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Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 3:39:02 AM

RuheMaus

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So, the wife & I were thinking of starting a new munch for our area, as there isn't one really for those of us in the south part of the county. We have a possible location picked out, its leather friendly since it is a biker coffee house, and we are now just trying to figure out the best day for it. Any advvice people who have gone this path before can give us? It'd be nice to avoid horrible mistakes that could be avoided by simply asking, so ask we do! Thanks in advance!

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 3:41:12 AM

madshysoul

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Pick a day, stick to it, and remember that no matter how you try, there will always be at least -someone- who whines and wants you to move it just for their special snowflake self. Pick a time when you know a small core of reliable people can always make it, and let it spread from there.

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 3:43:53 AM

RuheMaus

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Well, the problem I have now is most that I know down here all work monday thru friday, so they all want it on Saturday. But, that's when all the play parties are. So if I choose a weekday, all the kinkster i know in this area can't make it. But if not, it conflicts with play parties. A tough delemia.

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 4:00:40 AM

madshysoul

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So plan the munch on Saturday afternoon for brunch.

Lots of us work around here too M-F...weekday things seem pretty well attended. (Though I'm assuming a 1st shift schedule.)

Our biggest thing is First Friday, easy to remember, same location every month...and being on a Friday means nobody usually has to get up in the morning.

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 4:07:04 AM

RuheMaus

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That's a good idea, thanks!

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 4:08:43 AM

RCdc

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Go have a chat with the coffee house owners in advance - just because it's a bikers coffeehouse, doesn't mean they will welcome kinksters. The owners would help advise you and it is only polite to tell them what you are considering.
The owners themselves might not want the reputation. If they are all cool, keep communication regular and open with them, so if anything negative occurs, it can help.

Start a messageboard or yahoo group and website. It is really simple and you won't need to be an expert. But it will keep everyone up to date on meetings, activites and a base for people to contact each other. Start this in advance of the meetings by a couple of months so you can build up interest.

Have a seperate cell/phone number that you can give out to people - particularly newbies in case they get lost on the way, or want to contact the group that night.

Pick a regular day. If it is a munch and clashes with parties on a weekend evening, why not hold it at lunch time? I know a couple of 'brunch' meets.

Don't become the munches owners - but rather the co-ordinators and get another couple or a reliable person to assist. Don't be nameless, but avoid it becoming 'yours'.

Expect cliques. It is going to happen, but try not to become part of one. Learn how to drift between them and outside them.

Always keep your eye on the singles - they can feel left out and sit on the fringe and then you will end up losing them eventually.

Have a non-descript noticable object on the table. A flag, a cuddlly toy - something that will make you easily approachable without having to ask if you are the munch.

Be visable to people. It's no good starting or helping on a group when you are unable to be 'out of the closet' as it were.

And enjoy it!

the.dark.

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 4:30:56 AM

madshysoul

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Go have a chat with the coffee house owners in advance - just because it's a bikers coffeehouse, doesn't mean they will welcome kinksters. The owners would help advise you and it is only polite to tell them what you are considering.

Excellent and important point.

Suggestion: If the coffeehouse doesn't work. Find a nice local restaurant with a private room. Explain to management that you're a group of people who love to argue on sometimes controversial topics. You'd love to patronize the restaurant/coffeehouse...but want to be respectful of their normal clientelle. Could you pretty please use the private room for your meetings? Money + respectful patrons are a good combination for any business.

< Message edited by madshysoul -- 4/25/2008 4:31:21 AM >

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 6:46:22 AM

SimplyMichael

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quote:

Don't become the munches owners - but rather the co-ordinators and get another couple or a reliable person to assist. Don't be nameless, but avoid it becoming 'yours'.

Expect cliques. It is going to happen, but try not to become part of one. Learn how to drift between them and outside them.

Always keep your eye on the singles - they can feel left out and sit on the fringe and then you will end up losing them eventually.

The problem with small munches in small communities is that they tend to become part harem/part happy hunting ground for those who run it. Leave room for other people's egos.

If you can, talk to those who run the other munches and get their buy in. It won't be easy because everyone wants everyone to come to "THEIR" munch but explain your goal is to bring more people in.

Here is an idea I tried but didn't quite have the energy to follow up on as I was on my way out of the scene at the time. Work with the other groups to have a quarterly "super munch" where all the groups meet in some central place. Schedule it either when there is no event or wherever THE party is being held that quarter

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 7:32:34 AM

SteelofUtah

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Fast Answer

KNOW YOUR COMMUNITY

More than anything else know what your community is made up of, and make sure you aren't creating a Breeding Ground for Testoserone Laiden Penis Measuring Sessions. I attended such a munch it was a feeding ground and only the strong (Read Most Dilusional and Arrogant) Survived.

I started a Munch I will tell you what I did and also why it failed and can tell you all about what you need to do first. so that you know starting your own munch can be a LOT of hard work that will rarely be appreciated and can cost you some money too just so you know.

Will be back to post in a few hours.

Steel

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 8:07:57 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

The problem with small munches in small communities is that they tend to become part harem/part happy hunting ground for those who run it. Leave room for other people's egos.

If you can, talk to those who run the other munches and get their buy in. It won't be easy because everyone wants everyone to come to "THEIR" munch but explain your goal is to bring more people in.

Here is an idea I tried but didn't quite have the energy to follow up on as I was on my way out of the scene at the time. Work with the other groups to have a quarterly "super munch" where all the groups meet in some central place. Schedule it either when there is no event or wherever THE party is being held that quarter

I'll second this advice.

Find out everything you can about every munch, meeting, and organization within I'd suggest a two hour drive -- yes some folks are willing to drive that far to events.

Then don't have your munch at any time that conflicts with those other events. Nothing pisses off other organizers than your event being the same time as theirs.

I'm also going to suggest that your strongly consider your venue. Not only can venues restrict access by age (a bar for example) but also be restrictive toward those with allergies (smoking) or mobility problems (is it wheel accessible?). The more people you can include potential the more people you are likely to capture the interest of at least once.

If this is your project, note you have taken on a responsibility to be at every munch and to greet every person, especially new people. It will be work and you will be judged by those who attend. I don't want to scare you but that is the reality I've experienced and seen. People love to attend, do nothing and then bitch when you are a few minutes late or god forbid you have to miss a munch. I recommend a co-host to help with that issue if you can, someone you know and trust but don't live with.

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 8:14:26 AM

MadameMarque

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MadShySoul's got good practical advice on scheduling.

In fact, your munch can be a nice lead-in or warm up, for any party that evening. If you schedule it either early enough on a Saturday, for people to disband and come to a party later, or schedule it right before a party, so that those who want to, can go straight to the party from there, it makes it nice for people to see friendly faces at the party.

Also, you definitely want to discuss the logistics in advance, with whatever venue you'd like to use.

The other thing you may want to consider is promotion, to reach out to people trying to meet others. You can promote through any newsletters, community calendars, online groups, or email lists that might be interested in such an event and that reaches people in your area, plus related businesses in your area.

One place to find contact info for many real life groups and events, is at www. drkdesyre. com. They have them internationally, by location. Really nice woman who runs that site, too.

Things to consider:

Find out how discreet or open you can be, at the place you'll be meeting. Then you can warn people, when you promote the event.

How will you make very shy people feel welcome enough to come? Some people actually show up at a munch, then don't go inside, they're so uncomfortable.

The venue: consider affordability, parking availability, safety of the neighborhood, and whether the food/beverages are at least decent.

Although I'm listing a few considerations here, it's actually pretty simple, and I think it's great that you're creating an event. I'm sure you'll get to meet new friends and visit with your current ones, and have great fun.

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 9:52:05 AM

MadRabbit

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Lots of Aspirin

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 10:06:04 AM

SteelofUtah

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I started a Munch. It did well for 6 months and then DIED A HORRIBLE HORRIBLE DEATH!!!

Here is what I learned.

The day is Important, but not as important as the Ability to attend. Monday Night Munches can work if there are enough people ALREADY interested in attending. Supply and Demand. If you 12 people who have availability on Wednesday at 2:45 to 5:00pm then you have a munch. But if you set up a minch at 2:45 to 5:00 because that is what works for you then be ready for light attendance.

I disagree with having a Lunch Munch but I have a reason for this. If there is more than one social event to happen in a day then people with lived usually attend one or the other. I know for me that is Saturday has a Munch and a Play Party and I want to attend something social I am going to attend one or the other.

Friday Munches are usually the best platform.... for a reason. It is weeks end and people are making contacts and networking for the weekend. So Fridays allow for people to come together and find out what Play Parties are being had and who is going to attend what. It allows for Day Time Workshops to be schedualed and people to get organized for the weekend.

HOWEVER, if you compete with another Friday Munch then often times you will create something destine to fail. Why? Human Nature. People are more willing to support something already established then to support something what might fail. You would think it would be the other way around but well thems the facts.

Also Have your Group Cornerstones set up. One thing I didn't have at my munch was people willing to help me before I started and those who wanted to help after I set up shop wanted to change everything. So I ended up doing everything myself and well eventually I got so fed up I didn't even want to attend my munch toward the end. Make sure you have people who are willing to give thier time to make it succeed and STAY SUCCESSFUL Not someone who will help for a few weeks then leave cause people like that tend to bering an Enterage with them and so they make things look more successful then they really are.

Decide the Will's and Won'ts of the Munch

Will have Drinks
Won't have food
Will have Karaoke
Won't have extravagant dress
Will have rules
Won't have a guest list.

No Matter where you go make sure EVERY ONE UNDERSTANDS RESPECT. There are so many people who think that since they are at a Munch of Kinky People that can do whatever depraved act that they want however the establishment NO MATTER HOW KINK FRIENDLY has PAYING Patrons that can get upset. Make sure everyone understands this.

Also if the Place you meet serves something explain to people that they need to support the establishment and encourage people to Shop/Eat/Drink there and to please make purchases while there.

Most Munches I have been to were in a Bar, a Restraunt, or a Club in most situations there was a Waitress who took care of the group. MAKE SURE S/HE IS TIPPED PROPERLY. S/he has the Ear of Management and if the waitress does not like you the whole group can be asked to leave... again it won't matter how Kink Friendly the establishment is.

SO after it failed I decided that I would not do it alone ever again but here is a list of things I took note of as lessons learned.

1) Have a Plan and STICK TO IT. Before you start make sure the Day, Time, Location, Rules, and Group understandings are written up and any who attend will know about it.

2) if you have a Local Rag (Magazine or GAL Magazine) Then ADVERTISE there is no shame in doing so as long as everyone who attends is aware of the purpose of the event.

3) Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. No matter how nice they are Members who support others munches may not like you and may want you to fail to keep people at thier munch if you notice someone from another munch comeing and starting problems of causing waves of just being an opinionated ass and makeing people uncomfortable then you may have to ask them to leave it may not always JUST BE THIER PERSONALITY as some would say they could be trying to sabotage you.

4) Try to connect you munch with a particular play group or play party meaning that if you know someone who has a weekend play party try to connect your munch with the sign up sheet for attendance or with a Monthly workshop this will help to give people a reason to attend your munch beyond the social event that it is.

5) Know when you are over your head and WALK AWAY. It should be fun not stressful. It should be about Networking not pushing your personal ideas on another. I like the idea of a Pansexual Munch because that way everyone is invited and everyone who is willing to be respectful is welcome.

6) If you start it YOU HAVE TO BE THERE EVERY TIME. If you are a HOST be a HOST, If you are a Greeter then you have a job to do and can't just wander around. If you put the thing together then you need to make sure it is being presented in the light you want it seen in. You can't just start it and expect it to happen every week. If you aren't there make sure you have people who can continue to represent the Munch the way you wish it represented.

7) If it isn't fun it isn't worth your time. PERIOD.

I hope this helps. If you need more examples then fell free to ask here or Mail me on the otherside. I may not have had my own successful munch but when mine failed I went about helping other people make thiers as successful as possible.

If you can make your own path then help someone clean up thiers.

Steel

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 10:43:02 AM

RCdc

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Steel your points are great, but I just wanted to add another slant.
Friday nights aren't always great, depending on the area. Friday is quite a social night 'non bdsm' for many and I have always found munches are rare on fridays, which is why having a discussion area or someway of finding out from others the best night for them.

From the brunchmunch/play evening experience, particularly if your brunch munch is close to a play event, people do like to attend both. It makes for a cool day and I know many people who attend a munch, fair or market first then the party in the evening.

I wouldn't advise in promoting the munch in local papers - it will put off potential people who do not want to be identified as attending a bdsm event and only risk attracting people who are just their to gawp. When somone is interested in searching out a bdsm event, they do the leg work - advertising on sites like this or other similar places is cool, but the local 'rag' or paper wouldn't be a good idea.

And don't make it complicated.
the.dark.

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 11:29:22 AM

ResidentSadist

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I helped run a munch and found that once things get going, everyone will hold the play parties after the munch. In fact, munches that sponsor play parties afterwards grow rapidly in attendance.

“The society that plays together stays together”

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 11:43:28 AM

RuheMaus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadameMarque

One place to find contact info for many real life groups and events, is at www. drkdesyre. com. They have them internationally, by location. Really nice woman who runs that site, too.

Ha-ha-ha! She actually is the one who told me to get off my butt & organize it!

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 11:49:46 AM

RuheMaus

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This is all excellent advice so far, A/all. Thank you A/all very, very much!

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 11:54:34 AM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RuheMaus

So, the wife & I were thinking of starting a new munch for our area, as there isn't one really for those of us in the south part of the county. We have a possible location picked out, its leather friendly since it is a biker coffee house, and we are now just trying to figure out the best day for it. Any advvice people who have gone this path before can give us? It'd be nice to avoid horrible mistakes that could be avoided by simply asking, so ask we do! Thanks in advance!

From my past experiences:

Just pick a date and hold it at YOUR convenience. A consensus is seldom achievable. If people are interested.. they will show up.

Do NOT expect a grand turnout at your first couple of gatherings. It takes time for the word to get around. There will be times when you are the only ones there so pick a place you enjoy spending time at.

The saying of "you can't please everyone" is important to keep in mind.

I commend you for taking the initiative and starting something instead of lamenting how "there isn't anything out here for us"

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 12:02:43 PM

SteelofUtah

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the dark,

This MUST be a geographic issue.

I come from Vegas and all the attended munches were listed in the Alt. Activity section of the City Life/ Scope / GALPAL Mag If you were not listed there you usually were not known to exist.

TNG was trying to start a chapter when I left Vegas I hope they are doing better but the only way they could survive was by meeting at the same establishment that SSD/sN met and that was because it was a LARGE BAR.

Friday Night Munches were never an issue because everyone wanted a LESS frequented Bar or Restraunt to do it at and they were usually HAPPY to have the business and usually had a Special Back Room for us to use.

The Majority of those that I know who attended REGULARLY only attended one social event. If there were two on a day you might find some but most who attended one would not be at the other. It isn't a rule it is just what my experience says.

Now sure I lived in SIN CITY for the majority of my Involvement in Munches but I have been to MANY Munches and one thing I can saw for ALL OF THEM. The ones that are attended well are on Friday/Saturday and they are usually Gateways to playparties that are invite only.

In California back when it was still open there was a club by "The Rack" and most play parties were Munches they were weekly events where people came for food and if they wanted to play they could. but basically it was a meet in greet.

I guess it comes down to the social attitude of the areas. In Vegas MOST munches were Listed not advertised but listed so you looked up Alt Entertainment and then the sub sections Munch. Most people who attended weekly were unaware that it was even listed however MANY found the munch thorugh said publication.

I don't know I guess it all comes down to your area.

Figure out what will work best for your town and then do that. TRY EVERYTHING!!!!!! You never know what will or won't work untill you try it and give it time to work.

As Always

Steel

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RE: Any Advice on Starting a Munch? - 4/25/2008 12:58:29 PM

SNoB

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I really like a mid week evening munch (tue-thur). For me mondays can be a tough day if I have had a long kinky weekend and Im just to tired to be social after work. Fridays lots of time I have something going on, or I just want to get home to start my weekend. All the weekday munches in this area are well attended, just stop by after work, have a few drinks, a bite to eat and see your friends.

A mid day saturday much might have sporadic attendance because of peoples family obligations and other activities they want to enjoy. When the weather gets nice, you will always see a drop off in mid-day weekend events, unless its something outdoors.

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