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Switches need not apply - 3/25/2008 8:42:34 PM

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I'm sure this has been asked a thousand times, but I would be curious to hear the feedback.

As a switch, how often do you run into this mindset?

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

RE: Switches need not apply - 3/25/2008 8:48:31 PM

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Openly? Maybe once a month. Suggested/subtle/underhanded? Fairly more often.

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(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Switches need not apply - 3/25/2008 9:04:02 PM

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I think it depends on the confidence of the Dom/me. (If you have also topped then you might be more likely to see if they make a mistake.) It doesn't seem to bother subs at all. In fact, I was a Mistress and became a slave and the subs still come back to me to see if I will care for them.

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RE: Switches need not apply - 3/25/2008 11:03:11 PM

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For me, I think some people have that whole "your a switch which means you just are confused" mindframe. The older generation of bdsmers who I have meet in real life just look over switches for the most part. I have friends who were not fond of the idea of switches until they met me. The people I have met who have the idea that "switches need not apply" usually feel confused about the whole switch thing in general. Some feel threatened, others just confused by who we are. The best thing we can do is just educate the people who want to listen and learn about the mindset of switches. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.. Why not educate them about how we feel. I used to tell some of my friends switches are like fairies "you have to just believe" lol...

(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: Switches need not apply - 3/26/2008 12:09:20 AM

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I haven't tried to contact too many people on this site, at least not to meet, so I don't have a large sample. Had one sub who flat out refused to consider me.

If others were put off by me being a switch, not sure how I would know if they don't mention it, or just refuse to answer. Then again, I search for those who are looking for switch men.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Switches need not apply - 3/26/2008 4:46:19 AM

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LadyPact,
As a swtich I come across profiles with this occassionally and just hide them (why wast time?)
It doesn't seem to occur all that frequently - at least for the people whose profiles interest me.

It's never come up as an issue getting to know somebody in real time where people tend to focus less on labels and search criteria than what the person in front of them is like.

The problem with the label 'switch' is that it means so many different things to different people including
1. a person who likes to switch roles with the same partner
2. a master or mistress or dominant who likes to bottom from time to time for fun
3. a slave or submissive who enjoys topping for fun sometimes.
4. a person who is comfortable as a dominant and a submissive - but is consistent in their role with a given partner.
*. and a dozen or more nuances of these.

There are worlds of differences between these modes. I find I'm still trying to figure out if I'm more a 3 or 4 above.
Jennifer

< Message edited by gentv2000 -- 3/26/2008 4:51:33 AM >

(in reply to Alacrity)

RE: Switches need not apply - 3/26/2008 11:10:23 PM

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From: Phx AZ
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Lady Pact > more times than i wish to recall . Some that are seeking have an ideal person in mind some have a closed mind or not know about the switch dynamic .Some know what they want and just will never give anything outside their peramiters a second thought . i hate to sound negative , yet many times when i write or speak to a Domme , inform them who and what i am it seems like a big door just gets shut , but i am who i am never shall i fake being something i am not nor shall i lie about it .Best to be open up front and honest .

(in reply to gentv2000)

RE: Switches need not apply - 3/27/2008 9:37:48 AM

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Not being pissy... but in case you want more info.. here's a thread with the same title...

I adore switches.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1561005/tm.htm

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Switches need not apply - 3/28/2008 12:57:47 PM

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From: Indiana
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I don't run into a very often. This is probably due to the fact that I'm only searching for friends right now, though. Before I was so happily settled I came across it more often. One in thirty, or so, is a rough estimate.

I will, however, say this. The only time I've ever come across that mindset is online. Everyone I have met through my local community has been exceptionally welcoming and understanding. I've never been treated as less by the wonderful people I've met in the community, or removed from consideration for anything simply for being a switch. In fact, they've all been downright fantastic and helpful.

Edited to add: The gist of what I was getting at is that I believe this is more of an online problem than not. In real life you meet the switch and get to know them as a person. You can then judge whether they'd be a good fit, either as a dominant or submissive. A person doesn't have that luxury online and often puts forth that they aren't interested in switches just to weed out a bit, even if unwisely. I also feel that some people hold the belief that if they cast a switch into one specific role in their life as top or bottom, the switch will ultimately be unhappy or unfulfilled. This is a genuine concern, but one in which I would hope a person would be willing to trust the switch. If he or she agrees to a role as either dominant or submissive, it would be best to trust that they mean it, and it's up to them to let you know if they change their mind.

< Message edited by NakedOnMyChain -- 3/28/2008 1:02:47 PM >

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(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Switches need not apply - 3/29/2008 5:36:58 AM

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It is good that you have a local community that is so supportive of switches. I find that several groups that I have been involved in r/l.. still ran into issues with switches. . I think the biggest setback is the confusion some lifestylers have. It is difficult for some to understand why people switch. Think of someone who may have saw a person at a play party or dungeon in one role one week and they switched opposite roles the next week. I am sure some switches do not switch that often, others may not switch in public..but it is still confusing for a person who is not used to role reversal. I can't say for sure that is why people feel as they do, I can only go on my experience. Like I said before In my experience the most difficulty I have had was with the Old Guard Leatherfolk out there, and those who were mentored by them. Switches are a fairly knew thing within the community. I think before Switches were Switches We were just Tops who liked to bottom and bottoms who liked to Top. Anyways.. where I am going with this is that I think switches are becoming more accepted in the community then in the past years. I find that each year I attend leather events in my community and eslewhere, switches are more accepted then before. People are slowly seeing that switches are not just confused and greedy, we are who we are and are very happy. Somehow we add extra spice to the community and our uniqueness is catching. :)

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)

RE: Switches need not apply - 3/29/2008 6:53:58 AM

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Ive nly recently joined this site, and although i have not run into that directly there seem to be very few women in my area on here that seem like they would be interested in a switch (except the pros.. with them you can switch all you want from Mastercard to Visa.. Mastercard..Visa)I hope to find out soon that I am wrong about that. I used to know someone who actually found me MORE interesting as a sub because i am a switch.... because my submission to her was not just a need i had as a sub, but a conscious decision by a Man. Ladies like that are all to rare....or at least they are very elusive...

(in reply to MadameXTC)

RE: Switches need not apply - 4/1/2008 9:40:09 AM

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My thanks to all who participated, and especially for the link.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ShadowfoxNYC)

RE: Switches need not apply - 4/1/2008 1:12:46 PM

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I think this has a lot to do with people who think that there is some sort of heirarchy in how we identify ourselves, something like this....

Master/Mistress
Dominant
Top
Bottom
Submissive
Slave

In my opinion it is not heirarchical at all. These are only labels we use to identify ourselves. I identify as a switch who is capable of dominance, sadism, submission, slavery, depending on the individual relationship. What happens is that if someone thinks that it is a heirarchy, they don't seem to know where I fit in on the pecking order, so it is easier to exclude me from it. Those who take the time to know me get the opportunity to discover if our energies come together and when they do, what forms of it will take.

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(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Switches need not apply - 4/1/2008 1:49:23 PM

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I am not sure that switches are "new" to the community. For that matter I am not sure what you mean by fairly new either. My understanding was that when the most organized kink community were the gay leathermen, that a man had to "earn" his leather by starting on the bottom and earning his way to Master. I started switching when I was playing with a switch who has been part of the leather/bdsm community for about 40 years now and has identified as a switch for most, if not all of those.

What might be the case is that our identification of what switching is might be expanding. In other words the top who liked to occasionally bottom might now be acknowledging that this is a form of switching. They may be the dominant partner but also want an occasional flogging as well. I do not think this makes anyone less dominant, but it would not bother me in the slightest if they acknowledged that they "switch."

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RE: Switches need not apply - 4/3/2008 4:14:29 AM

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I understand that the Dominants in the leather community in the past had to start out at the bottom to work their way up, but that is not switching to me..That is learning from experience. I feel a true switch enjoys both aspects of power exchange almost equally. Just me.. everyone has their own take of what a switch is. That is my viewpoint. There will always be Dominant and submissives who like an occasional session as a Top or bottom. For me it just isn't switching until their is a personal satisfaction for the individual switching roles. What is hard for some people to understand is.. you can enjoy the time in a scene as one role, but that doesn't make you a switch either. It is having those Dominant /submissive experiences on an equal satisfaction level. Just my opinion on it,

(in reply to TeachMeTonight)

RE: Switches need not apply - 6/28/2008 9:35:53 AM

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I used to run into this mindset a long time ago. I still get all kinds of judgement from people who think I'm not "truly" Domme/sub/whatever... but I find that I get a LOT of emails, and a lot of attention now anyway.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Switches need not apply - 6/29/2008 12:53:20 AM

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{Fast Reply} I see this mind set in a lot of profiles here, but not much in the R/t community. I think a lot of Dominas fear that a switch will sooner or later want to turn the tables and top them. I think that a lot of the submissive women feel that switches could not be "domly" enough to be their doms.

(in reply to JadeGeisha)

RE: Switches need not apply - 6/29/2008 9:17:43 AM

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I am pretty new to things and list myself as a switch, however in my core I am submissive but really just have trouble letting go.   I wonder sometimes if this is a drawback.   I have no wish to top or be a dom but I am a natural rebel and often may act like that is what I want even if I don't..   I may eventually switch my status to sub again I seem to go back and forth with it.   I can be involved with a switch so long as they want to be Dom with me and do not "switch" during the relationship.    They can be sub to someone else if needed but if they sub to me it puts me into the position of being a top and takes away their credibility as a viable Dom to me.
So I guess I can be with a switch as long as they are willing to make me be submissive to them at all times. and ofcourse I can't really be with another sub unless we are both sub to someone else which gets much more complicated.   Right now I would prefer things a little more straight forward.
To clarify a little though if a Dom orders me to flog them for their pleasure I do not see it as them subbing as they are telling me to do something for their pleasure. ;)    Though i would rather this be something that is a rare occasion.

< Message edited by shadowcd -- 6/29/2008 9:21:03 AM >

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

RE: Switches need not apply - 6/29/2008 9:28:07 AM

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I agree that that's a possibility.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

RE: Switches need not apply - 6/29/2008 10:29:24 AM

Usako

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I've noticed some profiles with that attitude but I usually just ignored them. I never noticed it much really.

Then, on a whim, I changed my profile to dominante to see the difference (and to explore that side of me a bit more) and found this flood of e-mails. I felt a bit insulted that my name in red all of a sudden changed my message intake. I'm a switch but I can be on both sides. Maybe some people just have filters on to only search for dommes but we switches can do the job too.

(in reply to JadeGeisha)

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