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RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 11:23:04 AM

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

Well I did not ask you this because I have no clu what the ladies want... Frankly I have no problems attracting the majority of dommes I write to on this site... It was moreso to get it into writing for everyone and my own personal curiosity in peeking into your version of this... I have been in out and around this for 30++ years...

Gee this sounds incredibly honest.
You're 40, you've been into this for an incredible number of years, have no problem attracting women, want a permanent relationship, and yet it isn't you, it's all the womenwith issues, not you... Sure, I believe you. You sound like you believe that line "it isn't you, it's me", when people use it. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to sillisub)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 11:25:36 AM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sillisub

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: sillisub

Well I did not ask you this because I have no clu what the ladies want... Frankly I have no problems attracting the majority of dommes I write to on this site... It was moreso to get it into writing for everyone and my own personal curiosity in peeking into your version of this... I have been in out and around this for 30++ years...

Your profile says you are 40. How could you have been "in our and around this for 30+++ years"

Akasha

well I am not sure where I said it exactly but in an ealier post I mentioned that this is just an alias for the forum and not the name I use in writing to dommes... I am considerably older than listed here :)

OK, I'll bite (lol, no pun intended). Why do you use two names, one to post your thoughts, and the other one to contact Dommes? Do the thoughts you share under the other nick differ from these? Not a flame, just curious. Why wouldn't you want them to be able to go back and read your posts to gain insight on your personality?

(in reply to sillisub)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 11:26:59 AM

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Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

I don't advise the ladies on the qualities they look for [laugh]. They already have a damned good idea. My role was advising them "how to reel him in." The old "you're a guy; what does he want?"

As for what the ladies looked for:

Most of them clove to the classic "I am not a life support system for a whip." Mainly, it was "I want a man who wants me, not what I can do for him."

Neat appearance. They weren't looking for Greek gods but almost unanimously they wanted men they would not be ashamed to be seen with. That mostly was about dress and grooming rather than "looks."

Lively intelligence. Again, not raw intellect, but being able to hold an intelligent conversation. One lady said of a man she had her eye on "I've heard him quote Browning," and it was said with a deep sigh. When email was involved, proper spelling, punctuation and grammar counted for a lot.

Strength. Not a muscle thing, but inner strength. Comment, "I don't want him to drop to his knees in front of me; I want to be able to make him want to drop to his knees in front of me." It seemed that they wanted the kind of quiet Gary Cooper strength. Pure combativeness and defensive behavior seemed to be a major turn off.

The ability to observe. One of the "most wanted submissives" I met had been in a long time relationship with a domme who was killed. The other dommes talked a LOT about him and one thing that came up repeatedly was he seemed to know her needs before she voiced them. He was always there with a glass of tea or a cushion for her chair even before she seemed to be aware of her need.

That's my take on it, but the person you really need to ask is the domme you want to attract.

You seem to have covered it pretty well.
No wonder you are happily attached. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to JohnWarren)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 11:45:27 AM

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Joined: 8/23/2005
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hi there

< Message edited by sillisub -- 9/1/2005 7:31:09 PM >

(in reply to onceburned)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 11:53:04 AM

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Joined: 8/23/2005
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hi there

< Message edited by sillisub -- 9/1/2005 7:31:34 PM >

(in reply to kc692)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 11:58:19 AM

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sillisub

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

OK, I'll bite (lol, no pun intended). Why do you use two names, one to post your thoughts, and the other one to contact Dommes? Do the thoughts you share under the other nick differ from these? Not a flame, just curious. Why wouldn't you want them to be able to go back and read your posts to gain insight on your personality?

I know to many people personally and it just makes life much easier and reduces the chances of a slip of the tongue on both parts :)

Lets see without going back and counting I woudl say; 3 come to mind so far in this thread alone... 2 that I talked with on the phone and 1 that I shared emails with... when you have been around this as long as I have it becomes a rather small world...

A slip of the tongue resulting in what? Revealing personal information or something, identity? I'm not sure what you mean.
Do the people that know you know that you are posting here? If they are responding to your threads and they don't even know that they know you, isn't that a little weird?

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to sillisub)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 11:59:41 AM

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sillisub
please quote me in context, as you can see I agree

My apologies. I am sorry if I have offended you or if I have confused anyone.

< Message edited by onceburned -- 9/1/2005 12:00:00 PM >

(in reply to sillisub)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 12:01:03 PM

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/23/2005
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hi there

< Message edited by sillisub -- 9/1/2005 7:31:51 PM >

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 12:14:21 PM

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Joined: 8/23/2005
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hi there

< Message edited by sillisub -- 9/1/2005 7:32:31 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 12:30:53 PM

Posts: 40
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hi there

< Message edited by sillisub -- 9/1/2005 7:32:09 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 12:57:19 PM

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Utah
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Dear pollux,

It's interesting to me that you call me deceptive because I ask direct questions. People who know me personally will tell you I am one of the most direct people they have ever met. I don't play games with people outside a scene.

One of the qualities my man in service prizes in me (above all others) is "all rules up front". I know what I want and I am not bashful about saying it. And I am willing to give as good as I get.

You speak of "love" in your reply to my post. Love is not something I looked for on a first date, or even the first 5 dates. That puts a lot of undo pressure on both parties. Instead I sought basic compatibility and my inquiries went from religion and politics, to BDSM, ethics and personal integrity. If our basic values and such were in line, we proceeded to the next phase. I have to like you before I can love you.

One of the things I appreciated about my boy was he asked questions about me as well. Not just "do you know how to do CBT" questions, but questions about me as a person. He too fished me out to see if we had potential outside of play.

Early in my search I discovered listening to someone else told me more about them than talking about myself. If I gave out too much information about myself, my needs and wants, they would parrot back my answers whether they were true or not. A few weeks down the road the lie would be revealed and I would feel betrayed. When I would push for WHY they lied, I was told again and again "I thought if I told you the truth, you wouldn't go out with me."

For some, that was a correct observation. But wouldn't you rather be accepted or rejected based on who you really are? I would.

After a while I developed my series of questions to weed out those that would waste my time.

I am glad my search is over. I have found the partner I was searching for. And believe me, he was worth the wait.

Ms Sandi

< Message edited by UtahGoddess -- 9/1/2005 1:18:36 PM >

_____________________________

"The Masochist desires to experience stronger sensations, but desires that it should be inflicted with Love. The Sadist desires to inflict stronger sensations, but desires that it should be felt as Love" Havelock Ellis The Project Gutenberg

(in reply to pollux)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 1:22:13 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Utah
Status: offline

On another note...

Someone mentioned Dommes that are reluctant to give out their phone numbers.

What used to make me laugh out loud are those subs that block their numbers before calling. A little while later they would email because their calls weren't accepted. (blocked calls were blocked on my phone)

I would then inform them there was no need to try and call again as trust was extended, but not reciprocated. Trust works both ways.

Ms Sandi

_____________________________

"The Masochist desires to experience stronger sensations, but desires that it should be inflicted with Love. The Sadist desires to inflict stronger sensations, but desires that it should be felt as Love" Havelock Ellis The Project Gutenberg

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 2:26:43 PM

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Joined: 7/26/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UtahGoddess

It's interesting to me that you call me deceptive because I ask direct questions. People who know me personally will tell you I am one of the most direct people they have ever met. I don't play games with people outside a scene.

I didn't call you deceptive. I said the technique you were using is deceptive. The question about bad habits is deceptive because you're not really interested in what bad habits he has. You're interested in knowing whether or not he's honest. You're asking one question on the surface (what bad habits does he have), but expecting an answer to a different one (how truthful is he).

If you *really* wanted to know what bad habits he had, you could've said -- for example, if you wanted to be direct -- "I know you have bad habits, everybody does, so out with them, and I won't take 'I don't have any' as an answer".

quote:

You speak of "love" in your reply to my post. Love is not something I looked for on a first date, or even the first 5 dates. That puts a lot of undo pressure on both parties. Instead I sought basic compatibility and my inquiries when from religion and politics, to BDSM, ethics and personal integrity. If our basic values and such were in line, we proceeded to the next phase. I have to like you before I can love you.

I only spoke of the "L"-word in the context of providing an example of something you could've said if you really wanted a truthful answer about the guy's bad habits. Love doesn't really have anything to do with it. If you let the guy know that you have the capacity to accept someone, warts and all, you're more likely to get an honest answer out of him about his own deficiencies than if you set up all these questions underneath the questions that the guy is somehow supposed to navigate.

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 4:45:50 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sillisub

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

A slip of the tongue resulting in what? Revealing personal information or something, identity? I'm not sure what you mean.
Do the people that know you know that you are posting here? If they are responding to your threads and they don't even know that they know you, isn't that a little weird?

Akasha

sure of course... whats wrong with that? Many people have different nicks on the forum, (mostly female dommes), for anon reasons thats nothing new? I made it known many posts ago that this was my forum nick and nothing is reality on my profile...

I was honest and straight up about it right up front... please dont blame me if you did not know this... as if you had read the posts from the begining of the thread you would know this... I fail to see what the problem is?

Maybe I will understand more if I ask this way: Do you portray the same views on the other side, even if with different nick, or do you present yourself in a totally different light, at odds with what you portray and present on the forums??? Or, do you have one viewpoint on the forums, and a different one on the other side when you are possibly interested in a Domme???

(in reply to sillisub)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 5:40:10 PM

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692

quote:

ORIGINAL: sillisub

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

A slip of the tongue resulting in what? Revealing personal information or something, identity? I'm not sure what you mean.
Do the people that know you know that you are posting here? If they are responding to your threads and they don't even know that they know you, isn't that a little weird?

Akasha

sure of course... whats wrong with that? Many people have different nicks on the forum, (mostly female dommes), for anon reasons thats nothing new? I made it known many posts ago that this was my forum nick and nothing is reality on my profile...

I was honest and straight up about it right up front... please dont blame me if you did not know this... as if you had read the posts from the begining of the thread you would know this... I fail to see what the problem is?

Maybe I will understand more if I ask this way: Do you portray the same views on the other side, even if with different nick, or do you present yourself in a totally different light, at odds with what you portray and present on the forums??? Or, do you have one viewpoint on the forums, and a different one on the other side when you are possibly interested in a Domme???

And in addition to that -- why should we believe he won't use another account to back up his own opinions here in the forum? It just seems dishonest and motivated purely by self interest. If he preaches anything about honesty in these topics it will fall flat at this point. I wonder what other great advice he can offer us. A lot will take it with a grain of salt.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to kc692)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 5:41:00 PM

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/23/2005
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hi there

< Message edited by sillisub -- 9/1/2005 7:32:59 PM >

(in reply to kc692)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 5:46:06 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sillisub

quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
Maybe I will understand more if I ask this way: Do you portray the same views on the other side, even if with different nick,

exactly the same views!

Let's hope that's the truth, sillisub, no offense, because it definitely leaves the propensity for and impression of dishonesty...again, just out of curiosity, would you tell a Domme if she passed your tests (I really hate that terminology here) that you were this nick? What would you do and how would you feel if, after you found her, and told her about this, she decided she had changed her mind about you? (I'm assuming in advance you are going to say you are honorable and would tell her)

(in reply to sillisub)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 5:58:36 PM

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/23/2005
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hi there

< Message edited by sillisub -- 9/1/2005 7:34:03 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 6:03:56 PM

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux
That was a good-natured laugh, not a mocking laugh. I do hope you see that asking about the traits that make a great Domme is a very different question from trying to really understand something about the people Dommes are supposedly trying to connect with.

Thank you for clarifying that and my sincerest apologies for jumping to conclusions. This has been a tense thread and perhaps I read into something I shouldn't have. In any case, it motivated me to start the thread that so far seems to be going very well. No?

quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux
You're one of the most good-natured and constructive people on the board, and I give you all the credit in the world for even responding to me in the first place, let alone rising to the bait and posting the questions in the other forum.

Thank you. I find what I've read from you to be quite valuable as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux
I guess now we'll see if we CollarMe subs will step up and put our mouth where my money is.

Yeah. Or the gag will go back in ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to pollux)

RE: Grrrrrr.... - 9/1/2005 6:04:19 PM

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/23/2005
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hi there

< Message edited by sillisub -- 9/1/2005 7:34:20 PM >

(in reply to kc692)

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