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RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 11:12:27 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

I think this thread is more about unfinished business, where a scene/session ends early leaving the other person without a sense of closure.   As opposed to somebody over using a submissive.

AAkasha is FemDom.. the title of the thread is "You're done and he is not".   Basically..  This thread appears to be about a DOM reaching their own emotional, physical or sexual release, however the sub has not reached a sense of release or their own closure in a session/scene.

Personally, what glycerine posted I identify with the most.   Where I perfer to leave somebody in a puddle all shaking and crying or whatever else.

I have scenes where my own emotional sadistic urges have been filled/meet, and the sadistic inside of me sorts of goes on spin cycle for a bit.   Basically, I have the power to end the session or not.   What I find amazing is reaching down inside pushing my sadistic limits to continue onward with sadism, knowing my partners maso streak is being feed.   A lot of people talk about pushing a sub/slaves limits, however at times it's overlooked about Dom/mes pushing their own limits.

The Majority of the times, it's been up to me to end or stop a session.  However, i'm with breathesone somewhat on this.  If either party needs to stop a session, it stops and it's really simply.  The concept of the safeword and everything.   The OP was more about one partner (the sub) left without closure or being emotional, physically or sexually satisfied.  Basically where the DOM ends things and the sub still wants to keep on going.    Generally for me it's been the other way around.

There has been an exception though, that I don't like to think about, but will admit to here.  That's where I was not really into doing a session to begin with.  Where I myself was too physically tired.   The OP stressed an Emotional aspect though.  Generally, speaking for myself, intense S&M play (physical/mental) I find emotionally finishing.   Scenes such Rape Play for intance, I can only keep up for so long and can become a task to continue with even though my partner is still wanting more.   I hope this makes sense to somebody out there. 




Owner4SexSlave I liked what you said here... I think its VERY important that "D" types are aware their limits need to be pushed as well....

I also appreciate what you said when you mentioned be up to, and in the mood for a scene....I personally would rather NOT "play" ... then play knowing Master didn't really feel like it.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 2/12/2008 11:13:19 AM >

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(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 11:17:33 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		it is neither this slave's place in the relationship nor her burning desire to exert control over Him or any situation/scenario, therefore, this slave is "done" when He decides.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 11:51:03 AM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		If i was done and He was not?   i would suck it up and do what He wished. 

As so many others have said here, it is hot to be used for His pleasure.  It would only be about my pleasure if that is what HE wanted.

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(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 12:04:43 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

I think this thread is more about unfinished business, where a scene/session ends early leaving the other person without a sense of closure.   As opposed to somebody over using a submissive.

AAkasha is FemDom.. the title of the thread is "You're done and he is not".   Basically..  This thread appears to be about a DOM reaching their own emotional, physical or sexual release, however the sub has not reached a sense of release or their own closure in a session/scene.


Agreed that it is about closure but I think it is good that these other points were brought out.  And as far as closure goes, I stand by what I posted in my first post...I strive to make it clear that no matter the context...whether it be a play session or just hot sex or a sharing of thoughts and feelings that I expect closure that leaves us both feeling like there has been some emotional closure.  It may not be the full closure that I as the dominant want or she as the submissive wants but there is something.  In my world, those that don't get that are not capable of understanding that succesful D/s involves two partners, not one and that holds true for casual encounters, a beginning relationship or a long-term one. 

quote:

Personally, what glycerine posted I identify with the most.   Where I perfer to leave somebody in a puddle all shaking and crying or whatever else.

I have scenes where my own emotional sadistic urges have been filled/meet, and the sadistic inside of me sorts of goes on spin cycle for a bit.   Basically, I have the power to end the session or not.   What I find amazing is reaching down inside pushing my sadistic limits to continue onward with sadism, knowing my partners maso streak is being feed.   A lot of people talk about pushing a sub/slaves limits, however at times it's overlooked about Dom/mes pushing their own limits.


Nice point, Owner...I love the idea of not only pushing the submissive's limits but my own.  To do that sometimes requires pushing on in the scene when the submissive is ready for it to be done.  In my world...not every time but if I am learning something new about MYSELF and I am not bringing her harm, I would continue.  And if I have finished learning what I wanted to learn and she is fired up again, well then it comes down to what was stated earlier...now may be a good time to leave them wanting and hungry...unsatisfied from the new but satisfied from what happened earlier.  Or not. 

quote:

The Majority of the times, it's been up to me to end or stop a session.  However, i'm with breathesone somewhat on this.  If either party needs to stop a session, it stops and it's really simply.  The concept of the safeword and everything.   The OP was more about one partner (the sub) left without closure or being emotional, physically or sexually satisfied.  Basically where the DOM ends things and the sub still wants to keep on going.    Generally for me it's been the other way around.


I think the key word there is "needs".  When something "needs" to be stopped, it "needs" to be.  For me, that is when harm is imminent or its potentiality has gone up.  And I will be a "me too" on the statement about it usually being the submissive who wanted to stop and I who wanted to keep going because I had not reached satisfaction yet.

quote:

There has been an exception though, that I don't like to think about, but will admit to here.  That's where I was not really into doing a session to begin with.  Where I myself was too physically tired.   The OP stressed an Emotional aspect though.  Generally, speaking for myself, intense S&M play (physical/mental) I find emotionally finishing.   Scenes such Rape Play for intance, I can only keep up for so long and can become a task to continue with even though my partner is still wanting more.   I hope this makes sense to somebody out there. 


It made sense to me.  I will not play if I am not up for it mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.  I see no good coming from that for I suspect that therein lies the chance for accidents or, despite physical and mental satisfaction, a disturbing emotional/spiritual disruption to the balance of the D/s relationship.



(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 12:34:27 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

lol...  I'm sorry baby, your pussy is sore as hell and you can barely keep your eyes open but I don't care I'm not done with you yet because I want to cum again. 


Now see that's hot to me.

quote:



I'm sorry baby, I came in 2.5 minutes flat.  no roll over shut up and go to sleep, we'll spend time together next weekend.   (next weekend comes and the same shit happens all over again).


Being used as a quickie for him to get off in, pack up and go, is also hot.  We live 2 hours apart.  I've driven to him just so he could quickly use my mouth and send me home and I love it.

Those scenarios work for some.  I love being used that way.  It's one of the many ways I serve myself to him.


I'm almost laughing at myself for this post.  I was trying to express two extremes that could become the regular routine of things.  

I'm more like, I'm sorry your pussy is sore and you can't keep your eyes open.  Just lay there while I jack off and cum all over your sore hurting pussy while you drift to sleep.

What I had hoped to express was taking the state of the submissive into account, rather then neglecting it all the time as some Dom/mes appear to do.  These two examples I gave were really not all that great.  My smartass kinky humor backfire on me here.   

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 12:57:02 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave
What I had hoped to express was taking the state of the submissive into account, rather then neglecting it all the time as some Dom/mes appear to do.  These two examples I gave were really not all that great.  My smartass kinky humor backfire on me here.   



*Grinning* but what a fun and tasty backfire it was! 

Thanks for replying with humor.  I do understand your point, though, and appreciate the clarification.  You're talking about general neglect and disregard, and I agree.  I think what it boils down to is whether or not an Owner wishes for his/her slave/submissive to thrive or simply exist, and whether or not such owner feeds or starves (emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, sexually) such submissive. 

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 1:13:55 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

I'm almost laughing at myself for this post.  I was trying to express two extremes that could become the regular routine of things.  

I'm more like, I'm sorry your pussy is sore and you can't keep your eyes open.  Just lay there while I jack off and cum all over your sore hurting pussy while you drift to sleep.

What I had hoped to express was taking the state of the submissive into account, rather then neglecting it all the time as some Dom/mes appear to do.  These two examples I gave were really not all that great.  My smartass kinky humor backfire on me here.   



Oh sure some of us females finally get some good wanking material and then inform us it was taken out of context. ;)

There is also quite a big difference between something like getting sore or so out of the mood that it ceases to have any physical pleasure and being too sore where a medical issue and/or you will regret this tomorrow for medical/pain reasons comes up which of course has to be communicated to your Master.

In terms of turning into one way I do not think that is a separate issue for a relationship on a whole. If one is so uncaring and the submissive is so uncommunicative about the quality of their sex life then it becomes a symptom of a larger problem.

Now in terms of comments about wanting to make sure the woman gets something out of the sexual experience, it is one thing to enjoy giving your woman an orgasm and be focused on that and doing things directly for that to happen and wanting to give your woman an orgasm as some way of validation or because you think she expects it and doing things just so that occurs.

I for one and I am guessing most submissives because I have had the same discussion with regular women, men who come to bed with the goal of giving a woman an orgasm and go about that as a direct goal is yuk and backfires. A man who comes to bed to enjoy himself is yummy.

I do expect my Master to give me a quality sex life. I never ever want him to worry, feel obligated, or think I am expecting him to rock my world at any specific time or act. Care on the whole not in the moment.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

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(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 2:05:07 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		Seeing as everyone else seemed to really hit on the "sex" aspect of the OP and i didn't, i went more towards the more "scene" aspect I wanted to add....

I still say that the Dominant is the one in control on when intercourse stops, no matter how much his or her submissive might want more. If the submissive is tired, oh well, but if she or he is so worn raw that they are in agony i would hope the Dominant would take that into consideration and stop lol   I have learned not being able to walk does not matter, falling to your knees just gives them a new position lmao

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(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 2:49:38 PM   
SayaNereida


Posts: 152
Joined: 7/10/2007
Status: offline 		"In a bdsm context, what do you do if you are finished - emotionally, physically, and/or sexually - and your partner wants to keep going? "

It depends:
1.  Am I 'finished' because I am mentally/emotionally/physically/sexually satisfied?  Well, then we go until HE is.
HE will likely keep 'pushing' and hope for La petite mort (The term has generally been interpreted to describe the post-orgasmic fainting spells or unconsciousness some lovers experience.)

2.  Am I 'finished' because I am mentally/emotionally/physically/sexually in pain/damaged or exhaused?  We stop.  What fun or good is a partner that is damaged in some way?
Things are tough enough in a relationship without creating trauma/drama unnecisarily.

"Is it up to the dominant to decide if the "session" is over, and the submissive must just deal with it?"

Yes, for the most part it is HIS decision.
However, I am also aware that IF for any reason I feel I NEED to end the 'session' I have that right and ability.

As far as 'deal with it', well yes, I accept it, but I will definately ask why, particularly if I have been left 'hanging' physically/sexually.
If it is:
1. Because he is exhausted (in any way), well that happens and I accept it.
2. Because he is using his power, I also accept that
3. Because something caused him mental/emotional 'trauma' we talk to avoid/fix it in the future, and if it's physical, well duh, I take care of him.

And above all, the after care is focused on him.

"Have you had instances where you wanted to keep going and your partner felt emotionally finished, and it left you feeling like there was no closure?"
Even though HE has been emotionally 'finished' with a scene and needed to stop, it has not meant that HE is unable to give/exchange emotions with me: hugs, kisses, cuddles (the after care) which IS the emotional closure to the scene for me.

Saya


< Message edited by SayaNereida -- 2/12/2008 2:55:24 PM >

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(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 2:57:55 PM   
TotalState


Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline 		Quick reply: 

I wouldn't stop for tiredness, but I would keep going in spite of my own.  Quickies nonwithstanding, of course. 


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(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: You're done and he is not - 2/12/2008 3:29:30 PM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		I have been there, and he offered to let me stop, but I knew he wasn't finished so we finished.  He's a good master, my man.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: You're done and he is not - 2/13/2008 2:34:51 AM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		I think it all comes down to communication and how the two know each other.
Emotionally stopping before the other....don't know what you mean, never really gotten emotional during scene or sex.
Physically stopping before the other....again communication.  If I'm done first physically, can't take anymore, is it going to be fun for him to flog a dead horse?  I am a bottom, not a sub so the D/s doesn't really take effect here.  But, being a pain slut, I usually outlast the Top....;)
Sexually stopping before the other....I agree with Owner4SexSlave in that there are two sides to that coin.  (Fine example there btw)  If I'm done first, he can have a whole lot of fun forcing even more.  If he's done first...no I don't agree that "allowing" me to masturbate to finish myself off is a decent compromise. 

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(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: You're done and he is not - 2/13/2008 8:46:05 AM   
awakenednj


Posts: 657
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
quote:


I serve myself to him.


Nice... I really like that phrase...



(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: You're done and he is not - 2/13/2008 10:50:24 AM   
bliss1


Posts: 497
Joined: 3/14/2007
Status: offline 		I think if I were at that point where it was that much a challenge - emotionally, physically, and mentally - to go on.  It would be one of the few times I would safe word.

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(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: You're done and he is not - 2/13/2008 5:37:07 PM   
pupofMoGa


Posts: 165
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


In a bdsm context, what do you do if you are finished - emotionally, physically, and/or sexually - and your partner wants to keep going?  Is it up to the dominant to decide if the "session" is over, and the submissive must just deal with it?  Have you had instances where you wanted to keep going and your partner felt emotionally finished, and it left you feeling like there was no closure?

Akasha



Akasha,
Nice question! I am 30 yeas older than my pup and he can't keep up with me. I wear him out <g> I have never been done before him. I think that we mesh really good, because he has not been still going when I have said ok, night night time lol

MoGa


It never ceases to amaze me, that Mistress leaves me totaly drained of life at the end of a session. And sometimes after i fall asleep, Mistress continues on, waking me up in the middle of the night still wanting more. I am so thankful that we fit together so well, it is a blessing. I love Mistress with all of my heart and soul, She is my life and life is good! Of all the things that has happened to either of us, meeting one another is truely the best thing that could ever have happened. I love You Mistress, and cannot wait to spend many more happy years with You.

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(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: You're done and he is not - 2/13/2008 6:28:54 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


In a bdsm context, what do you do if you are finished - emotionally, physically, and/or sexually - and your partner wants to keep going?  Is it up to the dominant to decide if the "session" is over, and the submissive must just deal with it?  Have you had instances where you wanted to keep going and your partner felt emotionally finished, and it left you feeling like there was no closure?

Akasha



That's easy.

As a cuckold...I call in the recruits.

(Problem solved).

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 56
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