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Padriag -> RE: Safe words (11/6/2007 10:20:09 AM)
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Thank you Erin, for stating so clearly the essense of my main objection to the rampant overuse of safewords, which has become this sort of PC safety mantra among the "community", which has apparently forgotten where and why the use of safewords began in their rush to demonstrate how "safe, sane and saintly" they are. Safewords began at play parties and public dungeons where frequently people met and played with people they hardly knew at all and/or had just met (and how SSC that can be in the first place is pretty debatable IMNSHO). Under such circumstances people couldn't count on the other person knowing their limits, their reactions, etc. well enough to know when to quit so they came up with "safewords" which were nothing more than signals as to when to stop during play that otherwise might include begging and pleading to stop, forced play scenes, etc. And even then it didn't so much rely on the Top's compliance as it did the presence of moderators who would intervene if the Top didn't stop upon use of the safeword. In that context, I thing safewords are a pretty good idea in a situation that is probably otherwise of questionable wisdom.
However, outside that safewords aren't of much real use. Playing privately there's no one to intervene. If a dominant is either so dense or so out of control that they can't understand "Sir, please stop, you're REALLY breaking my arm!" let's face it folks, at that point you're pretty much fucked. Colored lights, code words, etc. in such circumstances aren't any more useful than plain language, and in many situations plain language would be more useful as it would communicate exactly what was wrong. If I'm tying someone up and I've gotten something too tight such that it's cutting off the circulation and a arm, leg, hand or foot is going numb the submissive can simply tell me that and, using my own judgement, I'll decide how to react (usually by adjusting the tie so that the problem is resolved... unless I wanted her arm to go numb...).
BDSM play is not boating... and I do both. You fall out of a boat and can't swim well, you're in serious trouble because you're in an environment in which you aren't fully equipped to survive (unless you actually can breathe water....). BDSM play is good deal more forgiving, provided the dominant/Top is genuinely responsible and concerned with the well being of the submissive/Bottom. If play gets too intense, it's very easily stopped, provided the dominant/Top does so. However, if you are playing privately and the dominant/Top doesn't give a damn, no amount of safewords or life jackets is going to help you.
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