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RE: Training - 5/5/2008 7:29:27 PM

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I think i read in there the two issues,
one is training on how to do some kinds of chores.. that training is ultimately done by the current owner,, take what the girl or boy knows and tweaked to the current owner’s needs and desires.. that is easy.. like a job, i have the training and experience but at a new job they take that and build on it making it what that company needs and wants.. no big deal

the second issue is how does the girl or boy KNOW they want this kind of lifestyle.... much more difficult to do. not something you get from 'normal' life trainings or experiences.

personally i sought out training for two reasons.. one since where I use to lived made it difficult to find someone, so i had a couple of years before i could move to a better location, and i did not want to just sit and read online stories.. and wait.. so….i found different Doms, male and females, Couples, and even families, who would allow me to come and serve, watch and learn, and they gave me different levels of training.

After watching some that lived as slaves, i felt the call and desire for that but did not want to jump into a relationship not knowing for sure.. a committed relationship is serious and i did not want to go into one, just to find out a month or two later it was not really want i was.. so i asked a Dom, who was recommended to me, to take me in for 9 week of slave training. I lived as his slave for 9 weeks and learn so much about what it means to live it 24/7.

sure i learned how he liked chores done, but no big deal, i can change and adapt that at the drop of the hat.. that was NOT what training was about.. it was about discovering myself, learning if i was happy in service 24/7, what did i need for myself to be happy, what were my interests and limits, where did i fit on the continuum of sub-to-slave.
All these things help me know myself and in negotiations with future Dominants.

Currently, I am in a collard Master/slave relationship and live it 24/7. We have bought a house together and have been working together to build a home and leather family.

Because of the training I received before entering into this relationship, I know this is what I want and am suited for. I knew many service skill I did not learn in the vanilla world also. my past training was not wasted, it gave my Master a base to work with and He has tweaked many of the chores and set up his own protocols and we have establish rituals that work for us and are ours.

He has used what I came with and has improved my service and made it uniquely his.

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Training - 5/5/2008 7:47:44 PM

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goodpet, thank you so so much.... you definately hit the points exact. I do have a problem with attaining training from others or accepting training from others for several reasons, a few that I know that have no reservations are only interested in beating my ass so to speak and using me which provides no training in my opinion just a play session in which they attain their needs and me wondering what the heck just happened. Recently I did approach a Master that would be good, but considering I travel alot and am not in the same town well that just makes training difficult, and then comes the question why should he train me for another. That is a good question and one that I have to think about cause really why should he.

If I put myself out there, I place myself at risk of ending up with someone that might spoil the goods so to speak; I would rather be without negative influence (perhaps wishful thinking on my behalf) when I approach someone that I am deeply interested in, hence I could start on a clean slate with no bad habits and without expectations created from previous experience (although I have a few short lasting that I wish never occured, however whats done is done).

I know alot of my journey is not forward moving as I have set some fairly high walls up to protect myself, but I am ready to allow the walls to come down but just would like to find someone that is patient enough, and has similiar direction in the journey, and is willing to guide me to fullfill his wishes. Don't think its too much to ask but then again this is a whole dynamic I really have never been fully engaged in, so what may seem to be may in fact not be.

goodpet thank you again, :)

(in reply to goodpet)

RE: Training - 5/5/2008 8:51:12 PM

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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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[edit:.........oooops. my bad, that would have been hijacking. Hmmm... and now something to the Op to use the space constructively… she has been so sincere and polite]

I saw you mention; ”I speak of training I speak towards protocols within the lifestyle that are not apparent visibly in the nilla world.”

I don’t know of any books or lists but I do know that if a girl has long enough hair, you can grab her hair by the nape of her neck and no one notice you have control of her in public. It just looks like your hand is on her back.

<politely exits the hijacked plane through wing door>

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 5/5/2008 9:00:12 PM >

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RE: Training - 5/5/2008 11:10:02 PM

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Joined: 1/2/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelessfool

If a girl wants to be pleasing to her perticular owner she will be pleasing, training and or tweaking isnt that hard. To me is the same principal. You train someone to wash your clothes this way. They have either never washed or washed them that way. Either way its going to take time and patience on the D part for the S part to get it right.

I think this is pretty right on the mark. Why would you want to get involved with someone who was markedly different than what you
want. It is probably a compromise anyway, so not all the changing is done by the sub if it's going to work.

Cheers

Gary

(in reply to hopelessfool)

RE: Training - 5/6/2008 4:23:08 AM

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
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The point has been brought up about some so called dom who call themselves "trainers" really just want a free ticket to play. That is not training in itself.. Play can be part of formal training, learning the diferent styles, toys, safety, how they feel, your tolerance of pain from different types of play/toys, learning to care and clean the equipment, and so on...

Training can have the focus of more of teaching skill not taught in the vanilla life, of helping the girl or boy look inward to themself and understand their needs and desires.. often formal training is more reflective and disucssion..

Someone gave me a mix of : 20% service done for the Dom, 20% play training, 10% skill teaching, and 50% discussion and guided reflection.

There are also houses that do trainings for a weekend or longer.. I can send links if wanted

Also the MAsT groups are good to help guide and give suggestions.

If you do find someone to train, remember it is suppose to be for YOUR benefit.. you might do some service for them but training is for YOU to learn about things and yourself..

good luck

(in reply to facinated)

RE: Training - 5/6/2008 5:00:17 AM

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Joined: 5/27/2007
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I'm one of those "clueless losers and find that fresh meat is easier to manipulate before they get wise".

To me, it's far too tiresome and in many cases emotionally scarring, to have to remind a sub/slave who constantly points out how she was trained by her former dom/master/mistress, that they are called FORMER for a reason.

Then again, it also depends on the individual. Some people can move from McDonalds to Burger King, adapt to a superior system with minimal whining about how "well I was taught to do it this way". Others wash out on day one.

Prime Example: I explained to someone a few months ago, that when we attended functions, she will enter before me and anounce my arrival.

She would introduce me as "His Lordship, Ruler of the Realm Betwix me Milky Thighs".

As this went against everything she had been taught previously, alas, we were not compatible. As is often the case, her previous training included little to no instruction in the fine art of humor.

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(in reply to goodpet)

RE: Training - 5/6/2008 9:03:27 AM

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Generally, I find someone who has some experience with actively submitting to someone else to be a lot less of a hassle then someone who doesn't. You don't have to deal with some of the issues that tend to be common with new submissives.

But ultimately, it doesn't make that big of a difference as long as they have their shit together, their baggage properly stored away, and some experience and education with relationships in general. I fing that the basic skills someone needs to be "trained" in to make a power based relationship like this work are the same as the ones in any other kind of relationship.

In the end, I still have to teach and explain to everyone my way, my standards, my dynamic and my protocols, but it's nice not having to deal with the lofty and unrealistic expectations, resistance, and the self matyrdom of "I am not a good submissive because I didn't do X perfectly!" that tend to come along with someone very new.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Training - 5/6/2008 11:12:02 AM

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Joined: 2/17/2005
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i had a master previous to my current Master. He retrained me to his liking. if a girl is willing to be trained to her Dom's liking it should not matter if she does or does not have experience.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Training - 5/6/2008 2:15:59 PM

respectyourowner

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Joined: 2/27/2008
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For me I do not care if my slave has any training. My present slave never had any experience so I have been having a lot of fun training her. If someone has experience it does not matter to me.

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Training - 5/6/2008 2:49:33 PM

respectyourowner

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Joined: 2/27/2008
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I had to train my slave to do the house work. She was very spoiled and it was a lot of fun watching her do what her parents could never get her to do. Now she does it all without question.

quote:

ORIGINAL: aleshaDreams

I greatly appreciate everyones response; they were fantastic and it gives me somewhere to focus. When I speak of training I do not speak of laundry, cooking, sewing etc., I had a good upbringing and learnt much of those things, as a matter of fact I am rather darn good at those sorts of tasks if I can be so bold to say. However, when I speak of training I speak towards protocols within the lifestyle that are not apparent visibly in the nilla world.

Thanks everyone again, wonderful to read all the feedback :)

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Training - 5/6/2008 3:42:55 PM

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Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Generally, I find someone who has some experience with actively submitting to someone else to be a lot less of a hassle then someone who doesn't. You don't have to deal with some of the issues that tend to be common with new submissives.

Just curious and not intending to push your buttons but, what's the "hassle'?

To the topic in general, I agree with respectyourowner, it IS fun to train the inexperienced. I especially love how they're conflicted with it - eager to experience a Dom's control and direction etc but inwardly afraid of disappointing or even failing.

From my perspective, as long as she has the need and willingness to take direction, it's impossible for her to disappoint or fail. Of course, I'm not gonna tell her that till later (much later) because, as I said previously, I like the edgy awkwardness that comes with inexperience. I KNOW it's all new to her and I make allowances accordingly....

And the previously experienced will most likely know that (can't fail) and are able to relax accordingly, which takes a slight edge off for me. But this all goes to my interpretation of the OP's question; which do I *PREFER* - meaning if I actually had two to choose between. Since I'm only a "one girl atta time" kinda fella, the question doesn't even come up in a r/t scenario, IE, I work with what I've got and the question of experience or not has NEVER been a deciding factor with the 4 or 5 fem/subs I've lived relationships with - two of whom were virtual "first day" newbies....

Focus.

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(in reply to MadRabbit)

RE: Training - 5/6/2008 4:38:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer
Prime Example: I explained to someone a few months ago, that when we attended functions, she will enter before me and anounce my arrival.

She would introduce me as "His Lordship, Ruler of the Realm Betwix me Milky Thighs".

As this went against everything she had been taught previously, alas, we were not compatible. As is often the case, her previous training included little to no instruction in the fine art of humor.

LOL, oh that Sir is just too good.. Gawd, i hope Sir does not read that since He would find that great fun...

seriously, you have a very good point. Many have a difficult time makeing a cross over.. We have a girl under a training collar and she has made several comments about how it was before.. we have been nipping that in the bud and it has ended but that is an issue. Thank goodness most intelligent folks CAN make the cross over and adapt to the new job, or the new way, required for the new position.
If they can't then they loose the opportunity to serve the ruler of Realm Betwix their Milky Thighs....

(in reply to SoulPiercer)

RE: Training - 5/6/2008 9:30:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Generally, I find someone who has some experience with actively submitting to someone else to be a lot less of a hassle then someone who doesn't. You don't have to deal with some of the issues that tend to be common with new submissives.

Just curious and not intending to push your buttons but, what's the "hassle'?

I don't really mind talking to you, Focus as long as we are discussing our differences in a casual manner and not argueing and flaming each other pointlessly with no regard for each other's opinions or understanding what the person is trying to say.

I suppose hassle isn't the best word. I meant just simply "more work". It boils down to personal preference. I have a few friends who absolutely refuse to take anyone completely new.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter. I value a connection and a compatible partner over (insert level of experience here).

It was rather nice with one partner who had a good bit of experience and understood her role. No power struggles or resistance when I told her to do something she didn't like or that slightly inconcieved her. No huge misconceptions, lofty expectations, or ideals grounded in fantasy. Thing went far more smoothly then with the people I have been with who were completely new.

I tend to prefer people with experience, because I am generally a layed back guy and not hard to please and like things to go smoothly and comfortably. If I wanted to argue, I have roommates for that.

It also gets a bit old investing time and energy into a partner who may learn that this is ultimately not for her. It's one of the things that led to things getting distant between my last girl and I. As she went off to college and it became evident that she was growing and going a different path, I kind of saw what was coming and we recently went back to being friends.

I don't consider the last year to be a waste in the least, but now that I am looking again, it would be great to find someone who knows who they are and what direction they want things to go.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 5/6/2008 10:07:06 PM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Training - 5/7/2008 10:38:38 AM

StrictMaster979

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Joined: 1/19/2008
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It may be exciting to train a novice, build her up, see how things develop, let the trust grow from square 0, it can be hard on both parties. The dom may be used to a level of bondage-torture-pain elements of a scene, and may not feel fulfilled with only starting over with a novice. The sub may see that she has to go a lot farther than she first conisidered, just to keep her Master happy. I once had a new sub go farther than she possibly could, and didnt inform me, but it all backfired when she had to stop all of a sudden without warning. Tears abound. That is why I always use signs and language to allow a sub to stop or slow down any activity she cant or doesnt want to do. As a sub, you must stay within yourself, only go as far as you want each time, and make sure it is agreed to beforehand, not during sceneing.

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Training - 5/7/2008 11:16:06 AM

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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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Why would you want someone else to train your girl. I'll take the rookie every time. No one can "train" a girl the way I want her.

BadOne

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(in reply to StrictMaster979)

RE: Training - 5/7/2008 11:22:33 AM

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Joined: 2/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: StrictMaster979

It may be exciting to train a novice, build her up, see how things develop, let the trust grow from square 0, it can be hard on both parties. The dom may be used to a level of bondage-torture-pain elements of a scene, and may not feel fulfilled with only starting over with a novice. The sub may see that she has to go a lot farther than she first conisidered, just to keep her Master happy. I once had a new sub go farther than she possibly could, and didnt inform me, but it all backfired when she had to stop all of a sudden without warning. Tears abound. That is why I always use signs and language to allow a sub to stop or slow down any activity she cant or doesnt want to do. As a sub, you must stay within yourself, only go as far as you want each time, and make sure it is agreed to beforehand, not during sceneing.

StrictMaster I do agree, but yet I disagree on the premise of emotion vs pleasure vs pain. One can override the other under any given circumstance, I have found that on the few occassions within play sessions, I will allow myself to take more pain because I want to push myself, or want to appease the Dominant, or want the connection with the Dominant. Several times I have taken more when my mind was reciting the safe word and it could not be spoken due to one or two of the above factors coming into play. Mind you this is coming from minimal experience though, but even newbie's have limits, I was fishing for mine but pushing them. But it is important and this I do understand that communication is vital and dependant on the dynamic somethings are agreed upon prior to play somethings are not even discussed. The longer the dynamic has been in place the more in tune each is with the other, and somethings don't need to spoken prior to the action. Thank you very much for your input.

(in reply to StrictMaster979)

RE: Training - 5/7/2008 1:38:41 PM

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Joined: 9/30/2004
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I agree with you 110 percent RavenMuse- I think that if a person wants a slave or submissive trained they should do it themselves to their standards. I have had 2 collars and both relationships the Dominant expected something different to his standard. Traning-Its kinda like coffee. people dont necessarily take their coffee the same way as another does.
I think training a sub or slave also brings a closeness to the people experiencing it. Which is kinda why I also enjoy having the training done by the person I am owned by. I would never want to train a submissive or slave for another person, It could be great fun, but at the same time it doesnt feel that theirsubmissive or slave is getting that persoanal touch to be the best for their potential Dominant. Just me.. anyways when it comes to past experience - it does not matter to me , experienced or not there is always room for growth in a relationship. The less experience a person has, the slower the training process may have to go, but there are also quick learners out there. Some people are just naturally wired for kink. anyways Ill shut up now.. :) to the OP good luck in finding the one you seek

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(in reply to RavenMuse)

RE: Training - 5/7/2008 2:35:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Why would you want someone else to train your girl. I'll take the rookie every time. No one can "train" a girl the way I want her.

BadOne

I tend to look at the issue as twofold.

There is the personal "training" which is my way, my protocols, my dynamic, my rule, and my standards.

Then there is the other kind of "training" of interalizing a role/identity which only comes with time and experience.

Generally, the people I know who prefer experienced submissives or "trained" submissives are looking for the second. Someone who knows what they want, who they are, are comfortable with that, and are past some of the conflicts/hang ups/issues that people go through in the beginning.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 5/7/2008 2:39:42 PM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to SailingBum)

RE: Training - 5/7/2008 3:53:29 PM

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: aleshaDreams

1. Do Dominants/Masters/Tops prefer sub/slaves with no previous training?
2. If the answer is yes, how does One place in their profile they would like someone with the traits of a sub/slave aka 'slave heart' when the sub/slave does not or can not honestly say they do have it without actually having some experience to know such a thing?

Thanks everyone in advance for the feedback if given. ~ad.

I prefer a person with an Open-mind to learn what I want and what I require... then the ability to do so....... having previous training may or may not be an advanatage.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Training - 5/8/2008 9:33:17 AM

Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

To those I have not thanked for responding, I sincerely do thank each of you for your input. Point and perspective from all angles is wonderful.

ad.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

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