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Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:01:26 PM

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From: Tamaris
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How many times have you seen that on profiles?

Why does it seem most hate switches?

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RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:03:06 PM

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From: Buffalo
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i think it's what makes most people uncomfortable about not subscribing to a dichotomy--you're too much of one thing and not enough of another. people don't know how to react to you.

(in reply to Aneirin)

RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:05:06 PM

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I don't.

But I'm one of the strange ones who sees people, not parodies of people.

Fuck roles.

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RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:09:18 PM

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I feel as a switch it shouldn't matter to who I am with. If you are a dom then I will be your little subby toy. If you are a sub then I will dominate you. I feel like I am who ever you need me to be.

(in reply to Leatherist)

RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:09:25 PM

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Always made me wonder myself about the person ya know...

Are they not enough of a Dom/me or a comfortable in their subbieness themselves to be OK with someone else being dualistic?

Most of my best friends are switches.. ( even if the rest of the world doesnt know it) who cares if So and So's big bad Dom likes to take it up the ass part time?

Or so and so's Mistress likes to be spanked... all is fair in love and leather I say.
As long as when they are in that role they are *in* that role ya know?

Gwyn

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RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:15:11 PM

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I find similarities in the BDSM communtiy's attitude toward switches is often the same as the gay communty's attitude towards bisexuals. Having more experiance out in the gay community more so than the BDSM one, I can tell you that most anti-bisexual gay people I know dislike them because they feel they are a weaker link in the communtiy, and their ability to switch, top or bottom, straight or gay, makes them more 'fake' for lack of a better word. I don't agree with it, just attempting to explain.

(in reply to Aneirin)

RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:17:27 PM

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Pretty much the same as a lot of the D/s crowd looks down on people who do not practice thier "protocols"-but play as or more intensely than they do. Wierd, do almost exactly the same stuff without the power play-but we are "fake"

Go figure.

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RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:17:46 PM

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From: Buffalo
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quote:

ORIGINAL: scrapmetal

I find similarities in the BDSM communtiy's attitude toward switches is often the same as the gay communty's attitude towards bisexuals. Having more experiance out in the gay community more so than the BDSM one, I can tell you that most anti-bisexual gay people I know dislike them because they feel they are a weaker link in the communtiy, and their ability to switch, top or bottom, straight or gay, makes them more 'fake' for lack of a better word. I don't agree with it, just attempting to explain.

that's actually what i was thinking of but wasn't sure if anyone else would get the reference--i've been told to my face that since i'm bi i'm too gay to be straight and too straight to be gay, and i've gotten a similar reception from some when i tell them that i'm switch. i'm either too much of one thing or not enough of another.

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RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:21:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: scrapmetal

I find similarities in the BDSM communtiy's attitude toward switches is often the same as the gay communty's attitude towards bisexuals. Having more experiance out in the gay community more so than the BDSM one, I can tell you that most anti-bisexual gay people I know dislike them because they feel they are a weaker link in the communtiy, and their ability to switch, top or bottom, straight or gay, makes them more 'fake' for lack of a better word. I don't agree with it, just attempting to explain.

that's actually what i was thinking of but wasn't sure if anyone else would get the reference--i've been told to my face that since i'm bi i'm too gay to be straight and too straight to be gay, and i've gotten a similar reception from some when i tell them that i'm switch. i'm either too much of one thing or not enough of another.

Herd mentality.

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RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:28:57 PM

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Joined: 1/24/2007
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Being one of those people, I shall explain. At least for me.

I've been with several switches. The problem is that they eventually want you to dominate them. They all seem to be more sub than Dom, but figure if they say they switch, that gives them the power to tell you that they want you to dominate them. I've tried, it's not a happy thing.

Heck, I can't even feel submissive to all Doms. And I'm into 24/7 (not live-in yet), in private and in public he is Dominant to me. Always. I would think that would not be very fair to either partner. We just aren't going to be suited.

I don't mind having a sister sub that is a switch (dominant to me and sub to Him). That works.

Sorry, just had to weigh in, since all anyone seems to want to do is bash people.

Oh, and btw, when I block male subs from contacting (and I have), it also blocks switches. So maybe something you want discuss with the administration, cause they classify switches as subs.

(in reply to scrapmetal)

RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:33:47 PM

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From: Buffalo
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lapresence

Being one of those people, I shall explain. At least for me.

I've been with several switches. The problem is that they eventually want you to dominate them. They all seem to be more sub than Dom, but figure if they say they switch, that gives them the power to tell you that they want you to dominate them. I've tried, it's not a happy thing.

Heck, I can't even feel submissive to all Doms. And I'm into 24/7 (not live-in yet), in private and in public he is Dominant to me. Always. I would think that would not be very fair to either partner. We just aren't going to be suited.

I don't mind having a sister sub that is a switch (dominant to me and sub to Him). That works.

Sorry, just had to weigh in, since all anyone seems to want to do is bash people.

Oh, and btw, when I block male subs from contacting (and I have), it also blocks switches. So maybe something you want discuss with the administration, cause they classify switches as subs.

i didn't read any of this thread as bashing anyone, as opposed to a question posed to a group of individuals who have had a similar experience with being 'ignored'. no one has been rude, no one has flamed.

that being said, while i'm not discounting your personal experiences i've found the opposite among other switches where they are only willing to submit to a very few select individuals. and i'm not sure that i'm comfortable saying that it's a matter of being able to say that i want someone to dominate me just because i'm switch--if i'm submissive to someone, then i'm just submissive to them, and if the dynamic changes mid relationship then there was something in that relationship that sparked that change in me. but to each his own and we all have definitely encounter different things on our paths.

(in reply to lapresence)

RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:36:53 PM

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From: Tamaris
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I had noticed this site lists switches as subs, which is hardly fair, as some are more dom than sub, which includes myself, about 85% dom.

But it is good you thought to chip in, it is good to hear from an 'outsiders' perspective.

Perhaps with all these recent site changes, the administration might like to look at giving switches a different colour to make things fairer?Just think, a domme or dom perusing the profiles, sees an attractive sub denoted by the sub name colour and then reads switch, next!

_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

(in reply to lapresence)

RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:38:07 PM

Posts: 38
Joined: 5/8/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lapresence

Being one of those people, I shall explain. At least for me.

I've been with several switches. The problem is that they eventually want you to dominate them. They all seem to be more sub than Dom, but figure if they say they switch, that gives them the power to tell you that they want you to dominate them. I've tried, it's not a happy thing.

Heck, I can't even feel submissive to all Doms. And I'm into 24/7 (not live-in yet), in private and in public he is Dominant to me. Always. I would think that would not be very fair to either partner. We just aren't going to be suited.

I don't mind having a sister sub that is a switch (dominant to me and sub to Him). That works.

Sorry, just had to weigh in, since all anyone seems to want to do is bash people.

Oh, and btw, when I block male subs from contacting (and I have), it also blocks switches. So maybe something you want discuss with the administration, cause they classify switches as subs.

The idea of being a sister sub sounds pretty hot. I think that is what I would do in a situation like that. I know a sub need a dom and vice versa. When I mean I switch I switch my role depending on my partner. Not will with the same partner. (unless they too were a switch)

(in reply to lapresence)

RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:45:46 PM

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Joined: 1/24/2007
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Okay, I guess I'll take back the bashing part. But there were comments that were made that could be taken the wrong way. For instance, saying someone is too simple to handle someone with a dichotomy irked me, because I've tried it myself and wasn't happy with the results. Saying you've always wondered about someone (implying mentally) who didn't care to have contact with switches. Also the herd mentality comment.

Maybe I am being too sensitive, but the comments aren't necessarily, a hmm, wonder why that is, let's find out. I have gotten the impression that there is more implying that something wrong with this person for finding a portion of the community personally unpalatable. They are allowed to feel that it's not the right fit for them without there being something wrong with them as a person.

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:49:42 PM

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Joined: 1/24/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

I had noticed this site lists switches as subs, which is hardly fair, as some are more dom than sub, which includes myself, about 85% dom.

But it is good you thought to chip in, it is good to hear from an 'outsiders' perspective.

Perhaps with all these recent site changes, the administration might like to look at giving switches a different colour to make things fairer?Just think, a domme or dom perusing the profiles, sees an attractive sub denoted by the sub name colour and then reads switch, next!

Sounds like a good plan to me. I never thought that was fair, to consider them subs. And if you like to filter out subs, and don't mind switches, you're still going to have to go to bulk and read everything anyway. Or not realize and potentially miss the person of your dreams.

(in reply to Aneirin)

RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:54:22 PM

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Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lapresence

Maybe I am being too sensitive, but the comments aren't necessarily, a hmm, wonder why that is, let's find out. I have gotten the impression that there is more implying that something wrong with this person for finding a portion of the community personally unpalatable. They are allowed to feel that it's not the right fit for them without there being something wrong with them as a person.

see i respectfully disagree. i think they are a hmmm, wonder why that is. i think that comments are referring to the wider community of individuals and not to the individual--of course there are going to be individuals who differ from that mentality. however, there are a lot of times when the same mentality--that's it not the right fit for an individual to claim one dominant position without there being something wrong with them as a person--is not extended to switches.

and i at least personally did not suggest nor at least deliberately implied that someone is too simple to handle being outside a dichotomy--just that it makes them uncomfortable. there is a difference. and i have actually had that said to my face both in academic settings and in daily life.

(in reply to lapresence)

RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:55:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chaos9071

The idea of being a sister sub sounds pretty hot. I think that is what I would do in a situation like that. I know a sub need a dom and vice versa. When I mean I switch I switch my role depending on my partner. Not will with the same partner. (unless they too were a switch)

That seems to be a rare thing, at least with male switches. Good for you. And serving with another can't help but be hot, right?

(in reply to chaos9071)

RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 7:58:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyswitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: lapresence

Maybe I am being too sensitive, but the comments aren't necessarily, a hmm, wonder why that is, let's find out. I have gotten the impression that there is more implying that something wrong with this person for finding a portion of the community personally unpalatable. They are allowed to feel that it's not the right fit for them without there being something wrong with them as a person.

see i respectfully disagree. i think they are a hmmm, wonder why that is. i think that comments are referring to the wider community of individuals and not to the individual--of course there are going to be individuals who differ from that mentality. however, there are a lot of times when the same mentality--that's it not the right fit for an individual to claim one dominant position without there being something wrong with them as a person--is not extended to switches.

and i at least personally did not suggest nor at least deliberately implied that someone is too simple to handle being outside a dichotomy--just that it makes them uncomfortable. there is a difference. and i have actually had that said to my face both in academic settings and in daily life.

Then simply forgive me for being too sensitive to the issue.

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 8:00:41 PM

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I'm not opposed to switches at all, so long as they'd understand and be comfortable with the fact that they wouldn't be topping me. But that should be fine anyway. I know several bisexual people (including my wife) that are with just one partner and are completely fine with it.

Switches probably are viewed the same was a bisexual people - they're opportunistic, sleep around, flip flop on roles, etc. And there's no reason that someone can't be very happy doing one and only one thing even if they identify as liking both sides.

Another friend of mine is absolutely scared to death of gay people because he's convinced that at any second they're all going to whip out their wangs and start screwing his ass. Seriously scared to death of it. I think it reveals much more about him than any gay people I've ever known.

So it's probably the same here - reveals much more about the doms (or subs) in question - afraid the switches are going to randomly flipflop roles and demand to play the other way and they won't know how to handle it.

(in reply to lapresence)

RE: Switches need not apply - 1/23/2008 8:00:47 PM

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But that is the real gist.

People with an overly simplistic, herd mentality view feeling uncomfortable with anything outside of thier "norms".

Kind of remind you of how so many of us whine about "vanilla intolerance?"

Same same.

pot

kettle

black.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 1/23/2008 8:01:10 PM >

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