Collarchat.com

Join Our Community		 Collarchat.com

Home  Login  Search 

If you were 18 years old now.


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> If you were 18 years old now. Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
If you were 18 years old now. - 12/17/2007 2:58:47 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
Thanks to the Internet, all someone has to do is google a few terms and they are inundated with a lot more information than they could imagine. What does this mean for young people who are kinky?  Most say it's a good thing - after all, having information, and knowing you are "ok" is a good thing.  But what about the types of content out there and how you view it and interpret it?

Using myself as an example, I was tying up the opposite sex as soon as I was old enough to date.  There was no internet around that time. I knew I liked bondage when I saw it on TV.  I had never seen pornography, though.  I think I was babysitting and saw a few issues of "FORUM" magazine and read some of the stories, and found the sex stuff and kink to be kind of odd, but not that titilating.  All I had available to me at that time was the college library where my brother attended, as I sometimes went with him to have access to more selection than was at my public library. Through research I landed upon some articles in texts like "Journal of Sexuality" and the works of deSade and Sacher-Masoch, but this was all a bit overwhelming; after all, I just liked to tie guys up. I was still a virgin.  The idea of "kinky sex" was -- well, weird, and did not seem too *normal* to me.  I imagine, now, what would have happened if I had done that same research on today's Internet.  WHAM.  I would have been really overwhelmed.  Would I have decided it was sick and twisted? Would I have thought that kinky people were freaks and weirdos? I had very limited experience to go on, after all.  I knew what I liked was exciting, but I knew that *reading about* what some kinky people did seemed awfully twisted and odd.

The only reason I didn't start suffering from fear, self loathing and depression was because I was well adjusted and not that worried that something was wrong with me.  I didn't want to do *that stuff* after all, I was just happy with my little bondage games.  And, I thought, deep down, I would probably grow out of it.  Remember, I was still a virgin.

It wasn't until my sexuality evolved that I got less freaked out by some of the ideas and imagery (granted, I did not SEE most of it, I read about it) and more comfortable with it, but still, I took it all in baby steps.  I also know that by self experimentation, at my own pace, with guys I dated, I sort of followed a path that felt natural, and there was no expectation of what I was supposed to do. Kink, to me, seems presented in a very "this is how you do it," way on the net.  The materials I had access to didn't say how you did it, or what you labeled it.  And there were so few materials available, anyway. 

I don't know what would have happened to me if I had the Internet instead of the library, and I had "help" rather than just did it on my own and did what felt comfortable and natural.  I also don't know what would happen to me if I had met a "submissive" (with more experience than me) to tell me how to do it, vs. just gradually exploring with boyfriends that found it odd, exciting, and at least worth a try - but, were along for the ride, and not there to tell me how or what to do.

I wonder what risk there is of new, younger people (or, new people in general) getting so inundated with imagery and messages that they can't find their own sexual identity.  I went through a period of time that I completely dismissed all BDSM erotica, both written and visual, as useless to me.  It wasn't until I discovered gay male bdsm (in the form of the magazine, "Bound and Gagged") that I realized as a female with toppish bondage fetishes, there did exist some erotica that would appeal to me.  I found het BDSM porn to be objectifying and silly, and it held no erotic appeal for me.  What if that had been all I had to base my early investigations on?  I was better off trying to fumble through "Venus in Furs."

Is the Internet a good thing for someone who is trying to find out what their urges really mean?

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/17/2007 3:04:10 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		Double-edge sword.

The Internet offers up more information more privately and much faster ... but some of it (most of it?) is so misleading. Anyone who soley relies on the Internet for their views / experiences of the world are no different than people who don't have a clue about their own identities though. Life on the screen and life in person are two very different things.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/17/2007 3:10:53 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings akasha,

i agree with batshalom - it's a double edged sword. speaking as a young person who started using the internet around age 8 or 9, everything went downhill from there for my poor parents ;) i discovered that there were other religions and modes of thinking, and that led me to convert. i discovered later on that there was this thing called bdsm, which matched the fantasies i had had for most of my early sexual life, and that led me to feel comfortable in my identity as a slave and in my relationships at a younger age than i would have otherwise.

i think it depends on the person. my parents never worried too much about me because i was able to read things and take them with a grain of salt - they sometimes thought my interests (especially religion-wise - they did not know too much about the bdsm until i was 16 or 17 and in a long-distance relationship) were strange, but they knew i would read books and websites and talk to people until i was sure it was the right path. they never had to worry about me getting taken in by a cult or anything like that, because i tended to think things through a lot and get as much information as i could before committing to anything.

i think the worst thing to come of this, besides people not thinking things through and using information wisely, is just that there are some out there who take what they read online and think that makes them qualified. for me, the internet was a tool in learning to understand myself and my desires, and in learning different techniques and talking to people of different walks of life, but the real experiences have come from my real life d/s relationships, and all the information in the world cannot replace that.

(that said, in case this applies at all, i was never too big on good bdsm erotica - although i did read some of the sleeping beauty trilogy - and only recently have i really developed a taste for pornography at all. i'd rather read essays about submission and then go have a really awesome scene than read someone's flowery writing about an awesome scene, hehehe. there's nothing wrong with it, just not usually my cup of tea.)

respectfully,
annabelle.


_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/17/2007 3:13:02 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Is the Internet a good thing for someone who is trying to find out what their urges really mean?

No and yes.

No because it gives a place for them to only fantasize; it is a place that does not SHOW the whole truth; and it's a place that fosters deceit.

Yes because it CAN be a source of invaluable information if used properly.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/17/2007 3:20:38 PM   
goodgirl08


Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline 		Bad because it discourages some people from real life interaction if they think the internet will be easier. And, encourages neuroses on the subject too.

Good because as evidenced on these forums and others, there is always a large group of people to ask the "Is it okay that he does X?" question - the kind where the answer is usually an emphatic no. So, there are enough sane people on the internet to reach out to if you make the choice.

_____________________________

If you have come to help me, you're wasting your time...but if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.
- Aboriginal activists, Australia 1970s

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/17/2007 4:44:04 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Is the Internet a good thing for someone who is trying to find out what their urges really mean?

Akasha



It was and it wasn't for me. It was because it let me know that there was a community where I could learn and meet others interested in the same thing. It wasn't because it taught me that I was supposed to be something I'm not. I'm not the classic "Fem Dom", "Bitch Goddes" or "Female Supremacist". The internet has a tendency to show only this side for/of women.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 12/17/2007 4:46:03 PM >

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/17/2007 4:46:49 PM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		It's the same problem as has been since the beginning: tons of information available, but 98% of it is utter crap! (Sturgeon's Law) The challange has always been in developing internal filters, and trusted sources, to get the quality information you desperately need.

Try Googling from the POV of an absolute newbie.... use trems that make sense if you were an 18 year old who barely understood sex itself, much less the mental TNT of BDSM... see what kind of results you get:  I'd be willing to lay money on the fact you'd still have to slough your way through the internet with a set of rubber waders to get to the real info... and that you'd be hip deep in fantasy porn that would be outright dangerous for a novice to attempt.

Personally, I'm glad I came into it at the dawn of the internet era. It may have been dangerous to meet face to face in the backroom of some smoky bar, but it forced you to build up a healthy caution, really quick.


(in reply to goodgirl08)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/17/2007 5:16:07 PM   
aidan


Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline 		At the end of the day, I think it's a net positive.

Sure, the nature of economics and humans themselves means that the lowest common denominator is going to bubble up to the surface and throw itself in your face. Part of the price of admission, so to speak.

Also, by the nature of techonology and popularization, the less desirable aspects are expounded upon and made more garish.

But, the opposite is true as well.

The breadth of information, real, solid, good information, is more robust and easily available, and not all that far from the smut if you are actually looking. And even the smut is better. Sure, there's a lot of places that are just porn stars with strap-ons, but sites like Akasha's Web or Mistress Saskia's still manage to be fun and dirty without being exploitative. Well, the bad kind of exploitative.

And then you've got the real motherload: sites like this one, like Bondage.com. Here we can exchange information, support and sympathize, swap stories, hell, we can make our own smut and share it with everyone! Like other sub-cultures, we can organize on levels and connect in numbers that were unfeasible before. Across the state, across the country, across the world.

There's a lot of bad stuff out there, for sure. But that just means we have to make the good aspects of our culture more visible and not discourage people who legitimately want to be a part, even if they stumble out of the gate. I know that I was a little shocked by what I initially saw in my research as a wee sprout, and internalized some bad ideas. Still came out alright for it. The fact of the matter is that if a person is really comitted to this subculture, if they want to be part of the community, they'll evolve and learn and grow and find the information and the people they need. All that's happened is that we've made it easier.

I know some people don' like this idea, that we were better in the dark basements and shrouded closets and with almost secret-society-like bars to entry. That's an academic debate at this point. The real interesting discussion, I think, is how are we going to use these resources that have been presented to us?

The genie's out of the bottle, and it ain't going back in, folks. Adaptation is the key.


< Message edited by aidan -- 12/17/2007 5:20:58 PM >

_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to goodgirl08)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/17/2007 5:52:15 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline 		Having the same general background- very early interests with limited information- i think it would have been a good thing to have the Internet's resources available at a younger age. i'll give the same example i always do in these discussions. In high school, the closest thing i could find to "erotica" in the local library, for me, was depictions of nonconsensual torture- the Inquisition, prison abuses, third-world tortures, concentration camps... compared to that, i think even the caricature-quality "CRUEL BITCH GODDESSES!" porn seems healthy.

(in reply to aidan)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/17/2007 5:59:02 PM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		As somebody who was recently 18...  The internet is filled to the brim with garbage and half-truths...  Of course, so is the rest of life.  I did not find out about BDSM from the internet...  I had BDSM in my imagination and then I found out it was actually called something.  I was smart enough to study on it and see how real people worked, or claimed to work.  I didn't watch porn, because I hated the only 15 minutes of porn I've ever seen so badly I've sworn to never look again.  A lot of the stuff I found was either fantasy or pseudo-fantasy for a long time.  And yet, after a lot of searching, I began chatting with some genuine people who lived in the lifestyle.  This was helpful.

However, I still didn't get a full grasp for things until I searched them out in real life.

In short, like everything else humanity has ever created...  The internet is the wasteland of the masses.

It's just a fun wasteland. ;-)

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/17/2007 6:35:56 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks to dad's porn, I knew a lot about what I was into at a very young age.  I think the kids today are so fortunate.  They never have to feel alone and weird and perverse.  Unlike so many from the stone age (pre internet), they know that there are others like them and a whole subculture they can be a part of.  I envy them.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/17/2007 7:31:08 PM   
ViceVersa


Posts: 137
Joined: 11/29/2005
Status: offline 		Good? Bad? Who knows? I certainly would have welcomed it although my life would probably have been very different. Had the internet been around in...say...'75 when I was 12, I would have:

- been out there and involved in some local community by '81
- had a much wider variety of experiences at an earlier age - sexual and otherwise
- probably never would have met my (ex)wife
- probably never would have had the two boys I have
- would most likely be living in a different part of the country

The internet is a good thing for someone trying to find out what their urges really mean, although it will take real life to validate it.

Vice


(in reply to slavekal)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/17/2007 7:56:59 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

They never have to feel alone and weird and perverse.  Unlike so many from the stone age (pre internet), they know that there are others like them and a whole subculture they can be a part of.  I envy them.


Ahh, that's something i was going to include, but didn't. In a way, i almost liked it better when i thought i was just a lone freak... Discovering that there was a world out there that could fulfill my dreams and that i wasn't good enough for it was pretty crushing... might have been a bit too much for me when i was in high school.

(in reply to slavekal)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/17/2007 9:18:47 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think it's a problem for kinky kids any more or less than it is for vanilla kids- that's what teen years are for, to explore, fuck up, and find yourself.

Since I DID get involved at 18, given the chance, I'd probably follow my own advice and not get into a serious commitment right off.  But such is life.  I might have had a few chatrooms throw me out and tell me I'd end up in a ditch by the time I was 25 talking all the nonsense I was about "slavery" and such, but I think I turned out ok :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/17/2007 9:29:31 PM   
tinoketsheli


Posts: 50
Joined: 12/9/2007
Status: offline 		I think it was incredibly helpful to me, I began my research online even before I was 18! I learned so much, of course though you have to choose what you want to take from it or not. I actually began my learning so to say reading bdsm erotica, and that was many years ago...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/18/2007 4:24:51 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Dave your still a freak. The internet is just like a comic book. A fantasy trip. You need to experience the lifestyle to understand it.

(in reply to tinoketsheli)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/18/2007 6:14:12 AM   
Driver1961


Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		He dips His lid;

Yes the internet provides a multitude of information to a young audience that naturally 'searches' and yes it is provided more easily for access than we (oldies) had.  Yes we all make mistakes through inexperience- 'submissives' (and D's to some extent)in their change of life to Lifestyle during their 40's are a classic example.   I do question if say new devotees (in their 40's) make less mistakes/misjudgements than say 18 year olds.   The average 18 year old has the internet as a commonplace form of media like we had newspapers and are savvy to the negatives of the internet more than the average 40 year old. The children are also taught at school of the negatives.

Generally- I think that WE (OLDIES)naturally fail to appreciate that young adults are miles ahead of US to critically examine the many forms of media that confront them.

Warm regards Driver 

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/18/2007 6:16:25 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		if I was 18 years old I would bang every fucking thing I could get my hands on out here, drink carafes of tetracycline, and attach myself to a 24/7 penicillin drip.....

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Driver1961)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/18/2007 6:53:00 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		What's that old line, a little learning is a dangerous thing. I can't imagine being as naive as I was at that age with dangerous amounts of information. Recipe for disaster.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: If you were 18 years old now. - 12/18/2007 8:16:17 AM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		as with anything, there are good and bad points to the available information.  information alone is not enough to base anything on, experience is one of the best teachers in this arena.  you can read something and think you know what you need to, but experiencing it gives you a whole new perspective. combine the two and you have a pretty good start.

PM

_____________________________

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!




(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> If you were 18 years old now. Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2024
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.444