Stephann
Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
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So, with the recent spate of frustration in making connections online, I thought I'd offer something positive.
I've been fortunate to meet many wonderful people from this site, including my current slave. Here's some ideas and suggestions, based on my own experiences.
1) Be friendly. It should go without saying, but I've always had the most success when I approached the people I wrote from a casual, "we're in a coffee shop" attitude. A light joke, friendly comment, or polite compliment goes a lot further than insults, instant degredation, or one line "hey, wanna chat?"
2) Don't expect a reply. Folks are busy, and don't usually spend their whole day in front of a computer. If they write you back, great. If not, sending two or three more emails saying "Why didn't you write me back?????" usually won't be helpful. Maybe one, polite email a few days later to enquire "I wrote, but never heard from you, but I think you're really interesting and I'd love to talk" is about the extent of persistance of any value.
3) Have a profile worth reading. People without profiles, get the worst mail, followed by people with negative profiles. People with informative, friendly profiles that tell a little about who you are as a person (not just as Uber-Dom/Ultra-sub) make it easier for people who share your interests and tastes to write you. Generic "I like to have fun, watch TV, go to the movies, and hang out with friends" profiles don't leave much in the way for the other person to write you back, even if your first email was very informative. Also, listing things you enjoy in people (i.e. I like women who enjoy politics) is a great way to attract like minded people. Writing "I have a hard limit of 23-37 years of age, women over 160 lbs, and you must be into anal sex" is a great way to make people who meet your criteria to be turned off. Focus on what you enjoy in people (I enjoy people with an enthusiasm for life, active, healthy, and sexually open minded) says basically the same thing, without turning anyone off for not meeting your criteria.
4) Don't write to people who most likely won't write you back, and expect anything beyond a polite "no." An 18 year old submissive who says she's only interested in men 25 an under wouldn't be someone I'm likely to write (being as I'm almost 31.) Yes, it's frustrating for men in their 50s to write a 25 year old and be rejected; but there are 25 year old women who don't mind. Don't write people who are across the country, if you don't have the means to visit them. Most people don't prefer long distance relationships to begin with. Point is, focus on people who have a much higher chance of being willing to meet you because you meet their criteria. I will mention, that I've met a fantastic woman who made it clear that she only liked men 6'1" (I'm 3" shy.) But I had a feeling we'd make a good match, and turns out she thought so to. The point is, go with your gut, but don't be surprised if you're rejected.
5) it's a numbers game. Don't be destroyed by one person saying "nope." For every 10 good leads, only one will likely amount to anything.
6) Use the forums. This is the best part of Collarme. If you're not talking on the forums, you're not getting as much exposure as you could, and you're not making nearly as many potential friends as you could. The forums are a great way to establish who you are, what you're like, and what you like.
7) Sure, sex is important; but most people aren't here to find sex partners. There's other places for that (the word BAR comes to mind.) If a guy or girl really wanted to get laid, they could have simply gone out to the bar. So keep sexual propositions and innuendo toned down, until you've gotten to know the person. If an initial email says "you better like (insert sexual taste here)" there's a good chance that the response will be NO even if in reality it's yes.
I'm sure there's others; anyone care to add to the list?
Stephan
< Message edited by Stephann -- 1/26/2008 12:59:00 PM >
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