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Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 7:31:14 AM

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Is it just me, or does there seem to be some kind of stigma against younger subs? I just dont get it. It seems like nobody is interested in me because Im 20. I know Im not a bad guy, but no one is willing to give me a chance. Does anyone else out there feel like this?

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RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 7:34:34 AM

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You're age isnt necessarily the problem. It could be your location, your interests, the age target group you are looking at... I know you so I know for the most part it isnt your personality unless they want someone who is sub from word one.
I have noticed a lot of younger submissives seem ot think that the problems Dommes have are strictly with their age, when there is a whole host of other components to things. Obviously not all of us have problems with younger subs. Maybe its the target audience.

DV

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(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 7:43:35 AM

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Dude. You're from "Planet Motherfucker"? Or... how many people have actually copied Bunny into their own sig lines, to aid his quest for world domination? Or.... your profile is all about shows and heavy metal.

Tony Iommi has said his own #1 guitar influence was Django Reinhard, a "classical" jazz guitarist. Iommi might be the most successful metal guitarist of all time. He has interests well outside his own sphere of music. What do you do besides tell dumb jokes and bang your head?

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 7:49:13 AM

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Well, I think there's a stigma because people our age, in general, come off as sex-crazed, immature, and irresponsible. The worst part about this is, of course, that there's some actual truth to it. A lot of people I know my own age fall directly into the bad stereotypical college kid arena.

However, as my Owner says, there are sometimes problems outside of it -just- being age.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 7:51:04 AM

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I think for males this might be the case, but youger women are much sought after....

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RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 7:53:38 AM

MollyTroubletail

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I've noticed male subs of any age are having a hard time finding what they need. Also, a lot of dominas are wary of inexperienced male subs who don't turn out as submissive as they claimed they were. So age is probably not the only consideration.

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 8:22:53 AM

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there's always a stigma about one thing or another, pick a topic and there is a stigma....no one lives this lifestyle the same as anyone else so just consider this to be the norm...it sux but it is definitly true. After 5 years of this non stop trust me....

~meticulous~

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RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 9:00:38 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Is it just me, or does there seem to be some kind of stigma against younger subs? I just dont get it. It seems like nobody is interested in me because Im 20. I know Im not a bad guy, but no one is willing to give me a chance. Does anyone else out there feel like this?

Sort of... I feel a discrimination from some along the lines of obviously I don't know what I'm doing so I should drop my owner and serve them instead.

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(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 9:10:11 AM

ItalianSMistress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MollyTroubletail

I've noticed male subs of any age are having a hard time finding what they need. Also, a lot of dominas are wary of inexperienced male subs who don't turn out as submissive as they claimed they were. So age is probably not the only consideration.

I was going to say something along these same lines. I am leary of "new" slaves, does not matter at all how old they are. I have been in a situation, where the slave was so new and freaked out. Sometimes the freak out does not even happen while playing,,,this case, it happened much after the fact. Frankly, I am just not gentle enough to want to start with someone that is so new, that they are going to need that off the bat. Also, newer slaves tend to have many more limits than ones that have been doing this a while, and have already been, at least in part, trained.

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(in reply to MollyTroubletail)

RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 9:15:51 AM

MollyTroubletail

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Thank you for pointing that out ItalianMistress. Trying not to turn this into a different thread, but I totally agree. Being new to this myself, I turned into one hell of a handful to my owner. Freaking out, not knowing myself, having difficulties with my identity as a slave, having fantasies that my body/psyche couldn't handle but that I told him I loved. All of this at age 37... so, not an age question entirely. There's people that appreciate "newbies" and others who prefer to play with the known rather than the unknown. I wouldn't really call it discrimination, per se, more of a preference.

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RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 9:29:26 AM

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I think often people get lost in words like maturity and also too easily point to younger men just more wanting kinky bottom sex then an actual power exchange relationship.

The more clearer truth is in my opinion that most young people in general from both genders are just not settled in what they are wanting out of life. That does not mean a younger person does not think they know but certainly for me and many of my friends what we thought we wanted and what we ended up wanting is two different things.

I think the trouble when a younger male is seeking out a older female that the female just does not want to invest in the time and then see them change priorities and start from scratch but older. Men do not have a problem pursuing younger because they are obviously attracted to younger and more open to casual and short term relationships.

It is simply about life stages and priorities and for older females the fact is young males often live in a world left long ago and not wanting to waste valuable and shrinking time on a person that the odds do strongly favor them changing in some major way down the road.

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(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 9:43:36 AM

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First off I love Cougars. nothing wrong with that;) there is a big difference between immaturity and innerchild!

secondly: I'm go out alot and a sub who can not get into a 21+ establishment is a major hinderence.

overall age on a website for me makes a difference. I usually search for 24-35 to better narrow maturity and compatibility issues. though in person i judge character way before age even becomes a thought.

(in reply to toservez)

RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 11:26:45 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Is it just me, or does there seem to be some kind of stigma against younger subs? I just dont get it. It seems like nobody is interested in me because Im 20. I know Im not a bad guy, but no one is willing to give me a chance. Does anyone else out there feel like this?

Greetings, my subby brother! I know some dommes prefer not to get involved with younger subs because of the perceived "lack of maturity". You can't blame them because, unfortunately for the ones who are genuine in their search, there are TONS of horndogs looking for kinky sex and just looking to get laid.

Some of my biggest hurdles was my location and my kinks. Louisiana isn't known for it's rubber scene, so I had to look out of state for a domme that shared my interest in that. I was often rejected because of my location and not my age. Most don't want to pursue something long distance. They want someone close to where they are. First rule of business...LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION!!!

I know there are some dommes that like breaking in younger subs. You just have to be persistent in your search. I'm sure you are like me...a pro-domme is so not what you are looking for. I managed to find a domme that loves rubber, who's gothic, and who doesn't mind working on a long distance relationship because She knows we are working together to get it right. Just keep your head up, brother. Your domme is out there...keep your eyes peeled on Planet Motherfucker!

Best wishes!

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RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 11:57:47 AM

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I know what you mean. As a 19 year old, I sometimes feel as if the people responding to my ad still think that I'm a child. I like to think of myself as mostly mature and possessed of at least a modicum of intelligence, but judging from a few of the responses that I have gotten, some people seem to think that I have the mental capacity of a third grader. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that yes, sometimes I do feel as if people don't take seriously, but then again there are always those people who take the time to talk to you in order to discover your maturity, or lack thereof as the case may be.

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RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 4:29:05 PM

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I feel for the male submissive crowd - age notwithstanding. There appears to be an extremely lopsided ratio of female dominants to male submissives much to the favor of the female dominants (this seems to be the prevailing dynamic). Looks like it creates a lot of competition which isn't necessarily a bad thing - it's obviously a perk for the dominants and would seem to be a motivational factor to the submissives. I can see how it would get very discouraging, though. It may also help to explain the large number of female professional dominants versus the dearth of male professional dominants.

Good luck in your search.

(in reply to youngsubgeoff)

RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 5:15:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

Is it just me, or does there seem to be some kind of stigma against younger subs? I just dont get it. It seems like nobody is interested in me because Im 20. I know Im not a bad guy, but no one is willing to give me a chance. Does anyone else out there feel like this?

Actually, it's a stigma against younger submissives who complain about older Dominants who are not interested in them because they are so immature they have to come to the message boards and complain about their own age.

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RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 5:43:46 PM

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Yeah, Geoff, it's not age but maturity. I should have been less curt with how I phrased my question, but if women are saying, "You're a great guy, just a little.... young," that's a codeword for "immature."

I honestly don't care anymore what women say their age limits are. If I find someone interesting, I write her. I'm 39, and I've dated one woman who said her minimum age was 40, hard limit; and a few who said 35 was the absolute max. I just tell her why I'm interested in her, and why I think it's worthwhile for us to meet. People make exceptions to their rules if you come across as interesting and for real.

When I asked you what you do besides tell dumb jokes and bang your head, it wasn't a rhetorical question. Flesh out your profile with who you ARE, not just what you do for fun. Look at the sigs of other young people who have posted on this thread: helplessmaiden quotes a play that won 4 Tony Awards (like Oscars for the theater), and rubberpet talks about his deep passion and love. Your sig just ain't in the same maturity category.

Or take a look at the profiles of Honsoku or MadRabbit, who are both about your age. You'll see a difference.

What are your hopes, dreams and aspirations? What do you want to do with your life?

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RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 5:49:04 PM

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Yes. Without even reading your profile, I can tell you I have no interest in you for anything other than conversation. I am over twice your age. It's not discrimination, it's preferance and the fact that the idea is a huge turn off to me and I know nothing about you so obviously it's not personal. There are many men who have no interest in me for similar reasons that aren't personal, such is life. Stop assuming everything is personal, stop complaining about it, keep searching and be patient. The numbers do not favor you and it will be incredibly tiring for you if you don't realize that the majority of people are not for you and just shrug it off.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 1/30/2008 5:51:46 PM >

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RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/30/2008 9:05:04 PM

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Geoff, I'm going to agree with what most everyone has already said. There are usually multiple contributing factors for dismissing the idea of a certain person right-off.

For example, I find that I'm pretty much never physically attracted to certain races (think it's my hair thing... still not really certain) and so I simply don't bother. I look at profiles (or messages sent) for grammar and spelling on par or above my own capabilities. I always feel smarter around smarter people, and when I feel smarter, I feel better about myself. Basically, I need to be around good people to be a good person, which means... I need a good, smart, D-type to spark my interest right off. Oftentimes, others will look for qualities similar to how I just laid out. Don't get discouraged, or blame your age (no one really likes having to listen to that). It really is all about preferences of those whom are looking for male submissives.

End with an opinion on inexperience: It definitely is a preference issue here. Most, if not all, Dom/mes like to train a sub in their ways. Sometimes the Dom/me sees a new sub as easier, sometimes a more experience. My opinion is that this comes from their own experience with subs.

Best of luck.

~kitten~

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RE: Discrimination against younger subs? - 1/31/2008 1:01:57 PM

Vampyrefledgling

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I don't know if its discrimination per se, I think others chose the word preference and that seems accurate. I can only speak for myself. I'm very new to the scene, never been a sub/slave before (didn't even know the difference...still a little hazy but whatever) and as a twenty-five year old woman, I cannot be involved with someone younger than I. It isn't that age is necessarily a substitute for actual wisdom, its just that in order for me to submit to a man, he must challenge me intellectually and physically, and I haven't found men younger than I who have consistently done so. That is not to say they aren't out there, just not in my sphere of influence.

I think people feel more comfortable becoming involved with someone who is more sure of who they are and what they want. Unfortunately, that comes at your expense. Don't take it personally and don't let it hinder you on your search.

~Fledgling

(in reply to kittengirl8)

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