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I have little to nothing in common with female submissive, and don't really understand the way they think (well, the women around here, anyway... too much drama for me!). They're also intimidated by me... several have even told me so!

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"Veni, vidi, vici. (I came, I saw, I conquered.)"

(in reply to Evanesce)

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Well, we had a dungeon party last night to break in the brand new dungeon that I, and a few close friends, worked our butts off to build. Only 8 people showed up. We usually have 20-30 people hanging out in the dungeon when we have a party. A dozen people who told me they'd be here cancelled out at the last minute, and a whole lot of people just didn't bother to RSVP at all. No biggie. Five years ago, when Master and I had our very first dungeon party, only 4 people showed up of the 50 or so who had been invited, and only stayed a couple hours. I was devastated, and spent a great deal of the following day in tears. But last night I really did not care that it wasn't a huge bash. It was quiet, intimate, and very non-threatening to the one newbie submissive who came alone. Had it been bigger, she may been intimidated. Had it been bigger, it probably would not have been as relaxed as it was, and the people who DID come had a really good time.

Anyway... everyone's comments here, especially K's and ShadeDiva's, have helped me tremendously. It's just nice to know that someone else out there feels as I do, and understands what it means to feel like you're on the outside looking in... even in a group you started. I think people are simply unsettled by someone whom they cannot pigeonhole, and they don't know how to relate to them, so they don't even bother trying.[/color]

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ORIGINAL: Evanesce


Dominants... especially male dominants... either don't accept me as a dominant or they are intimidated by me. I have little to nothing in common with female submissives, and don't really understand the way they think (well, the women around here, anyway... too much drama for me!). They're also intimidated by me... several have even told me so!
Does anyone else find themselves "on the outside," for lack of a better term? How do you handle it?

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ORIGINAL: MistressAlexaS

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ORIGINAL: Evanesce


Dominants... especially male dominants... either don't accept me as a dominant or they are intimidated by me. I have little to nothing in common with female submissives, and don't really understand the way they think (well, the women around here, anyway... too much drama for me!). They're also intimidated by me... several have even told me so!
Does anyone else find themselves "on the outside," for lack of a better term? How do you handle it?

I know exactly where you are coming from, I get the same feeling from time to time. Im a dominate and opinionated woman who's not afraid to use her voice. Lots of peeps, particulary some Dom males dont like that. To freaking bad I say, I am who I am and I'm not going to change for anyone. People can either like me, dislike me or be indifferent it doesn't matter. What matters is that you are happy with yourself and what you are doing.
Switches in my mind are the most well rounded, fun loving of individuals and we get to experience new worlds that those stuck into one role never get to see. The BDSM community is supposed to be open minded, sometimes that just isnt so. Don't let it bother you, if these people want to be close minded and stuck in the dark then let them, you go on out and live in the sunshine, loving yourself and living life.

~Alexa

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ORIGINAL: americanpie

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ORIGINAL: theRose4U
I have been told by more than my share of Doms that I should just say I'm a Domme because "I don't have a sub bone in my body".

I have heard that quite a few times since putting up a profile on collarme. It's hilarious the amount of people who think a switch just "hasn't met the right dominant".

Good grief.

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Well, we had a dungeon party last night to break in the brand new dungeon that I, and a few close friends, worked our butts off to build.

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ORIGINAL: Slipstreme

It no longer matters if I fit in or not. If someone can't deal with who I am, their problem, not mine.

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BTW gotta ask, what is the appropriate pronoun for you? I do not ask to be rude, I ask so that I know I am using that which you prefer. Thanks.

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ORIGINAL: Slipstreme


I honestly don't know that one. I tend to avoid using gender at all.

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Is this because you see gender as a socially created contruct? Reification of gender if you will?

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ORIGINAL: ShadeDiva

I rather like the fact that I don't fit in.

And I don't.

Not even in the Mecca of Perverts where switches are indeed pretty much accepted and greeted with warmth, good ol Bay area of Calif., do I *fit in*.

And you know, I most likely never WILL "fit in".

It used to bother me. A lot. And it hurt too. I cried enough lost and forlorn tears to fill an ocean or three. *wry smile*

But in the end, if acceptance and fitting in is always a struggle, and if you ever have the same realization that I did where one day it became clear that I was NEVER going to fit in, and have that one-of-the-flock jive, if one day you just know deep inside it will NEVER come from without, then you are left with two choices.

Either forever yearn and mourn that something that can and never will be is not going to happen.

Or find what you seek from within.

It's hard. It can be lonely and sad and aching and so so still at times. It can be immensely freeing and enpowering and powerful and breathtaking and beautiful too.

Some of us just never will fit in. It's not because we are a switch, or not. Some of us just aren't going to ever fit in as easily as it seems that is for most folks.

So if one day you realize wow, I really AM never going to find that elusive fitting in -- don't despair. You aren't the only one or the first to travel down that path anymore than I was, and it doesn't HAVE to be a bad thing, just a different thing. Own it, make it yours, enpower that and it will surprise you at how positive it can be to be the one that never really quite "fits in".

*smile*

These days I actually kinda wallow in my "non-fitting in-ness". LOL!

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ORIGINAL: Inhershoes

I agree with you Harley.....Subs like this are just more challenging for the Dom and this makes the Top work harder to show their talent ... Sounds like you had either a lazy Dom or one whom lacked creativity! Good Luck on your quest!