All play and no substance

All play and no substance (Full Version)

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dogobedience -> All play and no substance (1/7/2008 2:53:22 AM)
How many of you here need more than just casual sometime, parttime play? Nobody is right or wrong with their level of need and desires about the lifestyle. I just need it all the time and so does my kali. To go to a party or do something sometimes, makes us feel hollow. All play and no substance. How many of you NEVER stop thinking about the lifestyle! You need it always, be you top or bottom. It can be a fantasy or you really live it out with your partner(s). But the need never stops. It is a part of you. Yes, perhaps I am extreem. I am also very happy!! Are you getting all you need from the BDSM world?

MasterFireMaam -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 3:00:51 AM)
Not only do I need more than causal, part-time play, I need more than play. I need relationships in order to be fulfilled in this lifestyle. It's about much more than play for me. Master Fire

Iwillconsumeu -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 3:35:52 AM)
I think everything has it's place. Casual play to remind you of what you do have. I personaly prefer to be in a loving relationship with my bottom and play casualy together. At play parties pepole see what is going on at home other than the fun I get to have with the toys I don't have(hehe). I personaly am allways thinking those wonderful perverted thoughts. Right now I wait for the next guy or gal I may love and play casualy to fill the void. I get a laugh when I think about all my fantacies that have become reality wile most people are busy saying no to what is required to live out theirs.

Rover -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 4:51:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dogobedience How many of you here need more than just casual sometime, parttime play? Count me amongst those for whom casual play isn't very appealing. Casual play feels "inauthentic" to me because I don't feel a legitimate power exchange. My thing is the control inherent to a loving power exchange relationships. And while I enjoy play within the context of those relationships, it becomes an extension of the control inherent to the relationship that makes it enjoyable for me. quote: How many of you NEVER stop thinking about the lifestyle! I have too many interests and pursuits to be thinking about BDSM all the time. Frankly, I wouldn't want to do so even if I could. No portion of my life is so completely fulfilling on its own that I would care to be completely consumed by it. quote: Are you getting all you need from the BDSM world? It's a two way street. I get what I give. Generally speaking, I'm quite pleased with what I give and get. John

wisteriaV -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 5:02:20 AM)
Play or the BDSM aspects are the cake and icecream of the lifechoice for Master and I. We thrive on the relationship aspect of it first and foremost. Without the music, the dance is rather silent and meaningless.

HalloweenWhite -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 5:32:20 AM)
I think about it al the time. Living it is a different story, I'm still learning. Its a slow hard slog.

verysweet -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 5:55:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dogobedience How many of you here need more than just casual sometime, parttime play? Part-time and casual, imho, are two entirely different things. I consider any aspect of BDSM/D-s/M-s to be an extension of my sexuality. Vanilla sex--or kinky sex for that matter--works better for me when I'm in 'relationship' mode-- 'Casual' just doesn't cut the mustard.. I may only partake 2 or 3 times a month, but there is nothing casual about it.

InfiniteAnorak -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 6:03:05 AM)
I'm not sure I could ever hack casual play, myself. However deeply my feelings may run, they're still primarily associated with my most private of lives, and I'd be requiring a certain extent of connection with someone before I could knock psyches as well as boots with them, in a BDSM context. In my head, that's still the exclusive preserve of a committed, dedicated long-term relationship, but I've got to be prepared for the possibility that that might change; so much already has, in the past few years, thanks to the kink-o-sphere. I kinda do think about this 'stuff' all the time, but also not. I'm one of them overwrought dingbats who sees the anatomy (rather than the tools and activities) of BDSM dynamics everywhere he goes; D/s is just so fluid and fuzzy that it's an interplay that, in essenece, seems to crop in myriad places. In some ways, it's as fundamental to relationships as the idea of male/female, and is as convincing a treatise of them as anything to be found in, say, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Compulsive responsibility? The power of acceptance? I'd love to see John Gray hooking up with Kinsey, fuck yeah.

SlavesSoul -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 6:25:59 AM)
For me play and D/s are two seperate things. I am a maso, I am also a sadist. I can enjoy pain play puerly from the place of giving or receiving pain. So I can absolutely enjoy casual play Casual SM play, for me, happens with close friends ( or those well known and recomended by a close friend) and doesn't involve sex...just pain. Play is at a deeper physical / emotional level and better within a relationship.Now D/s, the relationship? Thats the best place for me, thats when it all comes together. However, I do have a lot of interests and I don't sit around thinking about play or finding someone to serve constantly...it certainly doesn't consume me.It's a part of me, but doesn't define me. k

dogobedience -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 9:52:26 AM)
BDSM play has many forms. Do you do it often enough?

takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 10:13:53 AM)
i could never "just play" that's why it has taken me so long for real time, but it was worh the wait. i am in a loving relationship and living the life i've always dreamed of.

Gwynvyd -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 10:28:24 AM)
Personaly I am one who can not do "casual play" My heart, mind, and emotions have to be involved with the person. I grow a bond with my submissives, and I do not take what we share, or what they give to me lightly. Once a sub is mine they tend to stay with me. One I have had for 10 years, one for almost 8 yrs, and the other for 6 yrs. It is a very serious thing to take on a submissive to me. As for how often? Not nearly enough. I have my day to day exchange with my girl.. and it is lovely. But the other 2 I do not see nearly often enough. So I am lacking on the actual BDSM playing. Being as picky as I am about who I form bonds with it has been difficult to find a sub to have in my home along side my girl. But I will not settle for just ok. Gwyn

ophelialocke -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 10:32:34 AM)
Have the totally opposite experience. Master and I work work work and rarely have time for fun together. Guess that is the life of small business owners sigh. All play and no substance? A pipe dream, darlings. :-)

RCdc -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 10:43:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dogobedience How many of you here need more than just casual sometime, parttime play? Uhuh. quote: How many of you NEVER stop thinking about the lifestyle! You need it always, be you top or bottom. It can be a fantasy or you really live it out with your partner(s). But the need never stops. It is a part of you. I do not. My mind is fixed on Darcy. I don't belong to some lifestyle, I belong to him. quote: Are you getting all you need from the BDSM world? No. I get all I need and want from Darcy. He is my world and it is he whom decides, and I surrender. Pretty much rocks. the.dark.

Missokyst -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 10:59:11 AM)
I have always had bdsm in my long term relationships. But I do not regard it as a need, it is more of a personality trait that blossoms with some people. I don't live this as a "lifestyle", it is simply life. There are no collars, no need for outward symbols of dominance or submission, no desire to have someone control my waking hours, for me it is the fabric of who I am, not the design. I don't feel hollow without ds. I feel the same as I always do, me, a whole person. I am happier in a ds relationship, but I probably would be in A relationship regardless. Oh, and play for me is not casual. Kyst

justnewsub -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 11:27:07 AM)
personally i want the relationship first, because then play time would feel that much more fullfilling. however i cannot knock casual play time too, to scratch an itch every so often. right now i would say i am not getting everything i wanted re: BDSM D/s. However it is not something i think of 24/7. But in the right relationship i would be more then willing to live it 24/7 :)

toservez -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 12:48:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd Personaly I am one who can not do "casual play" My heart, mind, and emotions have to be involved with the person. I grow a bond with my submissives, and I do not take what we share, or what they give to me lightly. Once a sub is mine they tend to stay with me. One I have had for 10 years, one for almost 8 yrs, and the other for 6 yrs. It is a very serious thing to take on a submissive to me. As for how often? Not nearly enough. I have my day to day exchange with my girl.. and it is lovely. But the other 2 I do not see nearly often enough. So I am lacking on the actual BDSM playing. Being as picky as I am about who I form bonds with it has been difficult to find a sub to have in my home along side my girl. But I will not settle for just ok. Gwyn I echo this and many others who wrote that I actually cannot do casual play but the kink/BDSM activities are totally tied into my feelings of love and devotion for my Master. In terms of how often I think about them or want them in my life. I cannot say I think about them constantly or even a lot. I do know I have never complained that any one I have been with did too much though. In the end though I need significant “play” to nourish my level of power exchange.

domiguy -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 12:59:44 PM)
I think about it non-stop. It is always on my mind. I can't live without it. It is all consuming and the only thing that makes my life worth living. I would enjoy having a serious relationship, but at this point I would probably take anything with a pulse. It just seems my love of science fiction, Star Trek, and fantisizing about living in some non-existant world filled with fairies, dungeons and dragons makes attracting a sane and intelligent woman virtually impossible.

subtee -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 1:04:11 PM)
The older I get (~sigh~), the less interest I have in any of my relationships--vanilla or not, male or female, friend or lover--to be casual. I have learned to put my focus, time and attention toward those who profoundly feed me and for whom I provide some sort of nourishment, and leave the other interactions aside.

Shawn1066 -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 1:12:37 PM)
Do I think about the lifestyle all the time? Yes. This doesn't mean I think about specific actions all the time...such as play. No, wondering what my Owner's apartment needs, or what I should get around to touching up, or perhaps how I can put a smile on her face or brighten her day...that's also me thinking about the lifestyle. In my personal opinion, there is much more to the lifestyle than playing...far more. I can't play casually. I'm not wired for it at all. I can't even begin to consider it, honestly

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