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The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 6:52:23 PM

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This is something else im trying to gather and understanding on........the your not my Dom syndrome.......I often wonder where this came from and why........I can understand that this is something that has becomed earned to be called in time with anyone...but what I dont see is the harm in calling someone Sir or Master......can you not be polite and get your point across without being rude by saying your not my Dom therefore I owe you no respect..I can see where there are many men and women are trtying to convey something they arent by the on your knees bitch thing.........I can see being polite to anyone would get you much further than immedialty responding with the phrase that you arent my Dom..............I would beat bella black and blue if she wasnt cordial to those that arent free and address them properly......I already see those saying there is another high protocol droid bantering about that everyone should refer to him as some authority figure.........I have also seen lots of other threads get smashed into the ground with this approach to a sub/slave having manners.......just wanted everyone else's take on this situation I see alot in the chatrooms and out of them........

Master Six

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RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 6:55:12 PM

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I can't believe you just posted this to me, and in that tone too. You are not MY dom!

(in reply to SirSix72)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 6:58:10 PM

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It comes from an overreaction to way too many hng's overstepping boundaries.

I've told more than one that she wasn't my sub too! I mean REALLY, the nerve of those horny, totally disrespectful women...Hmmphh!!!!!!

(in reply to SirSix72)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 7:03:15 PM

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I think there's a huge difference between being polite and using any titles.

Fox is under my orders to never ever call anyone else Master or Mistress. If someone wants him to call them "sir" or "ma'am" he can negotiate that on his own.

But he is my slave, he is not some universal submissive or slave.

By my same logic he is under no obligation to even acknowledge anyone who'd call him "boy" or "slave" or "subbie" or anything other than his name or "sir" if they didn't know him.

I'm not calling anyone by a title they didn't earn -- if you have medical degree, I'll call you "Dr." if you teach at a university I'll call you "Professor" if you are elected to be leader of the American I'll call you "Mr. President". Or if we don't know each other, Mr/Ms./Mrs. and a last name or just "sir" or "ma'am" until we are introduced.

So my answer is that there are many good reasons why someone might not call you by a title.

I have a question back: Why do some people want a title from others? I really don't get the appeal of it.

The term "Mistress" is special to me, I really don't want to hear it from random people. This is just me but I am curious as to why titles are such a big deal for folks to hear/see from random people.

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(in reply to SirSix72)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 7:03:41 PM

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I've said that before. My dom has worked very hard to have the special relationship we share.

I've also noticed the only people who want you to call them Sir or Master at first meeting are usually quite rude. Most have no grasp of the lifestyle. These are the same people who think nothing about non consentual behavior on a person they just met 2 minutes ago.

Bottom line is respect goes two ways. If you give me respect, I give it back in return. There is no short way to get it without even speaking to me prior.

(in reply to SirSix72)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 7:04:37 PM

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lol Well of course i am one of the rare...i try to say Sir to all Males who are dominate lol but how do you be nice to the men emailing the slave saying they want to serve you....lol so dern i agree Sir Top....lol they are sooo not my slaves lol cause i want to know how do u have a slave...when you cant have property....lol Blessed be all

Forever in servitude,
bella
*Proud kajira of SirSix72*

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(in reply to JustaTop)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 7:05:01 PM

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From: Dallas
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There is a lack of manners in this day and age, not just in this lifestyle. I am not a submissive and I treat everyone with respect. I was raised to say "yes, sir....no, sir" and "yes ma'am...no ma'am". Even children these days get away with back talk and rudeness. I think it is very sad.

(in reply to SirSix72)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 7:07:42 PM

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I think it has a lot to do with the people out there who are disrespectful to the submissives. I do think that the title needs to be earned however, there are also good manners which dictate being polite to all. But maybe that is just me? I am always pleasant to everyone, until it is time to not be pleasant. There is no excuse for bad behaviour. Again, I think that this is not everyone's philosophy. This attitude extends to r/l for me and it has paid off many times in the smiles and changes in attitudes I see from being nice to someone who is not nice to me. I think it shocks them or something.

Just my opinion,
kitten

(in reply to JustaTop)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 7:07:42 PM

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A few points here:

1) I can be polite without calling someone Sir or Master. Both terms I reserve for people that have earned my respect by their actions.

2) Because there are many self proclaimed Dominants that are not really Dominants. If you think I'm kidding, go set yourself up a female sub profile on AOL and see the kind of IMs you get. It takes a very short time to become fed-up with the wankers online.

3) I refuse to show respect to those that don't respect Master's position in my life. If you question his directives to me, try to give me orders, and try to circumvent him, I will become very rude to you indeed. I'm sorry, I refuse to call those asswipes "Sir" or "Master".

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 10/23/2005 7:10:40 PM >

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RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 7:09:18 PM

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I realize Gorean customs are different-slaves are expected to use addresses due to status. It used to confuse me,until I understood, that to them, it IS a universal thing.

But outside of that, no one gets to use a title with me until we think it correct. Most of the girls who have used that with me in the past did it purely out of respect-it was never taken for granted.

(in reply to Belladonna82)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 7:20:50 PM

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I really personally cant see where it is rude...I can see if some guy says on your knees bitch or the second sentence he is talking about sex to you.....I see lotz of this in my slaves mail at times.....im talking curtisoy to those whom show it to you as well

Master Six

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RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 7:25:11 PM

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Let me put this another way, are you okay with an online Dominant that you don't know giving your girl orders or telling her what to do?

Master is very picky about those he tolerates to give me direction. They are people that he knows and trust.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 10/23/2005 7:27:21 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SirSix72)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 7:30:41 PM

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well, the question, yet again, is respect.

If a stranger in either BDSM or vanilla presumed to accost me and demand i do as they say, much less grab me or order me to service them or surrender to them sexually... well, my Master would have no problem with my reaction being "HELL No!"

In person, they might get kicked and decked, as well. If that is disrespectful, so be it.

Actually, i try to show every person, on the street, in a club, or online a basic level of respect and generosity. i think that may be what You are expressing in Your post.

However, when some people see "submissive" or "slave," they presume they have the right to command that person regardless of their consent.

Respect should go both ways. A Dom/me might want to determine how receptive a submissive or slave is to being commanded without any lead-in. Those that go around saying "Call me 'Master,' contact me now, and I want you to be spread-eagle on my lawn by this weekend!" may need to be reminded that they aren't my Dom.

When i was single, i got more of this. Most of the time, i would ask so many questions that the Demander would run for the hills. But i have been known to send an "i don't think so." email.

i also kicked a guy in the shins for grabbing my ass in a bar, after i had told him i would have to hurt him if he touched me. As the DJ (my date) said to the guy from the booth when he yelled: "She warned ya, Man!"

True, in cyber, one does not have to be disrespectful to hit the block button. But when someone pops off with "You aren't my Dom!" one needs to look at what they are responding to.

So, maybe both subs and Dominants need to have manners, well, some of them. Most are alright.

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(in reply to SirSix72)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 7:33:09 PM

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quote:

Let me put this another way, are you okay with an online Dominant that you don't know giving your girl orders or telling her what to do?

I'd be tempted to track down an ass, who decided he had the right to tell my slave to do anything-and remove his fingers with a dull knife. Maybe this is actually a great way of protecting hngs from themselves?

< Message edited by JustaTop -- 10/23/2005 7:35:09 PM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 7:50:49 PM

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There's no excuse for rudeness on either side. If a girl calls me "Sir" right off, I don't mind that but I don't insist on it. If she doesn't address me that way, I definitely don't consider that to be rudeness. It's just her manner, based on her level of comfort, I figure.

If I were to insist that all submissive women "Sir" or "Master" me, that would feel pretty contrived and brittle to me.

I don't think what you're describing is a syndrome. More like a simple matter of manners and expectations. Here's another thought: If I don't like someone's demeanor and behavior, I don't prolong the encounter.

Bob

< Message edited by DesertRat -- 10/23/2005 7:51:59 PM >

(in reply to SirSix72)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 8:09:04 PM

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I like that one my freind but the be real how can an online Dominate make anyone do anything? lmao......she dosent take orders s to say go and find me a porn site this is a little far fetched...if another Master in a chatroom had seen her expressing herself as to be dishonorable to me or anyone else in the room without the person doing anything to be rude to her I would expect that Master to get on her ass and email me directly then I wuold issue the punishment deserved

Master Six

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RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 8:09:44 PM

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I have made it clear to my submissive that she needs to earn the right to call me master through her submissiveness, and that she needs to "mean it" whan she uses the term which is to say that she internally assumes the identity of my submissive. I would not want any other sub to call me master unless I had an agreement with their master that they were on loan to me.

(in reply to DesertRat)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 8:10:18 PM

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It is quite possible to be polite to someone using their name. I and many others do it everyday and MOST are never insulted because "that" type of relationship has not been established. On the other hand, many people on here do refer to all anyone claiming themselves as a dominant as Sir, Ma'am, Mistress or Master and that is what works for them, or how they have been instructed by their masters. Was it a simple oversight on your part to refer that "Sirs and Masters" should be addressed as such? There are many Ma'ams and Mistresses here as well.

As usual, it comes down to each being allowed to express their values in this lifestyle in their own way. Some choose to use titles to all they "talk" to on the boards, others don't because from the perspective of the boards, they are no more than two people expressing opinions with neither being superior to the other. Some use "slash (/)" language or "third person" speech. Fastlane likes to temper ALL of his responses with humor. None of these things is wrong, only potentially wrong for another individual to use who doesn't agree with that particular thing. Recognize oneself as dominant does not automatically mean that everyone should refer to you as "Sir" (or gender appropriate title) anymore than a "plain" slave should be expected to perform all the Gorean positions if she were to find herself talking with a Gorean master. Just because it is "right" for one, doesn't make it "right" for all.

(in reply to SirSix72)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 8:11:40 PM

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Showing respect does not necessarily mean using "Sir" or "Master." I treat everyone with respect, some i will address as Sir....very few do i address as Master. Yet i don't believe any one that i do not use Sir or Master to when talking with them would say i was in the least bit disrespectful.
Of course i have never found it necessary to tell anyone...You are not my Dom....

Peace,
cathy

(in reply to SirSix72)

RE: The your not my Dom syndrome - 10/23/2005 8:15:05 PM

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i kind of understand the "you're not my Dom" ..but for me the way i was trained i was taught that if you say you are submissive or a slave then you are not equal with Dominants. Self-proclaimed or otherwise.. you show them respect, you call them "Sir" or "Ma'am", because you are not on equal footing. Does this give all Doms full rights over another sub or slave? No. but it does mean you show respect...and there are times when you should be polite and other times when you need to put your foot down.

If you are Owned and it gets to a point where you can't respectfullyhandle it anymore, let your Owner take it up..that's what they are there for..

if you're unowned, put yur foot down after saying politely and respectfully why a certain phrase, behavior, etc is undesreable to you. (this mostly goes for people who can't take "no" for an answer)

(in reply to SirSix72)

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