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"play-partners" - 8/4/2005 4:12:18 PM

MtPleasantsubAsh

Posts: 88
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

So....
My Sir just told me when i foolishly asked, that He and i aren't a 'couple'
We're not 'together'
We are just 'play-partners'

Now it could be me, but isn't a big part of all this being together with a Dom/Master/Sub/Slave/ect., and...being totally open and honest, developing a relationship, and being best friends, as well as being in a D/S relationship? the thing is that a sub is supposed to devote herself to someone who Doms them to trust them, and to desire to please them, as much as they can, however they can, w/o sacrificing herself in the process.
......so it's very very hard not to get attached, right?
Well...maybe dom's don't get attached to their subs...maybe we're just toys?
I mean...maybe it's me....

maybe I'm not right, any help?

Sorry A/all ....feeling a bit bitter.

_____________________________

-Be still my heart!-
-I'm trying, Sir-
-I guess I'll have to tie you up then-
-Oh, no, please Sir..anything but that!-
*WEG*.....my ass.

RE: "play-partners" - 8/4/2005 4:38:05 PM

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MtPleasantsubAsh

So....
My Sir just told me when i foolishly asked, that He and i aren't a 'couple'
We're not 'together'
We are just 'play-partners'

Hmmm I'm not sure what you THOUGHT the relationship was, but I'm glad it's come out in clear terms.

I don't consider the Owner my "partner" "my lover" "my friend" or anything like that, he is the Owner.

quote:

Now it could be me, but isn't a big part of all this being together with a Dom/Master/Sub/Slave/ect., and...being totally open and honest, developing a relationship, and being best friends, as well as being in a D/S relationship?

Not unless you want it to be.

For a LOT of people, Ds relationships are just like vanilla relationships in structure and expectations, simply with the added authority transfer.

For some people, and it would seem including this dom, that's not what it is to them at all. That's where that whole communicating expectations before making a commitment comes in.

quote:

the thing is that a sub is supposed to devote herself to someone who Doms them to trust them, and to desire to please them, as much as they can, however they can, w/o sacrificing herself in the process.

Well the idea is that by pleasing and serving they are FULFILLING themselves, so the idea of sacrificing themselves is irrelevent.

quote:

......so it's very very hard not to get attached, right?

For some it is impossible. But remember, the SUB being attached to the DOM implies NO attchment form the DOm to the SUB at all.

quote:

Well...maybe dom's don't get attached to their subs...maybe we're just toys?
I mean...maybe it's me....

Some, sure. Others completely want their subs as their life partners. That's why you have to get to know what the other wants and expects. I am not JUST a toy for the Owner, but I am certainly not his friend or lover either.

quote:

maybe I'm not right, any help?

Ds relationships can be in any flavor you want, some are just for play, some are for a lifetime. I'm sorry you are hurt and bitter over this, but I'm glad it finally came out and I hope next time you ask these questions before you commit.

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/4/2005 5:01:14 PM

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

......so it's very very hard not to get attached, right?
Well...maybe dom's don't get attached to their subs...maybe we're just toys?
I mean...maybe it's me....

maybe I'm not right, any help?

It sounds like the two of you need to communicate. Apparently you both want different things. He wants a bottom and you want a dom. Hopefully you can work something out that works for the both of you.

Good Luck on the conversation.

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/4/2005 6:48:32 PM

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

mmmmmm well it is a personal choice now in my opinion. Some could very much desire and wish to have exactly what you are expressing... others will wish something entirely different or anything in between. I believe the question you ask is the wrong one. I don't believe you should question if you are wrong or right to expect these very things. I believe you should consider - Do you want and expect these very things you express. It is not about you being wrong or right in comparison to others. It is a question of what is wrong and right for you!

Clearly the person you viewed as your partner has a significantly different view on your relationship with him. One could go into great detail on how and why this happen... but at this point that is rather unimportant at the moment. What is important is you understanding what is right for you - in your eyes and not someone elses. Do not try to be the square peg into the round hole. Self reflect on what you desire and see a relationship being for you and then find the person that shares these view to build that relationship with.

So are you right in wanting and believing this that you exress... well that is for you to decide and no one else. But, I would say if you believe this to bring you happiness.. then I believe will find your answer.

KoM

quote:

ORIGINAL: MtPleasantsubAsh

So....
My Sir just told me when i foolishly asked, that He and i aren't a 'couple'
We're not 'together'
We are just 'play-partners'

Now it could be me, but isn't a big part of all this being together with a Dom/Master/Sub/Slave/ect., and...being totally open and honest, developing a relationship, and being best friends, as well as being in a D/S relationship? the thing is that a sub is supposed to devote herself to someone who Doms them to trust them, and to desire to please them, as much as they can, however they can, w/o sacrificing herself in the process.
......so it's very very hard not to get attached, right?
Well...maybe dom's don't get attached to their subs...maybe we're just toys?
I mean...maybe it's me....

maybe I'm not right, any help?

Sorry A/all ....feeling a bit bitter.

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/4/2005 8:37:19 PM

MtPleasantsubAsh

Posts: 88
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

Thank you Kom..and the O/others...I just...i suppose i did get attached...and i don't want that kind of partner...becasue i will get attached.. and yes, that is the kind of relationship i want, one where we are lovers as well as Dom/Sub...Master/Slave.
I want a friendship..someone i can talk to cry to and have talk to me..and cry to me...
and i will discuss these things next time...it hurts too much not to.

Thanks A/all.

_____________________________

-Be still my heart!-
-I'm trying, Sir-
-I guess I'll have to tie you up then-
-Oh, no, please Sir..anything but that!-
*WEG*.....my ass.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/5/2005 12:37:24 AM

Posts: 179
Joined: 5/9/2004
Status: offline

It sounds like you had more expectations than he. I have had people in the past whom I play with on a semi regular basis. They were excatly that 'play partner's.
Good luck with the search

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/5/2005 2:16:36 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

Some are both life partners and BDSM playmates others are just playmates, it seam to me you and your Dom wants different things, talking whit him would perhaps be a good idea, tell him how you feel, and if you having theese emotions for him and he dont having that for you hurt you and you two find so solution, i recomend you leve, find somone that wants the same as you.

(in reply to LdyAuburn)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/5/2005 3:51:44 AM

Posts: 192
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

Sounds like a mismatch of expectations.

At least you know the real story now,and can make further decisions from here.

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/5/2005 5:15:22 AM

Posts: 180
Joined: 5/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MtPleasantsubAsh

So....
My Sir just told me when i foolishly asked, that He and i aren't a 'couple'
We're not 'together'
We are just 'play-partners'

Now it could be me, but isn't a big part of all this being together with a Dom/Master/Sub/Slave/ect., and...being totally open and honest, developing a relationship, and being best friends, as well as being in a D/S relationship? the thing is that a sub is supposed to devote herself to someone who Doms them to trust them, and to desire to please them, as much as they can, however they can, w/o sacrificing herself in the process.
......so it's very very hard not to get attached, right?
Well...maybe dom's don't get attached to their subs...maybe we're just toys?
I mean...maybe it's me....

maybe I'm not right, any help?

Sorry A/all ....feeling a bit bitter.

hrm, I've never been in a "play partner" relationship. I don't ever intend to either. I am too much of an emotional person to be able to have a partnership like that. However, for some (like Emerald) it works out great, and they have no problem with it at all. Each relationship is different. Some girls like being little toys. They don't mind being brough out on the weekends for a bit of kinky sex and then put back into the box until next time. Its not my thing.

_____________________________

"I know you didn't bring me out here to drown,
so why am I ten feet under and upside down..? " (Lifehouse ~ Storm)

~the everyday rantings of a still learning mommy slave~
http://brazendreams.blogspot.com/

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/5/2005 6:44:20 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

quote:

Each relationship is different. Some girls like being little toys. They don't mind being brough out on the weekends for a bit of kinky sex and then put back into the box until next time. Its not my thing.

Actualy, this sounds kind of sexy.

(in reply to tinkJH)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/5/2005 10:13:15 AM

Posts: 185
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

MtPleasant - I am sorry that you were so hurt by this - next time around you will know more about what to put right out there in front of things.

(in reply to nella)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/5/2005 2:22:24 PM

MtPleasantsubAsh

Posts: 88
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

Thanks all...I agree...I've realised I can't be un-attached. I invest myself completely, giving my body and mind to my Dom..because tht is how i can truly submit and serve...giving complete trust..it's just inevitable for me, thank you A/all....smiles...I'll not make the same mistake.

_____________________________

-Be still my heart!-
-I'm trying, Sir-
-I guess I'll have to tie you up then-
-Oh, no, please Sir..anything but that!-
*WEG*.....my ass.

(in reply to ChereeAmoor)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/6/2005 10:08:32 AM

Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline

Ash,
You will find that occaisonaly emotional Doms will willingly and knowingly lead you down the 'primrose path' of what you think is something more than just sex. Some will actual enjoy causing you to fall for them, give in to them and then throw their hands up when you ask for more in return. "What, you thought this was serious?" "Honey, i never said this was love" "I can't help that you..." Fill in the blanks. Some are so caught up in what they see as a role, they don't allow themselves to feel anything for you other than control. Some think this is part of being a good "Dom" or what you expect them to be. Staying unnattached and remote has it's perks. Of course, to be fully responsible for someone else on an emotional level requires committment. To get your rocks off and manipulate, does not...
So, not to say anything out of turn about your Dom or former Dom, just to say NEVER SETTLE!
Don't let anyone tell you that in order to get what you want you have to lower your expectations. Being owned can mean being loved deeper than you've ever dreamed. Being involved in a "true" D/s relationship is only, repeat ONLY defined by you and Yours. You can be fulfilled, controlled, inspired, punished, trained, rewarded, objectified, cherished, AND loved.

xoxo

_____________________________

[img]http://www.sloganizer.net/en/style4,de-spc-de-spc-dee.png[/img]

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/6/2005 3:00:25 PM

MtPleasantsubAsh

Posts: 88
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

thanks, Hon

and I WON"T settle...
i know i am the perfect one for Someone out there...just gotta sift through all the others..
lol
thanks
-Ashley

_____________________________

-Be still my heart!-
-I'm trying, Sir-
-I guess I'll have to tie you up then-
-Oh, no, please Sir..anything but that!-
*WEG*.....my ass.

(in reply to subversiveone)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/6/2005 3:06:41 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

i hope you find your perfect Dom, everyone deserve to be happy.

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/7/2005 5:26:32 PM

tade

Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline

Sorry that you fell so hard there darlin'. Just remember to always keep your head in the right place and enjoy the ride. On a side not I have loved every sub that I have ever played with. Maybe not for a very long time, but I loved them all.

_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to nella)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/8/2005 8:38:28 AM

gentlesurrender

Posts: 99
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

wish you well with your search

sometimes this learning process of finding out who we are, and what we really want is one a hardone, we take many knocks and heartaches to find the right person.

its very much like a dance, some partners prefer the tango, others the quickstep or the waltz, the artform is finding the one who moves and dances in the same way you do.

hugsss for your pain, and light for your future happiness

_____________________________

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy" Walter Anderson

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/8/2005 9:35:50 AM

Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MtPleasantsubAsh

......so it's very very hard not to get attached, right?
Well...maybe dom's don't get attached to their subs...maybe we're just toys?

If you don't mind me asking...how long were you together with your Sir before you received the news that you are "Play Partners"?

I'm asking because I wonder how it is that some people become 100% emotionally invested in someone they have only known for a few weeks, months, days...what have you.

Do dominants get attached to their submissives? Sure, some do...if that is the nature of the relationship, which is why many have said that it's extremely important to be clear about what you expect and to understand what your partner expects. If you are dating someone on the vanilla side, do you immediately expect to be with that person forever? When does the relationship become "serious"? (Perhaps that is something for another thread.)

Again, I don't know how long you were together with your Sir, but perhaps you could evaluate how you behave in a relationship. See if you are setting yourself up for disappointment by putting the cart before the horse.

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to MtPleasantsubAsh)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/8/2005 3:04:01 PM

Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline

I see 2 Doms for play only. They each give me something I need. One, is only bondage. He introduced me to it a year ago. It was a year before we started playing together. That is all it is, a few hours of fun for us both here and there. The other is for whips, floggers, mind and other fun things. We also have been playing about a year. Each are different in their own ways. I will not be eithers submissive. I can't except for some play times. They are both aware that I am looking for someone. At that time, I will most likely say goodbye to them. In the meantime, I am having fun!

Respectfully,
sultry

< Message edited by sultryvoice -- 8/8/2005 3:05:44 PM >

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.

www.themarkbycpi.com

(in reply to MrThorns)

RE: "play-partners" - 8/9/2005 3:01:52 AM

MtPleasantsubAsh

Posts: 88
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

I have known him for over two years...we've been talkign and meeting for only a month and a half....but i assumed we were in that sort of relationship. I was wrong to. And i suppose i just have to be more careful.

_____________________________

-Be still my heart!-
-I'm trying, Sir-
-I guess I'll have to tie you up then-
-Oh, no, please Sir..anything but that!-
*WEG*.....my ass.

(in reply to sultryvoice)

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