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Daddysredhead -> RE: I hate it when........ (9/28/2008 9:09:17 PM)
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Thank you, wanders. I'm going to look into that book tomorrow.
Interestingly, I never really thought I had much of a problem with things because I've gotten so good at hiding things from myself and other people. Recently, the wall I had so carefully constructed began crumbling and people began asking me if everything was ok, and I was left with holes in my "cover" that I really couldn't ignore or sweep under the rug anymore. The strangest thing is that the first person to notice that something was wrong was a complete stranger to me - knew the person less than 24 hours - and s/he said, "Please be good to yourself. I'm very worried about you." I was stunned because I really thought that s/he was misreading me pretty badly. Truth be told, the person had me dead-to-rights, and that scared the crap out of me because if a stranger could see that, what must others close to me be seeing?
I just want to break free from bad patterns of thinking and behaving, and would love to be ok with asking for help when I need it, and not give a crap what the person thinks of me because I need assistance (whether at home, at work, wherever). I'm always wary of what people think of me, and I have a bad habit of trying to people-please too much, something I'm slowly getting better at stopping.
As I was telling one of the lovelies from the boards tonight on the phone, I realize my quirks and how these things are not helping me, but they're so familiar and comfortable, getting rid of them is going to be quite the process.
*hugs for all here who need them*
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