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What is wrong with me? - 5/21/2008 9:53:38 PM   
kitarina


Posts: 45
Joined: 1/23/2008
Status: offline 		I know i am submissive. I always have been and always will be, but when i flip through profiles on here and start reading profiles, I immediately find myself afraid of every One i see. Dom or Domme i freeze up and shy away. So many frighten me and i dont know why. Am i just a whacko or something? i don't understand.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/21/2008 10:05:54 PM   
mztresn0w


Posts: 174
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		Wacko, no I think not. I think you are just unsure of what you really want.

_____________________________

Becareful what you ask for you may get it and then realize it wasn't what you wanted.
Wicked Evil Grin

(in reply to kitarina)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/21/2008 10:16:30 PM   
kitarina


Posts: 45
Joined: 1/23/2008
Status: offline 		i know what i want, but every time i start to contact Someone either i flip through the pictures and think He looks really scary cuz of the expression on His/Her face, or i read the stuff and get scared away by mentionings of things ive not yet tried..

(in reply to mztresn0w)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/21/2008 10:19:19 PM   
candisa


Posts: 127
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline 		greetings, kitarina.
Try not to second guess yourself, learn to trust your intuition.When you are ready and comfortable to venture out, you will. You are not the only one who finds profiles a bit scary, even more so since they have added the video and audio for our viewing pleasures  :: shivers::  I would guess there is nothing wrong with you, you are just learning to find your way, proceed, but always with caution.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitarina

I know i am submissive. I always have been and always will be, but when i flip through profiles on here and start reading profiles, I immediately find myself afraid of every One i see. Dom or Domme i freeze up and shy away. So many frighten me and i dont know why. Am i just a whacko or something? i don't understand.


_____________________________

respectfully,
candisa

Freely we serve, because we freely love, as in our will
To love or not; in this we stand or fall.



(in reply to kitarina)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/21/2008 10:30:45 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You're just making it into too much.  Relax, you are the one making it into something special and different. T reat it just as you would a vanilla situation with common sense and you'll be fine.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to candisa)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/21/2008 10:31:39 PM   
mztresn0w


Posts: 174
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		 know what i want, but every time i start to contact Someone either i flip through the pictures and think He looks really scary cuz of the expression on His/Her face, or i read the stuff and get scared away by mentionings of things ive not yet tried..

How long have you been in the lifestyle? First and foremost take the time to get to know someone. You might not understand some of the things they mention but that doesn't mean you have to do these things. You talk in e-mail and then when the time is right perhaps you move to phone calls then perhaps meeting in person in a public place where you feel safe. I am never in a hurry to meet any one. I spend time getting to know them through e-mail then move on from there. Just be safe and trust your judgement. Good Luck and I wish you well in your search.
 
Tess

_____________________________

Becareful what you ask for you may get it and then realize it wasn't what you wanted.
Wicked Evil Grin

(in reply to candisa)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/21/2008 10:33:50 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		i'm always afraid of rejection, so i'm extremely cautious about contacting someone beyond the scope of friendship.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to mztresn0w)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/21/2008 10:34:24 PM   
kitarina


Posts: 45
Joined: 1/23/2008
Status: offline 		six years, but every Owner ive had has beaten or abused me in some other way so im terrified of everyone now

(in reply to mztresn0w)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/21/2008 10:38:43 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		You are conditioned to fear them becasue every experience you have had has been negative. Angel was the same, all rejecton and abuse. Slow down contact face to ace and get to know someone very well before you play. It helps. For him, we had a VERY elongated courtship before anything happened. But, that was 2 years ago in a very happy partnership. It is possible you will find someone, just stop thinking about what has happened before and worry about making sething work corrctly now

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to kitarina)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/21/2008 10:42:19 PM   
mztresn0w


Posts: 174
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		Do you have a local group in your area? If so attend a few meetings or munches. It might be a good place to start. You can learn alot about yourself from attending the meetings.

_____________________________

Becareful what you ask for you may get it and then realize it wasn't what you wanted.
Wicked Evil Grin

(in reply to kitarina)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/21/2008 10:55:01 PM   
kitarina


Posts: 45
Joined: 1/23/2008
Status: offline 		for some reason i have a tendancy to rub people the wrong way so i stay away from large groups. i do not know what it is about me that people find abrasive but they do

(in reply to mztresn0w)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/22/2008 3:49:25 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Self confidence is not one of your strong suits. Read the forums. Join in on the conversations. Use them as building blocks for your confidence. Don't throw yourself at everyone who ask to be your Dom. Learn to whine less. So far your making excuses for everything. QUIT it.  

(in reply to kitarina)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/22/2008 3:58:06 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Maybe you aren't interested in pain.

I'm not. I'm into bondage and not pain. Which makes me incompatible for about 95% of all tops as far as I can tell. So I narrowed my search to those who also are only into bondage.

And I know what you mean about the nonsmiling pics. I always passed those by. I also flipped right past anyone who said "strict, severe Master who punished immediately the slightest infraction". Those kinds turn me off.

I'm not in a punishment dynamic. It doesn't work for me. Praise does but basically if I'm in a good relationship I automatically want to do things for my partner. I'm not perfect and I won't ever be and punishment puts me in a place where I think I'm being set up to fail, because inevitably I will mess up being human and thus fallible at which point he will be lurking, waiting for me to make a mistake and seize the occasion to hurt me for his own fun. Unfortunately too many profiles seem to indicate just that.

Figure out what you want first and then read profiles with an eye to your lists, one of characteristics you need in a partner and one of characteristics you won't tolerate. It doesn't matter if you aren't compatible with 99 out of one hundred people, because you are only looking for one. But you won't find him if you don't know what you want.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/22/2008 4:11:11 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		You have three friends on your list. All men, all dominant. That means that at least 3 men don't scare you. That's a GOOD thing!! You're profile says that love is essential in any relationship with you. I think first of all, although you might not be able to actually love yourself (yet!), you should at least find some things in you that you think might be lovable to other people. If all people are getting from you is a scared and fragile mess, why would they place value on you? There HAS to be something that you like about you. Others will like that too. Expand on that, find more things that you like about you.

It's all too easy to get caught up in abusive relationships when one has no self value. Pain and abuse are not a part of my life. D/s doesn't have to mean violence or cruelty. Slow down, see that some photo's are just people making a "dominant" face (I have my "slut face" on mine, teehehehehe). As Ray said, join in the forums. Get to know some sane people (in this forum, what the fuck am I thinking???) and realise that not all people are arseholes. Some are, but I think you'll find some pretty unbelievable, wonderful people here too.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/22/2008 4:17:38 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I finally looked up at MM's pic and saw her slut face. I usually have no trouble looking at someone in the eye but she makes that hard to do. Op try to develope a sense of humor. That will help some. Also learn to take life with a grain of salt.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/22/2008 7:52:22 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		First and foremost, there are few things in this world more frightening than discovering one can have one's fantasies.  As long as they are just fantasies they are insulated and safe.  When they come within reach they become terrifying.

You are in an excellent area.  New Jersey is rich in kink.  If one-on-one is frightening, look around for a group that gives munches or classes.  Even if you just go and watch people walking in the door, it will reassure you that we are all a pretty normal group.

Take the advice of Lady McBeth and screw your courage to the sticking point

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to kitarina)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/22/2008 8:24:45 AM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		Nothing wrong with you. You are a potential submissive who is scared of getting her feet wet.  Get involved with your local munch group, Find out if there is a "beginners" group that meets, get to know others in the lifestyle as a single for a while and see where it goes.

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to kitarina)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/22/2008 9:48:47 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline
quote:

I immediately find myself afraid of every One i see.


we all scare people

muahahaha


BOO!!


_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to kitarina)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/22/2008 10:37:03 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Some of those profiles are scary!
Keep reading. You'll eventually find some you're drawn to.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What is wrong with me? - 5/22/2008 10:51:20 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Some of those profiles are scary!
Keep reading. You'll eventually find some you're drawn to.


[laughing] I received so many complaints about it terrifying people that I was forced to put a barrier page on one of the reality-based stories on my website.

Maybe you should just work on enjoying the fear.

Warren's Test: Throw panties at wall.  If they stick, you like it whatever you think is happening

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 20
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