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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/20/2008 1:24:13 PM

FullCircle

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When is the next instalment? I can't wait around all day for it, I've got Coronation Street to watch. Roy is taking on big Business.

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/20/2008 2:53:54 PM

Hippiekinkster

Posts: 5512
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From: Liechtenstein
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

LOL At least you're telling me all this up front. I don't think we'd be a good match since I love Athens (go bulldawgs!), and I'm partial to beef but not hotdogs.

Oh, man, I've screwed myself before we even went to cyber with our first email! Damn. Anyway, you haven't tried Patak's sausages and whatnot over there in Austell.
http://patakmeats.com/

quote:

See, that was so much easier than hearing, "Scening with you was fun. By the way, I'm sorry I've been leading you on for weeks, but I'm really interested in this other sub. We plan to be together once her divorce is final." Or the control freak who requested that I not discuss "us" with my friends because he's a "private" person and that I not discuss "serious" issues via email or text but only in person when I see him every other weekend. By the way, he just wanted to relax on weekends and not discuss serious business, so I was told to let him know in advance that there was something to discuss so he could decide if he had time for it while I was there.....*rme* Oh, or the one who after 2-3 times playing with him said it was my turn to tie him up and shove things up his ass when I hadn't identified as being interested in any such....
Wow, you hit the jackpot. That's quite the collection of douchebags.

quote:

Uh-huh. I'm sick of reading insinuations that it's the OP's or my fault for making poor choices when it took months to discover the truth....after being selective, honest and up front about what I wanted. I'll take responsibility for any and all wrongdoing on my part, i.e. I guess it's my bad for believing a word anyone says.

Yet, if I put up too many walls to defend myself, I'm too much trouble. SHEEEEEEESH You're damned if you do and damned if you don't!

End of rant. Must be gettin' on toward that time of the month....

Hey, what you have since BDSM (TM) went suburban is a whole lot of fuckwads who could care less about spiritual bonding, connection, catharsis, centering... they just want pussy, and if it takes buying a leather vest and a few toys, they do it.

I won't even get into that whole D/s roleplay thing, as this website is devoted to such, and some people get all bent out of shape upon hearing that their religion is false.

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/20/2008 3:52:43 PM

FullCircle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hippiekinkster
I won't even get into that whole D/s roleplay thing, as this website is devoted to such.

Funny you should say that because although many assume this site is only about D/s I've yet to see that written anywhere on the site.

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/20/2008 3:53:40 PM

daddysliloneds

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damn; what garbage barrell are you finding all those losers under? they're not dominants to be sure!

and in answer to your question, nope, i'm not sick of dominants. i live for them, i enjoy being in their presence. they're like a breath of fresh air!

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/20/2008 3:59:01 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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Dominants? Yeah, I'm sick of them, I'm sick of some subs and a few switches, too. And my job, my upstairs neighbor and her kid and the damn gas prices. Life goes on. Bra.

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/20/2008 4:25:30 PM

ResidentSadist

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Hmmm… troll bait in a “ask a submissive” forum.
<Takes seat in bleachers>
/Waves at daddysliloneds and smiles because she truly likes dominants.

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/20/2008 4:32:34 PM

DiurnalVampire

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From: Nashville, TN
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GEoff, I think the problem isnt so much Dominants, but the ones who go specifically for what tey see in you. You are frusterated, and everyone can see it. So, when they realize that, they take advantage of it. It happens in every walk, but moreso in the FemDomme becasue they know etey are in high demand and they tend to assume that if you REALLY want to be involved then after you are interested that they can change things at ill and you wont want to give up the chance to have someone at any costs. We see that all over the place. It does get highly frusterating.
And we DONT need it. We want it, and we desire it, but we do not need it. When we need it, it controls us. When we want it we control it. They are playing on your need, and the desires controlling you.

DV

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/20/2008 4:51:03 PM

Bound2One

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I did get sick of dealing with dom wannabes during my search. It took me awhile to learn to pick them out, and it was only through that process that I learned what I wanted and needed as a submissive. I had to learn to take things slow and not get all caught-up in that frenzy. When I started corresponding with my Master, then I knew I had quality, because he just shone so much more brightly than the rest.

The giving that you're doing has to be appreciated in order for you to keep giving. I can't give and give and give without receiving something in return. I'm so not with you in thinking 'they're' not worth it. I don't generalize that way. The wannabes definitely weren't worth it, but my Master is. Because he gives back probably more than I give, in various ways. *THAT'S* the point for me. Finding your match. Finding your one who respects all of you. The one who won't trample on you.

I am so sorry you're feeling this frustrated. It's painful. Why do we need it so badly, when we know it can lead to a world of hurt? It's the same as any relationship. You take a risk when you open your heart and can only hope that in the selection process and the weeding out of dominants, you choose one who won't trample on you. You need to be very clear in who it is you seek and the message you send out to them.

I perved your journal entries. On 2/7 you were sad that no one wanted you ... and then on 3/7 you posted an email to your dominant to whom you 'gave everything,' talking about how you did everything for her and she didn't return anything to you. You were angry as hell. Now today, a month later you're angry again.

You need to take this slower. Don't give of yourself so quickly. You're a very passionate person - I can tell from your journal entries. You need to take a step back, and perhaps take a deep breath and recover from the emotional upheaval you've been in this year before jumping into something new.

I wish you well, Geoff. It sounds like you need a good long hug from a friend.

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/20/2008 4:59:46 PM

chamberqueen

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The dominant I am most upset with is on another board. He just can't wait to get his digs in on everything that I post. It doesn't matter if I'm the OP or post to another - he just has to say something rude. I emailed him personally once and he reamed me out for it. He has accused me of being insincere, of not knowing what I'm doing, of possibly not belonging in the lifestyle. Little does he know that I am the one that is in charge of answering newbie questions to the site, write articles for them, and have a very faithful following on CM. He admitted in one post to being an asshole and not caring. I wanted to write back and tell him that he was right on the mark.

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/20/2008 5:13:35 PM

TwoFourSevenPoly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

I'm sick of people who think they want to own someone, yet won't take any responsibility for the care and maintenance of owning said person.

This is a very true statement. What many fail to understand is to own a slave is to be responsible for the care and maintenance of owning a slave. As a owner your are responsible for mental, physical and financial needs of that property. It is refreshing to see someone else who gets it.

Alpha Slave
Two Four Seven Poly

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/20/2008 5:33:50 PM

Lashra

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As a Dominant, I'm not perfect. My sub thinks I am, but I know better. I am just a human being trying to survive in this world like everyone else. Yes there are bad apples of all orientations and labels. The best thing to do is if you run up against a bad one, is to walk away and find another and hope for the best.

Not all Dom/mes are bad people, just some are and you've got to learn to look out for those red flags and avoid them.

~Lashra

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/20/2008 5:47:24 PM

Leatherist

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Geoff..I'm sorry you are feeling so frustrated by the women you are meeting here. Decent Dominants often have the same issues with "submissives".

Remember that people are not roles. You will meet many many people who are drawn into this from some sort of grudge or dysfunctional apsect of thier personalities. But not everyone is a narccissist.

I would just advise you to try and let go of the bs they are putting on you, and shine a light that will attract the sorts you really want to see. It's really all about that, just putting forth the positive. You see, people who dwell in the shaodows simply cannot stand that. It puts up a mirror that shows just how ugly they really are-and they will flee.

Think on this old parable-it may help you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Cherokee Legend

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 4/20/2008 5:48:10 PM >

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/20/2008 7:51:36 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I'm sure there's a hug smiley, but I like this gyrating pineapple. Life sucks, then you move on to the next one. Or something like that.

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/20/2008 9:44:48 PM

greenearth21

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Sorry tohear that you are having such bad luck. Take your time...get to know them on a distant level (i get the feeling that you get attached or have some unspoken expectation)...regardless, it gives them no right to treat you like a piece of meat, and in return you should be a bit slow/patient in "being overly vulnerable". It is the internet and its easy to be anyone and say anything and dissapear when the water gets too hot. Just the way it is.

I advocate talking extensively with people of interest, and let the little flies shoo away on their own; always happens (people lose interest, have some revelation about incompatibility, their spouse is back in town, they dont have the time...blah blah blah). Whoever sticks around or you feel a REAL (not just physical) connection with...try and pursue that and see where it goes.

Dont have any expectations because in reality they dont owe you anything and you dont owe them anything apart from honesty.

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/20/2008 10:06:43 PM

Wickad

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(fast reply)

Greetings to the OP,

I don't know you. I haven't read your profile. If I've read any of your posts, I'm not connecting them to this one. This means I have no pre-conceived notions about you and nothing invested in stroking your ego or bringing you down.

Have you considered that you are not a submissive but rather a bottom?

Possibly you are finding people who are incompatible with you because you are mis-identifying yourself. Maybe some self examination is in order. After all, ... unless all the Dominants you've spoken to have the same parents, were born in the same place, born at the same time, raised in the same way, attended the same schools and institutions, and had all the same life experiences ... the only thing they have in common is you. Maybe that's where you should start your search for the answers.

Best of luck,
Wickad

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/20/2008 10:52:23 PM

Maya2001

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

For other subs: Do you ever get sick of dealing with dominants? Does theyre overall ego (and yes, its there) just ever get to the point where you want to start slapping all of them across the face? I know Im sick of most of them, because they cant see more than 3 feet in front of them. Theyre like selfish little children. Why do we do it then? Why do we give and give? Most of us KNOW that theyre not worth it. But still we try. Why? Whats the fucking point? Why do we need it so badly?

When you have a number or relationships and the end result keeps turning out the same, then it becomes wise to look inward for answers....I had to do this in the past for myself. I had went thru an period of time when I myself suffer low esteem and ending up in one bad relationship after another and a marriage that was severely abusive, this was not a process that was accomplished in just a few months but years with only occassional casual dating to ensure I would be ready for a healthy relationship

I took a look at your profile to see if I could see answers there....not to be cruel ....but you're a bloody mess... frustrated, angery, bitter, depressed, full of negativity......just reading your journal was enough of a reason for me to want to stay far away from you as I see it your a very caustic personality to be around....the dominants will not grow to respect you because you do not respect yourself. I floundered thru life till I was around 40 years before I started taking the steps to work on me, which meant I wasted most of my adult hood your only 20 just starting yours, you may need to take 5 or 8 years to pull your life together and become a more positive personality but you will still have most of your adult life to reaps the rewards of doing so, stay on the same track your on now and you will be fucking your years away like I had did, never really happier or at least content and likely never enjoying healthy relationsh as a result. You have a choice you can keep things the same and blaming dominants and others you choose to involve yourself with, or fix who you are and make yourself into someone that many people will enjoy being around and possibly find a domme that can come to treasure you

To give you a visual of what I mean this is basically how you appear now , not a whole lot to behold http://www.wreckedexotics.com/pantera/pantera_073002_006.shtml

but some spit and polish, time and careful hard work the pontential is to transform into this instead
http://www.panteracars.com/452008GC.htm

which is more desireable?? which would be treasured more??

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/21/2008 3:08:53 AM

julietsierra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youngsubgeoff

For other subs: Do you ever get sick of dealing with dominants? Does theyre overall ego (and yes, its there) just ever get to the point where you want to start slapping all of them across the face? I know Im sick of most of them, because they cant see more than 3 feet in front of them. Theyre like selfish little children. Why do we do it then? Why do we give and give? Most of us KNOW that theyre not worth it. But still we try. Why? Whats the fucking point?

Why do we need it so badly?

Oooh, yes! I get sick of dominants - and submissives - and slaves - and anyone else who goes through life thinking that the people they meet are supposed to be held to a standard higher than Jesus could meet (even HE lost his temper and tossed a bunch of people and their goods around cause he didn't like where they were setting up business; even he tried desperately to get out of what was waiting for him.)

All of us - Masters, Dominants, Tops, slaves, submissives, bottoms and those who are vanilla as well as those who haven't decided about themselves yet - are HUMAN. They come with whole crates of human failings. They do things right and they do things wrong. They make mistakes.

I am so tired of hearing of the people who want to make those Masters, Dominants and Tops out to be so god-like that when they DO make mistakes, they are villified and everyone's first choice is to toss them to the curb.

I am so tired of hearing about the men who think women should all bow down to them because they have penises. I am so tired of hearing about the women who think the men should jump through hoops because they all have golden vaginas.

In short, I am tired of hearing about people crying over what is pretty normal behavior, no matter who you are. People are going to meet those who are less than ingenuous in their search for the person who is right for them. It's part of the process.

And the fact is, when you do finally find the person who is right for you, none of those other people are going to matter one bit to you. You'll look back in wonder at how many tears you shed over situations and people who were never worth the effort of the tears. And I'm willing to bet that what you'll discover is that the person you're really crying over is you.

So... easy to say, hard to do, but take a moment, revel in your own personal pity party and then, to quote Bette Midler, get up off your assets and do something. And just remember, those men and women out there who you seem to want to be god/goddess-like - are simply human. If you can make mistakes, so can they.

juliet

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/21/2008 3:19:46 AM

MistressOfGa

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I am not a submissive, but I wanted to ask you a quick question. You say that they want to find a younger sub to show them off...you are only 20, how much younger do they want???

You are much to young to be this jaded. Just remember that not all Domina's are the same. If you read the Mistress forum, you will learn this.

I am very sorry that you have had such a bad time of this.

MoGa

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/21/2008 3:20:46 AM

julietsierra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

I'm sick of people who think they want to own someone, yet won't take any responsibility for the care and maintenance of owning said person.

You'll be a lot happier when you realize that you don't really need them. Once you do, you'll be much slower in wanting to please the next one, which will give you time to decide if they're worth it.

I'd like to know just what the "care and maintenance" of owning a slave or submissive is. Cause what might constitute care and maintenance to you might just be an anethma to me. And your next line answered yourself quite well. You might want to keep it in mind the next time you're looking for someone to do what you can do for yourself. "You don't really NEED them."

The best piece of advice I ever received when I was alone was from a dominant in Toronto who was a friend of mine. He said he was looking for someone who had her stuff together. He wanted someone who could probably do things better than he could, but CHOSE to turn over decision making to him - CHOSE to be obedient to him. He said he didn't WANT someone he HAD to watch over and take care of. He already had children. What he wanted was a fully self-sustainable female human being who chose to live life the way he wanted - not someone who couldn't live life without direction.

Maybe it was just the timing of it all, but that piece of advice set me on a completely different path in my search for a dominant. I realized then that I had everything I needed and I was looking for someone I wanted - which gave me a whole hell of a lot of power when it came to interacting with the dominants I met. From that point on, I was able to look at the dominants I met, not as someone who would take care of me, but as someone I might want to choose to turn decision making over to. And it made all the difference in the people I was choosing to meet.

Eventually I found someone who recognized that I didn't need someone to take care of me. I needed someone I could submit to. He wasn't looking for someone to take care of. He was looking for someone who would submit. It's worked for us now for a long time.

You might want to change the focus of your search.

juliet

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RE: sick of dominants? - 4/21/2008 3:58:47 AM

LaTigresse

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Yeah, sometimes I get so sick of those damn dominants I can hardly look in the mirror long enough to do the hair and makeup thing in the morning.

Relax, there's lots of putzs on both sides of the slash. Start living like you don't need one and, chances are, the perfect one will come along.

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