going back to my not being a very nice person, I have little patience for victims. I will qualify that statement by clarifying what I mean, in that I have no patience for people that protray themselves as passive players in their own dramas. You knew he was married, you smelled something fishy, and yet.... you chose to ignore it. That was your decision. Now, after all is said and done, you still give the impression of desperately looking for a reason to continue enabling this man to hurt you.

My heart really isn't one to bleed to begin with.  Sad stories of volunteers is like getting blood from a stone.

So, when all is said and done and the day is over, my life goes on. Does yours?


_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to xx)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Would you forgive? - 10/25/2007 1:53:00 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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If you still want him I'd stick with him until he decides he doesn't want you or you decide you don't want him.
But protect yourself as best you can.
You don't have to have sex with him.
Let him use someone else for that.
And know that he's not perfect and neither are you.
At least you know he can lie. You know more about him that the next one you meet on-line.
It's a wonderful place the internet is. You can be anything you want to be. Just like when you go on holiday.
Turning on-line relationships into the real thing is almost impossible though.
Although some people seem to be able to do it.
Now of course you don't have to listen to me or anyone else on this site.
You will do what you need to do.
I just know myself well enough to know that the things that hurt me are the things I don't see through to their conclusion.

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RE: Would you forgive? - 10/25/2007 2:07:10 PM   
batshalom


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quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

Oh, in addition, fat chicks don't kiss well because they don't have practice? Here's my getting down in the dirt with the others (and you) for the day.... clearly they have enough practice to bag "your man" so they can't be that bad! :)


That was classic.

(in reply to iammachine)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Would you forgive? - 10/25/2007 2:11:35 PM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
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i have no clue why youre even wrestling with the idea of forgiving him.......if you think there is no relationship til you meet and touch-then he didnt do anything wrong.....

if you think you had a relationship before you actually met him, he did the inforgivable, imho.  lying is always wrong.

but then ima fat chick, whos vulgar and unrefined........wtf do i know

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 60
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