Long distance & subdrop (Full Version)

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ThistleDown -> Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 12:49:20 AM)

I've done some reading on subdrop already but I haven't seen anything to answer my questions. I want to invite both subs and doms to answer my questions as I believe both may have important insight and experience either first or second hand.

For those submissives who are or have been in a long distance relationship, how often do you experience subdrop as a result of separation from your Dom? Has it ever begun before you or s/he left? (Doms, have you ever had a sub who experienced this?)
Have you ever heard of anger being a part of subdrop?
Do Doms experience any kind of drop after a scene or separation?

I'm not sure if what I'm experiencing is subdrop or not, but I know that the last time I visited my Dom (who lives across the country) and after the most recent visit, I became depressed. Last time, it was manageable and only lasted a few days. This time it's much worse and although it's only been a day since I got back, it's significantly worse that I feel the need to do something about it. Eating certain things helps but I can't tell if it's just a comfort thing for the depression or if it's actually helping. My concerns are how much worse it is & that I've found myself becoming angry. I've had a lot of anger for years (having to do with certain past things that aren't important), but I got past them a while back and I've only struggled with the anger when certain triggers occur. When I have struggled with the anger, it's always been a matter of distracting myself until it subsides, but for some reason it's been coming out in my behavior the last couple of days without me even noticing (until someone mentions it). I'm hoping it has something to do with my depression and hoping both will go away again in a few days. Until then, however, talking about things helps me feel better too and I'm curious to know if others have similar experiences.

(note: I use the word depression because I've felt lonely/sad/etc and I've been depressed. There's a difference. This is just like when I'm depressed, it just doesn't last as long as clinically required for depression)

~puppy



Justme696 -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 2:15:22 AM)

first explain what subdrop is please



Lashra -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 3:00:25 AM)

Yes my sub suffers from subdrop and it ususally starts right before we part company after a nice, long weekend together. He gets sad, depressed and very clingy. We spend a lot of time on the telephone and online together to help him get through it.

He doesn't have it as bad as he used to because we found that the extra time on the phone does help. Just hearing my voice is very soothing to him and I make sure to text message him a lot too.  He is usually ok after about a week or so, but then it comes back right before I see him again because he is craving to see me so badly. (and vice versa)

~Lashra



petpete -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 3:21:29 AM)

It used to take me along time to drop from the US to downunder where i live.. at times i couldn't remember which ocean it was where i fell in and got wet....???? Was it the pacific or the Indian ocean?? Then i worried about the sharks surrounding me, so i called it quits all together and woke up to reality and staying at bay...



Justme696 -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 3:22:44 AM)

is subdrop a new fashion word?
explain it please :P



petpete -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 3:33:52 AM)

To my understanding its a synthetic word which means it's parted by two words : sub+drop <=> {a sub is dropping from somewhere X} if the point his starting from is (a) and his heading to (d) that means that his drop will be something like to the vicinity of => a+b+c = d.. so i would assume the higher the distance rate the higher the sub must be dropping........ It also depends on the velocity and the speed of the drop which again the laws of physics will have to account for atmospheric pressures and wind conditions... Hope you guys still with me, cause i'm loooooost!!! (anybody out there)???



RCdc -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 3:40:50 AM)

Hello D - Sub drop is typically the term used for the bought of depression or emptiness felt after an intense session, or visit with a partner.  It often occurs a couple of days after, but it can be immediate for some people.
 
the.dark.



RCdc -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 3:50:15 AM)

I found eating lots of fruit helped, particularly grapes for some reason.  And yes I did drop badly, moreso in the beginning of the relationship though when I was more unsure of where it was heading.  I still drop, but I am more able to cope with it now as well as the fact that Darcy now recognises the signs and takes control of the situation by sending me off to be earlier, increasing contact from a distance like more calls, texting reassuring words etc.  I found that the extra contact was a vital plus.
 
I would suggest that the anger is probably due to frustration - I got angry because I felt I wasn't able to be there for him, rather than the other way around.  His reassuring me that he understood that I couldn't be, because of the distance rather than because I didn't want to be there, helped.
 
Filling your time in does help, but it only makes time pass a little faster, it doesn't aid the drop.  Contact and communication really rocked for us.
 
the.dark.



adoracat -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 4:04:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThistleDown
For those submissives who are or have been in a long distance relationship, how often do you experience subdrop as a result of separation from your Dom? Has it ever begun before you or s/he left? (Doms, have you ever had a sub who experienced this?)
Have you ever heard of anger being a part of subdrop?
Do Doms experience any kind of drop after a scene or separation?


yes on the subdrop.  it SUCKS.  i get it in two ways...i get anxious and upset when its been a while since i've seen Daddy,  then after he leaves we both have a "drop" after.  for both of us its the only in-person affection we're getting, and that's hard for us both.

kitten



Justme696 -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 5:00:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Hello D - Sub drop is typically the term used for the bought of depression or emptiness felt after an intense session, or visit with a partner.  It often occurs a couple of days after, but it can be immediate for some people.
 
the.dark.

 
hello the.dark.
 
thank you my saviour..for explaining   ;)



MsStarlett -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 5:16:31 AM)

I've never heard the term "subdrop" before, yet have experienced the sensation.  I believe that anyone in a caring relationship suffers from this type of separation anxiety.  I've gotten very depressed over a missed opportunity to meet with my sub.  (The best laid plans sometimes fall through.)  I've even had a anxiety over getting to see my favorite sub for fear that I will not be able to let him go again.

So, my answer to the original question is that Yes, at least in my case, even Dommes feel that let down.



softness -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 5:30:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThistleDown

Do Doms experience any kind of drop after a scene or separation?



I have to watch for this very carefully. "Top Drop" . They can become needy, emotional and very low. They can suffer from physical and emotional exhaustion. Feelings of being used, of being abandonned, loneliness, uselessness now the scene is over, wothlessness now they have no further function to perfrom, often they will feel cold after the physical strain of Topping, physical discomfort of some kind is not uncommon, they wont have been feeling much affection during the scene so that also needs to be catered for.

Top Drop is a killer, especially in older or middle aged Dominants.

The advice I have been given for preventing fatal attacks of Top Drop is the thorough application of the "Blow Job, Sandwich, Massage" model of aftercare. If its over long distance experts recommend a follow up application of "Random Slut Arriving at Door For White Hot Sex and Ironing Duty" for sustained results

and to sub drop
You have just been on an emotional roller coaster.... you have worked your body hard, so has he, you are probably tired, slightly underfed and without doubt dehydrated (all signs of a fantastic weekend am I right?)

Is it ANY wonder you feel low and frustrated and down afterwards. Those feelings are OBVIOUSLY going to be compounded if the one person in the world who you believe can fix you ... suddenly has to leave. So accept those feelings, recognise them for what they are and dont give them the power and value of something that can hurt you. Now you know this about yourself, prepare, eating certain foods, spending time on the phone are all good. I found planning something to do that would be silly and fun afterwards always put me back in a positive place.

submissives are lucky, we are good at dealing with and processing unpleasant and sometimes slightly scary events ... feel sorry for the poor Dominants who must live in constant fear of the deadly "Top Drop" striking after every scene.



mistoferin -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 5:43:20 AM)

I think that oftentimes actual subdrop is confused with loneliness/sadness/seperation anxiety/melancholy. For me, the roots of actual subdrop are always found in the physical, chemical reactions of intense play, even though some of the after effects are emotional. It is easy for me to distinguish between the two because actual subdrop doesn't occur for me unless it has been preceeded by heavy play and it always has physical components such as fever, chills, body aches, headache....along with the emotional stuff.  I find it much different than the sadness/let down feelings generated by seperation which is devoid of those physical symptoms and I treat the two entirely different. It's important to determine which one you are actually dealing with in order to know how to ease the symptoms.

On another note, I've recently discovered that it is possible to control the onset/intensity of subdrop. All of my life I have suffered extreme symptoms, especially those of the physical variety a day or two after intense play. Recently however, I am with a Dominant who actively gauges where I am at with it and uses techniques that can stop it dead in its tracks or dramatically lessen the effects. Given my history with it I would not have thought this possible....but to my surprise and joy, it certainly is. However, I do understand that your situation is one of distance and the things that he does are very hands on.



littlebitxxx -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 6:29:14 AM)

OP, yes it is possible to have subdrop after seeing your Master, even long distance.  And yes, anger can be a great part of it.  Recognizing that is half the battle.  Distracting yourself may not work, embracing it and putting it to advantage may help.  Use the energy that anger creates to do something constructive, maybe that will also help alleviate the sadness and depression that follows.  Also, if you could figure out exactly why you are angry, sad, etc and work/act on that.  Angry because you live so far apart?  Sad because you don't get to see him all the time?  Is there any way either of you could move closer?  Maybe writing to him, definitely talking on the phone, that same day you get back home, the next day, often...helps.  The feeling of distance really sucks so sometimes making that feeling go away really helps.  My man and I used to recap our weekend in detail, how much fun it was, what we liked or disliked, and made plans for the next one.  One experience tended to lead into wanting to experiment in a lot of different ways.  We spent hours on the phone dissecting a scene and planning and anticipating the next one.  It helped alleviate the sense of distance, both in space and time.

Good luck to you both.



DesFIP -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 6:30:52 AM)

Subdrop or topdrop are terms usually used to explain the low feelings gotten some hours after the intense high of scening. Scening requires a lot of energy. For couples who do not live together, there is a tendency to play heavily all weekend, not stopping to eat regularly, not sleeping a full night. Imagine if after no food and limited sleep, and insufficient water, you decided to run a marathon. You would suffer horrendous cramping, lactic acid build up in the muscles, and quite probably short term depression.

It's easier to head off by bringing bottles of water with you so if you're untied for a moment, you have it and drink it. Cut up fruit and cheese to snack on helps bring your blood sugar levels back to normal. Sleeping late and not playing right up to the moment someone has to leave also help. I learned early on that going from playing to driving was asking too much. I would make it home and collapse in tears. Water, hot decaf drinks, food and rest. You  need them before, during and after.



colouredin -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 6:38:54 AM)

Wow theres a word for it :D thats so cool I am not a freak. I just thought of it as a downer to be honest, lots of crying getting angry this time has been really really really bad which im sure people may have picked up on from some of my posts. I dunno how to make it better, some times I feel ok. Basically it was the evening, bang on seven o'clock and this post has totally helped me make the link to the fact that its that time that the little ones go to bed. Hmm I may steal what the.dark said and use it in an email, if ya dont mind (dont really care if you do cos you stole one of mine before :P hehe)



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 7:05:52 AM)

we live by the choice we make   that is how we are judged not by our selves and by our peers.  hence ldrs never work we are touchy feely people  just live in alaska for seven months with out sun light you will get the idea



colouredin -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 7:10:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

hence ldrs never work we are touchy feely people 


Dont they? Are we?  hmmm well ill just shoot myself now I quite clearly dont belong to the catagory of people



liketophoto -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 7:31:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThistleDown

I've done some reading on subdrop already but I haven't seen anything to answer my questions. I want to invite both subs and doms to answer my questions as I believe both may have important insight and experience either first or second hand.

For those submissives who are or have been in a long distance relationship, how often do you experience subdrop as a result of separation from your Dom? Has it ever begun before you or s/he left? (Doms, have you ever had a sub who experienced this?)
Have you ever heard of anger being a part of subdrop?
Do Doms experience any kind of drop after a scene or separation?

I'm not sure if what I'm experiencing is subdrop or not, but I know that the last time I visited my Dom (who lives across the country) and after the most recent visit, I became depressed. Last time, it was manageable and only lasted a few days. This time it's much worse and although it's only been a day since I got back, it's significantly worse that I feel the need to do something about it. Eating certain things helps but I can't tell if it's just a comfort thing for the depression or if it's actually helping. My concerns are how much worse it is & that I've found myself becoming angry. I've had a lot of anger for years (having to do with certain past things that aren't important), but I got past them a while back and I've only struggled with the anger when certain triggers occur. When I have struggled with the anger, it's always been a matter of distracting myself until it subsides, but for some reason it's been coming out in my behavior the last couple of days without me even noticing (until someone mentions it). I'm hoping it has something to do with my depression and hoping both will go away again in a few days. Until then, however, talking about things helps me feel better too and I'm curious to know if others have similar experiences.

(note: I use the word depression because I've felt lonely/sad/etc and I've been depressed. There's a difference. This is just like when I'm depressed, it just doesn't last as long as clinically required for depression)

~puppy



I just woke up from a dream that was like the movie "A boy and his dog" a post apocoliptic movie with little plot.
I am getting more and more depressed from being alone, I press myself to go to munches, meet more people,
I keep to my friends and photography and it keeps me on the side of sanity.
Freinds are a life force, they can help.
But try to look to yourself for inner strenth . That is something that can help in the long run.
Best wishes and thoughts to you.
Respectfully, LTP



Justme696 -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 7:34:26 AM)

I just feel happy afther "play". Tired..but relaxed and comfy.



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