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I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 10:49:28 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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Why?
Because you can always go see a professional dominatrix.
Much has been said about pro femdoms. But when it comes right down to it, at least male submissives/bottoms have an *option* (in some cities, dozens of options) to see a woman in a very nicely equipped dungeon, no strings attached, to explore a wide variety of fantasies and roleplaying.

The common argument for this is: A femdom has dozens of submissive men willing to serve.  Just open your collarme email. There are men willing to do ANYTHING and you don't even have to pay them!  The answer to this is simple - nothing is free.  Period.  And I don't mind that.  That's why I am MORE happy to compensate a man with cash to ensure that there are no obligations, and that I will get what I want, and then that will be it.  Over.  Unless I decide I want to pay him again.  There's a wonderful sense of comfort knowing that a man will not expect anything in return.

My relationship is moving from monogamy into poly and I expect to be there by the end of next year, but we aren't rushing it, because our relationship is important.  In our discussions about how we feel about things, we always end up at the same place: Both of us would be *most* comfortable if there was a way I could spend my hour (or three of four) every few months (on average) in a man (if he was gay, even better) in a safe environment so I could scratch my itches but it would be on a purely professional basis. There would be no 6 months of courting, no going to the movies, no long chats on the phone talking about hopes and dreams, no romance bubbling under the surface, no butterflies upon first meeting and embrace, no temptations to see what just *one* kiss might feel like.  I don't need/want any of that, but the fact of the matter is, if you develop a strong bond with someone, and then you engage in something as intense as good power exchange, shit happens.

And, it's not *fair* to deny a submissive man that if he wants it.  Most of them say "oh I don't need that, I am fine with being an anonymous rag doll for you to use," but it just doesn't work that way.  Feelings get involved.  No matter how much I try to stick to a path of a transactional power exchange, if I am *not* paying the man for his time with cash, I am paying in some other way.  And submissive men want a variety of things, ranging from their own fetishes being met to a sense of belonging or being needed -- and those are tricky, tricky emotions to toy with when you know that ultimately you are going to leave him just when he gets attached.  Forget that, it makes me feel like crap!  I would rather give him $400 and take what I want and be on my way.  It's best for ALL parties involved.

I know I am not in the minority, and that somewhere, there are some other femdoms that have the same urges.  It isn't that I don't value deep, emotional BDSM. I do. I have that.  I have that and it's so good that I don't want to risk fucking it up.  But I want to have my cake and eat it too.  What I seek, on the side, is not to compensate for anything missing in my primary relationship; I seek something my primary relationship cannot ever provide.  Namely - anonymous, physical, random, intense interaction with a skilled bottom who can amuse me with a fresh sense of surrender but then be out of my life when it's over. 

Because of that, I can't help but envy male submissives.  They have a lot of options.   I have an odd appetite.  When I wrestle with this in my head, I always come back to the same conclusion: I don't want/need it THAT bad.  I do get all that I could ever want - and more - in my primary relationship.  But there are times when I really have an itch I want to scratch, and if there was a market for it, I'd find it to be a very safe and fair option.

Akasha


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RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 11:01:36 AM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


Why?
Because you can always go see a professional dominatrix.


You have my permission as a male sub to go see a professional dominatrix.

Go ahead.

(Go on....)

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 11:03:32 AM   
msub4Domme


Posts: 66
Joined: 3/22/2004
Status: offline 		AAkasha,  inonesense, what You say is true.  But what about the male sub who seeks a real relationship as opposed to an occasional scene with an appropriate professional Lady?  The male options are much more significantly limited.

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 11:07:09 AM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		I haved several female clients.  While I personally have no interest in woman, sessioning with woman has been some of the most fun I have had as a ProDomme- just so much more joy in the act, so much less "what do you MEAN you 'only' do BDSM and there is no hand job?!"...so, yes, female subs- go forth, find yourself a quality Domme and have fun!

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"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."


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RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 11:09:34 AM   
unforegvn


Posts: 159
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline 		Are you saying submissive females couldn't benefit from the services of a PRO-DOM?  I don't believe it is necessary to deny any one more than another just because of their sexual drive.  Female submissive have just has strong sexual drives as their male counterparts.

(in reply to Griswold)
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RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 11:13:30 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unforegvn

Are you saying submissive females couldn't benefit from the services of a PRO-DOM?  I don't believe it is necessary to deny any one more than another just because of their sexual drive.  Female submissive have just has strong sexual drives as their male counterparts.


I'm talking specifically about there being no professional male submissives. At least, not a large enough market for someone who is a little bit selective.

Akasha


_____________________________

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

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RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 11:17:12 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		You could always call a male escort service.
You pay by the hour and they will do whatever you want.
They will do what you want, and no committments.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 11:21:29 AM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline 		What? Anyone can pay someone to play.

I can pay a man to dominante me. I can pay a man to submit to me and call a no strings attached thing. This would be quite easy.

Girls are lucky in the no strings attached arena. We never have to pay and we can get what we want almost instantaneously if all we want is an itch scratched.


(in reply to MzMia)
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RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 11:24:02 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

You could always call a male escort service.
You pay by the hour and they will do whatever you want.
They will do what you want, and no committments.


I did that once.  It was ok.  Will I do it again?  Maybe. I was single back then, and while it was interesting and erotic (I really had a fantasy for paying men, specifically, at that point, and it was fun to engage in it), it still presents problems that don't exist for male submissives who want to see a professional dominatrix.

A male escort doesn't have a dungeon - so he has to come to my place (I don't think so) or we meet in a hotel.  There are safety issues.  Have you looked at the male escort sites?  It would take a lot of research to determine how legitimate/safe it was; after all, a woman could be robbed, raped or ripped off in any number of ways in an outcall situation where a guy is basically an independent who advertises through a broker.  Too risky!

It's just not the same as an established dungeon with regular clientele, a web site, ie - subs have the luxury now of being able to read the web site of a pro, get a sense of her style, etc.  With a male escort, you are going with a photo and a rate for the most part.  Not to say I won't do it.  And if I do, I am sure everyone will hear about it.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to MzMia)
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RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 11:24:59 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

What? Anyone can pay someone to play.

I can pay a man to dominante me. I can pay a man to submit to me and call a no strings attached thing. This would be quite easy.

Girls are lucky in the no strings attached arena. We never have to pay and we can get what we want almost instantaneously if all we want is an itch scratched. 



Maybe we are in different worlds here, but this is just what I was thinking.
It would be so EASY for me to find a submissive male that wants to play with no
committments.
They are a dime a dozen on here.
Place an ad stating you want to play for FREE with no strings attached, see how many
offers you will get.
Make sure you request married men and men in committed relationships with someone else,
you will have to wade through the replies.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 11:28:52 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

What? Anyone can pay someone to play.

I can pay a man to dominante me. I can pay a man to submit to me and call a no strings attached thing. This would be quite easy.

Girls are lucky in the no strings attached arena. We never have to pay and we can get what we want almost instantaneously if all we want is an itch scratched. 



Maybe we are in different worlds here, but this is just what I was thinking.
It would be so EASY for me to find a submissive male that wants to play with no
committments.
They are a dime a dozen on here.
Place an ad stating you want to play for FREE with no strings attached, see how many
offers you will get.
Make sure you request married men and men in committed relationships with someone else,
you will have to wade through the replies.


To qualify, the man would  have to be attractive and also reasonably experienced.
Again, to compare it to what subs have to select from in the professional dominatrix arena - these women have a lot of equipment and a lot of experience (if the sub chooses to do his research). He can also choose from a variety of types - stern, sweet, a siren or a matronly woman, a fetish diva or a girl-next-door, pleasantly plump or a body builder, thin as a stick or voluptuous. 
I've pursued "no strings attached" avenues with male submissives - trust me, it doesn't take long before their agenda is revealed, or you find out they have NO experience.  I am looking for someone with skill.
I have searched for underground pro-bottom establishements (that cater to gay tops) and I know they must exist.  However, it's not as easy to find as I thought.  For example, the guys that perform in gay bondage films; they have some experience, they know what tops like, they probably also have access to locations and gear.  This would be ideal.  My inkling is that many are bi or straight, but it really doesn't even matter if they are gay, I'm not looking for sex.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 11:34:18 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Okay Aakasha, you make some great points here!
I agree with you now.
I am thinking the gay/leather community might have more bottoms
that are serious with experience.
When you take away the sexual element, you see who is serious and who
has an agenda.
Good luck!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 11:35:07 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: unforegvn

Are you saying submissive females couldn't benefit from the services of a PRO-DOM?  I don't believe it is necessary to deny any one more than another just because of their sexual drive.  Female submissive have just has strong sexual drives as their male counterparts.


I'm talking specifically about there being no professional male submissives. At least, not a large enough market for someone who is a little bit selective.

Akasha



Okay two points here. Firstly, If you are going to pay a male submissive, or i am going to pay a Dominatrix, there is NO guarantee either will be " Quality " or indeed fullfilling.

Secondly, every time i see a mention of male submissives, the Dominatrix`s here reply your inbox is full of them. So while you dont instantly know who will meet your requirements. The numbers alone suggest you have a greater chance of success than the average male. According to many posts i read most males just want to play with no commitment, or desire to serve first.

So your search really should be easy, even if a little time consuming.

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 11:41:26 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: unforegvn

Are you saying submissive females couldn't benefit from the services of a PRO-DOM?  I don't believe it is necessary to deny any one more than another just because of their sexual drive.  Female submissive have just has strong sexual drives as their male counterparts.


I'm talking specifically about there being no professional male submissives. At least, not a large enough market for someone who is a little bit selective.

Akasha



Okay two points here. Firstly, If you are going to pay a male submissive, or i am going to pay a Dominatrix, there is NO guarantee either will be " Quality " or indeed fullfilling.

Secondly, every time i see a mention of male submissives, the Dominatrix`s here reply your inbox is full of them. So while you dont instantly know who will meet your requirements. The numbers alone suggest you have a greater chance of success than the average male. According to many posts i read most males just want to play with no commitment, or desire to serve first.

So your search really should be easy, even if a little time consuming.


The men that are willing to serve a total stranger, sight unseen, anonymously, are not men I would ever want to dominate, and/or are chasing a fantasy.  Also, it almost ensures that the man may be a stalker, a weirdo, or a freak; think of what he is agreeing to do. This is vastly different from a man who does this for cash several times a week and sees people come and go and all he worries about is providing a good service.  This is a man with a sexual or submissive agenda who has an ideal in his head going into it, and has expectations.

The beauty of a paid professional bottom is that his only expectation is to be paid for his time. I have gone down this anonymous, "I will pay for your time" path  online and it gets creepy and weird by the third email.  The men who are willing to do this do not give a sense of experience or stability - more desperation and neediness.  Again, it goes back to the logic; any man willing to submit RANDOMLY to a stranger with NO strings attached is obviously chasing a fantasy.  How could he not be?

Akasha


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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

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RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 11:47:38 AM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

trust me, it doesn't take long before their agenda is revealed,


Well, this is true, but if you're honest with them then youve nothing to feel bad over.

if I Domme a male sub, they will email, call, text etc again and again and again- sometimes for more than a year before they understand 'no more!'.

Oh well though. I get my kicks. They want more but what am I to do? I never ever claim I want a male sub for a relationship.

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 11:56:28 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Theres no logic in you logic. All you are doing is making a generalisation. Okay i may not be the type of man You are looking to play with, i may not be experienced. That doesnt mean i am either a freak or a stalker. You are making a gross generalisation that doesnt do the rest of your argument much good. To be honest, if a female offerd me cash for my time, i would find that weird way before the third email.

Please dont get me wrong Ma`am, i dont disagree that paid male Doms or submissives would be a good idea. I just dont like the suggestion that everyone willing to do it for free is a weirdo.

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 12:02:56 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		You may want to look then at couples  with your search I would imagine there are a few doms who want to have their bottoms serve  someone else from time to time

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Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

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RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 12:06:56 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

You may want to look then at couples  with your search I would imagine there are a few doms who want to have their bottoms serve  someone else from time to time


Actually I was thinking the same thing Maya!
I would even consider approaching gay or bisexual Dominant men.
Many will loan out their bottom boy's and most of them can take a licking
and keep on ticking!
Or else Daddy Dom will make them pay!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 12:07:03 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Theres no logic in you logic. All you are doing is making a generalisation. Okay i may not be the type of man You are looking to play with, i may not be experienced. That doesnt mean i am either a freak or a stalker. You are making a gross generalisation that doesnt do the rest of your argument much good. To be honest, if a female offerd me cash for my time, i would find that weird way before the third email.

Please dont get me wrong Ma`am, i dont disagree that paid male Doms or submissives would be a good idea. I just dont like the suggestion that everyone willing to do it for free is a weirdo.


But think a minute about what you are saying.   If a man is willing to submit to a complete, total stranger - with no strings attached - not expecting anything in return - what does that say about him?  Would you do that - meet an anonymous stranger from the Internet to have anything done to you, not knowing if she's a stalker, a killer, a man in disguise, someone setting up a snuff film?  For a man to agree to such a deal blindly means he is willing to compromise his own safety, deny he has any care whether she is clean/unclean/sane/insane, deny any potential danger -- all to fulfill some fantasy on some level. That tells me he is desperate to have an experience, or he is not capable of logically thinking it through. 

*I* know I am not a stalker, a freak, a man, unclean, unsafe or unstable; but for a man to just accept that at face value and be willing to go into it, and want nothing in return, tells me he's not selective in the least.  A man who is a skilled professional is taking money because he has equipment, experience, his time is VALUABLE, and he is compensated.

I could go post an ad on craigslist right now stating clearly what I want and expect; I would get a hundred replies.  Do you think any of those men are safe, experienced, skilled, hygeinic, bright, with high self esteem? Or are they possibly a little odd, maybe unsafe, kind of creepy, or possibly murderers? The nice thing about the idea of a professional dungeon with male submissives is that they are obviously building a clientele, which means they have some skills.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I envy male submissives - 12/23/2007 12:08:24 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

You may want to look then at couples  with your search I would imagine there are a few doms who want to have their bottoms serve  someone else from time to time


Actually I was thinking the same thing Maya!
I would even consider approaching gay or bisexual Dominant men.
Many will loan out their bottom boy's and most of them can take a licking
and keep on ticking!
Or else Daddy Dom will make them pay!


These are both good ideas.  In the course of doing my research this morning I also thought of a different want to approach it.  I may offer to barter marketing services to a production company that shoots gay bondage flicks in exchange for a little one-on-one time with one of their actors in the studio.  Oh my.  That solves the problem of it being safe, in a controlled environment, with no strings attached.

Edited to add: Wait a minute, why don't I just *produce* the whole film, and then imagine the possibilities?  *boggle*

Akasha

< Message edited by AAkasha -- 12/23/2007 12:10:12 PM >

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 20
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