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RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/7/2007 7:56:09 PM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		I like Old Bastard or OB. I only like to be called "Sir" by those whom I have earned their respect. I don't care if you call me "numb-nuts"...as long as you are up for the challenge, lol

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/7/2007 8:08:28 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Stephann, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I have been brought up in my youth to address those elder to me (not necessarily elderly) as Sir or Ma'am.
 
I carry it over, even in my vanilla interaction.  Being polite gives its on results.
 
I am a person who is very secure in who and or what I am, as a Dominant Lady.  I don't 'demand' anybody to call me Lady Hugs, this or that; who are not in my collar and or under my training.
What I do find helpful, is when I ask people how they would like to be addressed--especially in BDSM circles.   Then, if I think it is a bit inappropriate for the situation; I will ask if I can address them [insert revised manner of addressing them].
 
That said, if it is a formal situation--I will always use titles.  Informal, most of my friends are Dominants and we just use our names.  I do appreciate those who do not know me in a very personal way, to use  "Ma'am" or "Miss"--
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/7/2007 8:24:07 PM   
RayvenGoddess


Posts: 77
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline 		When I am talking to someone I don't know or are not familiar with on this site, I address myself by the capitalized first letter of my real name.  If it is someone I am interested in, I sign off my emails and ask to be addressed as Miss K.  It puts a formality and shows that while I am not claiming ownership of them I expect a certain level of decorum from them.  It is only after I have proven myself and they have proven them self that I feel comfortable allowing the word "Mistress” to be at the tip of their tongues and fingers.

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/7/2007 8:29:38 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		LOL I've had some fabulous discussions with people in Austin about this.  They go on about how they were taught it was just good manners to call people maam or sir.  And yet somehow when they get into the scene, they layer on a new rule- somehow it's ok not to call a sub maam or sir.  But when you ask about it, they claim to still follow the original "all maam and sir" rule!

Bah I'm compiling a list of how hypocritical "mannerful southerners" are for a book, so I'll leave that.

The reality is, it's only an issue for someone who believes that one's personal orientation should somehow indicate social status.  Sadly, it's so omnipresent in the scene with people who WANT personal orientation to somehow indicate social status, that even when you truly innocently USE such terms, it gets misinterpreted, hence the desire to strike them all completely.

So I just do what feels good to me, doesn't seem to matter one way or the other in the long term.  I also can't tell how many masterly doms are called nearly universally sir to their faces, and yet reamed in gossip behind their backs.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/7/2007 8:47:20 PM   
Kumasan2


Posts: 182
Joined: 11/20/2007
Status: offline 		As I've said elsewhere, I don't care what I'm called as long as it isn't late for dinner.

Titles don't mean much to me and unless I am in a power exchange with someone I don't really care.  In fact on several email groups I'm on, I'm "Just Bob" which is just fine with me.

And I too was taught to call my elders "sir" and "ma'am" and still do.  My philosophy is that if a person is old enough to be my parent, they get the full measure of respect. 


< Message edited by Kumasan2 -- 12/7/2007 8:51:14 PM >

_____________________________

"A Master, if He is indeed wise,
does not bid you enter the house of His wisdom,
but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind." -Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/7/2007 9:14:11 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Fire works just fine. I sign it as Master Fire because I use it more as an identifier of WHO I am, not WHAT I am or do. It's in reference to my life's path, not my skills or whatever. I know that's a subtle thing...and I haven't quite figured it all out in my head enough to expound on it in great detail. This identity is such a part of me that I changed my last name to something Fire related...Kindle.

MF, M Fire, Master Fire, Ma'am, MFM, MasterFireMaam and...MF *snicker*...are all names I'll answer to. Pick whichever one makes you feel comfortable.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/7/2007 9:23:52 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Folks,

Thank you all kindly for your thoughts and suggestions.  Personally, I think titles and formal forms of address have their inherent value as tools, to indictate respect, to keep people socially at some what of a distance, or to indicate familiarity.

I have to say, Lawrence (Topcat) has the most impressive way of handling it, in simply using M (name).  When in doubt, I simply think "What would Topcat do?"

Regards,

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/7/2007 9:27:26 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann
those who identify as dominants, and affix 'Master/Mistress/Miss" to your names, do you feel slighted when another dominant chooses not to address you as such?


I realized that I never actually gave my answer to your question. Sorry! I didn't mean to ignore it.

If I notice that someone uses a title, I use it. There's two reasons for this:

1) Because taking on the title of Master was such a huge step for me in my own self-awareness, growth and self-identification, I tend to honor other's paths as well...even if that path is, well, full of shit. It's not up to me to judge who they are or how they're doing. It's up to THEM to live up to who and what they say they are. I honor their choice, even when it doesn't feel right on my tongue (I admit here that I have a problem with 'Goddess').

2) Amongst my friends in the community and, most importantly, amongst those I truly respect, this is the proper thing to do. The closer a person is, the more formal we tend to be when in 'public'. I might call Master Archer 'Archer' in private, but here and at events, he is Master Archer. This is just how we do things...a formality...rather like Lady Huggs and her posts beginning with 'Dear Screenname, Ladies and Gentlemen;'.

Master Fire



_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/7/2007 9:28:24 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		I might occasionally use a title in reference to someone, but I would not call anyone Master or Mistress as that would inappropriately imply a relationship that does not exist.  In the South, I may use "sir" or "ma'am" in a vanilla context simply to be courteous, especially to an older person.   In the West where I grew up, it would only be used to a much older person, which is one of the reasons I hate being called Ma'am in scene.  I immediately think of my grandma.  Not sexy.

My name is a title that is personally meaningful to me, though most people won't have a clue what it signifies unless they Google it or have some familiarity with taxonomy.  

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/7/2007 9:57:12 PM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		I am generally happy to call people whatever they want to be called. It makes no difference to me, as long as they let me know. If you introduce yourself to me as Bob, I am going to call you Bob. Don't get bent out of shape if I don't call you MASTER Bob because you happen to be a Dominant. If, however, you introduce yourself to me politely as "Master Bob" then I will call you Master Bob forever, and you might even have to remind me not to do it when I visit you at work or in other vanilla situations.

Life is just easier that way. Who am I to argue or care how a person wishes to be addressed? I just file it away in their name file and pull it up as needed. I rarely consider the ethical or social implications of a personal label. That's just your name. As far as I'm concerned, regardless of your legal name, you are the person you tell me you are, even if you're not. I have a friend I call Dr. even though he is neither a medical doctor nor a PhD. I have another who we call Sir, although the queen has never knighted him. You get the idea. People have all kinds of reasons to identify with any given title, and I don't think it's my place to question their self identification.

(in reply to ravennfyre)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/8/2007 5:02:31 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		If someone is introduced as Joe or Sally, in or out of the lifestyle, no matter how important he/she may be, it seems natural to use that name. If I couldn't call them by what they were introduced as, I would wonder why. In BDSM, we are using made-up titles and I don't use them unless I am in a "role playing" situation due to the environment or in a personal relationship with a slave calling her my own pet names.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/10/2007 2:45:10 PM   
Kumasan2


Posts: 182
Joined: 11/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

I am generally happy to call people whatever they want to be called. It makes no difference to me, as long as they let me know. If you introduce yourself to me as Bob, I am going to call you Bob.


Works for me... For now and evermore, you can call me Bob.   
I don't think anyone's ever called me "Master Bob".  Master Pooh, yes, Master Bear, yep.  But no Master Bob.


_____________________________

"A Master, if He is indeed wise,
does not bid you enter the house of His wisdom,
but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind." -Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/10/2007 2:59:35 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		 It's pretty easy for me, online I use their screen name. Offline I use their name or however they were introduced to me. I've yet to meet someone in RL that off the bat demands I call them master---  or mistress--- .As to me being called maam ackkkkk I hate it! It makes me feel old and typically I am only called that by strangers which often has undertones of frustration from employee to customer. 
quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

I might occasionally use a title in reference to someone, but I would not call anyone Master or Mistress as that would inappropriately imply a relationship that does not exist.  In the South, I may use "sir" or "ma'am" in a vanilla context simply to be courteous, especially to an older person.   In the West where I grew up, it would only be used to a much older person, which is one of the reasons I hate being called Ma'am in scene.  I immediately think of my grandma.  Not sexy.

My name is a title that is personally meaningful to me, though most people won't have a clue what it signifies unless they Google it or have some familiarity with taxonomy.  


_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to Najakcharmer)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/10/2007 3:19:40 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		If someone wants to do the formal respect thang with me, I've always been OK telling them what I prefer, which is Ms. (my lastname) just as if we were not in a Dungeon, being a woman who didn't take her husband's name and one who feels a little young for Ma'am-ing. No fantasy about it, just a regular kind of formality. I don't insist on it, though and I only tell people I like it if they ask me how I like to be addressed "by my slaves" or some such. If they just WANT to go ahead and make me the Supreme Goddess or Mistress or something, I really am not going to correct them, that just seems rude. :)


(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/10/2007 3:45:49 PM   
PlayfulGoddess


Posts: 66
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam


I realized that I never actually gave my answer to your question. Sorry! I didn't mean to ignore it.

If I notice that someone uses a title, I use it. There's two reasons for this:

1) Because taking on the title of Master was such a huge step for me in my own self-awareness, growth and self-identification, I tend to honor other's paths as well...even if that path is, well, full of shit. It's not up to me to judge who they are or how they're doing. It's up to THEM to live up to who and what they say they are. I honor their choice, even when it doesn't feel right on my tongue (I admit here that I have a problem with 'Goddess').

2) Amongst my friends in the community and, most importantly, amongst those I truly respect, this is the proper thing to do. The closer a person is, the more formal we tend to be when in 'public'. I might call Master Archer 'Archer' in private, but here and at events, he is Master Archer. This is just how we do things...a formality...rather like Lady Huggs and her posts beginning with 'Dear Screenname, Ladies and Gentlemen;'.

Master Fire





You have a problem with GODDESS?  LOL

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/10/2007 4:32:10 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulGoddess

You have a problem with GODDESS?  LOL


A lot of people do, because the concept of "Goddess" is deeply religious or spiritual to some folks.  If you can imagine how a devout Christian, Catholic or Jew might feel about people using "Christ", "Pope", "Priest" or "Rabbi" as a BDSM scene title, you'll get an idea.

It is not up to me to say how anyone else should relate to the divine, or how anyone else should title themselves.  I will say that I would not use such a title in reference to anyone, and that I feel personally uncomfortable with it.  Using religious or spiritual titles in a kinky context can indeed be seen as offensive by people who take that religion or spirituality more seriously.  But no one has the right to tell you that you can't do it, especially in your own relationships and your own personal space.  

Some people may want to put you in jail if you name a teddy bear Mohammed, but I think it's fundamentally silly to get your panties that far in a bunch about the sacred cows of your religion.  I prefer to calmly let people know that yes, what they are doing is considered disrespectful to some other people's religious beliefs, and ask them to be aware of that point of view.  That's all really.  I won't abuse religious or spiritual titles, but what other people find hot in their private lives is none of my business.  If you want to dress up as a naughty nun and sodomize someone dressed as a rabbi, have fun - but you should probably avoid doing this scene in front of your local synagogue.

(in reply to PlayfulGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/10/2007 5:07:04 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline 		Having a rather common name being called Ms. Jo simply came from people attempting to qualify exactly which Jo/Joe they were referencing. There happened to be four Jo(e)'s within the community and, being the only female, the nickname of Ms. Jo made things a bit more clear. It's even crept into vanilla life as well and most of my fellow students and colleagues have called me Ms. Jo for years.

I don't see it as an honorific or a title. It isn't something I expect to be called out of deference. I'm not offended nor do I feel slighted if someone leaves off the Ms. part of it. It's simply a nick name that continues to come up and has stuck over the years. Even my vanilla friends will introduce me at social functions as Ms. Jo.

I had to laugh though regarding your persistence in calling someone Mr/Mrs. Daniels/Smith/Jones. I still call one of my childhood friends parents Mr & Mrs. Blank. All of my parent's friends are still addressed that way as well as Dr. Smith or General Jones. When I was back home to visit last a neighbor I've known since I was three mentioned that perhaps I was old enough at 40+ to address her by her given name of Karen rather than still calling her Mrs. Smith. I still can't quite wrap my brain around that and do it though.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/10/2007 5:12:20 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kumasan2

quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

I am generally happy to call people whatever they want to be called. It makes no difference to me, as long as they let me know. If you introduce yourself to me as Bob, I am going to call you Bob.


Works for me... For now and evermore, you can call me Bob.   
I don't think anyone's ever called me "Master Bob".  Master Pooh, yes, Master Bear, yep.  But no Master Bob.



I'm not sure I could keep up "Master Pooh" without laughing alot.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Kumasan2)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/10/2007 6:14:32 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Here's the real question; those who identify as dominants, and affix 'Master/Mistress/Miss" to your names, do you feel slighted when another dominant chooses not to address you as such?  For the s-types, do you feel compelled to use a stated titled?

Stephan
[/font]


This probably doesn't apply to me, but I'll answer anyway :) I go by my first name, Ellen, at all real life events and even to those who only know me online. I will bitchslap anyone who attempts to use "Domina Smartass" or "Domina" anything as my name. It's a screen name, intended to give a little insight into my personality and nothing more. Why people have to take themselves so seriously as to insist they be called a title by anyone and everyone is beyond me. Oh, but I did recently hear of a society where one can purchase a title for themselves. Can you imagine? "Yes, you must refer to me as Mistress Whippenrod the Great because it's MY title. I paid good money for it."

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Dominants Using Titles - 12/17/2007 6:51:43 PM   
cindybee


Posts: 12
Joined: 12/17/2007
Status: offline 		This is relevant for me as I am hoping that my "sub frenzy" (another post) will help me get to my first fetish party this weekend. If I get the nerve to apprach a dom (it could happen :p) how would I address him? Or should I wait to be approached?


(in reply to ravennfyre)
Profile   Post #: 60
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