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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 2:09:36 PM

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It seems to be my experience that people are more willing to pay when they're seeking sex or random play than when they're seeking committed long term relationships.

I just got all sad thinking "what if I had never joined collarme?" I wouldn't have met the couple who helped me finally realize this was something I wanted long term, in real life, I wouldn't have met a few people that are becoming good friends, I wouldn't have met Master!!

Three cheers for collarme!

charlotte

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 2:13:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Suzykeu

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

"You deserve to be single"

You say that like it's a bad thing!

Honestly, I think that all too often a large percentile of internet daters are on the internet due to a lack of social skills. It is easy to log onto a computer. However they neglect to think in advance. The inability to meet and get to know people in the real world isn't going to go away just because they are on their computer. In fact, I would think it would be more difficult.....nature of the beast and all.

i don't know, a lot of people are turning to the internet because of a lack of time so they can't do things like hitting the bar scene. A lot of people are loners or socially akward, but as people get more comfortable with technology more are going to be "normal".

I agree, which is why I said "a large percentile" rather than all. The people you mention, I think are the ones that end up having more success with the internet hunt.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 2:22:36 PM

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

In searching for the one that I hope will be the love of my life for long-term I wanted to do anything that gave me the best shot at finding him. Throw in my desires of how I am in terms of power exchange that is just not something you can order off the menu and pick up anywhere.

I wanted to be exposed to the widest possible pool. To pay a service money to weed out the less sincere is all fine and good but it would also weed out possible matches that get tired of paying money with little or no results or for whatever reason but certainly pay means less of a pool.

I am sorry but finding someone for a long term relationship is very serious business and therefore putting in serious thought and effort is not a bonus but really required effort. Part of the effort that goes into that search is dealing with the less sincere and time wasters, and yes, this includes dealing with the possibility of getting fooled big time.

So to limit to people willing to pay or what is available in your local community or any other way to filter or lower the pool in my opinion does someone searching more harm then good. To find someone look everywhere!

In terms of the people who cannot find someone on a cyber site. Some just have bad luck, some do not get it and some do not want to put in the effort but I always wish everyone finds what they desire. But my observation from my search and reading hundreds of messages and profiles from men, women and even couples was that before they lash outward about the people that frustrate them they would best be wise to look inward and see what they can do to bring about change in their luck. Most that I saw that hang around have bad profiles in terms of being very negative with the attitude and messages that scream just going through the motions.

I think the key is effort, staying positive, understanding and accepting that part of the price is to deal with the less sincere and most of all keep an open mind and heart.

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 2:30:22 PM

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Joined: 7/26/2007
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quote:

You deserve to be single

I knew it! Crap...

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Don't believe everything you think...

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 3:32:32 PM

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Joined: 1/13/2008
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i looked at ALT. i decided CM was more inviting and a little classier... lol

(in reply to Leatherist)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 3:37:06 PM

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Joined: 1/14/2008
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Well, I paid for a Silver Membership on alt.com for three months and I have to say Collarme so far is superior. On a purely technical level Collarme seems to have much better performance. It also seems to have a larger active population. The vast majority of alt.com accounts haven't been active for months and just as many seem to be pro's or tribute seekers. I've gotten about the same response rate from those I've contacted.

There are a couple of features Alt.com had that I'd like Collarme to have, but overall I'd say Collarme is superior, not even taking into account the fact that it's free.

As for paying to eliminate pro's and tribute seekers, I don't know that I'd be willing to pay enough for it to be effective. Unless the site were spending a lot of money, it would just cause them to disguise their status even more. At least now you can easily spot those types and act accordingly. Now, if there was a high quality BDSM matchmaking service, that'd be worth paying for.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 3:44:20 PM

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It's true...I deserve to be single.

I know me better than anyone....I know just how the Domidong likes to be held and I think it is soooo fucking cute that little noise I make before I cum.

Ya know, I think it is funny how people are always stressing over all of the fakes and bullshit. Maybe if you were not in such a fucking rush. By participating in these forums you are opening yourself up to the hundreds/thousands of people who read this drivel.

It is one Hell of a way to present yourself in a fashion that a profile could never duplicate. The people I have met and corresponded with I believe are all extremely "real" as well as intelligent and if they harbor a pussy might be good for an exceptional ramming or twenty.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 2/7/2008 3:45:28 PM >

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 5:08:45 PM

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Depends on how much free cash I've actually got, but if I knew that a pay site had the sort of folks I'm interested in and didn't have the folks I'm not, I'd consider that worth paying 30 or more a month for. For a short period of time I did pay for a dating site and I had good results. I'd do it again if I were single and had the spare money. It widened my chances of meeting great people. Even though the relationship I had was short (less than a year), it was good for me.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/7/2008 5:10:54 PM >

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 5:20:30 PM

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Totally agree. When I am seeking, I go to parties, post and answer ads on more than one site, and I look for women in other places as well. Sometimes women you meet in "vanilla" places are really into this once you gently broach the subject.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 5:31:07 PM

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Joined: 10/17/2007
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after my marriage...i most certainly do!!!

Is that the worst possible thing that could happen to someone? i mean in all actuality...how many of us can say we haven't had times when we were "coupled" that we didn't wish, hope, or pray to just be left the heck alone for a while? It goes both ways. I've been happy and unhappy in spite of my realtionship status...although i will say regular access to sex does help any situation

...(smile)

(in reply to Leatherist)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 6:01:53 PM

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Joined: 1/29/2007
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I'm single by choice, Frugal through circumstance and only here for the entertainment.

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 7:28:56 PM

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Joined: 11/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subscientist

Well, I paid for a Silver Membership on alt.com for three months and I have to say Collarme so far is superior.

I'll go a step farther than that: alt is a fraud. They have bloated profile numbers, because you have to create a profile to even view other profiles. So, the "900 grazillion users in your state!" translates to about 100 actual people. Then, you need to pay to comtact anyone. Of course if you're paying attention, you'll see that half the actual profiles haven't logged on in over a year, and many of the remaining are professionals advertising their services, not like-minded adults trying to make a connection.

I could never get a photo approved, and all I got for an explanation was a boiler plate email with the full list of photo guidelines. The photos were totally inocuous, much like my current shots on CM. The attempted alt photos were from fishing trips, so, suspicious that my catch was tripping the "no animals" clause, I clipped the fish out. Same message. I just ignored the site after that. I bet if I had ponied up some more cash, I could have gotten some photos up, like all the fake online/phone only supermodels (what happened to the "no photos not of yourself" rule?). A male sub has enough trouble being heard above the noise without a photoless profile. Hell, I'd have ignored me. At best, the site was worthless.

Finally, they obviously were porting over profiles from their vanilla sites to fluff up their membership numbers. They couldn't even be bothered to weed out the cartoonishly squeamish ones.

Three months, one pm from a prodomme, and then I was done. Total waste.

EDIT: Oh, right, the actual point of the thread. I tried fetish events long before the Internet. I found IRL far less welcoming than cyberspace.

< Message edited by HandSolo -- 2/7/2008 7:31:34 PM >

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 7:37:24 PM

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I just go out and live my life. Girls typically come along more often than I would even need them to if I wanted two or three relationships constantly.

At times, it seems stupid to me to use sites and such. You meet people who want a relationship, not you. They may have requirements for who their relationship is with. You may meet the person's exact requirements. But it's like filling a job or other role; it's less natural and more contrieved. People come here looking for partners or/and sex; it's not like they meet and get to know eachother without such intentions then com to develop such desires personally for the other person.

Not that I'm ragging on just CM or anything. Same deal with other dating/sex services, bars, singles' clubs, etc.

It's weird. The concept's so subtle that I'm having difficulty articulating it. It's at times like this I wish I could write some magical rune which would speak empathetically.

Bed'll be so soft tonight.

< Message edited by CuriousLord -- 2/7/2008 7:43:17 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 7:44:10 PM

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Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
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my personal feeling on this subject is, you don't really know what else is going on in the poster's life. i mean one can guess but you can't really know. i went through a period where i was lookign both in r/l and online and still couldn't find anyone.

though i have to agree with a previous poster--all of my relationships have actually sort of fallen out of the sky (well not literally that would probably just be messy). i get partners when i stop caring about whether or not i have a partner.

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 7:47:04 PM

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Joined: 10/9/2007
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I believe if Collarme was a paysite you may still have problems finding someone. I have paid for other sites and believe you waste just as much time getting to know someone than you do at a freesite like collarme. But I do agree that it is important to venture out...attend Munches and Play Parties...or network and talk to others spreading your wings a little.

I always ask myself why I come here. I originally came here because I was seeking something. I realize through time I came here to find acceptance and be reflective on myself. I found the acceptance part not too great. You always have someone who gets snippidity and tries to grandstand among others- especially to newbies. The reflective part- I have found works very well. Anyway...my point is that I come to this site to learn and understand others.

When I am paying...I am expecting to get my money's worth...and most of the time....I don't. I know my chances of finding someone here- is next to nothing. I can accept that. But who knows maybe...I will. But it isn't a requirement.

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like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins
off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing
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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 7:48:50 PM

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I've dated more women through Alt than CM. I actually think the fact that so many trolls exist there works to my benefit. The people I've met through CM are mostly people I've met through these message boards, and my relationship with them is Platonic.

I do believe a lot of people fail to meet people because they think that somehow the laws of humanity change just because we're on a kinky site -- that suddenly all the 18-year-old women like the 50-year-old men. I'm sure you can think of plenty of other hopes that are totally at odds with reality. Frankly, it's 99% the same as getting a date in vanilla. It's as though we were all members of the local golf club. We share an interest in golf, but does she laugh at my jokes, do I enjoy listening to her hopes for the future... that stuff's all still the same.

I realize this will shock you Akasha, but a lot of those men who complain about being single and not meeting anyone are self-absorbed.

(in reply to Leatherist)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 8:04:39 PM

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Joined: 10/7/2007
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*fast reply*
Well, I did pay for a membership on AFF for a while, and I met my mate and a few good partners from there. I've had both a silver and now gold membership on Alt for almost a year, and met some great guys there, some of which are now subs of mine. I pay for a membership on another swinger site that's geared towards couples and started the Purple Nation there - through that site, I've been to a number of events and have met a lot of great people. I've also met some wonderful folks, and found my pup, on CM. It is a pain in the butt that to get anything accomplished on ALT or the like sites, you do have to pay or you'll likely not get results. I really enjoy the community of the message boards here. I'm planning to get out to some munches this year - we'll see what that brings. I guess the more time you're willing to invest in any venue, the more you can get out of it.

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 8:13:18 PM

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From: California, USA
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Sites like this can be a great resource, but you have to be willing to put yourself out there. I didn't meet my wife here, but I met a woman who introduced me to some other people, who invited me out to casual vanilla night in a bar, and that's where I met the one I married. She had never heard of CM until I convinced her to check out the forums.

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RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 9:01:08 PM

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Joined: 5/21/2005
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Met my last husband on alt. Pretty sure I do mean last <G>.   Took 5 years and thousands of emails, maybe 25 "meets" and 8 spent time with.. Did make a number of new friends & keep in touch with old. CM serves the same purpose.

Not everyone goes to munches and events and even if they did, the approach cold in real life thing can be difficult - what do you know about them except how they look or maybe how they play? And if they're playing, they're all ready with some one.... Maybe if we all went around with tacked on sandwich boards on out backs with looking, not looking and profiles at events - that might work best - but we don't.

CM can be used a little like "speed dating" - your two minutes are up, next... except you can spend more time with those that hold some interest for you. Yes, people behind screens are emboldened - some in a good way and many not so good.  Everything has pro's and cons. I meet people in the course of real life - but so much more time is invested before you ever get close to the level of discussion on things that sites like this enable.

Anything really worth having is going to take time - unless you are damn lucky (or not picky).    But hell, if we're single we've got nothing else to spend our time on do we? <G>.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You deserve to be single - 2/7/2008 9:08:32 PM

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Do you think that people who complain about their inability to find partners - yet, they limit their searching to basically this place (Collarme) - deserve to be single?

No. I don't think people "deserve" unhappiness simply because they have not found their right path yet. I think people create their own situations in life, but to deserve the ill fate that befalls them? I see this attitude reflected from time to time, and I do not understand why it exists. People are fallible, and sometimes it takes getting it wrong a lot before we get it right.

(in reply to AAkasha)

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