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RE: Self esteem - 1/1/2008 6:02:15 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ligar59

During the course of a relationship, a Master may find that their slave/sub may has lost some of their confidence and self esteem. At this point, I would assume that the Master/Mistress would do their best to assist the sub/slave in raising their confidence level and self esteem.
Now suppose the Master/Mistress knew the individual had low confidence/self esteem issues before going into the relationship
Would you...
1-Come in on your white horse and save the day or?... why or why not
2- Pass them by for someone who has it more together?.... Why or why not???


What I would do is not view the world in either/or, black/white, #1/#2 terms.

(in reply to ligar59)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Self esteem - 1/1/2008 6:08:58 PM   
masterlink65


Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline 		who really has it together? is the person a flake or just have a couple issues? too many things to consider to give a generic answer.
both my slaves have had issues of wether they are doing what they should be. maybe part of slave wanting to do proper job, more than an actual inadequacy.

people who jump on others because someone did not use the spellcheck option, i would consider to pass by very quickly before someone who can actually admit they may come up short on a few things

(in reply to ligar59)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Self esteem - 1/1/2008 7:31:11 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I wouldn't base any relationship someone's lack of self esteem. I cannot fix them. However, unless it's a severe case, I wouldn't turn someone I get along with well away because they had low self esteem...IF they're willing to overcome it.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to ligar59)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Self esteem - 1/1/2008 7:47:59 PM   
Vanatru


Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline 		Ron's good at sharin his luvin stuff! *grin*

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

...
i pay attention to what you say - you are just so all over the place on these forums, i can't keep up with you! LOL!

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Self esteem - 1/2/2008 1:35:32 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		I have, in the past, sent a live-in sub to see a therapist (and paid for it). Self esteem and related issues are nothing to do with the D/s thing, and should be dealt with by a professional, a specialist. It's just the same as that sub from South Africa who came off the plane with a cough. I took her to the doctor, as opposed to the drugstore. She had not a cold, but pneumonia. Then, I made her finish the freakin' antibiotics. That was my job.

-------------------------------------

Trixie: That's right Ralph, Carlos is teaching us the mambo.
Ralph Kramden: Ohhhhhhh, Carlos is teaching you the mambo... that puts a different light on everything... when I first came in here, I didn't know what you were doing... now I know, Carlos is teaching you the mambo... that makes a world of difference... One of these days, one of these days... POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

(in reply to ligar59)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Self esteem - 1/2/2008 8:35:54 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru

Ron's good at sharin his luvin stuff! *grin*

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

...
i pay attention to what you say - you are just so all over the place on these forums, i can't keep up with you! LOL!


That's the truth!
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah
I say totally pay attention. Anyone who shits typing errors is gonna be worth watching, in my book.

Exactly!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Vanatru)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Self esteem - 1/2/2008 9:08:00 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:


What I would do is not view the world in either/or, black/white, #1/#2 terms.


Well said.

There is also a difference between helping a person by giving them the tools to work through their issues and riding in on a horse to save them.  I have been in a relationship where I gained a lot of insight and help with self-esteem and some other things.  I certainly wouldn't consider the dominant who helped me as a savior or someone with a knight kink.  He is someone who took the time to listen to me and asked me to elaborate on what I felt needed some attention in my life.

argh, I can't type today. 


< Message edited by KatyLied -- 1/2/2008 9:09:02 AM >

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Self esteem - 1/2/2008 9:26:08 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Neither, saving someone never actually works and I don't just pass someone by because of flaws.  It really depends on how/how much they are fucked up and how well we find ourselves to be compatible.  In good relationships I find everyone helps "save" eachother on a regular basis- Ms is irrelevant.


I agree with this.

It is not a dominant is type question. It is regular world question. If a person has low self esteem then hopefully they help themselves and if not have someone help with it. It could be a significant other, friend, family member or professional help.

Thinking that as a dominant I can do this and this and that will fix the submissive is an ego trip and quite honestly the white knight syndrome is fatally flawed because the white knight gets off on the very fact they feel superior to the person they are saving and can never look at them as an equal.

As LA wrote compatibility is key and on small stuff we all deal with this issue now and then but thinking because one is dominant they can fix a broken person is a fool’s journey.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Self esteem - 1/2/2008 10:41:16 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If during the relationship they develop self esteem issues, my abuse radar would be going off loud and clear. People lose confidence when they lose jobs or don't get promotions but that's different. If they really have started to believe that they are less than they used to be, that they don't deserve better, then their partner needs a swift kick in the pants and they need help getting out immediately if not faster.

As far as someone who has self esteem issues due to a past partner who put them down constantly, why not. Just be aware enough of yourself that if you only seek people in this shape, you have abusive propensities. Also be aware that if you need them to be wounded so that you feel better, then you're the one with the self esteem issues needing therapy.

Good partners seek to build each other up.  If you're the most confident person on earth, yet you are only drawn to wounded women, I'd wonder what that says about you. Not about them.

Since neither The Man nor I were starry eyed teens in our first relationships, of course we both had wounds and tender spots. Anyone who's been through a bad relationship will have them. So we validated each other in different ways, in the ways we individually needed.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Self esteem - 1/2/2008 3:19:38 PM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		During the three years I have been with Master, I can honestly say my self-esteem has dropped quite alot..especially over the past year and a half. I am NOT in an abusive situation. My low self-esteem comes from dealing with medical stuff that has limited my ability to function the way I want to. I miss not showering alone, or shaving myself. I get annoyed when Master has to step in and help me cook his meals for him because of the medical stuff. Master tries to help me with the low self-esteem stuff, but just this past month I started going to therapy to learn to deal with the psychological implications that the medical stuff is doing to me..thankfully Master loves me enough to keep me. We take one day at a time..some days are better than others.

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 30
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