|
Padriag -> RE: Safe words (11/6/2007 4:12:04 PM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: VieVivante
Padriag's comment that "if you are playing privately and the dominant/Top doesn't give a damn, no amount of safewords or life jackets is going to help you", is nonsensical and besides the point. If one is playing with someone who doesn't have any interest in your well being, whether you had agreed to a safe word or not, you are still in the same bit of trouble.
Apparently I wasn't clear enough in making my point so I'll take this opportunity to rectify that. (Admittedly I have the flu and my head isn't that clear today.) The problem with safe words isn't so much the usage of a safeword itself, in certain contexts its fine. However, what often does create a problem is the degree to which people rely on them thinking that having a safe words is... to continue a metaphor, like having a life jacket which will keep them safe. Unfortunately, I've seen both people relying too heavily on safe words get hurt, and people fished out of lakes wearing life jackets who still drowned. Safewords can be useful in some situations, I don't contest that, but like any other precautionary measure the limits of their usefulness needs to be understood. It seems increasingly that isn't the case. Browse profiles of dominants, listen in chat rooms and various other venues and you will increasingly hear individuals proclaiming that they use safewords as if that alone validates that they are "safe", which it does not. Even more worrisome, many new submissives and Bottoms are taken in by it. Both are only exacerbated by the often heard mantra's tauting safewords as being the responsible thing to do.
Safewords have limits. If you don't know the person you are playing with well enough to fully feel safe with them without safewords... then safe words won't keep you safe. If the person doesn't hear you use it, or misunderstand your usage of it... again, it won't be of any help. If as a submissive you get so deep into subspace, or the dom goes so far into "top space" that one or the other is unable to use it or to react to its use... safewords won't help. And if the submissive simply forgets the safeword... again... won't help any.
Safewords, like most safety measures, have limitations and flaws. Unfortunately its become very popular to wave the "safeword banner" around as though it solved all these problems. Somebody is going to get hurt because of that sort of thinking.
quote:
Fact is, I have never heard a legitimate account that the use of safewords resulted in an unsafe situation.
No problem, here's a couple.
I was playing with a girl years back when I was still fairly new... and I used safewords because I'd been told that's what you were supposed to do if you were responsible... (responsible people don't play without safewords, or so they said). So I picked a safeword for her... Aardvark... cause it just didn't seem likely that that was going to come up for any other reason. I put some thought into that and was all proud of myself and shit. So we get to playing and there I am flogging away and having a grand old time. And she's yelling and moaning and squirming pretty much like I expected, complete with begging and pleading and all that. I hadn't a clue anything was wrong, but being new I didn't quite have full control over the flogger and it was wrapping on her... she really did want me to stop. But me, figuring if she really needed me to stop she'd say Aardvark, I ignored it and kept on enjoying myself. After that was over I was dutifully checking on her, seeing to aftercare and all that... at which point she told me... giggling and a lil embarassed... that she wanted to safeword, but she couldn't remember what it was! Doh! We both shared a moment of feeling really stupid. Fortunately no real harm was done, but I hate to think what could have happened had I been doing something rougher.
I have known submissives who went so much into subspace they couldn't safeword, you could break their arm (and I know one lady who ended up with a ruptured spleen from a too heavy whipping) and they might not even notice.
And if the Bottom can forget what the safeword is... one would presume the Top might as well, particularly if its something they aren't used to. (Golly, I was wondering why she kept shouting Aardvark, I thought it was some kind of weird fetish...)
Oh... and to the OP... for whatever its worth at this point. I once used Aardvark, though you might want to carefully consider whether or not to use it. [8D]
quote:
(and this is from a gentleman I consider to be very wise in the way of BDSM)
Awe shucks... now you're gonna make me blush. [;)]
|
|
|
|
