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BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 5:54:12 PM

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In the course of any human endeavor, there is an approach that is common to all undertakings; The Beginning. Every one of us started there. We learned about our bodies, learned to tie our shoes, we developed the skills and talents that enable us to make our living, and achieve our pleasures. The commonality of beginning being the first step in anything, I often wonder why there is so much snobbery among the initiated and experienced. For the purpose of this discourse I define snobs as those who have some or much experience, and rather than take the role as coach and provide encouraging and pointed direction, seek to lambaste and harangue the novice, often inflicting injuries that make the novice shy away and sadly, never experience what the initiated do.

Our society is filled with snobbery. There are golf snobs, fashion snobs, music snobs, automotive snobs, poker snobs, bible snobs, etc. These people look at the beginner with disdain and often as not, berate the novice by reminding him/her of how much they do not know. Someone may not know the current bdsm lexicon and they are deemed unworthy. Someone may present an idea that entices them or has thrilled themselves or their partner and if it does not fit into what is “cool now” they are either rebuked or at worse…ignored.

All of us here had a start in something. It may have been on the football field, the gymnastics class, the chess club, or the bondage chair. I ask every reader to remember the start of something significant in our lives. Remember the mentors, and try to be more like them, than the people who snubbed us and tried to make us feel we were idiots for even trying to pursue a passion. I know, there is a lot of falsity and deceit on message boards and websites, but this is after all the internet. Be the bigger person and respond the way you would have liked to be responded to…encouraging and practical, keeping safety, sanity, and well being of all in front. Let us not be snobs.

Luvs <3
JdM

"~When I was a child I prayed for a bicycle. I soon realized G~d doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness"

RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 5:56:19 PM

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Glad to finally see this somewhere on here...:) And welcome.

_____________________________

The strongest & most effective force in assuring the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all the forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated,but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination.

(in reply to jimdandymagnum)

RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 5:58:32 PM

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I am a snob.

I own up to it. What's more, I will proudly shout it from the tallest buiding with a microphone hooked up to every major city in the world.

Life sure is good sometimes

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

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RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 5:59:11 PM

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From: Savannah, GA
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BEAUTIFULLY said :)

(in reply to TheLookingGirl)

RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 6:00:56 PM

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quote:

often inflicting injuries that make the novice shy away and sadly, never experience what the initiated do.

I'm not responsible for how someone reacts. That's their thing, not mine.

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to jimdandymagnum)

RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 6:01:31 PM

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I like to think that we aren't "snobs", but that we do not like bullshit.
When a "new" person comes looking for advice, and we give advice they do not like, they get nasty and call us liars and fakes.
Sometimes the best advice we can give, is that we know what we are doing, and that they should go research a bit more, watch and learn.

Other times, yes, we get snobby and snarky. Not every day is a good day and we all have our moods.

Welcome.

Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to jimdandymagnum)

RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 6:02:15 PM

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From: Nashville, TN
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Those newcomers who actually ask for help in learning often get it. Those who come in thinking they know everything already form what they have read are the ones who do not get what they want. When I started in the lifestyle, I had a mentor. I know how valuable they can be... if you ask for help and go into it openminded. If you go into this (or anything else) unwilling to learn then you will not.
While urging us not to be snobs, you forget to mention to those who dont know anything yet to remember they need to ask. They need to want to learn and they need to go about it politely. You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink. Just ebcasue we are willing to teach doesnt mean they are always willing to learn either. That street runs both ways

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to jimdandymagnum)

RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 6:07:52 PM

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Very well written. I agree with you.

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In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

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RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 6:10:34 PM

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Like IrishMist, I fully own to being a snob.

Do you know why? Because it is T/those like Me, who came before Me, who also learned, took their lumps, and didn't get everything handed to them in the cyber world. W/we didn't expect everything to be handed to U/us on a silver platter. W/we went out, to the real community, where there was no PC, and stuck it out through those beginning lumps. Why? Because W/we found that W/we really wanted this. More than it just being given to U/us. It was worth the work. It was worth trial and error. It was worth the wait.

It is more than easy to sit behind the screen and want. Simpler still to complain about why there is no acceptance. To go out and get what you want? Aye. That is the challenge.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 6:12:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Like IrishMist, I fully own to being a snob.

Do you know why? Because it is T/those like Me, who came before Me, who also learned, took their lumps, and didn't get everything handed to them in the cyber world. W/we didn't expect everything to be handed to U/us on a silver platter. W/we went out, to the real community, where there was no PC, and stuck it out through those beginning lumps. Why? Because W/we found that W/we really wanted this. More than it just being given to U/us. It was worth the work. It was worth trial and error. It was worth the wait.

It is more than easy to sit behind the screen and want. Simpler still to complain about why there is no acceptance. To go out and get what you want? Aye. That is the challenge.

I have a new hero

Nicely said Ma'am

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 6:14:45 PM

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I think your definition isn't that sound. Many times the snobbiest people have less to offer and use snobbery as a defense. The snobbiest people I have ran into in the scene seem to be racked with insecurity and completely clueless when it comes to anything not involving whips and floggers---like, say relationships and the general going ons of the world around them. It only shows in the holes of their relationships with others. Like the Dominant who brags about his submissive (and he happens to be cheating on his wife with her) while his marriage falls apart. But then again, maybe you were trying to woo the snobs with flattery? In that case, I should shut up.

If someone doesn't want to teach me, that's great. I'm sure there are a hundred other people more knowledgeable and less hostile. I will not try to break into a clique, will not under go 'intiation' to be cool enough to interact with them, or deal with the drama that usually accompanies these types of people.

So I say hoorah for not being a snob.

Good post.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to jimdandymagnum)

RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 6:19:59 PM

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But times have changed....someday you, and I will be facing new challenges in this world or another. That reasoning is like "I used to walk 5 miles to school in a snowstorm". If benevolence exists can we be it?

JdM

"~When I was a child I used to pray for a bicycle. I soon realized G~d doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness"

(in reply to IrishMist)

RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 6:22:28 PM

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Perfectly said.

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RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 6:33:24 PM

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Joined: 2/8/2007
From: Dawn Weyr
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

I am a snob.

I own up to it. What's more, I will proudly shout it from the tallest buiding with a microphone hooked up to every major city in the world.

Life sure is good sometimes

IrishMist,

that is the real spirit! *

Ruth

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http://www.sklavenzentrale.com/?ZN=04082001

(in reply to IrishMist)

RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 6:36:58 PM

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Joined: 2/8/2007
From: Dawn Weyr
Status: offline

DV,

you're well thought out and clear reply is so very near to what i would have written.

And i would like to add, to jim, a halfbashing, that ends with let us all be nice, is in my book no good start. I like to start with gratitude for finding places like the collarme board, literotica or a good SMunch.

Ruth

< Message edited by WingedSnake -- 1/24/2008 6:38:27 PM >

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RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 6:43:50 PM

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Having to prove you are serious about learning is/ has been a test for almost every type of knowledge sharing.

Prime example in popular trivia would be Karate Kid, Mr. Miagi Wax on Wax off.

Like in the movie though there are folks with knowledge and spirit worth learning from and there are people who have knowledge but lack spiritual understanding.
Initiations once had solid reasons for being, today often as not unfortunately the initiators have no understanding of the reasons for the "Hazing" beyond prooving you are committed to learning. Additionally the tests seem to take on a life of their own, with each generaion of novice being either tested more heavily or less heavily than the group before them. Without a very strictly guarded methodology the reason for, the duratin of, and the intensity of the hazing tends to drift and be lost over time.

The dilemma of the experienced and knowledgeable is how freely dowe share information, and ow closely do we guard it(or guard people from it).
Both roads have their own hazards and their own benifits. So we each get to ballance them against our own values.

< Message edited by Archer -- 1/24/2008 6:46:46 PM >

(in reply to jimdandymagnum)

RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 6:49:17 PM

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~fr~ i do not know if i am a snob or not... i probably am. Regardless, it is not whether or not i am a snob, it is how i carry it off. i've had tons of hard knocks in my life, it has made me a strong, independent woman. However, what it has not yet done is made me bitter toward humanity. Just because i have lived with 'hard knocks', does not mean i want others to go through the great and gut wrenching, heartbreaking pain i have gone through. Maybe i am a snob with empathy.

As many others before me have said and will say in the future, this is the internet with folks from every walk of life hanging out here. Many are just unhappy folks and rarely have anything nice to say. Many are quite decent folks once you get to know them.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to WingedSnake)

RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 6:50:11 PM

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From: Buffalo
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i think there's a difference between being a snob and being hostile. some people get hostile and/or impatient when faced with questions/comments/responses they don't necessarily like or think are 'immature' or not worth their time.

and sometimes posts come across in a completely different manner than how they were intended to mean.

however i do agree with you on a certain level. this can be a hard community (as in BDSM in general) to get into in that there can be an appearance of arrogance among those who have been involved long term (note i said appearance which is not the same as actually being arrogant). it's like one of my professors said--sometimes we do something for so long we forget that we weren't born knowing it. however it's just a matter of finding the best fit in a teacher.

(in reply to Archer)

RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 6:59:41 PM

Sexynmentalinkc

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Joined: 4/14/2006
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It's just another label.

New, old, fake, wanna-be, "real", twue, snob, elite, newbie....whatever. Pick your example. Labels suck (sometimes...or most of the time).

People are people. *shrug*

- Mr. S

_____________________________

"I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. ...I'm certainly not. And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am..."

(in reply to MsLadySue)

RE: BDSM SNOBS - 1/24/2008 7:07:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc

It's just another label.

New, old, fake, wanna-be, "real", twue, snob, elite, newbie....whatever. Pick your example. Labels suck (sometimes...or most of the time).

People are people. *shrug*

- Mr. S

Dayum it.
/stomps foot in a fit of anger

I want to be a snob.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Sexynmentalinkc)

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