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RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 9:14:52 PM   
AMasterPiece2009


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks so much to all who have answered. I am new to real time, and I have to admit, the anonymity makes me very uneasy.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 10:34:39 PM   
lauren0221


Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AMasterPiece2009

Thanks so much to all who have answered. I am new to real time, and I have to admit, the anonymity makes me very uneasy.


As it should.

You have gotten some excellent advice here. This is real life, not fantasy. Take care of yourself.

< Message edited by lauren0221 -- 12/7/2007 10:35:02 PM >

(in reply to AMasterPiece2009)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/7/2007 10:44:15 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AMasterPiece2009

the anonymity makes me very uneasy.

I think that that is the answer you are looking for.

someone (I dont remember who) has in their signature line "Dont make someone mandatory in your life when you are optional in theirs." or something very close. sounds to me that you are optional to this "dom"

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to AMasterPiece2009)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/8/2007 12:17:52 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Just out of curiousity did this thread actually start out in health and safety?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Phin)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/8/2007 5:35:18 AM   
SubinHeels4U


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/18/2007
Status: offline 		Be safe, not sorry. 

< Message edited by SubinHeels4U -- 12/8/2007 5:52:36 AM >

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/8/2007 5:44:02 AM   
IamJustMe2C


Posts: 94
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		Why must you have sex to have a play session with him. BDSM is not based on sex and so many people forget about that yet they bring up public play or public places where sex is not allowed. Theres proof that sex does not have to happen. Sure its nice and its fun but its not a must. The only must is to be safe. Bring a friend or tell someone where your going and let him know this in advance. Im letting my friend so and so know we are going to be here at this time and so and so will be calling to check on me and I will be calling them at this time to check in with them. If he knows this and is fine with this that lets you know something about him and yet you still have a safety net. Small as it might be its still there.

And who are we to pass judgement on you if you do have sex with him? Its your body do with it as you see fit. 

_____________________________

Submission is a gift unlike any other. The one who can sculpt that gift in a graceful manner is a Master.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/8/2007 5:49:18 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Why must you have sex to have a play session with him. BDSM is not
quote:

ORIGINAL: IamJustMe2C

Why must you have sex to have a play session with him. BDSM is not based on sex and so many people forget about that yet they bring up public play or public places where sex is not allowed. Theres proof that sex does not have to happen. Sure its nice and its fun but its not a must. The only must is to be safe. Bring a friend or tell someone where your going and let him know this in advance. Im letting my friend so and so know we are going to be here at this time and so and so will be calling to check on me and I will be calling them at this time to check in with them. If he knows this and is fine with this that lets you know something about him and yet you still have a safety net. Small as it might be its still there.

And who are we to pass judgement on you if you do have sex with him? Its your body do with it as you see fit. 


Not about sex....well whatever------just know that if I am passing out all this shit for the enlightenment of the masses, I ain't the fuckin' red cross out here, and I am going to get my dick sucked at the very least. Nobody works for free.

Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to IamJustMe2C)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/8/2007 7:01:28 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IamJustMe2C
Why must you have sex to have a play session with him. BDSM is not based on sex


For you, BDSM play is not sexual. For me it is. The play and sex are intermingled for me and I wouldn't want the spankings, bondage etc if it was asexual. It would be like being showed photos of great meals when I was hungry and then being told I should now be full. I wouldn't be.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to IamJustMe2C)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/8/2007 8:51:13 AM   
undinerising


Posts: 36
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline 		He wants to scene with you, but he's afraid you'll tell his wife? That sounds like some bad math to me. I don't care how good he is, he can't be worth it.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/8/2007 5:26:34 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		He says he doesn't give out personal info because he fears that a relationship might sour and someone might squeal to his wife. Perhaps that's true.

But if it isn't... perhaps there's something a bit more foul behind his reluctance. Could be he's a wanted felon. Could be that he likes having sex with beasts. Could be he's had sex with UMs and can easily be found on a list of known sexual offenders. Could be that he carries a disease and wants to be able to fuck and flee.

Unless you know particulars it isn't safe.


_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to undinerising)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/8/2007 6:07:23 PM   
agoodgirl4Daddy


Posts: 336
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline 		Something smells rotten in Denmark...or..wherever it is you live.

I was in a vanilla relationship and spoke with my partner about my desire to become involved in BDSM.  My partner tried to be kinky but was not wired that way.  I was allowed to scene as long as my partner was there with me and had approved the person with whom i was playing.  Heck, my partner  even participated by co-Topping on occasion.  This relationship did end (about a year ago), but I am thankful to have had a partner with whom i could explore my submissive/bottom/girl side to an extent, even if it was outside our relationship.  Who knows, OP, maybe your spouse would agree to something like this, and you could stop sneaking around..unless the sneaking around is part of what gets you off!

The guy that you (the OP) are getting involved with....... my 2 cents worth.... he isn't worthy of popping your SM cherry!  :o)  Hold out for someone better....He will come along!

_____________________________

~We do not see things as they are - we see them as we are.~ Anais Nin

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/8/2007 9:16:10 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		When you met him last time did he arrive in a car??? if so ask to have another public meet then get the licence plate number and check it out to find out the name and once you have the name check the sex offenders registry, though an awful way to have to go about getting the info you need personally even if married he should be willing to provide some info at least his name and cell phone number though omitting home number I can understand, but now if pressured he may just give out a false name  instead to protect his identity, BDSM is supposed to be built on trust


Another option which does not guarantee your safety but will provide help as soon as possible should something go wrong is using a Safe Call info in the link below and can be used by police to help  track the person down even without name and phone number if you provide as much info as possible for example email headers, IM ids, website name  where you met and his ID  http://vikinghouse.tripod.com/id6.html

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/9/2007 2:06:03 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Playing CSI may give you some information but I highly doubt when it comes time to be restrained and trust him with your life it will give you much solace.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/9/2007 10:20:34 AM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline 		I once met with a DOM (who turned out to be a good friend instead of Dom to me) and he had us trade ID cards. Try offering yours up at the table next time you meet with him and see what he's willing to do. Everything about you both, right there on the table.
On the other side (his), i can see his POV. When i started dating the man im with now, he gave me a different name. Three weeks later he came clean, was i freaked? HELL YES! But he explained the same scenerio happening to him that you mentioned in your post. Its understandable, and after i got over me rage, i asked him for his ID and he willingly let me see it.
There has to be some trust of course, sometimes people have a harder time trusting because of past experiences, but its YOUR decision to decide if youre willing to work with that or not.
A funny side not, three nights ago i was with him and accidently called him David (the fake name he gave me)- you should have seen his face! Priceless!!!

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/9/2007 2:01:35 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AMasterPiece2009

Thanks so much to all who have answered. I am new to real time, and I have to admit, the anonymity makes me very uneasy.


You're both married, but you're the one who seems to be taking all the chances, MasterPiece. If he's not willing to take the same chances, you should think about looking elsewhere, despite the chemistry.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to AMasterPiece2009)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/9/2007 3:26:03 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		Before I ever met anyone in private, I required to see their driver's license. Of course, my husband was with me, so he would see the license, too. To me, that is the initial step in proving he is on the level. If he has too much to lose, to risk letting his sexual partner know his name, then he has too much to risk to be playing this game. And, consider how much you have to lose. Your health, your life............

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to AMasterPiece2009)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/10/2007 9:00:27 PM   
MistressHolly71


Posts: 354
Joined: 7/4/2007
From: Southern Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

that there is no way to trace who he is if he is not safe


You said it yourself.  A lot women thought Ted Bundy was a nice guy until he murdered them.


_____________________________

Sex is fun & pleasure is good for you. -- The Ethical Slut

Self-confessed Yarnaphile

Member: Lance's Fag Hags

My Ravelry

(in reply to AMasterPiece2009)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/10/2007 9:04:33 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		Sounds like a cheater out to get a little on the side...My advice, walk away......bounty

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to AMasterPiece2009)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/10/2007 9:14:23 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AMasterPiece2009

My concern is that, although my gut tells me he is safe, that there is no way to trace who he is if he is not safe. Does anyone have any suggestions on a compromise or how I should handle this?  Please, no judgements on the cheating issue .. no need  to feel any more guilty!


Knowing his name isn't going to change whether or not he is 'safe'.  You said yourself your gut tells you he is safe.  So maybe it's not really a question of whether or not he's safe, but whether or not he's ever going to trust you.  Maybe that's what's bothering you?  I don't know.  Just food for thought.

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to AMasterPiece2009)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: No Name Dom? - 12/10/2007 10:24:39 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		What adult carries on like that? If someone is going to engage in anything remotely intimate like play or an affair, then trust is vital, as is knowing their NAME.

I cannot believe anyone would even question something like this.

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 40
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