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"Fake" accusations - 11/10/2007 1:16:04 AM

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/21/2007
Status: offline

Hello all. I have a problem that I took very lightly at first, but it is beginning to become a problem and I feel the need to reach out for help.

I want to begin by saying that I am a collared submissive. I am happy in my relationship, which has lasted for three months now. And I understand that some people here just don't take the time to read profiles, and that is why they try to demand things of me or ask me to meet them. When this happens, I am always very polite and take great care in responding and letting them know my situation.

There have been four instances now, however, in which people accuse me of being "fake" after I inform them that I am collared. Three Doms have accused me of being a man posing as a woman, and one Domme has accused me of having a "fake owner." The latter also was quite upset with me and told me that I shouldn't be on the site at all if I were not seeking. But I consider this a community, not a dating service. I've been in the lifestyle from a young age and I've always felt that I could find refuge and comfort within the like-minded people that I find both here and in my community back home. Am I wrong for thinking this way? In my profile, I am seeking "friends only" and nothing else, and in the text I not only say that I am collared but I reference His screenname as well. I am not leading anyone on... But is there something that I can do to make my reasons for being here more clear? Or are these Masters and Mistresses correct in saying that I should leave if I'm not available?

Thank you so much for your time. This has been bothering me for a while now. Blessings, and hugs.

~Rowan

RE: "Fake" accusations - 11/10/2007 1:20:08 AM

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Why not just enjoy your life? You are giving alot of power to strangers.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to Kalari)

RE: "Fake" accusations - 11/10/2007 1:20:16 AM

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

There is room for everyone on this site. Lots of us are owned here. Ignore the fools and enjoy your time here :)

(in reply to Kalari)

RE: "Fake" accusations - 11/10/2007 1:22:00 AM

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalari

But is there something that I can do to make my reasons for being here more clear? Or are these Masters and Mistresses correct in saying that I should leave if I'm not available?

~Rowan

you are young and cute and they cannot have you. it is called sour grapes. block and delete and do not give them another thought.

celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Kalari)

RE: "Fake" accusations - 11/10/2007 1:22:01 AM

Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline

I don't have a profile at all because I am not available. Not collared so I would probably have at least the same problems as you if not more.

I am thinking about making a profile so the members of this board can check it out and at least know if they are responding to male or female/submissive or domme...etc.

But it might just be better to put some infomation in the signature rather then make a profile.

(in reply to Kalari)

RE: "Fake" accusations - 11/10/2007 1:23:15 AM

mya75

Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

What you have experienced is more than common here...Simply put some people cant take rejection you just have to block them and move on......No their not correct regardless of what your profile states if you feel the site is right for you and you arent breaking any TOS ..then just block & block and enjoy the site and forums..

_____________________________

~**Mya Papaya**~

"A fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others."

(in reply to Kalari)

RE: "Fake" accusations - 11/10/2007 1:23:34 AM

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

No, you're not in the wrong, they are! It's OK to be here as part of a community, to make some friends. Unfortunately those who get caught up in the "Search" and may have been bitten by some "real fakes" (now that's an interesting oxymoron LOL!), tend to tar all with the same brush. Try not to take it too personally and the IGNORE button can be your best friend! Hang around on the boards more than "on the other side" ... if someone posts something that resonates with you, pm them on the other side and you'll have a much better chance of striking up a meaningful friendship!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Kalari)

RE: "Fake" accusations - 11/10/2007 1:23:56 AM

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

EVERYONE has a right to be here, subs, collared or not, D's, switches, blah, blah, blah. As far as I know, there isn't a selection criteria on joining. Your profile is extremely clear, I don't know which bit they have a problem understanding.

I wouldn't bother with a nice reply to them. Tell them to fuck off.

Edited to add, we ALL get narky emails, so don't feel singled out.

< Message edited by MissMagnolia -- 11/10/2007 1:25:45 AM >

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to Kalari)

RE: "Fake" accusations - 11/10/2007 1:47:03 AM

Posts: 174
Joined: 4/22/2005
Status: offline

They say it takes all kinds. Which brings to mind 2 questions to me. 1 Just who in the hell are they? 2. Dose it really take all kinds? Arnt there a few we could do with out ?

Seriously Kalari its simple pay them no mind they arnt part of your life so what they think has no value to you . As my Buddy always says "I don't know you I don't owe you so fuck off"

Eric

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Thank you - 11/10/2007 2:36:09 AM

Posts: 15
Joined: 8/21/2007
Status: offline

Thanks to everyone for your quick responses. I know I can be too passive sometimes...I've been called out on it more than once. Thank you for giving me the strength to grow my own backbone. haha. I'll do my best not to be afraid of the "Ignore" button. And yes MaamJay, I will take your advice and make more friends from the forums. There seem to be much kinder (and more intelligent!) people here.

(in reply to TankII7871)

RE: Thank you - 11/10/2007 2:48:04 AM

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

What everyone so far has said, is good advice imo.
Regardless of what your here for, you have to explain yourself to no one but you yourself.

Don't let those people ruin your stay here.
And welcome to the forum

twisted

(in reply to Kalari)

RE: "Fake" accusations - 11/10/2007 2:58:57 AM

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear Kalari, Ladies and Gentlemen,

In any aspect of the lifestyle or BDSM; there will be those who will accuse another individual as being fake this or that, a threat to the lifestyle, etc. Even on the forums you may/could be exposed to the same ugly behavior of individuals. I find that no matter what you are, what you say and what you do; someone will have to say something negative and or deliver their negative message/statement/stand in a very ugly manner. Nobody is a perfect fit for everybody and some don't see another person's way as 'true' or 'real' but their way.

I do get a bit of a chuckle out of someone who is across the nation or the world, never met me and or read any of my materials, attended any of the presentations and or demonstrations I have given and or met my slaves; call me fake, not 'true' or not 'real.' It is usually out of frustration they attack a person and not remain on an issue and or topic.

My personal philosophy is to maintain my position and know all I can control is myself--not others. When you are able to look yourself in the mirror and know you are true to yourself and are being real and honest with yourself and your relationship with others--let the others have their sour notes, stomp and have a public tirade like children who cannot have their way and or have to have the last word--its a control issue; not a matter of strength and or position of strength. Worry only about your world--and see the positives and not just the negatives.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Kalari)

RE: "Fake" accusations - 11/10/2007 3:55:37 AM

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

Look at the bright side! You'll get more of those e-mails! ~chuckle~

I'm going to start collecting mine so that I can quilt them, use them as a blanket in which to wrap Aba and me, pressing against each other's warm naked skin and wrapping this "quilt of fakes" around our little sickening smoochy jokes, using it as cover for our private play, while they are still sending complaining e-mails to people they don't know and will never meet.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

RE: "Fake" accusations - 11/10/2007 4:12:57 AM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

To the OP: the others are right, it is sour grapes, especially since they had to use grey matter to read the profile(or not, lol) and are pissed they were supposed to think. I would not even reply to the initial email if it looks like they did not read the collared part and are looking for something other than friends only.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to batshalom)

RE: "Fake" accusations - 11/10/2007 4:46:16 AM

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

I get that all the time too Kalari.

If i don't have a web cam or use a messenger client i HAVE to be fake, i HAVE to be a man.....why would i not want to prove that to others. LOL!
That is why they have STOOPID written all over their face.

Honestly, don't let it bother you....they are the fools....and they know it. >smirks<

Happy Saturday!

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to Kalari)

RE: "Fake" accusations - 11/10/2007 5:42:20 AM

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

Don't worry, we Dominants get the same types of emails. It seems that some people suffer from the "one true way"ism - When we don't do what they like or act like their perfect picture of a Dom/Sub, we immediately get called "fakes".
Just ignore them like the others said and be glad you aren't with one of those people who walk through life with blinders on.

Lady Jag (Psy)

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to Kalari)

RE: Thank you - 11/10/2007 5:51:12 AM

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Kalari, no one from here, that only knows of you through a few of your typed words on a computer screen, really knows YOU. They have no effect on you in your daily life. They don't pay your wages, they don't sit across from the dinner table with you, they are not the ones that are there for you when you want to celebrate something wonderful or need a shoulder to cry on. That being said, their opinion means squat.

Every time I get a comment that is personal, about be, directed towards me, via the net. Either here on collarme, or in any other venue, I am reminded of a signature line of one of our members. I know I won't get it perfectly right but it goes something like this.

"Hi, I don't care."

There may be more to it, I don't even remember who it belongs to or if they still have it. But it sums up so perfectly, in just a few words, the amount of influence I allow bad attitudinal pixels on a screen, to have over me and my life. None!

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 11/10/2007 5:53:31 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Kalari)

RE: Thank you - 11/10/2007 5:55:57 AM

Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline

Dont take anything negative that anyone says here to you. Its a waste of your postitive energy and its there loss because your probably a really neat person!

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Thank you - 11/10/2007 6:44:08 AM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Kalari, no one from here, that only knows of you through a few of your typed words on a computer screen, really knows YOU. They have no effect on you in your daily life. They don't pay your wages, they don't sit across from the dinner table with you, they are not the ones that are there for you when you want to celebrate something wonderful or need a shoulder to cry on. That being said, their opinion means squat.

Every time I get a comment that is personal, about be, directed towards me, via the net. Either here on collarme, or in any other venue, I am reminded of a signature line of one of our members. I know I won't get it perfectly right but it goes something like this.

"Hi, I don't care."

There may be more to it, I don't even remember who it belongs to or if they still have it. But it sums up so perfectly, in just a few words, the amount of influence I allow bad attitudinal pixels on a screen, to have over me and my life. None!

It was/is SirKenin's....

By the way yall, I just had to finally confess......I'm fake!!!!

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Thank you - 11/10/2007 7:02:59 AM

Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline

kalari, whatever works for you and your dom is ok. It's clearly stated that you are only looking for friends in your "Actively Seaking" criteria and in your profile. Think about this for a second, a person would only bring up your name if they didn't include what you're seeking in their criteria and THEN ignored what shows in your profile in the general search window, let alone your full profile. If they don't bother even reading what shows clearly on the general search (which clearly shows the top of your profile), that's on THEM for being illiterate louses and not on you.

It's not uncommon for these idiots to still write to people that clearly state they are owned etc anyways, and to get all bent about you not being available. The best thing, like others said, put em on ignore when they send their first email, and then they can't bother you further.

You absolutely have a right to enjoy CM and look for friends here. CM isn't just some kind of dating service after all.

(in reply to kc692)

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