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RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 4:04:09 PM

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-Sighs- I'm going to get flamed for this so hard.

My advice is that you do end it off with him, but please understand. At the height of your arousal or no, he asked a question and you answered falsely.

Some men believe that the height of arousal is when one is most honest. And honestly speaking, sometimes it can be.

I've done it before (I should just add the quotes myself so that people can more conveniently flame that line). However, afterwards in the actual relationship, I still try to see if it's real or not. Most of them time the relationship is true. However, there are sometimes when the girl will just say "Oh yeah, I was just playing the part". Either way things happen, I'd want it to be the choice that the slave makes in and out of her own mind.

---

I would give him the chance of telling him that though. Who knows, if you leave him and cut him off, you could hurt his feelings/ego very badly. Just because you decided to say Yes to a question you really meant No to. And haven't clarified afterwards.

If I were there in person, I'd probably laugh and say it was your fault. Only you could have made this situation possible. Only you.

Women expect men to think straight when they've teased us to the very brink of our arousal. -Shrugs- And by some unknown force, we comply.

-Smiles- I'm sure he'll understand though. From what you said before, he didn't seem so bad.

Good luck.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 4:05:26 PM

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The "dude" was way over the line.

If you explicitly said "no" to a relationship ahead of time, and if "no" was the agreed upon safeword (which I surmise it was from what you said), and if he explicitly ignored your out-of-scene request to go easy on part of your body, then the only conclusion I can reach is that he doesn't respect limits, period.

It's already been said in abundance. Ditch the guy. He's nothing but trouble.

_____________________________

(in reply to wtfcrazy)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 4:12:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zhouwuatsien

-Sighs- I'm going to get flamed for this so hard.

My advice is that you do end it off with him, but please understand. At the height of your arousal or no, he asked a question and you answered falsely.

Some men believe that the height of arousal is when one is most honest. And honestly speaking, sometimes it can be.

I've done it before (I should just add the quotes myself so that people can more conveniently flame that line). However, afterwards in the actual relationship, I still try to see if it's real or not. Most of them time the relationship is true. However, there are sometimes when the girl will just say "Oh yeah, I was just playing the part". Either way things happen, I'd want it to be the choice that the slave makes in and out of her own mind.

---

I would give him the chance of telling him that though. Who knows, if you leave him and cut him off, you could hurt his feelings/ego very badly. Just because you decided to say Yes to a question you really meant No to. And haven't clarified afterwards.

If I were there in person, I'd probably laugh and say it was your fault. Only you could have made this situation possible. Only you.

Women expect men to think straight when they've teased us to the very brink of our arousal. -Shrugs- And by some unknown force, we comply.

-Smiles- I'm sure he'll understand though. From what you said before, he didn't seem so bad.

Good luck.

With all due respect, zh, you need to do a bit more research before you go holding a submissive accountable for anything he or she has said in a session that she's described as being intense and past her limits. Not only will I do and say all sorts of crazy things at times, I have no freaking clue I was doing it and sometimes no memory of it happening and that is with consentual intense play, I can't imagine the fright of knowing someone is over the line would make it any better. Physiologically, it has nothing to do with the difference between the sexes or arousal, we (of both sexes) are mentally just not present at times. To suggest someone did something wrong because of something they SAID at such a time is just plain foolish. To compare it and say it's some double standard that has something to do with the sexes is ignorant.

Your statement about women expecting you to think straight and arousal suggests to me, you need have a much better understanding before you do anything involving being a position of safety for another's person's well-being. What is it you think Doms do?

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 11/22/2007 4:28:27 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to zhouwuatsien)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 4:26:23 PM

RRafe

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FR

I've sent girls to places where they were just......gone. When they stop reacting, or start sending you body language that suggests extreme distress-it's time for your little "safety guy" to take over and go to aftercare. I really don't care if your dick is hard-you can get another erection any time.

I'd MUCH rather put off the enjoyment of the moment-and continue to have a partner who trusts me enough-or more-to have another go-another day.

Rather than one who now views me a some selfish sociopath-who needs to be stayed clear of. And warn all of her friends about me.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 4:47:28 PM

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It probably a mistake to continue this, but I'll concede to the bait.

Not being able to recall all the things you say during heightened states of arousal might imply that you're completely not held responsible to anything you say... At any point in time. LoL. That's just a joke, don't take that seriously, please.

However, what I said as advice was not so much that what she did was wrong, and she's soley to blame for what has happened. We are only listening to one side of this conversation, and this man is not here to defend himself.

For all we know there could be another forum thread labelled "Is she crazy?" "We met up, it was great and she said that she would belong to me. Now she won't even return my phone calls" And then an entire list of replies would go like "Wow, what a bitch! Just forget about her! She's not a real submissive. Etc etc"

...I'll reiterate myself. She should tell him what was wrong, and that what she said was outside of her "Control" if you want to put it like that. Whoever's fault it was. He can't be held responsible for this unless he 'knows'.

Besides. She COULD get out of this by leaving him in the dust. And that would keep her safe. But does that help him? Even if she just told him what was wrong with getting her aroused before saying something. He would know that it wasn't a good practice.

Instead, by just 'leaving him', he can assume, that she's crazy. She's a bitch, and he should go do the exact same thing to another submissive.

< Message edited by zhouwuatsien -- 11/22/2007 4:49:11 PM >

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 5:07:08 PM

RRafe

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Takes two to tango. Most of what we say can only be taken as a general warning to those who bother to read here. If the op is just venting and in denial-do you think she's going to admit she's off her rocker?

Crazy people are NOT generally known for thier sense of conscience and accountability to reality.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to zhouwuatsien)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 5:11:22 PM

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She seemed pretty level headed to me...

...Or am I like... Just naive there.

(in reply to RRafe)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 5:19:39 PM

RRafe

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Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zhouwuatsien

She seemed pretty level headed to me...

...Or am I like... Just naive there.

She seems to just be confused by this guy. He overstepped, totally out of control. The last part was addressing your question about two sides to a story. It's not always what it seems.

If I had been in her position, I would have turned him in on assualt charges.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to zhouwuatsien)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 5:23:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: roughandtumble

His behavior was utterly unacceptable, and I do not place any blame on you. I think there is a certain level of intuition that a good dom should have; an innate ability to sense when something isn't right. He clearly lacks this sense.

Never become physically or intimately involved with anyone, particularly a self-proclaimed dom, without first taking time to know them. In a D/s type situation, you should be even more cautious than you are in a vanilla sexual encounter.

I enjoy certain aspects of the lifestyle, but do find that many "dominant" men are actually mentally unstable, insecure masochists who want to hurt women.

Be careful.

I agree that this dude's behavior was fairly fucking horrid....She said to stop...It sounds like she was rather adamant and clear in articulating her desires and he simply ignored her.

But here is the problem, what is the difference if you go some place private with vanilla or a kinkster....If they plan to do you harm you are going to be fucked either way.

What about the responsibility of being a "good sub?" Fuck folks, this is a two way street. If the sub lacks the intuition to get a feel for the guy she is messing with...Then she better think long and hard about just what in the fuck she is doing out here.

If you don't think you have got a handle on someone's character don't play....Pretty fucking simple...That is all you need to know! All of the safe calls don't mean shit....If someone is intent on harming you and you do not possess the ability to pick up on it...You are screwed!!! If I recall, it seems that several Presidents have been shot some killed and they have had protectors surrounding them.

This is not for everyone...There are so many people that are out here that seem to lack the ability to reach or make sound decisions and are unable to accurately judge a situation. These folks will end up as the victim. Their inability to understand the person that they are dealing with can have dire consequences, these folks are just one meeting away from potential disaster.

Take your time till you are comfortable....If you trust your gut then run with it when it feels right.

Good luck....You all seem like you are going to need it.

_____________________________

(in reply to roughandtumble)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 5:26:32 PM

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If I were in her position, I'd probably be too embarrassed to press assault charges.
Imagine trying to explain what happened to a jury?

So yeah, we met ONline, and I said Don't spank my pussy hard (Random example)

And everything was really good, and I got really really aroused to the point where I couldn't control what I was saying

And he spanked it REALLY hard.

Jury ==> o.O

(in reply to RRafe)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 5:28:33 PM

RRafe

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Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: zhouwuatsien

If I were in her position, I'd probably be too embarrassed to press assault charges.
Imagine trying to explain what happened to a jury?

So yeah, we met ONline, and I said Don't spank my pussy hard (Random example)

And everything was really good, and I got really really aroused to the point where I couldn't control what I was saying

And he spanked it REALLY hard.

Jury ==> o.O

Which is why these guys get away with it-and all we can do is beware of who we get involved with.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to zhouwuatsien)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 6:26:01 PM

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There was no bait, in fact you sending me an email inviting me to respond implies quite the opposite. I think you're still missing the point. It has nothing to do with arousal and everything to do with physiology and the effects of intense play. You didn't address this and it seems you don't have the basic understanding of a common and important physiological reaction to wiitwd. Research it, you should know this. It's quite possible you can harm someone if you do not. What she says at that time is irrelevant, it is completely the Dom/me's responsibility to assess the situation and make appropriate and safe decisions. Again, you should know this.

She is not responsible for teaching him anything, nor is it possible for one adult to change another. The fact that he chose to behave in a reprehensible manner suggests that she needs to care for herself and it's unlikely any message from him would be received or adhered to. Suggesting she needs to somehow work on fixing him, again, misses the point. Try as hard as you can to make her the bad guy in this, but it won't work given the information that we have. Yes, I'm sorry, Doms, either male or female, need to control themselves and safeguard those submitting to them, that is just how it works. In fact they need to be mature enough to say no even if she says nothing or begs for it, which can also happen.

We always only have one side of the story. We can't make specculation that he's really a great guy and it's not really true, we have to go with what we have. One person is here asking for advice, not two.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to zhouwuatsien)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 6:32:48 PM

RRafe

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Joined: 8/29/2007
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Exactly, if one cannot be accountable for thier actions-they should not be doing activities that entail risks to another human being. When I top the bottom has the responsibility to give me what feedback she can. It's mine to pay attention to that-show her the levels of respect we agree upon-and to freaking stop it if I see she's having any damage done to her.

No excuses, no denials-the buck stops with me-or I should quit the game-period.

< Message edited by RRafe -- 11/22/2007 6:33:13 PM >

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 6:34:48 PM

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Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zhouwuatsien

If I were in her position, I'd probably be too embarrassed to press assault charges.
Imagine trying to explain what happened to a jury?

So yeah, we met ONline, and I said Don't spank my pussy hard (Random example)

And everything was really good, and I got really really aroused to the point where I couldn't control what I was saying

And he spanked it REALLY hard.

Jury ==> o.O

Well, again you're wrong. In the United States we have this thing called mandatory prosecution for domestic violence in most places now. Believe me when I tell you after being in the criminal justice system for almost as long as you have been alive, you are again, completely clueless and acting like this woman is at fault for someone else not living up to their end of the bargain and behaving criminally. This is the wrong place for you to get on this high horse.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to zhouwuatsien)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 6:38:35 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: zhouwuatsien

If I were in her position, I'd probably be too embarrassed to press assault charges.
Imagine trying to explain what happened to a jury?

So yeah, we met ONline, and I said Don't spank my pussy hard (Random example)

And everything was really good, and I got really really aroused to the point where I couldn't control what I was saying

And he spanked it REALLY hard.

Jury ==> o.O

Well, again you're wrong. In the United States we have this thing called mandatory prosecution for domestic violence in most places now. Believe me when I tell you after being in the criminal justice system for almost as long as you have been alive, you are again, completely clueless and acting like this woman is at fault for someone else not living up to their end of the bargain and behaving criminally. This is the wrong place for you to get on this high horse.

All she had to do was go show the bruises to a nieghbor-after she came out of his place. Go to a clinic, and have them take dna samples,take photographs of the damage.-if his cells or fluids were were on her-he is screwed.

That's how they nail rapists and assailants these days-and a lot of assault charges carry mandatory penalties now-the courts are tired of repeat offenders.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 6:39:41 PM

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zhouwuatsien

If I were in her position, I'd probably be too embarrassed to press assault charges.
Imagine trying to explain what happened to a jury?

So yeah, we met ONline, and I said Don't spank my pussy hard (Random example)

And everything was really good, and I got really really aroused to the point where I couldn't control what I was saying

And he spanked it REALLY hard.

Jury ==> o.O

it has nothing to do with arousal, again. You need to take down your profile with things like this in it "I respect hard limits. If you have them, I'm not interested in you."
and get an education because you are clueless and are going to harm someone.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to zhouwuatsien)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 6:41:19 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: zhouwuatsien

If I were in her position, I'd probably be too embarrassed to press assault charges.
Imagine trying to explain what happened to a jury?

So yeah, we met ONline, and I said Don't spank my pussy hard (Random example)

And everything was really good, and I got really really aroused to the point where I couldn't control what I was saying

And he spanked it REALLY hard.

Jury ==> o.O

And by the by?

I wouldn't get any funny ideas that YOU can get away with this either.

You CAN go to jail for domestic violence-and the other perps in prisons just LOVE to give payback to woman beaters.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to zhouwuatsien)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 6:50:35 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

Oh, and dude? Having read gor books and fantacized about being a master-does not make you one. I suggest you get offline,and go find some REAL EXPERIENCED people to straighten your ass out-BEFORE to try to top someone.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to RRafe)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 7:02:52 PM

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Joined: 10/26/2007
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I've only come from the experience of one TPE, but you might find my input helpful.

I collared my first and only slave 14 months into our D/s relationship...and even now I sometimes feel we ventured into it prematurely.

But only two weeks after meeting? "What the fuck?" indeed!

A TPE is a HUGE step, and I would counsel anyone being pressured for this kind of comittment too early to be very wary.

In the future, you may want to consider the possibility of a written outline of your expectations and limitations regarding a D/s relationship...even before you play. Make it clear that breaking the letter and spirit of the agreement will end the association completely. As a submissive, you have the right to insist on this.

While there are some who loathe these kinds of "contracts", your experience proves their worth in certain situations.

(in reply to RRafe)

RE: TPErs: is he crazy? - 11/22/2007 7:05:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zhouwuatsien

My advice is that you do end it off with him, but please understand. At the height of your arousal or no, he asked a question and you answered falsely.
She may have answered falsely, but once she wanted it to cease and he refused to do so, the whole situation became non-consentual. If a man and woman are having sex and one of them says stop in the middle of it, if the other person refuses to stop, from that moment on, by law it's considered rape.

Some men believe that the height of arousal is when one is most honest.
Many compare the state of arousal to intoxication. If your statement is true, how do you explain why so many intoxicated people "go to bed with a ten and wake up with a two?"

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to zhouwuatsien)

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