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Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 2:20:56 PM

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From: St George Utah
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I have been part of three threads where the OP was berated for what they were asking and many things were said that if I were new and I was treated this way I would determine any group of people that nasty are not for me and wash my hands of his Acronym known as BDSM.

In this Forum Sub Group known as ASK A MASTER we are asking questions and seeking advice from those who have come before and are willing to help us understand a particular end of the lifestyle that perhaps is baffeling us at the moment. Or even just asking for a dominant point of view on something.

Now since there are so many facets to what it is that we do YES I expect there will be MANY MANY MANY different answers however what I see more than answers are attacks, judgements, and generalizations on other people.

Why do we judge the person asking the question and not answer the question being asked. So Far I have seen few people ask for a Moral Critique on themselves, what most are asking is how those of us who have been at this for a few years go about things. Questions like sub vs. slave, or What does a collar mean, what are limits, what are safewords? These are questions that get asked a MILLION times I know, but someone new to asking the question is also going to be new to posting on the forum we should not expect them to use the search button. Everything they ask is very new to them and many of them assume it is a question that NEEDS an answer because it is a question they need answered, so they ask it, and with some of these questions the people on this forum get nasty, make jokes, poke fun, and in some cases tell the person to "Leave and come back when they get a CLUE" But isn't asking the question, them attempting to get the clue in the first place?

As a Forum why are we so quick to judge the newbie asking a question? Do we all forget that there was a time someone answered these EXACT same questions for us and took us aside and TRIED TO HELP?

Maybe someone can point out why questions like this cause you to react so cruely and rude.

I am asking for ALL sides of this not just the nice ones. Just please be KIND and don't attack people everyone is intitled to an opinion even you.

As Always

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 2:23:32 PM

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Bravo, SteelofUtah. Bravo!

g

_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 2:41:29 PM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I did not read that sub v slave thread the same way as you did, I saw a bunch of humor and people making light of the fact that the question gets asked a lot. I did not see any moral judgment on anyone... I saw some observations made about the post due to what was written on the OP's profile. I sincerely did not see anything mean spirited on that thread... I have seen mean spiritedness on CM, but not in that case.

As to why people are judgmental, because they often do not know themselves, or they are fearful of that which is different from them, or they fear other perspectives. I read one sub that seemed judgmental about people who play the first time they meet, which is something I did with my Dom.... but the thing is, I do not care about the approval of random strangers on the internet... there is only one person's approval that matters to me, so you all can judge away

. If more people became secure within themselves about their life choices and who they are, those who are judgmental would not matter.

It is better to make fun of oneself before other people get the opportunity to do it for us, and those who can laugh at themselves, and do not take things so seriously are usually happier people. I have a serious streak in me myself, but I find that if I can laugh at myself, it takes the sting out of what anyone else thinks or says to me or about me. There is no internet community that I have ever seen that walked on egg shells for the thin skinned, it just isn't going to happen.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 2:43:49 PM

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Okay, I haven't had a chance to read this OP yet, but I know this thread's going to be a waste of time. I mean, seriously, who judges too quickly?

Excuse me, some guy just walked in with baggy jeans.. I have to hide my valuables before he sees them.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 2:56:30 PM

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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quote:

Why does every woman I marry say my breath smells bad?

I have two choices here, three if you count ignoring the OP. I could say "gee, I have no idea why women say your breath smells, or "gee, what a bunch of mean women to say that about you.

OR

I could "attack" him and say, "gee, if lots of people keep telling you your breath is bad, maybe YOU HAVE BAD FUCKING BREATH!!!!!

In other words, while YOU cannot see why some of us "attack" posters, many of us who have been around a long time can pull more out of someone's post, perhaps even things they themselves do not realize and we call them on it. 90% of the problems we see spoken of on the board are by people who are so totally unaware of the reasons they do things or why they make the decisions/choices they do that those of us who have grown beyond that see it like a flashlight in the dark.

Then people like you say "why are you blaming the victim" when we ask why a battered woman chose a batterer. We are NOT attacking or blaming the battered woman but lots of other women NEVER or only ONCE get in a relationship with a man who batters them. We can only teach and educate the person who comes here and so we point out what we believe to be their "issues"....

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 11/11/2007 2:58:53 PM >

(in reply to CuriousLord)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 2:58:07 PM

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From: Phx AZ
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i do not think "we all " are judgmental .And to say an absolute and include "all" is a misnomer ,since when did the whole worlds population ever agree as a collective ?

< Message edited by azropedntied -- 11/11/2007 3:09:04 PM >

(in reply to CuriousLord)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 2:58:40 PM

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Joined: 11/24/2005
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Tongue fur is the main cause of halitosis and can be cured by tongue scraping I hear.

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(in reply to SimplyMichael)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 3:03:31 PM

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It depends on the day and the mood I am in. Sometimes it depends on the question being asked and how it is worded.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 3:06:50 PM

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I'm not entirely sure what you're getting at here, Steel, as I have seen people come to snap judgements both for or against the OP of a thread. I see a lot of threads started where they're asking for advise/opinions about their relationship or some situation in the relationship that none of us could really give an answer to from: lack of information, lopsided viewpoint, just not knowing the people involved (since we never hear both sides), or some combination of these.

So maybe it's the type of question or point posed? For myself, I try to mainly focus on threads that do NOT follow the type of question as I describe in the previous paragraph, as their very nature tends to be inflammatory.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 3:08:47 PM

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Well generally I do it because I'm pretty darn good at making quick judgements and being very accurate with them. I think it's helped me in a lot of ways over time.

As well, in such a limited base as an online forum, seeing beyond the question is imperative to actually understanding what's going on. A question has a lot going on behind it. The other week a person asked if they were still in a relationship if they hadn't been through a collaring ceremony.

Thanks to my quick judgements and asking for questions BEYOND the question that was actually asked- it was quickly revealed that the actual issue at hand had nothing really to do with the literal question at all.

If we just answer the literal question, that's when things get lost and ignored and forgotten. It's using good judgement and getting to the meat of the question itself (and the questioner) that makes forums so useful.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Squeakers)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 3:08:50 PM

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

Okay, I haven't had a chance to read this OP yet, but I know this thread's going to be a waste of time. I mean, seriously, who judges too quickly?

Excuse me, some guy just walked in with baggy jeans.. I have to hide my valuables before he sees them.

OKay this was funny and I can't stop laughing.

So much for keeping things serious

As Always

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to CuriousLord)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 3:11:30 PM

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

i do not think "we all " are judgmental .And to say an absolute and include "all" is a misnomer ,since when did the whole worlds population ever agree as a collective ?

Good point.

You are arguing semantics not the purpose of the post

But

Good Point.

As Always

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to azropedntied)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 3:13:41 PM

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Joined: 11/24/2005
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Sorry people but hasn’t this topic of why are we so quick to judge come up before? I need linkage to demonstrate that all topics have infact been brought up before and that no new topics exist so we should all read the posts from yesteryear and then go find somewhere to die.
Tanks

_____________________________

∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 3:15:14 PM

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FullCircle

Sorry people but hasn’t this topic of why are we so quick to judge come up before? I need linkage to demonstrate that all topics have infact been brought up before and that no new topics exist so we should all read the posts from yesteryear and then go find somewhere to die.
Tanks

Yes everything worth saying has already been said before so I think Full Circle is right.

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to FullCircle)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 3:15:17 PM

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From: Scranton, PA
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quote:

Maybe someone can point out why questions like this cause you to react so cruely and rude.

I love the irony of a statement like this in a post where you're calling out others for making judgments. Thanks for the laugh.

_____________________________

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 3:19:37 PM

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
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Oh my goodness, callousness never departs.
The OP still gets rude remarks.

SteelofUtah Everyone here, and yes, I am on and off and back again, responds in their own personal way. Stay here long enough and you might find your way to the block button cause you know a certain responder will always be sarcastic, or heaven forbid cynical or better yet, judging or even attacking. They do so becasue they find it better to stab than to lead.

I see already after a short hiatus and signing off that people do not shake their nature nor do birds fly far from their nest.

4 years ago under another name, I HAD to grow really tough skin or I found myself being controlled by male and female neaderthals.

I also see a bunch of new posters. Stick with it. Being new to the forums should not make you run. Email if you'd like. If I dont know the answer, Sir might. And if "the dom" wishes to contact my Sir,let me know. He is more than happy to help.

Sir's devoted property

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to Squeakers)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 3:19:50 PM

Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
Yes everything worth saying has already been said before so I think Full Circle is right.

Well it’s about time someone agreed with me, spread the word my follower we need a pamphlet also.

_____________________________

∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 3:23:56 PM

Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

I have been part of three threads where the OP was berated for what they were asking and many things were said that if I were new and I was treated this way I would determine any group of people that nasty are not for me and wash my hands of his Acronym known as BDSM.

In this Forum Sub Group known as ASK A MASTER we are asking questions and seeking advice from those who have come before and are willing to help us understand a particular end of the lifestyle that perhaps is baffeling us at the moment. Or even just asking for a dominant point of view on something.

Now since there are so many facets to what it is that we do YES I expect there will be MANY MANY MANY different answers however what I see more than answers are attacks, judgements, and generalizations on other people.

Why do we judge the person asking the question and not answer the question being asked. So Far I have seen few people ask for a Moral Critique on themselves, what most are asking is how those of us who have been at this for a few years go about things. Questions like sub vs. slave, or What does a collar mean, what are limits, what are safewords? These are questions that get asked a MILLION times I know, but someone new to asking the question is also going to be new to posting on the forum we should not expect them to use the search button. Everything they ask is very new to them and many of them assume it is a question that NEEDS an answer because it is a question they need answered, so they ask it, and with some of these questions the people on this forum get nasty, make jokes, poke fun, and in some cases tell the person to "Leave and come back when they get a CLUE" But isn't asking the question, them attempting to get the clue in the first place?

As a Forum why are we so quick to judge the newbie asking a question? Do we all forget that there was a time someone answered these EXACT same questions for us and took us aside and TRIED TO HELP?

Maybe someone can point out why questions like this cause you to react so cruely and rude.

I am asking for ALL sides of this not just the nice ones. Just please be KIND and don't attack people everyone is intitled to an opinion even you.

As Always

Steel

I agree with you 100%, SteelofUtah. Great post.

_____________________________

Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

check out: www.enclaveproductions.com
www.enclavewest.com

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 3:27:12 PM

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

Okay, I haven't had a chance to read this OP yet, but I know this thread's going to be a waste of time. I mean, seriously, who judges too quickly?

Excuse me, some guy just walked in with baggy jeans.. I have to hide my valuables before he sees them.

I don't think anyone, ever, has been known to judge too quickly. What a ludicrous notion. Who does that? What I really want to say is that this is an intensely amusing comment, and I hope you got by with your valuables safe and intact.

< Message edited by extraordinary -- 11/11/2007 3:28:31 PM >

_____________________________

'He said, "It's all in your head."
I said, "So's everything," but he didn't get it.'

(in reply to CuriousLord)

RE: Why are we all so quick to judge? - 11/11/2007 3:27:40 PM

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Joined: 11/24/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Thanks to my quick judgements and asking for questions BEYOND the question that was actually asked- it was quickly revealed that the actual issue at hand had nothing really to do with the literal question at all.

I know what you mean because the other week some woman asked me what time the next bus was due obviously the real issue was if I would have sex with her or not.

_____________________________

∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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