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Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/19/2007 3:22:27 PM

Muttling

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Two guys walked into a bar.

The third guy ducked under it.

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/19/2007 3:24:09 PM

Muttling

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More bad humor.......

Why did the skeleton not cross the road?

He didn't have the guts for it.

(in reply to Muttling)

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/19/2007 3:25:58 PM

Muttling

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The punishment never ends......

Why do cyber slaves prefer computers to real life mistresses?

A computer is satisfied with a 3.5 inch floppy.

(in reply to Muttling)

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/19/2007 3:31:26 PM

Arpig

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quote:

The punishment never ends......

Why do cyber slaves prefer computers to real life mistresses?

A computer is satisfied with a 3.5 inch floppy.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to Muttling)

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/19/2007 7:15:51 PM

chellekitty

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a pair of jumper cables walk into a bar...

bartender says, you can stay as long as you don't start anything....

a guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm

he says, i'll have one for me and one for the road...

guy goes to the doctor, says "doctor, it hurts when i touch here" and the guy touches his knee
"and it hurts when i touch here" and the guy touches his arm
"and it hurts when i touch here" and the guy touches his head

doctor looks at him and says "you have a broken finger"

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Arpig)

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/19/2007 11:54:24 PM

RubberWitch

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Dyslexic man walked into a bra...

two lute players walked into a bard...

in communist russia, two bars walk into you.

and.. truly the worst barjoke ever...
A ghost dog, covered in coal dust walked into a bar as the clock struck twelve. It had obviously died in an explosion at the pit, infact it's rear end had all but fallen off. It began whining pitifully, looking up at the barman, who was still cleaning up after closing time. Rather than help the etherial pup pull himself together, the barman said, rather coldly,
"Sorry, we don't re-tail spirits after midnight, nor do we allow entry to miners."

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Lets roleplay - I'll get the D20s
"Freud was...sorry if this is an over-generalisation...A coke addled kiddy-fiddler" Alan Moore
"A Lady must always remember her station in life - and be prepared to change at Acton Town"

(in reply to chellekitty)

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/20/2007 5:04:43 PM

Muttling

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Guy walks into a bar and orders a shot of wiskey.

Looks in his shirt pocket, then orders another shot.

Looks in his pocket again and orders a third shot.

Bartender, "I know this is none of my busines, but what's in your pocket?"

"It's a picture of my wife, when she looks good I go home."

(in reply to RubberWitch)

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/20/2007 11:21:58 PM

MadameDahlia

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A priest, a dog, a man carrying an alligator and a ninja walk into a bar...
The bar tender looks up and says, "Oh hey now... C'mon... what is this? A joke?"

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Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/20/2007 11:46:27 PM

RubberWitch

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Guy wearing a surgical gown, and wheeling an IV drip walks into a bar, and orders a double whisky. bartender, shocked by the guys near deathly palour pours him a triple and puts it on the bar without taking his eyes off him.
He knocks it back before saying "You know, I shouldn't be drinking this with what I've got"
"why?" asked the barman, "What have you got"
"87p"

_____________________________

Lets roleplay - I'll get the D20s
"Freud was...sorry if this is an over-generalisation...A coke addled kiddy-fiddler" Alan Moore
"A Lady must always remember her station in life - and be prepared to change at Acton Town"

(in reply to MadameDahlia)

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/21/2007 1:59:58 AM

Muttling

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A guy walks into a bar with a small alligator. He pronounces that "I will put dick in his mouth for $100."

Everybody chips in and he puts the gator on the table. Taps gator on the head and he opens his mouth. Just as he puts his dick in, the gator clamps down on it.

The guy calmly takes a beer bottle and busts it over the gator's head. The gator opens his mouth and the guy puts it back in his pants. He then asks, "Would anyone else like to try that?"

A submissive in the back says, "I'll try it if you promise not to hit me over the head with a bottle."

(in reply to RubberWitch)

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/21/2007 5:46:34 AM

RubberWitch

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a bloke and hus giraffe go into the pud, and start doing shots. They both stop when they've had enough, but the poor giraffe's neck means his body's always 3 shots behind his head, and by the time they catch up, he's out for the count. his legs buckle, and he collapses.
The bloke gets up and starts to walk out, but the barman calls out "You can't leave that lyin' here!"
The bloke slurrs back...
"Sh'not a lion..isha giraffe"

_____________________________

Lets roleplay - I'll get the D20s
"Freud was...sorry if this is an over-generalisation...A coke addled kiddy-fiddler" Alan Moore
"A Lady must always remember her station in life - and be prepared to change at Acton Town"

(in reply to Muttling)

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/21/2007 9:54:11 AM

Jeffff

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a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says ."Hey, why the long face?"

Jeff

(in reply to Muttling)

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/21/2007 10:18:00 AM

serenitypup

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More bad jokes:

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. When he's told how much it costs, the duck nods and says, "Put it on my bill."

What's green and hangs from trees? Giraffe snot.

What did the elephant say to the naked man? "It's cute, but can you really breathe through that thing?"

(in reply to RubberWitch)

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/21/2007 10:35:47 AM

playfulotter

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Not only a bar joke but a blonde joke all rolled into one....

A Cajun walks into a bar with pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth & place my balls inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. Then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers and placed his Johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd.

After a few minutes of silence, a single hand goes up. "I'll try it!" yells a Blonde woman from the other end of the bar, "But don't hit me so hard with the bottle..."

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We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” ― Benjamin Franklin

"Some people are otters, some people are rocks." ~Sheldon Cooper

(in reply to Muttling)

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/21/2007 11:22:07 AM

Politesub53

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A guy was having a drink in a bar.
The drunk beside him said " hey you, i slept with you mum "
The guy ignores the drunk
The drunk says. " hey you ugly fuker, i slept with you mum"
The guy says..... "Go home dad you`ve had too much to drink"

(in reply to playfulotter)

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/21/2007 11:27:55 AM

carlie310

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I can't resist a bad joke thread.

A mushroom walks into a bar, and the bartender immediately tells him that they don't serve drinks to mushrooms.

The mushroom looks offended and asks. . ."Why not? I'm a fun guy!"

(in reply to Politesub53)

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/21/2007 11:34:20 AM

ITGirl68

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OK: none of those can compete against the true idiocy of this one...

A piece of string goes into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey! We don't allow string in here. Get out or I'll throw you out!"

The piece of string leaves, ties himself up, and goes back into the bar.

The bartender says, "Hey! Aren't you the string that just tried to get in here a minute ago?"

The string says, "Frayed knot."

::ducking::
-- Angel

(in reply to Politesub53)

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/21/2007 1:38:15 PM

carlie310

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Oddly enough, that was one of the jokes I thought about posting, but I posted the mushroom one instead. (In my version, he messes up his hair and ties himself up, but still. . .groan.)

(in reply to ITGirl68)

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RE: Worst Bar Joke in History...... - 11/21/2007 3:54:27 PM

DesertRat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Muttling
A guy walks into a bar with a small alligator. He pronounces that "I will put dick in his mouth for $100."

Everybody chips in and he puts the gator on the table. Taps gator on the head and he opens his mouth. Just as he puts his dick in, the gator clamps down on it.

The guy calmly takes a beer bottle and busts it over the gator's head. The gator opens his mouth and the guy puts it back in his pants. He then asks, "Would anyone else like to try that?"

A submissive in the back says, "I'll try it if you promise not to hit me over the head with a bottle."

Okay, that one made me laugh out loud. I wish I could remember the one about the priest, the acolyte, the Pope, and the hibachi.

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

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