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No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 1:54:06 PM   
AMasterPiece2009


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline 		I need some advice. I am married and have been chatting with a married dom for a couple of months. We have met in public recently, and the chemistry is definetly there. We have not been alone, but have been talking about having a session soon.  The only concern I have is that he will not disclose his real name, phone number , or anything personal whatsoever and has no intention of doing so.  He is afraid that a sub would contact his wife if the relationship ended badly. My concern is that, although my gut tells me he is safe, that there is no way to trace who he is if he is not safe. Does anyone have any suggestions on a compromise or how I should handle this?  Please, no judgements on the cheating issue .. no need  to feel any more guilty!

< Message edited by AMasterPiece2009 -- 12/7/2007 2:25:14 PM >
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RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 1:56:25 PM   
childoftheshadow


Posts: 458
Joined: 8/2/2006
From: London UK
Status: offline 		Personally, I'd walk away

(in reply to AMasterPiece2009)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 1:59:18 PM   
AMasterPiece2009


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline 		why?

(in reply to childoftheshadow)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 2:05:33 PM   
childoftheshadow


Posts: 458
Joined: 8/2/2006
From: London UK
Status: offline 		I wouldn't go for a first meet without having a name and contact number. Yeah, he could seem real nice, but then a lot of rapist probably do. Safety first, always.

(in reply to AMasterPiece2009)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 2:08:56 PM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		If you have children, take everything youve told them about "Stranger Danger", apply it to this situation, and move on.  If it were me, I'd much rather have him end up being a really good guy that I cut loose, instead of something horrid happening...

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to childoftheshadow)
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RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 2:12:05 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AMasterPiece2009

I need some advice. I am married and have been chatting with a married dom for a couple of months. We have met in public recently, and the chemistry is definetly there. We have not been alone, but have been talking about having a session soon.  The only concern I have is that he will not disclose his real name, phone number , or anything personal whatsoever and has no intention of doing so.  He is afraid that a sub would contact his wife if the relationship ended badly. My concern is that, although my gut tells me he is safe, that there is no way to trace who he is if he is not safe. Does anyone have any suggestions on a compromise or how I should handle this? 


Take your husband with you to the session. He can play body guard.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to AMasterPiece2009)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 2:14:34 PM   
Sabella


Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		Sooooooooo...you don't trust him. He doesn't trust you. What sort of "session" do you anticipate built on such a cracked foundation? Not to mention the cracks you are both putting in your primary relationships. Not that it's any of my business *shrug* but you mentioned it so it must be important in some small manner?

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 2:15:33 PM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline 		Next time you meet him you say you understand his concerns as you have the same concerns about your own marriage. You then say you can’t go on like this because even the most sordid relationships rely upon some element of trust. No name no future. He has no more to lose than you do so point this out to him.

< Message edited by Raechard -- 12/7/2007 2:16:24 PM >

_____________________________

えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
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RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 2:17:03 PM   
mistressadj


Posts: 17
Joined: 11/5/2007
Status: offline 		I have the opposite trouble with subs....I would feel more comfortable knowing real names; but on the other hand, in some areas this type of activity is illegal.  I can understand the reluctance to divulge information that could get someone in trouble.  I have not yet come up with a solution that lets me feel comfortable yet lets my potential sub feel safe.  I always give my name by the time we are ready to meet in real life, but I don't feel that I can demand the same from the sub.

However, in the D/s relationship, the dom/me is MORE responsible to ensure safety and security.  A dom/me who is unwilling to make the sub feel safe is not a dom/me who can be trusted.  IMHO

(in reply to AMasterPiece2009)
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RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 2:19:00 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AMasterPiece2009

I need some advice. I am married and have been chatting with a married dom for a couple of months. We have met in public recently, and the chemistry is definetly there. We have not been alone, but have been talking about having a session soon.  The only concern I have is that he will not disclose his real name, phone number , or anything personal whatsoever and has no intention of doing so.  He is afraid that a sub would contact his wife if the relationship ended badly. My concern is that, although my gut tells me he is safe, that there is no way to trace who he is if he is not safe. Does anyone have any suggestions on a compromise or how I should handle this? 


Red flag alert. Walk away and never look back

(in reply to AMasterPiece2009)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 4:19:38 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AMasterPiece2009

Does anyone have any suggestions on a compromise or how I should handle this? 


The only acceptable compromise to me (and it would be iffy) would be to take a bodyguard.   Otherwise, sing it with me sister.. These boots were made for walking...

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to AMasterPiece2009)
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RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 4:23:49 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		He wants to have sex but not give you his name?  You really need to ask this question?  Not giving out personal information in the beginning is understandable.  Expecting you to trust him with your safety and well-being and not trusting you with his basic information is laughable.  I can't describe to you how hard I would laugh at that.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to AMasterPiece2009)
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RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 4:25:30 PM   
BBWnNC72


Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline 		sings with Califchick " and thats just what they'll do...."

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.


(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 4:45:50 PM   
kingbeef31


Posts: 55
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline 		Honestly, if he can't give you his name, you should just walk away.  Remember one very important fact:  There has to be mutual trust in the sub/dom relationship.  That is a HARD LIMIT.

_____________________________

Life is all about ass. Some of you kiss it, while others like me KICK IT!!!!!!

(in reply to AMasterPiece2009)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 5:00:12 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Perhaps he is going to give you some no name tube steak.




_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 5:51:37 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		They need to meet at the no name motel.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 6:05:48 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I've been through the desert on a horse with no name......

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 7:31:58 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		You already know what you want.

I think you posted this thread hoping to get an answer that you wanted to hear.

Hell, it's your life. Scene, suck cock, fuck, whatever. Be naughty and find out where it gets you. The only thing that should matter to you is: Is he the dom for me? He has a name for you to call him. Can you accept that? It's his rules versus your hard limits. What's it going to be?

Personally, I don't care if you cheat. However, I find it a little difficult to stomach that a real dom has to lie to his wife. It seems that he has controll issues at home and has to have people like you for his life outside the box. This is so he can feel like a real man and dom. That's just my two cents.

Hook up and let us know how it goes. You told us yourself that your Gut says yes. Has your gut ever steered you wrong before?

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to AMasterPiece2009)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 7:46:34 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		Like FangsNfeet, I don't care if you cheat, I don't care if he cheats, I don't care if the whole world cheats. The answer to this one is what YOU are willing to tolerate. If you don't mind fucking a stranger, fuck him. If you don't mind not having a phone number to call if he gives you some kind of disease or gets you pregnant, fuck him. Fuck your brains out.

He's got absolutely nothing to lose - the playing field isn't approaching a balance level I'd consider playing on but I'm not you. Like laurel, too, I cannot tell you how hard I would laugh at his absurdity. But I'm not you. To me, he sounds like he wants to play Mr. Dommy Bedroom Dude without the hassle of the rest of the relationship, which means without the hassle of you unless he wants to use you as his personal submissive hole. If that's what you're into, go for it.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 7:56:23 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you have his license plate, you probably could find out who he is and run a criminal check.

Otherwise play at a public dungeon. That way you will be safe. You may or may not be allowed to have sex, rules vary by locale. Or meet at swingers clubs to have sex. Always somebody around who will help if you scream bloody murder.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 20
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