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"I know I don't match what you're looking for but.... - 11/10/2007 7:57:48 PM

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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The title of this thread has been the recurrent theme in my inbox these past few days.

Each author had their own "exception" to my rules -- age, marital status, what they were seeking.

Each letter clearly acknowledged that the writer was clear on what I wanted, chose to disregard it and air his own needs. What was more distressing is that the author went on, in each of these missives (all from different individuals) to tell me that they were sure that once I talked to them that I'd surely want them serving me!

Presumptuous? Rude? Brazen? Selfish? Disrespectful?

********************************************
Folks are constantly complaining that they don't get responses to their emails here on CM. So here's a request -- what could possibly be said to these folks who write emails like this? Does it make any sense to even bother to respond? Do they deserve it back with both barrels of the shotgun, or do they need the firm hand of redirection telling them where they erred?

For the guys -- can you give me some insight as to why this happens? Why would you write to someone and waste their time if you know full well that you don't qualify for what they seek? Are you just looking for jollies or is there some hidden "thing" in your sending this sort of email?

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 8:25:11 PM

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline

Yes, that's irritating. Especially when there are big exceptions--when someone doesn't fit one of the things I've listed as a requirement--or many, many exceptions. You need to be okay with my being poly and stone. You don't need to do electroplay--I think it's fun, indeed, really fun, but it's not an absolute dealbreaker.

(in reply to MisPandora)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 8:27:44 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
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Wouldn't it be nice if there was a way to hit them with a virtual clue-by-four? Since there isn't you can either ignore them (preferred), or try to get them to get a clue (which is rarely worth the efforts involved).

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~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to PairOfDimes)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 8:38:53 PM

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From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PairOfDimes

Yes, that's irritating. Especially when there are big exceptions--when someone doesn't fit one of the things I've listed as a requirement--or many, many exceptions. You need to be okay with my being poly and stone. You don't need to do electroplay--I think it's fun, indeed, really fun, but it's not an absolute dealbreaker.

It'd be ok if they were asking me to sacrifice my needles or scalpels or something like that.....but no, they want me to just settle on taking on a married guy because he's such a catch. Don't mind that I'm seeking a primary relationship and all.....LOL Asshats.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to PairOfDimes)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 8:40:22 PM

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

Wouldn't it be nice if there was a way to hit them with a virtual clue-by-four? Since there isn't you can either ignore them (preferred), or try to get them to get a clue (which is rarely worth the efforts involved).

The clue by four would be ideal, no?

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 9:10:32 PM

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Joined: 10/5/2004
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I want a "zap" button on my keyboard ... would that work instead of a clue-by-four?

My favorite was the guy who is 48, but thought that because we said that if someone were close to our preferred age range (about 24-34) we might make an exception, that he should be considered. Last I checked, 14 years wasn't close.

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Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to MisPandora)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 9:12:26 PM

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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here's your insight, men are idiots

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if only to keep me to herself.

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Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to MisPandora)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 9:15:16 PM

Posts: 2911
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From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

My favorite was the guy who is 48, but thought that because we said that if someone were close to our preferred age range (about 24-34) we might make an exception, that he should be considered. Last I checked, 14 years wasn't close.

I'm not sure what to be more insulted by -- the blatant disrespect -- or the insinuation that your likely well-thought out parameters are shit, somehow being breached, upended and disproven. They both suck!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 9:16:51 PM

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From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

here's your insight, men are idiots

It wasn't a female or a femdom that said this!

Is that really all it is?

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to darchChylde)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 9:19:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

My favorite was the guy who is 48, but thought that because we said that if someone were close to our preferred age range (about 24-34) we might make an exception, that he should be considered. Last I checked, 14 years wasn't close.

I'm not sure what to be more insulted by -- the blatant disrespect -- or the insinuation that your likely well-thought out parameters are shit, somehow being breached, upended and disproven. They both suck!

Yeah, my general response to guys like that is "a 'submissive' who can't follow directions and/or thinks that the rules don't apply to him, isn't a 'submissive' that we are interested in"

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to MisPandora)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 9:21:19 PM

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From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
Yeah, my general response to guys like that is "a 'submissive' who can't follow directions and/or thinks that the rules don't apply to him, isn't a 'submissive' that we are interested in"

That's a brilliant response, thanks for sharing it.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 9:23:13 PM

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Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

No problem ... it used to be a common response from us. Now that the site is convinced that I'm a male (refuses to allow me to put both of us as female in the couples profile), we have a lot fewer morons LOL

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to MisPandora)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 9:36:21 PM

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Joined: 11/19/2004
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MisPandora,

You didn't really get into the specifics of what actually took place, save for the married guy. It's my opinion that for many, hope springs eternal. Some times with age, someone is more mature than their age would suggest or perhaps younger than it would. Lots of things can cause someone to think that perhaps an exception can be made.

I disagree that the person is necessarily an idiot because of this. I would imagine that you can sort out who is being ridiculous and who is being genuine about the possibility of getting an exception.

My two pennies...

(in reply to MisPandora)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 9:38:51 PM

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Joined: 9/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

My favorite was the guy who is 48, but thought that because we said that if someone were close to our preferred age range (about 24-34) we might make an exception, that he should be considered. Last I checked, 14 years wasn't close.

I'm not sure what to be more insulted by -- the blatant disrespect -- or the insinuation that your likely well-thought out parameters are shit, somehow being breached, upended and disproven. They both suck!

I don't think it is intended as disrespect, or to say that your parameters are shit. It's just hope, and desperation. Someone sees a profile they like, so they message in the hopes that you will make an exception. Yeah, it's annoying.

I think we've all been on both sides of the fence though, you see someone who strikes a chord, but damn, they're looking for someone older, or fatter, or with a greater interest in exhibitionism or whatever, maybe some of us have the sense and restraint not to message people when we fall outside their parameters. Some of us don't though.

(in reply to MisPandora)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 9:39:32 PM

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It's funny: I've been having this tug-of-war with myself over whether to e-mail an incredibly hot dom in my area. He sets out four criteria for what he seeks, and I meet none of them. Yet part of me thinks/hopes maybe I could charm him into seeing past that minor detail! After reading your thread, I think I'll continue to refrain from bothering him.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to tetherboy)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 9:41:15 PM

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I love when they email me with the "I should be considered anyway" theme. I probably find it funnier because they are usually anywhere in the world EXCEPT Australia, and they want to serve me in r/t.

Then again, my profile, plainly and right at the top in capitals, says that I'm not looking, and still they come. If they can't understand that bit, what good are they to anyone?

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(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 10:01:11 PM

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From: Charleston, WV
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Desperate?

Master Fire

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(in reply to MisPandora)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 10:02:36 PM

GoddessDustyGold

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Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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~fast reply~ You mean you actually get emails that try to make a case for why you should make an exception?
I don't even get that!
Just the assumption that a quick 2 liner, even though they live in bumfuk, egypt and are 22 years old, is enough to get Me on a private chat. ..."here is my "IM", pls add me"
I don't even have an IM program loaded onto My computer...how can I add them? Do I have to add that in additon to the fact that I clearly state I do not chat? No, never mind...that would entail actually reading and comprehending the profile.
Yeah, I guess that is just as bad as the one who said "I sent you a text message when I realized I couldn't meet you" He was on a plane to NYC while I was waiting at the coffee house. Not to mention I am pretty sure that he could have called the previous evening.
Oh gosh, I forgot to tell him I don't use text messaging...can't get a text message!
*Sigh*

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
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(in reply to MissMagnolia)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 10:07:15 PM

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From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

~fast reply~ You mean you actually get emails that try to make a case for why you should make an exception?
I don't even get that!
Just the assumption that a quick 2 liner, even though they live in bumfuk, egypt and are 22 years old, is enough to get Me on a private chat. ..."here is my "IM", pls add me"
I don't even have an IM program loaded onto My computer...how can I add them? Do I have to add that in additon to the fact that I clearly state I do not chat? No, never mind...that would entail actually reading and comprehending the profile.
Yeah, I guess that is just as bad as the one who said "I sent you a text message when I realized I couldn't meet you" He was on a plane to NYC while I was waiting at the coffee house. Not to mention I am pretty sure that he could have called the previous evening.
Oh gosh, I forgot to tell him I don't use text messaging...can't get a text message!
*Sigh*

That's just it. I don't usually get these emails that plainly admit that they paid close attention to what I said I want and make a (rather weak) case for why I should consider them anyhow. Normally, it's just a spammy-appearing form letter, poorly worded one or two liner clearly typed while holding one's nether bits. I was caught off guard by this new approach!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/10/2007 10:09:36 PM

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

It's funny: I've been having this tug-of-war with myself over whether to e-mail an incredibly hot dom in my area. He sets out four criteria for what he seeks, and I meet none of them. Yet part of me thinks/hopes maybe I could charm him into seeing past that minor detail! After reading your thread, I think I'll continue to refrain from bothering him.

A minor detail is when you don't meet 25% or less of their requirements.

A major detail is when they have one big HUGE disclaimer and you can't meet that one (or in the case of your fellow, all four.) That's 100% disqualified.

Now, I'm not one to go bursting people's bubbles. If you feel you're exceptional, make a headlong run for it. Be sure to tell him WHY and what you have to offer that makes you the only likely candidate. And accept the fact that he might very well feel like you've pissed all over his parameters for doing so!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to dcnovice)

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