RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question

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RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 7:09:36 AM

Posts: 4584
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MeliciousProse

I've asked Doms. I've asked Dommes. I've asked slaves and subs. And they all agreed so I came here to see if there was a different response. And I've been told I'm manipulative, that I top from the bottom, and that I'm too young and stupid.

I far older than you are girl and i still get told here to get my head out of my arse.
There comes a point i believe when simple communication needs to take place outside of the dynamic. I just feel that what is keeping you from contacting him is the FEAR of topping from the bottom. You won't know if he sees iit as topping from the bottom unless you try it out. At least then you will have some guidelines as to what is acceptable or unacceptable to your Dom. If he is still your Dom....if he is not then in my personal opinion he is an arsehole for not letting you know......
unless he has simply gone away for a week and hasn't told you....sht that kills me even when i'm told.......
welcome to collarme

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 7:10:44 AM

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He's not married. He's divorced and the divorce is final. His ex-wife lives in Canada. Yes, I am His submissive but I do not wear His collar. He's a Monday-Wednesday-Friday/Saturday dad for His one-year-old and every month or so He goes up to see His five-year-old. He works from 5am-5pm most days if not longer and usually the only days we have together days we both take off from work. We live an hour and a half from each other and the only time really spent outside of those one or two days a week is on the phone.

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 7:13:01 AM

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His one-year-old is due for an operation on her eye this monday. I know why He wouldn't call this particular week-END...but thursday-saturday?

(in reply to Prinsexx)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 7:19:41 AM

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From: El Paso , TX US
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In light of this last information .. even thurs -saturday I would think that his attention was totally on the upcoming surgery on his one year old........that the one year old was his total priority, as in my opinion is as it should be

< Message edited by MissHarlet -- 2/3/2008 7:58:20 AM >

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to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 7:25:59 AM

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It sounds like he has two responsibilties living in different circumstances and also has time for you. Did it occur to you that he may be slightly over-extended? I can see why you may not be the first thing he thinks of. And I'm not saying that to be hurtful to you, just pointing out the obvious in a relationship you have chosen to pursue.

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(in reply to MissHarlet)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 7:31:50 AM

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From: El Paso , TX US
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It sounds to me like he is a good dad .... as he should be... .and if you want to be part of his life you need to understand that his UMs will often be the priority in his life, especially as they are so very young. It wont always be when you are not needy or want him to contact you etc that they need him more, unfortunately.

Yes I know you realize this. It doesnt make it any easier, but something you have to seriously consider if you want to be a part of his life. Because no matter how important something, or some event or your birthday, anniversary etc is ... the UMS come first .. always.

< Message edited by MissHarlet -- 2/3/2008 7:59:36 AM >

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To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

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RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 7:37:46 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MeliciousProse

He's not married. He's divorced and the divorce is final. His ex-wife lives in Canada. Yes, I am His submissive but I do not wear His collar. He's a Monday-Wednesday-Friday/Saturday dad for His one-year-old and every month or so He goes up to see His five-year-old. He works from 5am-5pm most days if not longer and usually the only days we have together days we both take off from work. We live an hour and a half from each other and the only time really spent outside of those one or two days a week is on the phone.

This description makes me think that he is realizing that he just doesn't have the time for any kind of relationship. Looking at it objectively, based on what you've told us..... He works 12-hour+ days, has kids in two different countries, apparently, and is trying to be a part of both their lives One is having surgery, and he has that one every other day and half the weekend. It is sounding to me that he is realizing that he really doesn't have time to have a submissive/girlfriend who is an hour and a half away.

It sounds like he's done a lot of juggling to even get to spend one or two days a week with you and he's feeling the burden and stress. It's probably wrong of him to say YOU are smothering him, but he IS feeling smothered, no matter whose fault it is, and he needs to get rid of that burden so he can do his job and be a father to his two kids.

He tried, he sees it's not working, he's taking the easy way out by not contacting you, yes. You could also take the easy way and just let it go and move on, or you could make a big commotion and have a confrontation and tell him how badly he's treated you, blah blah blah. One would be the mature way, the other, not so much.

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(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 7:45:23 AM

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He: My one-year-old is getting an operation on her eye.
She: This girl doesn't see you enough, and need you to call every day.
He: If this operation doesn't go well, my UM will be permanently blind in one eye.
She: Everyone this girl talks to says you calling every day is not too much to ask
He: This is hard for me to take right now. I just gave you my car keys, you know. It's not as though I don't care.
She: This girl needs a call every day.
He: My UM could go blind. I need to deal with that. You are smothering me.
She: Then go have space. This girl will allow you back into this girl's life if you call within seven days.
He: Whatever. Gotta focus.

If I loved that guy, I'd be in the waiting room WITH HIM. Or sending flowers. Or calling him and telling him how important he was, reassuring him everything would be fine, not to worry.

(in reply to MissHarlet)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 7:56:31 AM

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From: El Paso , TX US
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Exactly .... had this piece of the puzzle been available at the beginning ... I think most if not all the answers would have been very very different !!!!

Edited to add .. HAVING ALL THE INFORMATION MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD AS TO THE ANSWERS AND SYMPATHY ONE RECEIVES

< Message edited by MissHarlet -- 2/3/2008 8:00:58 AM >

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 8:09:10 AM

TenchiRyokoMuyo

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Joined: 1/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MeliciousProse
When a Dom has outside responsibilities, it is, in this girl's opinion, the slave's responsibility to have a great deal of patience. The relationship of that kind of strain would not work out if she did not.

Right here is part of your problem. Just like any polyamorous relationship, or any change in a lifestyle for a slave. If it puts an un-needed emotional stress on the slave, it is not something that should happen. It undermines the protection that a Master is supposed to bestow upon his girl. She is supposed to feel safe, wanted, needed, and required by the Master, and thusly, in an act of complete selflessness, gives herself to him, or let's him claim and take her.

As soon as a lifestyle change puts you in an emotionally stressful situation, it's time to high-tail it outta there.

And I agree with RedMagic. Though from the sounds of it, him not being around too often, he might not of let you come. We don't know your situation fully, we technically can't. But you have to make the decision. In a true Master/slave/submissive relationship, that works, the final decision of the sub/slave, is to give herself, or let herself be claimed. In one that doesn't work, her last decision is to move on, and find someone else to give herself to, or be claimed by.

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 8:11:06 AM

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Joined: 6/2/2007
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quote:

Mel,

Seventy-two hours may not be a long time in the span of our own lives, but when someone is very-much used to speaking to someone on a daily basis, it is a little trying. No, it's painful.

I do understand this; been there, doing that.

My point is, regardless of why; it bothers you and appears you have started poisoning your thoughts with “what could be happening”. It’s a downward spiral from there.

This is where you stop and either change your prospective of what the relationship is, or decide whether or not it is fulfilling for you.

k

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 8:28:26 AM

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From: Buffalo
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one of the two of you has to make a change then to keep both of you happy, and unfortunately you're the one in the position to walk. he has all these responsibilities that may actually be infringing on his ability to call, even if you think he has the time. you say that you think he should have called before the weekend of the surgery--well if it's anything like my family those phone lines were probably being clogged with people who already know where they stand and have the priority--his family.

my answer actually remains the same though for different reasons--get out of there. that stress that he's under is just going to get worse once his ums hit school age and eventualy you might find yourself resenting them and instead of him, which may or may not be where the resentment should actually lie. you have your own needs that need to be met and this guy isn't meeting them. it's not a matter of being young and stupid--if someone tells you that laugh in their face, because i've seen plenty of older couples juggle the same issues some succcesfully, others not.

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RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 8:40:10 AM

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I have been lurking on the boards since I joined. I have not felt the urge to post much mainly because of all the feedback that is given to others who come here seeking advice. In a number of topics I've watched as people semi-flame others, ridiculed them for being young or inexperienced, belitted them in small ways all in the name of giving them advice in some cases. In others the responses are abrasive and brutal.
I've seen people tell others to basically 'Get a life and get off the pc'. What amazes me is that no one seems to realize that our youth are going to school learning to use the internet and it's resources to reach out to others all over the World. When I first came online it was back in 1995. Back then people would say things like 'It's only a chatroom, the people aren't really real'. I always wondered why it was so hard for others to see that behind the monitor there is a living breathing person who is flesh and blood and they have feelings.
The bullies of childhood instead of being out in the real World many have moved to haunting forums and flaming others not caring if they step on step on toes or may hurt someone so much they leave. I find telling them to go find a life and not post their problems a bit contradictory as the one saying these things are often here just as much or more then those who post and seek advice. When I wish to give my opinion in a non threatening way or just give the kindness of support I email them. Posting and berating another on the forums is completely unnecessary and quite frankly rude. It's not a good way to gain respect and/or friendship.
I remember once when I encountered a attention seeking bully online. Eventhough I am submissive I'm strong enough to fight my own battles. It's funny how the flamer could pretend to be so tough and belittle others, but when I challenged them to come and prove it to me face to face they suddenly crawled back under their rock with their tail between their legs.
Personally, I don't care if a poster is seeking attention or writing about their pain in public. I'm compassionate enough to know that when in pain a kind word and friendly hug never hurt anyone and can sometimes mean the world to the one who is hurting. I have been a nurse for 16 years. I've seen many different situations. I treat each person the way I would want to be treated with kindness. What does it cost you to say something nice or to at least act like a human being, has humanity become so cold that we can't even be polite? Karma people, I know I get back in ten-fold what I put into this life and this World. Besides, That old saying if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. It's something I practice daily, because I have no need to add more crap to someone's plate who really isn't doing anything wrong to me.
BTW if you feel the need to scream at me just because I'm responding to this post and saying something don't bother it won't change who I am or what I am about. I like to think of the forum bulldogs who growl and bare their teeth, as not real humans only cold obsolete technology. To MeliciousProse hang in there girl you alone know yourself and your Master.

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Bright Blessings,
Baby Girl Blue

Life is Hard then you Die!

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 8:44:30 AM

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From: Austin Texas
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I happen to agree with you. OP, I see you having pretty much just two choices.Wait him out, or ask him to really sit down and talk about this. Personally I would wait until after the UMs surgery, it must be a terrifying and stressful time for a parent and he doesn't need that sort of distraction right now. It sounds to me that he is overburdened as other posters suggested, a person can only stretch themselves so thin. Is it possible that he doesn't feel enough support from you?

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(in reply to babygirlblue)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 11:23:08 AM

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quote:

If I loved that guy, I'd be in the waiting room WITH HIM. Or sending flowers. Or calling him and telling him how important he was, reassuring him everything would be fine, not to worry.

If I had a car, I'd be there right now if it weren't for the fact that I already told Him I'd go with Him. He told me that He didn't want her having any contact until the operation was over because she's had this operation post-poned many times due to illness. Second of all, I did call. I left Him a message telling Him I loved Him and that both of them were in my heart and that I'd pray for Him and her. Flowers? He didn't tell me where they were.

And someone please define UMs for me.

< Message edited by MeliciousProse -- 2/3/2008 11:24:24 AM >

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 11:44:18 AM

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Can you send flowers to his home? Maybe a separate bunch for each of them, or a stuffed something along with the flowers. UM= offspring. It is against TOS to use words that bring attention to, or discuss those that are below the legal age of consent which here is 18.UM stands for unmentionable, it bugs some but it makes me giggle. Sort of 'seen but not heard, unmentionable!'

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(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 12:41:17 PM

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From: Portland, OR
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I hate the term 'UM'; It isn't the word children that's against the TOS, it's the discussing of them with any sort of depth on this site. Using the word UM doesn't make a topic more politically correct. I haven't seen a single statement where using UM would make a statement permissable, when the word children wouldn't. I've also never had a post or thread edited, because I used one term, and not the other.

My experience with this site suggests that while this isn't the place to talk about minors with any specificity, neither is it a place where we pretend they don't exist. Threads where children are the focus aren't acceptable; threads where they are mentioned, in passing, or as one aspect of a non-sexual situation are usually 'ok.'

Stephan

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(in reply to camille65)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 1:28:49 PM

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greetings girl,

After having read through all of the posts, and seent he info come out of you a little at a time, I would say it is time to move on.
I don't think that it is his childs upcoming surgery...he could still take a few minutes after the baby is put down for the night to call you.
I can speak only from my perspective were I in his shoes, but it looks to me like you "required" more of him than he could give. I see many indications in your posts that would support this.
Move on, he has.

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Ride Hard Live Free
Shadow

True beauty is not seen with the eyes but rather felt in the heart...

(in reply to MeliciousProse)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 1:33:06 PM

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Thanks to everyone was supportive, who gave constructive criticism and offered good advice. It's appreciated. As much as it hurts, I think it's time to move on too. Hopefully I'll get through it with the most minimal amount of tears.

(in reply to LordShadow)

RE: A Little Broken--A Very Touchy Question - 2/3/2008 2:15:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MeliciousProse

quote:

If I loved that guy, I'd be in the waiting room WITH HIM. Or sending flowers. Or calling him and telling him how important he was, reassuring him everything would be fine, not to worry.

If I had a car, I'd be there right now if it weren't for the fact that I already told Him I'd go with Him. He told me that He didn't want her having any contact until the operation was over because she's had this operation post-poned many times due to illness. Second of all, I did call. I left Him a message telling Him I loved Him and that both of them were in my heart and that I'd pray for Him and her. Flowers? He didn't tell me where they were.

And someone please define UMs for me.

A car? He's going through a crisis with a child and you're playing the you have to call me first game? You don't need a car, call the poor guy and see how's he's doing.....

You called him when? Somewhere in the middle of this I'm not going to make contact drama?

While you are at it, how about doing that old-fashioned thing called communicating and asking him what's going on?

We all make mistakes in relationships, age doesn't mean we don't either. Heart-felt apology and accepting responsibility is key to getting through mistakes, on both people's parts. I think if you want someone to communicate with you openly and fairly you have to give it to them, this obviously includes leaving ultimatums out of the picture and considering that sometimes we have to give up our own desires to support those we are with when they need us.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 2/3/2008 2:21:19 PM >

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(in reply to MeliciousProse)

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