MsStarlett
Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007 Status: offline
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Ah, Pearl, you know I'm not bitch'n 'bout you... well, not much. I'll send you PM. Throbbin, wish I could help you on that distance problem... but I'm trying to work that one out myself! Being a Poly person is difficult. It isn't 'right' for everyone. I get that. Others should understand that it's just another form of kink. Everyone, even those in happy monogamous relationships can be attracted to another person... they just choose not to act on it. Poly people, especially those of us on the Dom side, just tend to be more likely to go for it. I can't speak for others, only myself. However, I do understand that every Poly relationship is as different as the people involved. Personally, I have ONE husband. He's not perfect, but he's probably as close as I will ever come to a perfect relationship. He doesn't LIKE that I keep other men on the side, but he tolerates it because he would rather have me happy and with him than gone and he knows those are his two choices. He also knows that I have subs who would KILL to take his place and they wouldn't mind how many other toys I had as long as they got to have the 'first fiddle' seat, so he's hanging onto it and I defer to his wishes by not bringing my boy toys home. This is how we found a 'balance'. Because I can't be the one and only for my subs, I don't expect them to keep themselves only for me. I actually prefer married subs or those who have other relationships to keep them busy and play with me on the side. That doesn't mean that we don't CARE for each other. I'm not a Pro Domme and I don't want 'clients' who just come for a no strings session and go their merry way with no conversation. I like "friends with kinky benefits". Those who don't like that situation are not 'good matches' for me. Is it complicated? Hell Yeah! Am I going to quite trying? No way! I'm a poly person. Always have been, always will be. I can't change what I am but I can change the way I act on it. For now, I keep most of my subs in an "On-Line Only" situation. Doesn't mean that I haven't had R/L subs in the passed. Doesn't mean that I'm not looking for one within range for 'day tripping'. Doesn't mean that my 'relationships' with my on-line boys aren't 'real'. Doesn't mean that I don't get frustrated now and then. Just means that I'm looking for that delicate balance. It's kind of like this... (Pardon me for using you Pearl) IF someone like Pearl were local, I would be rocking his world at about once a week and I would be happy as a clam. But that would piss off my husband because I had someone that close that I cared for as much as I care for Pearl. It would leave Pearl frustrated and wanting more. Great for me. Bad for both boys. At the same time, my husband and our friend are talking about the possibilities of building a dungeon for me so I can take in a few professional clients to satisfy my 'itch'. That would help the household finances for us and market the toys that our friend builds. However, I don't know if I could interact with subs in a satisfying way if I didn't care about them. It's a vicious circle, or a juggling act, that I am currently trying to figure out. Trying to find the balance... That's why I enjoy the input and try to learn from the experiences of others. I didn't start this thread to start a fight between the poly & the mono people. Just bemoaning the difficulties of my personal situation.
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It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning, It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
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