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RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 6:28:34 AM

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I think, and I may be jaded because I am a Domme, but I think that it should be up to the Dom/me to tell when the session is over. We can see the parts of your body that you can not. We can hear your breathing, feel your heart beat, see the sweat and blood if there is any. We learn to look for physical over load, and know that sub space in and of itself is a sort of mental safe haven for sensory over load.

So, I think it is the Dom/me's job to look at that combined with how they feel and decide to take a break, or just stop all together.

Besides, a heat up for round two will be that much more heated I am sure.

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RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 6:39:14 AM

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to add to my previous post. I think the Dom/me is in control and can end a session....but I would like my sub/slave to have her pleasure too (if she deserved it)
It is the nice feeling to be able to take her "pleasure partly away" for a certain time...but not always.

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RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 6:46:13 AM

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quote:

lol... I'm sorry baby, your pussy is sore as hell and you can barely keep your eyes open but I don't care I'm not done with you yet because I want to cum again.

the other side of the coin though...

I'm sorry baby, I came in 2.5 minutes flat. no roll over shut up and go to sleep, we'll spend time together next weekend. (next weekend comes and the same shit happens all over again).

and there is something wrong with this because?

Sorry, but I don't see the downside that you are obviously trying to show. For me...in a relationship...he has all the say on when to stop, when to keep going...when to leave me hanging...when to finish me off....etc etc. It's what I sign on for....it does not work for everyone, nor would I expect it to...but it works for me, and that's all that matters.

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RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 6:57:56 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

In a bdsm context, what do you do if you are finished - emotionally, physically, and/or sexually - and your partner wants to keep going?

physically , he generally will stop things before I reach anything that feels like "too much" ...its just always been his choice and his way. Honestly, yes, sometimes it is tempting to beg him not to stop and to push me deeper or further, but I do not. Sexually, it varies and it is up to his mood and desires. Sometimes I wonder if he will ever stop making me cum, other times he purposefully stops things and I am shaking with pent up energy. He says at times he enjoys me being just a little pent up with that kind of energy..things can get very interesting....weg, which is why im tempted to call him a sadist sometimes..grinz.

Is it up to the dominant to decide if the "session" is over, and the submissive must just deal with it? Yes, always.

Have you had instances where you wanted to keep going and your partner felt emotionally finished, and it left you feeling like there was no closure? The first 6 years of our relationship, I would be the one visiting his home when we had our time together, so that meant I was the one "leaving" when it was time to go back to my home. It was very difficult many times to not be emotionally ready for that connection to be over. It was the emotional part I couldn't seem to ever be ready to end. It created many times a crash on my part ( sub drop ) and many discussion necessary. He was always patient and we both worked together to try to find a way for me to leave without these feelings. I didnt want to control the situation! I didnt want to be or seem needy. I wanted to leave more smoothly and generally would put on a brave face..and then an hour later (when he wasnt around ) it would be awful. He just always seemed to have an easier time wiht the "emotional stoppage and departure" than I did or could. Eventually, he realized it was my closure and my headspace that I would be leaving in.
After that realization, he would always make sure that I had ample down time before it was time to leave/separate from him. He would give us time to talk about general daily stuff, l ife stuff...ask me how the kids are...about my job...what I would be doing the remainder of the day....get me (emphasizing me because if he continued to the be the one doing the talking i would still stay way too deeply into HIM and being there with him ) talking about myself or something other than him and serving him....in short, get me out of my submissive headspace.
That helped me alot with closure and with my crashes and cravings for more time ..more him.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 6:59:16 AM

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I think, like many things in D/s settings, determining that everyone is satisfied and a finishing point is reached falls under the Dom's set of responsibilities. As a switch, when bottoming or submitting I really am turning over all decision-making authority to the other person, save the set of limits discussed prior to play. To me, that's the beauty of the bottom: complication and complexity are reduced to "do what you're told, and enjoy the fact that you're making me happy." On the other end, when I'm topping, I don't want a sub to have to think or worry about things like injury, circulation, suffocating, etc...that's my job. It is the nature of power that increased power means increased responsibility. In play, ceding (sp?) that power means also turning all the responsibility over to the more dominant partner.

Just hope that he can read you enough to know when you are content, and if he isn't, that'd be something to address after a scene, in prep for the next time. Debriefing is important...not just to get pants off.

(in reply to IrishMist)

RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 7:02:42 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
We stop when he wants to stop, period. If he is satisfied, I'm happy. If I am tired, I find more energy and keep going. If I want more and he's done, then we're done and I crave him. It's pretty simple for us - he decides. Closure isn't an issue. It's closed when he says it's closed!! In short, I adapt to him, and that keeps us both happy.

Yep, exactly. Can't think of one thing to add to that

..............luci

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RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 7:40:40 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

In a bdsm context, what do you do if you are finished - emotionally, physically, and/or sexually - and your partner wants to keep going?

It depends on the partner I am with and what I know about them. If they are wound up too tightly, I may keep it going in a context of slowing things down. But I may not...it depends on the situation and there is no universal scene to provide us with a "best scenario".

quote:

Is it up to the dominant to decide if the "session" is over, and the submissive must just deal with it?

In my world, yes. I have become more structured about that and have developed a different...some might consider harsher and some will agree with me... mindset in the last few months about that. That does not mean that her feelings/wants/desires are not taken into consideration; they are but as someone else noted on here, leaving them with pent-up energy and shaking sometimes is not a bad thing. Nor is pushing them to continue...as long as it is not emotionally/physically/mentally harmful...a bad thing either. But in my world, it is my choice.

quote:

Have you had instances where you wanted to keep going and your partner felt emotionally finished, and it left you feeling like there was no closure?

Yes, there have been instances like that. And there have been times when, out of consideration for her feelings and, to be honest not enough selfish consideration for my own, I have stopped. I won't do that any longer. I strive to make it clear that no matter the context...whether it be a play session or just hot sex or a sharing of thoughts and feelings that I expect closure that leaves us both feeling like there has been some emotional closure. It may not be the full closure that I as the dominant want or she as the submissive wants but there is something. In my world, those that don't get that are not capable of understanding that succesful D/s involves two partners, not one and that holds true for casual encounters, a beginning relationship or a long-term one.

Akasha

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 7:54:25 AM

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Perhaps, I'm just a screw ball here folks but for me.   I don't like to leave a submissive feeling like they were not well used for any session.   Hell, this part of the whole thing with people that enjoy using and being used, and hooking up for doing all this Kinky madness.

At some point and time, things need to come to a hault or stop.  Personally, I agree with the Dom being the one for ending the session. If It said contray to this, I would be a hyprocrite.    However, I take into account both her and myself in doing so.

It all depends upon if it was a long and planned out session, or a quick blow job in the bathroom. Hell, if was something quick just to please me.   Not a problem ending it. Why? Because she enjoyed making me cum or pleasing me for a moment.    She was not looking for anything else save to pleasure me. Pretty amazing when somebody just wants to pleasure you and that's their own pleasure and reward.

Now however, if it's something that's a little longer. Ok, I get off on getting her off as much as I enjoy getting off.   I actually love the power and control in making her orgasm.   Damn it, I love seeing her body shake and tremble and vibrate. I'm a freak that loves prolonging orgasms too.    Ok, this is all sexual things.

When it comes down to S&M play, it all depends upon the mood I'm in. I have a Maso side as well as a sadistic side.   Now, there have been times when I've played where I wanted to feel pain and really was not in the mood for inflicting pain.   No big deal, it's about the same as getting a blow job in the bathroom.

Sure, I enjoy dishing out pain, taking and attaching clothes pins and flogging somebody and using them like that.    Generally though, I gravitate towards sex in S&M play even. I'm a very sexual person.

There have been times when doing body massages or wax play where things were kept simple and limited to only that activity without all the sex.   I Love and enjoy the feeling of Wax dripping on me, and get off on dripping on my partner as well. A sort of you do me and I do you type of thing.

I have done some things though, where I have literally teased or left a submissive worked up and hanging for awhile.   God, I love it when somebody begs me for more more more more... and Love it when somebody begs me to stop stop stop stop..   Ok, I have this begging kink. What can I say.   Damn it, if she's wanting more and she expresses it.   I have taken full advantage of this, to actually tease the hell out of her and make her beg!    So if she was not feeling all that finished, Great! Perfect time to engage into making her break down and beg! HOT HOT HOT!!... it actually fires my interest back up.

Basically, it's the flow of engery that gets to be exchanged.

It kind of irks me at times, how some people pull out this MasterCard and use it as an excuse for Lamo play sessions. No wonder why some guys gravitate towards this lifestyle, because they figure they can pick up some easy slave girl that will put up with their bullshit and lack of consideration for other people.

If two people are not getting what they Need and Want out a BDSM lifestyle relationship, why even bother with it?   Why would anybody become a slave to another human being where they did not feel they were being used enough? Why would anybody want to own a slave that does not want and enjoy being used?

If a sub/slave enjoys sex a lot and has a high sex drive, why the Hell hook up with a sadistic master who's not very sexual. Sure you might get all the S&M play in the world, but your sex life is little next to nothing. Why bother?

I see countless post on here.   Why does my Master not use me enough. Why does Master ignore me. Why does my Master fuck other slave girls and not me. Why does my Master own 100 slaves beside me.   My Master wants to fuck me with barbwire and share me with a group of men.

Most of these issues are the result of peoples wants/needs/expectation conflicting with one another.

(in reply to Kirren)

RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 8:13:40 AM

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When either of us is finsihed, it's done.

I base this on the "I don't do it if it's not fun" principle.

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RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 8:14:40 AM

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When it comes to play.... *I* decide when it is over. However, part of that is reading the girl. Frankly (From My Own dynamic of course, not speaking for 'everyone' here) wether she wants to stop or not is irrelevant, what I am reading is if she is able to, which is quite different.

The session will end when EITHER I have had enough OR when reading the girl means My duty of care kicks in because going further wouldn't be good for her.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 8:20:02 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

lol... I'm sorry baby, your pussy is sore as hell and you can barely keep your eyes open but I don't care I'm not done with you yet because I want to cum again.

the other side of the coin though...

I'm sorry baby, I came in 2.5 minutes flat. no roll over shut up and go to sleep, we'll spend time together next weekend. (next weekend comes and the same shit happens all over again).

and there is something wrong with this because?

Sorry, but I don't see the downside that you are obviously trying to show. For me...in a relationship...he has all the say on when to stop, when to keep going...when to leave me hanging...when to finish me off....etc etc. It's what I sign on for....it does not work for everyone, nor would I expect it to...but it works for me, and that's all that matters.

I agree with this a lot. In fact I would say when either situation happens a part of me gets even more turned on by things of that nature simply because it does re-enforce the power dynamic of the relationship.

I have yet to figure out to quote two different people but what ownedgirlie wrote was truly a perfect description of my relationship, preference and reactions that were in this realm as well.

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(in reply to IrishMist)

RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 8:31:41 AM

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~FR~

I think the Dominant should be the one to decide when a session is over but in saying that, a good Dominant should know if their submissive can't go any farther.

One of the most intense scenes I did with my former Dom ended before he was ready but because i could no longer even function he instantly called a halt to everything, took me down and made sure I was ok. Scene was prediciment bondage utilizing a wooden pony as just one of the devices. After 40 minutes of sensation overload i was just done. I withdrew to a point where i could not respond to any extra stimuli. Even tho he admitted there was more he wanted to do he put his wants aside to meet my need to recouperate.

If the Dominant is in charge then they have to be sure that they are not fullfilling only what they want but the needs of thier submissive as well.

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RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 8:43:31 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha
I think the Dominant should be the one to decide when a session is over but in saying that, a good Dominant should know if their submissive can't go any farther.

If the Dominant is in charge then they have to be sure that they are not fullfilling only what they want but the needs of thier submissive as well.

I agree with this. There were instances when Sir decided to end the session for either a physical of emotional reason because i was either at point of being non-responsive or emotionally unable to continue.

If things are going well during play, then He decides when we are finished. I am lucky in the fact that He loves to have power over my orgasms and prefers to leave me in a puddle, crying and shaking from orgasming extremely well, as opposed to denying me any at all.

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RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 9:07:46 AM

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RAVEN..........I have missed you.........You gorgeous thing you

Hijack over

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RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 9:22:07 AM

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Being the pig that I am I would definatly have to say that I decide when I am finished, when I want to start and when I want it all to come to an end..... when I am in that frame of mind at that time it basically comes down to holes are not supose to be complaining.
So asses up!

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 9:44:06 AM

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In my relationship, play ends when he says that it is over. How he determines that it is over is up to him. Sometimes it might be because he is ready to stop but more often I think that it is because he does not think that we could take any more without causing us harm.

There have also been times when I have communicated to him that I don't think I can take any more. He wants that information and then at that point he will make the decision on whether to continue or not. However, I cannot remember a single time that he has stopped when I have said that. He will usually keep playing for a little while longer.

If during sex, he finishes before we are ready to stop, then we can ask for permission to masturbate.

Knight's Kyra

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 9:49:20 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

In a bdsm context, what do you do if you are finished - emotionally, physically, and/or sexually - and your partner wants to keep going? Is it up to the dominant to decide if the "session" is over, and the submissive must just deal with it? Have you had instances where you wanted to keep going and your partner felt emotionally finished, and it left you feeling like there was no closure?

Akasha

Hey there AAkasha....I haven't really run into this yet...and I know the perfect slavely answer is "when he is done i'm done, because he is lord and master" but the truth is....if I needed to stop we would stop...and if my Master needed to stop we would stop....For us it would be just that simple.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 2/12/2008 9:50:12 AM >

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RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 10:50:35 AM

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I think this thread is more about unfinished business, where a scene/session ends early leaving the other person without a sense of closure.   As opposed to somebody over using a submissive.

AAkasha is FemDom.. the title of the thread is "You're done and he is not".   Basically.. This thread appears to be about a DOM reaching their own emotional, physical or sexual release, however the sub has not reached a sense of release or their own closure in a session/scene.

Personally, what glycerine posted I identify with the most.   Where I perfer to leave somebody in a puddle all shaking and crying or whatever else.

I have scenes where my own emotional sadistic urges have been filled/meet, and the sadistic inside of me sorts of goes on spin cycle for a bit.   Basically, I have the power to end the session or not.   What I find amazing is reaching down inside pushing my sadistic limits to continue onward with sadism, knowing my partners maso streak is being feed.   A lot of people talk about pushing a sub/slaves limits, however at times it's overlooked about Dom/mes pushing their own limits.

The Majority of the times, it's been up to me to end or stop a session. However, i'm with breathesone somewhat on this. If either party needs to stop a session, it stops and it's really simply.  The concept of the safeword and everything.   The OP was more about one partner (the sub) left without closure or being emotional, physically or sexually satisfied. Basically where the DOM ends things and the sub still wants to keep on going.    Generally for me it's been the other way around.

There has been an exception though, that I don't like to think about, but will admit to here. That's where I was not really into doing a session to begin with. Where I myself was too physically tired.   The OP stressed an Emotional aspect though. Generally, speaking for myself, intense S&M play (physical/mental) I find emotionally finishing.   Scenes such Rape Play for intance, I can only keep up for so long and can become a task to continue with even though my partner is still wanting more.   I hope this makes sense to somebody out there.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 10:56:02 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

When either of us is finsihed, it's done.

I base this on the "I don't do it if it's not fun" principle.

That doesn't sound like very much fun to me.

(in reply to Leatherist)

RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 11:06:12 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

lol... I'm sorry baby, your pussy is sore as hell and you can barely keep your eyes open but I don't care I'm not done with you yet because I want to cum again.

Now see that's hot to me.

quote:

I'm sorry baby, I came in 2.5 minutes flat. no roll over shut up and go to sleep, we'll spend time together next weekend. (next weekend comes and the same shit happens all over again).

Being used as a quickie for him to get off in, pack up and go, is also hot. We live 2 hours apart. I've driven to him just so he could quickly use my mouth and send me home and I love it.

Those scenarios work for some. I love being used that way. It's one of the many ways I serve myself to him.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

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