RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question

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RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 10:57:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

If someone has been fine with the amount of contact, then suddenly change their mind when the amount of contact has not changed, then I am usually under the impression that "I need space, you're smothering me" means they're exercising other options. If his time is spent with another "option", then that's where his attention is.

Cali

Oh, certainly. It's one of many possibilities. It's why I mentioned saving the rice for dinner tomorrow ;) In all honesty, there's nothing worse than liking someone a lot more than they like you. I've found every time that affected me in a serious way, was because I wasn't in a good place in my own living situation and my confidence was in the dumps. Hence the implication of 'focus on yourself and make yourself happy without him' meaning so much, in this case.

Stephan

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RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/2/2008 10:58:23 PM

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Ahh the golden blush of young love "I'm not calling him until he calls me."

This isn't going to be resolved unless you both talk about it. If you've decided that this is still someone you see great potential with and will help you be fulfilled, then it's worth a possible rejection by calling and asking for some direct conversation.

But if you go into it slamming doors and pouting and blaming, then you're just sabotaging yourself and might as well end it now.

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RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 1:20:56 AM

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My comment at first was totally different then it is......
what do you mean by " than she would allow HIm to come back to "

Arn't you the submissisve in this relationship ???

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RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 2:07:57 AM

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If he is married usually the other woman never gets the best part of the deal. Rarely do married men fall in love or leave their wife. They just want to play and have a distraction from the every day mundane pressures of life.

i feel really bad for you and i hope that you have the strength and the courage to go and find someone who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.

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i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 3:22:09 AM

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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MeliciousProse

During our last conversation, girl told Him that if He felt smothered, than she would allow HIm to come back to her. He hasn't. He hasn't even tried. He hasn't even made a half-assed attempt at even thinking about contacting this girl.

Sounds to me like you've been dumped.

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RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 3:30:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

If he is married usually the other woman never gets the best part of the deal. Rarely do married men fall in love or leave their wife. They just want to play and have a distraction from the every day mundane pressures of life.

i feel really bad for you and i hope that you have the strength and the courage to go and find someone who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.

I don't get the impression he's married. She mentioned meeting his parents at one point.

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RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 4:03:15 AM

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In my humble opinion, if he wanted you, and nomatter how busy he was, he'd find time for a quick call - Men who want a woman make sure they maintain contact (keeping their territory marked, as it were). If a man treated me like that, I'd assume the relationship is either over or dying a slow death - but then I am something of a fatalist.

_____________________________

Louis: Do you think I would let them harm you?
Claudia: No you would not Louis. Danger holds you to me.
Louis: Love holds you to me.

~~~~~~

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(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 4:04:38 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

If he is married usually the other woman never gets the best part of the deal. Rarely do married men fall in love or leave their wife. They just want to play and have a distraction from the every day mundane pressures of life.

i feel really bad for you and i hope that you have the strength and the courage to go and find someone who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.

I was involved with a married man for a while, and I certainly never felt marginalised in my relationship with him. I think a lot of it depends on the man himself.

_____________________________

Louis: Do you think I would let them harm you?
Claudia: No you would not Louis. Danger holds you to me.
Louis: Love holds you to me.

~~~~~~

When the going gets tough, the tough get under the table . ... Edmund Blackadder

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 4:29:34 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Have you thought that maybe you ARE actually smothering him? That's often nothing to do with how much time people spend together. You might smother him when you are together though, and it just isn't what he wants.

MissMagnolia is so smart! i'd listen to her! Are you talking to him in a way that would suggest you want more from the relationship that he is prepared to give? Talking permanance, living together, marriage? Do expect constant attention when together? i don't know these things, just asking.

One thing i do know "For that which is truly important, time and money WILL be found." If he can't find time for you, you are not truly important.... at this time. Next week, who knows. But if it's bothering you so much, then its HIM you need to ask and be prepared for the answer.

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RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 4:56:13 AM

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I am, from simply reading what you wrote, confused as to who has the most issues - you or him. First of all, I can't assess from your description what the issues are, as I have only your words, and not his. The only thing I am certain of is that, after 72 hours, which isn't a great amount of time, you're here asking us, when you should be there, asking him.

In general, if someone has that many issues in his life, he shouldn't even be trying to do "mastering". This isn't about toys, the way you describe it he can't handle all of his responsibilities without you, and your presence in his life would only make that worse.

Secondly, the litany of things you list sounds to me like you are a manipulator - he does this, you read that into it, and you use the private knowledge you have about him to paint us a picture of him. I don't see that as a good thing. I would go back and examine what you're doing with him, and why, and stop whining about what he does. Because we have neither answers nor solutions about somebody we don't know anything about, we can only guess, handily "guided" by your statements about him... Always assume, in general, that if a person in your life does something to you, you are the ultimate cause of that, and that change can only come from you.

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 5:22:20 AM

BabyDollVanIsle

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dear MeliciousProse,

You are young, you are beautiful, and you do deserve to be in a relationship where you feel cherished and wanted.

You don't have to be perfect to find that. But you do need to know when to move on and start looking again.

It sounds like you are really hurting, i can understand that.

I would try to learn from the experience, take a break, and start dating again. You know, it really takes time to learn how to relate successfully with the opposite sex. Not all parents give the best training in life, so you have to train yourself to meet the demands of relationships, work, and dealing with being on your own.

About the smothering thing... well, if he said it, that is how he feels. Maybe talk to some male friends about what smothering means to them, and what kind of behavoirs tend to make them feel smothered.

i suspect you simply wanted more from him than he was able to give, between his children, job, and financial pressures.

Nothing makes me feel as needy and abandonned as someone who wants to give me less than i want to receive.

But, the flip side, is when i am with someone who wants more from me than i want to give, i feel pressured, panicky, uncomfortable and smothered.

It is a hard and confusing journey as you go about learning what is your ideal situaiton, learning about yourself, until you find and are able to maintain a relationship where your needs for contact and each other's company is about equal.

You do come across as demanding and strong personality.. but that is not a bad thing.

Something tells me if you had this Dom tied to a post and had a flogger in your hand, you would quickly find your inner Domme and give him a surprsie or two.

Maybe you shoud try being a switch or a Domme for a while.. find some eager submissive boy or man to use and abuse and spend time with. It might give you some company and help you see things from the other side of the equation... you might learn a lot about yourself, and even take what you learned to go back to being a submissive, but a better experienced and well rounded one..

But seriously, don't waste another minute of your time with this Don. Go about your business, enjoy your life.

(in reply to antipode)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 5:50:05 AM

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quote:

What advice do You have for girl?

Don't give ultimatums you can't handle.

His half-assed non-attempt at contacting you speaks volumes.

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RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 5:51:17 AM

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i thought so too at first, but when she wrote outside responsibilitie without being specific, it sounds to me like a wife. Especially when she seperated it from financial and children, etc, but i could be wrong.

We all have other responsibilities, so that shouldn't be a factor.

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i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

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RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 5:53:59 AM

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Oh i agree 100 percent, aqnd i think that you were one of the lucky ones. Most women come away with broken hearts when they they make the mistake of falling in love.

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i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

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RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 6:29:54 AM

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He's met somebody else, he's just saving you in case the long legged blonde doesn't work out.

Honey, he's just not that into you. You're both kids, this will happen over and over for years, from both sides of the equation.

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RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 6:37:04 AM

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I've been told on many occasions I could be a switch. But...it's not the path I want to tread on.

I appreciate those of you who decided to express sympathy and actually give advice, though.

I'll respond to a few comments, though.

Seventy-two hours may not be a long time in the span of our own lives, but when someone is very-much used to speaking to someone on a daily basis, it is a little trying. No, it's painful. I'm a little upset that He hasn't made any attempt to call me though. I would've expected that a couple days would be enough, but perhaps He's just as lost and confused as I am or He's already found someone to replace me. I don't know yet.

And as I've said once before, that statement about me allowing Him to contact me if He wanted to was worded incorrectly. I don't allow him to do anything and I know it. I hadn't realized that that wording would be the more interesting part of my confusion inthis situation.

And the last thing: I don't manipulate Him. I shouldn't have to. I shouldn't want to and I DON'T want to. All I was trying to say is this: In the big scheme of things, I UNDERSTAND and I try(although falling on my ass as a result) to have patience, but a phone call is not a lot to ask for. I've asked Doms. I've asked Dommes. I've asked slaves and subs. And they all agreed so I came here to see if there was a different response. And I've been told I'm manipulative, that I top from the bottom, and that I'm too young and stupid.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 6:42:11 AM

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Someone's wrong, then. In seven days you will see who was correct.

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RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 6:48:50 AM

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Everyone has a right to be young and stupid and make mistakes. That's all a part of growing up. So don't be so hard on yourself.

Also, you will learn that mostly only new people will post seriously. sincere problems on this site, because us oldtimers know that for some of these people it's more important to pick on how you've spelled something wrong or how you put a period in the wrong place than it is to actually help you.
i wish you luck, i know how hard it is to wait for a phone call that may never come. i hope everything works out for you.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 6:50:12 AM

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Mel,
Can you clarify a few things...is this guy married? Are you in a long distance relationship? Is he a weekend Dad? Are you HIS submissive, or did you just play together frequently? Because there are so many questions left unanswered, the responses may seem frustrating to you, which in effect causes you to reply in a way that is seen as frustrating or aggressive to to others...perhaps if we knew more we could help more....

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 7:02:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MeliciousProse

What would possess a Dom to make these great gestures of a commitment and then claim she's smothering Him? What advice do You have for girl?

-Sighs.- This girl is at a loss.

Great gestures of commitment happen outside of the lifestyle as well. Often called 'the honeymoon period' and sometimes even called 'marriage' they are simply that which happens at the beginning. In my opinion the 'car kry' (door keys), are to ensnare you. They might be gestures for effect, gestures because, in this instance you are young and i am wondering how old the 'gesticulator' is.....it's best to start out with nothing, and in my personal opinion, starting out with being put in one's place, being told fairly and squarely, you are just a sub, then things can only get better.
hHwever there has to be 'something' of the untangible to go on....otherwise logically there is no relationship. There has to be a phone call, contact, emails?? otherwise it's just a fantasy in a girl's head and a fantasy in the Dom's head maybe that in the absence of anything either tangible or intangible, then perhaps it is a fantasy that this is what he means by control.

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

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