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Subs attention - 3/20/2008 11:45:05 PM

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Joined: 11/28/2007
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So my pet wants to beg for a collar on Saturday, except she wants to ask some questions first. So I finally agree and we are IM'ing tonight and notice a lapse in her response. When I check she's on CM posting shit about dragons eggs...... shes a great girl. Unfair to expect her full attention?

Thanks.

RE: Subs attention - 3/20/2008 11:47:09 PM

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I will say this alone.

Sometimes, a little escapism is a good thing, when facing a major decision.

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RE: Subs attention - 3/20/2008 11:51:17 PM

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From: Savannah, GA
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zee... she's devoted to you, by every indication :) don't take it personally! Sometimes, while in IM with Mine, while I am waiting for his response, I skedaddle to the forums and start a post. Because Idon't wanna lose the train of thought, I will often finish my post before returning to the IM (hell, sometimes, I do it when we're on the phone..).
Doesnt mean I think any less of him, I just know my attention span..*grin*

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
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(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Subs attention - 3/20/2008 11:52:52 PM

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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zeedaddy

So my pet wants to beg for a collar on Saturday, except she wants to ask some questions first. So I finally agree and we are IM'ing tonight and notice a lapse in her response. When I check she's on CM posting shit about dragons eggs...... shes a great girl. Unfair to expect her full attention?

Thanks.

I have to ask who's the dom in the relationship? To my way of thinking I deciede when where what who I collar. Your post makes it sound like she has been begging for this for quite some time? Fair??? You need to tell her you want her complete attention.

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 3/20/2008 11:54:23 PM >

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RE: Subs attention - 3/20/2008 11:55:37 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zeedaddy

Unfair to expect her full attention?

Thanks.

If you want her undevoted attention, make it known that it is a requirement. She can not know what expectations you have of her if you do not tell her.

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Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to zeedaddy)

RE: Subs attention - 3/20/2008 11:58:56 PM

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SB..my understanding was that it's a mutual thing.. that they're both ready for the collaring. Neither is being any less dom/sub.. the begging is a formality that they both desire.

IMO..

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Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Subs attention - 3/21/2008 12:02:50 AM

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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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You may be right it doesn't sound like a power exchange is going on.

BadOne

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RE: Subs attention - 3/21/2008 12:08:05 AM

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From: Savannah, GA
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well, Domah already said that he doesnt identify himself as MASTER or DOM or anything. And the PE is working for them. so who are any of US to say otherwise?

I think part of this is Zee having a few jitters :) as is Domah :)

Of course Icould be wrong :)

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Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Subs attention - 3/21/2008 12:12:11 AM

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Just don't eat any omelettes she may serve you.

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RE: Subs attention - 3/21/2008 1:59:32 AM

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From: Tampa, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zeedaddy
So my pet wants to beg for a collar on Saturday, except she wants to ask some questions first. So I finally agree and we are IM'ing tonight and notice a lapse in her response. When I check she's on CM posting shit about dragons eggs...... shes a great girl. Unfair to expect her full attention?

Thanks.

It's not unfair to want her full attention during IM but it is unfair to expect her to be a mind-reader. TELL her you expect her full attention during IM.

InkedMaster and i are normally on CM at the same time while we are in IM and we tell each other "i'm reading a thread on ---------------" or "hang on, i'm posting on the ----------- thread." It's about communication.

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(in reply to zeedaddy)

RE: Subs attention - 3/21/2008 3:03:55 AM

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Joined: 12/7/2005
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If her being side tracked feels disrespectfull to you then make her know that and fix it together.
You could Establish 2 modes of conversation, one where discussion is open ( where shes allowed to ask all she wants and has a certain freedom but still respectfull).And another for sessions or other importent dynamic in your Ds relationship.You can trigger that transistion in conversation by a word or order which you mutually agreed on.Make her know that in the second you want her undevided attention ,no browsing, no talking to friends and so on. Could even create a seperate screenname with her petname or something that is only for you and no other friends.

And if her being side tracked doesnt really bother you and it dont happen too often you could allow it ,maybe she needed the time off to put some things in order for herself.Be carefull though with that cause once you offer her a finger mostly you end up loosing your arm and then you start questioning whos really in control.Which doesnt benefit anyone cause neither is in a situation you want to be.

In both cases observe her well why she got side tracked ,what the motives were.If it was valid and it was her wanting a lil time to herself before a big decission you could let it slide.If you see the motives were anything other and that behaviour bothers you then talk to her about it in all honesty and fix it.

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RE: Subs attention - 3/21/2008 3:08:38 AM

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If you're not getting the results you want, you haven't made your requests clear. Did you TELL her to give you her full attention?

Master Fire

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(in reply to zeedaddy)

RE: Subs attention - 3/21/2008 4:17:41 AM

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Its not unfair to expect it if you have asked for it. I for example am a speed typist so I very rarely devote all my attention to one thing because I hang around for ages waiting for responses if I do, and because I like to ramble I tend to fill the whole IM page so I have to do other things while waiting for their response (I have been known to have about 8 IM conversations going on at one time along with the forum)

However when I was with my EX he made it a requirement that when he was online I wasnt to do anything else, I created a new e-mail account for this purpose but up until then he would get mad if he saw my fingers moving on cam when I wasnt typing to him. You have to say these kinds of things or else people simply dont realise.

Also on a personal level from what I have seen domah is really nervous/excited about it, I really dont think her posting on the forums shows any less interest or anything.

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(in reply to zeedaddy)

RE: Subs attention - 3/21/2008 4:58:31 AM

RCdc

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Whilst I do agree with Lady Pact that escapism is sometimes a good thing during a major decision, I believe it is only polite to inform someone if they are doing something elsewhere as well as talking on the phone/IM etc.
I personally do not engage in such multitasking without first informing who I am speaking with and I certainly wouldn't do it to Darcy (although we rarely IM I am speaking more of phone conversations in which I devote myself 100% unless there was an emergancy).

And absolutely you should inform her it is a requirement because she can;t read your mind.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 3/21/2008 4:59:13 AM >

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RE: Subs attention - 3/21/2008 5:13:14 AM

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I hate it when I'm in online conversation and I don't get the other party's full attention. It pisses me off big time.

But I'm usually chatting to a female (just this preference I have - is a personal thing) and these bloody girls are sooooooooo good at multi-tasking. Drives me up the wall.

So (without knowing either of you) I'd guess it's less of a deal for Domah than for you.

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Subs attention - 3/21/2008 5:51:57 AM

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Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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FYI and off topic a bit...

'begging' a collar is a kind of protocol term -- yes it means asking for one but its not unheard of -- its just a term, don't get too caught up in who is who.. it is appropriate in some forms of Ms etc to 'beg' a collar .. note its not BEG FOR... actually, I don't know for sure, but its likely a gorean thing

oh.. and to the op... this is why I don't do online or longdistance.. if you're sitting next to me or across from me, for the most part I will have a better idea of how much of your attention I have...

and one more thing, no matter if its phone or online, I will never assume that I have all of someone's attention as they won't have mine... both of those things will NEVER hold my attention

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 3/21/2008 6:17:10 AM >

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RE: Subs attention - 3/21/2008 6:13:44 AM

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If you can.t give me your full attention. Then put me down as a occiasional play partner and nothing more. Why should you have to tell someone you demand their full attention? That's like putting a collar on someone while they are down on their knees giving someone else a blow job.

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RE: Subs attention - 3/21/2008 6:22:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

If you can.t give me your full attention. Then put me down as a occiasional play partner and nothing more. Why should you have to tell someone you demand their full attention? That's like putting a collar on someone while they are down on their knees giving someone else a blow job.

No actually its nothing like that at all, they were talking online she wasnt with him and differant people find differant things acceptable, I wouldnt expect anyones full attention unless I have asked for it which I dont do. I only think it can really be expected is when you are face to face and even then it depends on the circumstances.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

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RE: Subs attention - 3/21/2008 6:35:11 AM

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you'd better be one hell of a fast typist then.

IMing is so differnt then fact to face contact and one can only look at the unmoving screen while the "X is typing" down on the bottom so long before the mind wanders off.

I always have several windows open and sometimes more then one IM. What I do do is the second that task bar blinks when m'Lord hits enter with his message, I stop whatever esle I was doing to answer him.

But also, he's been drawn away by a phone call or a knock on the door, if I was sitting their waiting without knowing he'd stepped away without any other form of entertainment, I'd feel slightly peeved.

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(in reply to Dnomyar)

RE: Subs attention - 3/21/2008 7:12:17 AM

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From: All over now in Minnesota
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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

It's not unfair to want her full attention during IM but it is unfair to expect her to be a mind-reader. TELL her you expect her full attention during IM.

InkedMaster and i are normally on CM at the same time while we are in IM and we tell each other "i'm reading a thread on ---------------" or "hang on, i'm posting on the ----------- thread." It's about communication.

I am going to agree with this. Let’s keep it simple. My first question would be does she do this normally. Some people IM is a way of life and that includes doing it while doing other things.

It is a personal thing as some find it incredibly rude and others could care less. Did the OP express his thoughts on this matter beforehand?

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(in reply to eyesopened)

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